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We have been having problems with DSS and hitting. Yesterday, he hit my daughter with a piece of something similar to PCP pipe, cut in half, and it almost cut my daughter.
Now, DBF is good about handeling it. He has spanked DSS (I'm not here to start a discussion on spanking please ) and has sent him to time out. We had a bbq yesterday for Summer Solstice, and he spent the entire bbq inside on the bed.
But today! He did it again!! So DBF spanked him, brought him inside and now DSS is stick inside in bed all day.
I don't have a problem with how DBF is choosing to discpline DSS. Keeping him inside I feel is a good punishment since he loves being outside, but I just don't know what to do to get it across to DSS that it's NOT ok to hit!!
I suppose, now that I think about it, that spanking DSS may show him that hitting IS ok... But DBF always asks him "Do you like being hit? Because everytime you hit Nevaeh I'm going to hit you"...
Anyways, I'm not here to start an arguement on spanking or the best forms of discpline, I'm just stressed out and not sure how to handle this. My daughter is my baby girl, and she's developmentally delayed and can't talk, so it's not like she can tell DSS to leave her alone
If he's just in the hitting phase (which trust me, all kids go through) then I would say just keep doing what you're doing and remind him that we don't hit in your house. (I would also encourage to use a different word than hit when you refer to spanking to your DSS, cause if you say "if you hit her, I'm gonna hit you" and "we don't hit in our house" that kind of sends a mixed message, kwim?)
If he's hitting because he's being malicious and unkind, then I would have a serious talk with him about why he feels like that's the only way to communicate his feelings.
Thank you soooo much for the advice ladies!! It really makes me feel a whole lot better!!
DSS is turning 4 on July 26th. His comprehension and vocabulary is extremely well developed. Especially to my daughter, who is developmentally delayed. So he understands what DBF and myself tell him. DBF and myself are on the same page when it comes to what to do, so that's a plus.
Hopefully things calm down, he hasn't always been like this, so I don't know if something is going on over at BM's house or what. She said she doesn't let him wrestle or play fight. But how knows right.
For what it's worth, that's fairly normal for a 3 year old (regardless of their comprehension and vocabulary development). My youngest dss turned 3 in March, and I wouldn't say that he hits often, but it does happen.
I wanted to add too that play wrestling is actually a good thing for some kids (assuming both kids want to and no one is being hurt). My 3 yo dss and 8 yo dss do it often, and as long as they're not being excessively loud, they have enough space and they both want to play/no one is saying, "Stop" we tend to let them. We see less aggression when he has an outlet for all of that boy energy. I know that your dss doesn't have a brother and your little girl probably doesn't feel the same about wrestling but some wrestling time with Daddy may be a good thing while he grows out of the hitting stage.
It certainly doesn't increase the aggression. They know when it's okay to rough play (there's still no hitting - just wrestling and giggling) and when it's not. If someone gets hurt or says they want to stop, it stops.
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I agree with Kayla. My dd was highly verbal (full sentences by 15 months) but she still went through the hitting stage at 3-4 years old. He may understand what you & your DBF are saying that doesn't mean he has the control to stop himself from doing it. He's basically "in the moment" and may not be thinking rationally at the time.