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Mothers Day/Fathers Day


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  #1  
June 5th, 2012, 11:30 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I was shopping with O and my SIL and niece yesterday and we got Eric a coffee mug that says "Worlds Best Dad" and a card and such.

I said, "That was easy! We're done with his shopping!"

She said, "It shouldn't be your responsibility to do that anyway."

It kind of took me aback and long story short, she said she feels it is BM's responsibility to recognize Eric on Fathers Day and vice versa. I told her I would be livid if he got her something for mothers day.

She said, "But why? She is the mother of his child, and he is the father of hers. Those days are so one parent can feel appreciated by the other."

I said, "But he DOESNT appreciate her. He despises her."

We went back and forth for a bit. I did send her a "Happy Mothers Day " text on Mothers Day and she may send one to Eric on fathers day, however I doubt it. The only time she wished him happy fathers day was last year, 2 days before she went to rehab (making ammends and whatnot.)

But it got me thinking. Though I would hate it if he got her something for mothers day.. is that wrong of me? I mean she IS the mother of his child.

I said, "He did recognize and appreciate her when they were together. And maybe if they had been married and chosen to bring a child into this world and things didnt work out between them it would be different. But Owen, sadly, is the product of a 24 year old guy believing a girl when she says shes on BC and a 25 year old girl wanting to hold onto the guy shes afraid of losing." Eric loves Owen with all his heart, but he didn't CHOOSE to have him with Lori, (yes I know.. he did when he decided not to wrap it, different argument lol.)

Do any of you do anything for your ex's on fathers day? Am I overreacting?
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  #2  
June 6th, 2012, 05:09 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i see nothing wrong in getting the other parent something..whether its a card or a gift...and i wouldnt take offense to it as she is his mother..and even if he did buy the gift i wouldnt see it as him giving the gift more like O giving her the gift..
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  #3  
June 6th, 2012, 09:37 AM
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I don't see anything wrong with it either. why not help the child buy something for their other parent to honor them?
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  #4  
June 6th, 2012, 10:58 AM
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Sophia and I go out and buy something for her dad. He does the same for me. K is old enough and has her own car so she can do it herself. I see nothing wrong with buying the other parent a gift.
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  #5  
June 6th, 2012, 11:23 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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I don't think those days are for the other parent, but for the child. Helping the child purchase (or make) something to honor the parent is the better way to go.

That being said, until Neely and I were together, he would frequently send a card to his ex on Mother's Day. She never reciprocated, of course. But the first year we were together, he started to get one for her and I about lost my nachos on him. He was like "she's the mother of my kids" and I said "and she's also the woman who has prevented you from seeing them for a year, Mother of the Year, she is not."

Besides, where would you find a card that says "I hate you, but thanks for giving me great kids"?
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  #6  
June 6th, 2012, 12:11 PM
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Rachel

In a perfect world (which doesn't exist), dad would help kids get something for bio mom for Mother's day & bio mom would help kids get dad something on Father's day. But that doesn't always happen. Dh has never gotten anything from his ex for Father's day - he usually doesn't even get to see his kids. He in turn has never gotten anything for her on Mother's day.

I think it's great that you & O got something for his dad on Father's Day. I don't think there's a rule of who can gift & who can't. I think it's nice that the 2 of you got something together & no one should be offended. If bio mom & he do something as well then all the better.
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  #7  
June 6th, 2012, 02:12 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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And thats the thing. If they were on better terms, then maybe. But O makes a gift for his mom at school for mothers day. And her parents took him to buy her something for mothers day. I guess I just see it as, they aren't together anymore, he doesn't need to do things for her anymore.

He doesn't expect anything from her for fathers day, because, again, she has never appreciated him for anything.

I think whoever the parent is with should do something. I know it's not required of me, but even last year, when our relationship was new, we cooked Eric breakfast and bought him jelly bellys. The C/O states that each parent gets O on their day. I just don't find it necessary for the ex to provide a gift, O has plenty of family on his moms side to help him get her a gift.

