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x-posted- Want to try for boy- have 4 month old and not sure if SO is on board.


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  #1  
April 24th, 2012, 08:21 AM
kazarmo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,354
Not sure if posting this in the right forum or not but I wanted some of your ladies advice.
Here’s a little background on us, together my SO and I (not married) have 4 kids, I have a 15 year old daughter, he has a 12 year old and 9 year old daughter, and together we have a 4 month old daughter.
My 15 year old's father has passed away, and SO's 2 kids have a mom that they are with half-time.
Both of my kids were conceived while preventing, so most unexpected but happy nonetheless.
SO’s 1st daughter was unplanned, and his 2nd was planned.

SO and I keep discussing the possibility of having another baby. I wanted another one immediately after having our baby but then her colic set in and I said no more for me. Now I go back and forth on it.
SO said he didn’t want any more kids and has said that he never really wanted kids to begin with but now that he has them he obviously wouldn’t change that. (he’s a really great guy, can be moody but a great dad and good provider).

To follow up with SO saying he didn’t want kids he did say to me this past weekend or I should say reminded me, “that he never wants anything.” Which is very true to his personality. SO is a very laid back type of guy and goes with the flow of things. He could care less about having a new tv, or new car and is in a slight way, lazy but still gets stuff done.

I asked SO if he would be pleasing me if he agreed to having another baby and his response was “that’s how my 2nd daughter came about.”
I by no means want another surprise pregnancy and if we are going to have another baby I would very much like to plan it.
I don’t really feel that SO is on board with it though. Yet at the same time this is his personality. He’s never on board with anything.
For example, if I want to go somewhere I say to him. Ok we are going to go to Target today when the baby wakes up.” Instead of “do you want to go to Target today.?” Because if I ask him if he wants, the answer is always ‘no.’ Hope this makes sense.

So my thinking is that if we were to have another baby I for sure want to try for a boy, seeing as we have 4 girls together. And I would want to do it starting in August/Sept this year.

From everything that I’ve written what would your advice be about having another baby so close in age to our baby now and would you have another baby if SO wasn’t really saying either way?
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dd15 born weighing 6 pds 2 ounces, 19 inches. 12-3-96
dsd12
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Expecting baby #3 ANOTHER GIRL!!!!!!! woot woot

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  #2  
April 24th, 2012, 09:19 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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I wouldn't want to have a baby with anyone who wasn't 100% on board, especially not being married. (I am not married, so I don't have an issue with you not being married, just that it's easier to walk away when not).
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  #3  
April 24th, 2012, 03:12 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I agree with Rachel. I would have some reservations about having a baby with someone was apathetic about it. It seems like an awfully big life decision to be apathetic about, and I would worry that there would be underlying resentment that might hurt his relationship with the child (and with you).

Only you know your SO though. If your current baby was unexpected and his second child was planned but it was more out of appeasement for his wife than a real desire to expand his family, maybe look to those relationships. Is the way he interacts with them the way you would want him to interact with a new baby? Does he interact with them much? I would also consider, since you specifically mentioned a preference for a boy, how would you feel if you had another girl? Do you think you would have mixed feelings about it? Not that you would regret your child but would you feel the urge to try for yet another if a boy just didn't happen? I think a lot of those things are important things to think about before making any final decisions.

It definitely doesn't sound like an easy place to be in.
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  #4  
April 24th, 2012, 05:39 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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I'm also not a fan about having a child with someone who wasn't 100% on board. DH was at times and other she wasn't. I feel that in the end he was finally on board then I had my m/c and then he wasn't. But fate had other plans and I got pg right away after. The m/c showed me a side of him that really hurt me and it almost ruined us. Just tread lightly before you make such a choice.
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  #5  
April 25th, 2012, 05:16 AM
kazarmo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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The thing is with my SO he is never 100% on board with anything. Apathetic is a good word to describe him in everything.
I agree that being married would be the better way to go but at the same time I'm in no rush to be married just to be married. We have everything taken care of house wise if he were to pass, we got quotes for life ins and are having the person come draw our blood to finalize it on saturday.

If we were to have another girl I would be completely fine with that. In actuality I expect to have another girl but would want to try for a boy. The chances of getting a boy are pretty slim in our case so I would not be disappointed at all if the new one turns out to be a girl.

SO does interact with all the kids, he treats them all really well. He hugs them kisses them, talks to them, helps them with homework. He helps out with the baby. He could do a little more with the baby but that is because I tend to take control of things and he just sits back. Not his fault at all, especially since I breastfeed.

I honestly feel like if we were to get a girl instead of a boy that we would be 100% done. I would actually want to get my tubes tied after having another baby.
__________________




~~~~~~~~~~~
dd15 born weighing 6 pds 2 ounces, 19 inches. 12-3-96
dsd12
dsd10
dd9 months born weighing 6 pds 5 ounces, 19 1/2 inches. 12-22-2011
Expecting baby #3 ANOTHER GIRL!!!!!!! woot woot

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  #6  
April 25th, 2012, 11:04 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
Posts: 114,750
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Good luck with whatever you decide!
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