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ridiculous kid drama


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  #1  
June 8th, 2012, 11:45 AM
.Katie.
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So our oldest has a 'friend' who is basically a bully. Unfortunately we didn't know this until I started watching her last week. We've known Chloe is a people pleaser and just wants to be liked but this girl completely takes advantage of it and pretty much orders Chloe around (Lets play this. You go there. No, we're not doing that we're doing this. Get over here right NOW!) She never wants to know what Chloe (or Julie for that matter) wants to do. It bothers us to see J and K bascially be lemmings and not stand up for themselves.

We have talked to both Chloe and Julie about it and given them ideas on things they could say to her when they don't feel like doing what the other little girl tells them to do but it's still an issue.

So how far would you take things as far as stepping in goes? I don't ignore bad behavior when it's affecting someone else. I had a very direct conversation with the little girl last week about the way we treat eachother in our house, but old habits die hard. So what would you do? She's only here for a couple of hours a day, I've already talked to her once. Do I talk to her again? Do I let her parents know and have them talk to her? I know this is all really insignificant in the grand scheme of things but it's new to me.
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  #2  
June 8th, 2012, 11:49 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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I would talk to her till her behavior changes and if it doesn't tell her parents. I have no trouble telling kids "I'm don't care if that's something you're allowed to do at your house, but at our house we do this ..."

Didn't you have issues with Chloe behaving similar to Julie not too long ago? This might explain that, huh?
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  #3  
June 8th, 2012, 11:55 AM
.Katie.
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Yes! But now that I've seen how crappy this little girl behaves it makes me appreciate that Chloe was tame in comparison.

Little girls in general are mean and they are really wrecking our flow here of trying to raise decent people.
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  #4  
June 8th, 2012, 12:20 PM
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I would just step in when I see her doing something specific that's not ok in your house and say " We don't allow that here please choose different words/stop doing that/ ask nicely etc." I don't think it's on you to teach her a better way to behave but you don't have to allow crap behavior in your house either.
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  #5  
June 8th, 2012, 12:45 PM
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I have nothing helpful to add, but couldn't read without sending . It sounds like a tough situation to be in.
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  #6  
June 8th, 2012, 12:52 PM
.Katie.
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lol @ "crap behavior". Thanks for the input ladies. Her friend wouldn't come out to us the other day when we were calling her name repeatedly and conveniently later that night J and C 'couldn't hear us' when we were calling them either.
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  #7  
June 8th, 2012, 01:11 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Yikes! Are you babysitting her then? I don't baby sit because I hate having to put up with other parents' bad parenting.

A month or so ago I broke my cardinal rule though and babysat my friend's two granddaughters for the weekend. One was 4 and the other is a month older than Keelan. The baby was so good. Hardly cried and played nicely with the babies. The 4 year old? Oh my gosh. Helped herself to snacks (which is not done in my house), peed on my sofa because she was too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom, kept picking up the babies (I must have said "please don't pick up the babies" 1,000 times in 48 hours!), and was generally obnoxious. Thankfully we didn't have a child her age or younger that she tainted, though.
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  #8  
June 8th, 2012, 01:33 PM
.Katie.
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Yes. Her mom is a single mom, sick and going through cancer treatment right now. I'm taking her daughter on weekdays after school to try to help lighten her load.

The mom is a wonderful lady. The daughter however... yeah.
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  #9  
June 8th, 2012, 01:47 PM
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Well if her mother is sick that may explain some of it. She might be trying to control and boss your girls because she feels so helpless when it comes to her mom. Does she know that her mom is really sick? Sometimes a problem with a parent ends up working it's way out behavior wise. I would just stick with telling her this is how we do things in our house I know it's different from your house but while you are here you have to follow our rules. Then if she keeps breaking the rules I would start taking away a few minutes of play time everytime she does. If you feel comfortable doing that that is.
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  #10  
June 8th, 2012, 01:54 PM
.Katie.
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Thanks for the advice. She doesn't know but she might suspect. Mom's always tired and weak. I know there's a lot going on for her at home. Trying to keep this in mind when she ticks me off and makes me get in protection mode.
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  #11  
June 8th, 2012, 02:48 PM
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Oh hell's bells that awkward. That's not a situation where you want to judge someone but then on the other hand when you have to deal with snotty behavior because a child has been intentionally left in the dark it is really frustrating.
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  #12  
June 8th, 2012, 03:05 PM
.Katie.
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LOL hells bells
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  #13  
June 12th, 2012, 08:00 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My stepdaughter had a bossy friend like that when she was in 4th grade. They had been friends since they were in Kindergarten and then didn't hang out again till around 3rd adn 4th grade. I noticed the girl being really bossy all the time with stepdaughter and she just dealt with it. I asked her about it and she said she wanted to do other things, but the girl just always picked everything.

I gave her strategies on standing up for herself and put it on her to help change her friends treatment of her. I could have stepped in and told the girl what to do/not to do, but I only did that once at a birthday party here because all the kids were getting annoyed with her. SO I just said something like "well I know you want to play that, but the others don't so you are going to have to comprimise with them so everyone is happy". They figured it out.

I just felt like kids are going to run into bossy people as they grow up (and even when they are grown) so my stepdaughter needed to know how to deal. She eventually ended the friendship in 6th grade and told the girl she just didn't want to hang out anymore because she was too bossy. She no longer lived near us though, so it made it easier I am sure.
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  #14  
June 12th, 2012, 09:48 AM
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The little girl may not know the details of what's going on but I can guarantee that she knows something is wrong! Kids are very smart. I personally would cut her some slack.

As far as tainting your child, I've had many a conversation with my dd about how even if your friends are acting a certain way, you know what's right & you still need to act right.

Just realized that Chloe is 8. Yup her friend knows something is up. Pretty scary for an 8 year old to have to deal with an ill parent.
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  #15  
June 12th, 2012, 09:30 PM
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*hugs* that's all I've really got to say! I hope you're able to figure something out
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