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Well, DSD lives with us and her mom lives about 12 hrs from us so she only sees her mom about 2 times/yr. DSD has only lived with us for 1 1/2 yrs, before that she visited only summers and we visited her on holidays. So, the question is, she is typical teenage attitude girl! lol If she wants to do something (like chores etc) then she'll do it no problem. But if she doesn't want to, then she has attitude and tantrums. I'm the main caregiver because he dad works alot. Her and I butt heads alot when she acts like this. When she's in a good mood, loving etc we get along great! But if I/we demand something from her and she doesn't want to do it then a big fight happens.
I would definitely ask your DH how he prefers you handle
I was watching Dr. Phil the other day (some of his shows are silly)
and he was saying that it is REALLY difficult and should REALLY
be avoided for a step parent to be the main disciplinarian when
it comes to the step children IF they have NOT been in
that child's life before the age of 6.
IMO--I agree...Hopefully, your DH can give you some input and you
can give him input as to how you feel the situation needs to be handled.
Its especially hard when you have your kids see her behavior and
they know that it's not acceptable but nothing is being done about it.
Because then it confuses the kids and then you risk the possibility of
them acting up...MESS!
I think there needs to be DEFINITE bounderies even if she is a
teenager. She needs to understand that certain behavior will
have certain punishment. If she doesn't do her chores, then
she can't go to the mall or she doesn't get allowance for the week.
I hope that things work out and I hope this helps!
I have a teenage sister and my parents have the same problems with her. I think that first you need to talk to your dh about what he would do and so that you can be unified on what you decide. I think the most important thing with teens (and bear in mind, I have none of my own so I am no expert) is to let them know who's boss, but at the same time try not to be too overbearing. Sorry I'm not more helpful.
How long have you been in her life? Does DH back you up or do you need to ask him first?
She's been with you for 1 1/2 years and I think that's long enough to know the rules. It's simple around here(12 yr old step son), he either follows our rules(and doing what I say is one of them) or has no fun. I've known him since he was 2 so he sees me as another parent, and I don't have problems in that area.