If O was at our house the day before mothers day or whatever and he wanted to draw her a picture, or have me help him print a card from the internet he can color, then yes of course by all means. But I just don't think the ex should be responsible for spending their own money to thank a parent that has done nothing but cause headaches.
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  #8  
June 6th, 2012, 04:04 PM
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My two cents is that we as step parents need to stay out of it if our partners want to help their child get a gift or card for the other parents special day. T has never had a dad in her life other than DH to say can I buy him this. But if Doni came to me or dh and asked us to help her get her mom something for mothers day, I wouldn't object nor see an issue with it no matter how many headaches the ex has given. In the end it's still her mom and she should be acknowledged on that day.

I don't feel that the day is set for the parents of the child to acknowledge the other parent, but it is meant for the child to acknowledge that parent. Personally, I find it petty to get upset about our partners getting something for the ex if it's on behalf of the child, regardless of the past relationship. But that's just me. Now, if my partner went out and got the ex a gift that's past flowers or a card on their OWN behalf, then I can see reason to be bothered.
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  #9  
June 6th, 2012, 06:39 PM
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To be clear, Neely was getting a card on his own behalf, not for the kids. I would not object if the children wanted help getting or making something for their mom.
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  #10  
June 6th, 2012, 11:13 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
My two cents is that we as step parents need to stay out of it if our partners want to help their child get a gift or card for the other parents special day. T has never had a dad in her life other than DH to say can I buy him this. But if Doni came to me or dh and asked us to help her get her mom something for mothers day, I wouldn't object nor see an issue with it no matter how many headaches the ex has given. In the end it's still her mom and she should be acknowledged on that day.

I don't feel that the day is set for the parents of the child to acknowledge the other parent, but it is meant for the child to acknowledge that parent. Personally, I find it petty to get upset about our partners getting something for the ex if it's on behalf of the child, regardless of the past relationship. But that's just me. Now, if my partner went out and got the ex a gift that's past flowers or a card on their OWN behalf, then I can see reason to be bothered.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
To be clear, Neely was getting a card on his own behalf, not for the kids. I would not object if the children wanted help getting or making something for their mom.
Oh of course. If Owen said "Hey my mom would love that can we get that for mothers day?" The yeah, probably we would.

I am talking about Eric getting her a card that Owen doesnt know about, or vice versa. I find it unnecessary.
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  #11  
June 7th, 2012, 04:56 PM
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If R and M are with us for those times then it would be my responsibility to help them get D a Father's Day gift. If they're with their moms then it would be on them. But it would fall to the mothers no matter what if he was single. Make sense? It goes both ways.
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  #12  
June 7th, 2012, 05:35 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I have to ditto Kat.

From the kids = ok
From the ex spouse = not ok.



Now, in our house... we'd careless... but we're weird when it comes to the post divorce relationship.
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  #13  
June 7th, 2012, 10:21 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I just think for instance, if Eric and I were not together, so basically the first 6 years of O's life... he didn't get anything for Fathers day. He got O every fathers day and thats all he really needed. Now that O is in school, he makes his mom a gift for mothers day and on the last day of school they bring one home for fathers day.

If the Bio parent has a SO in their life, and it's serious, then I think the SO should take the kid out and get dad something. Because when I got into this relationship, I agreed to take on the role of Eric's SO and Owen's maternal parental figure during the times we have him.

I think a big reason for the way I feel is that it's not like Bm and Eric were ever married. They didnt make the decision together to have O. When they split up, O was 6 months old, and he has never known his mom and dad together. It's the same type thing as a one night stand. Mom and dad dont have any kind of relationship, but they each have a strong one with O. Owen doesnt think of them as "his parents that arent together anymore." They are his mom over here and his dad over here.

Anyway, everyone does it different, I was just wondering what kind of set up you guys had. And what you found appropriate.
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  #14  
June 8th, 2012, 12:01 PM
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This is just silly and your SIL should've kept her mouth shut. You and BM are both mothers in O's life and you both have the right to help him make fathersday special for Eric since O can't go out and buy things on his own yet.
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  #15  
June 8th, 2012, 12:19 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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The way we do it is on Mothers day They boys go to see their mom (normally) and sometime before that either her bf or her mom will take them to get a card and such. Then when they come home that afternoon DH will take them and they all pick out a card for me if they didn't get one before when DH had them out. And normally with the things they make in school Bailey give me his and Kayson takes his to his mom. But Bailey has made it clear several times that he sees me as his mom. (which makes me sad in a way) And for Fathers Day I take them to shop for their Dad. It's just the way that we have always done things. :shurg:
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