Log In Sign Up

Tired of being 2nd


Forum: Blended Families

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree2Likes
  • 1 Post By .Katie.
  • 1 Post By My2miracles

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Blended Families LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
June 29th, 2012, 06:19 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,124
I know this sounds really selfish especially considering our current circumstances but I'm really tired of being 2nd or not thought about at all. I know part of it is my fault because I've very self sufficient & capable but dang I'm just tired of not being thought about at all.
__________________
Kris

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
Reply With Quote
  #2  
June 29th, 2012, 08:36 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
Posts: 114,906
Send a message via Yahoo to Rachel
Oh my gosh, I so know what you mean! ((hugs))
Reply With Quote
  #3  
June 29th, 2012, 09:09 PM
.Katie.
Guest
Posts: n/a
I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about but if I'm to assume it's DH, maybe a very awesome date night is in order where you guys can discuss and re-evaluate your needs of one another. And sex. Lots of it.
Keakie likes this.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
June 29th, 2012, 11:32 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
coming in second often sucks. I'm sorry.
__________________

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



Reply With Quote
  #5  
June 30th, 2012, 06:52 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,586
Quote:
Originally Posted by .Katie. View Post
I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about but if I'm to assume it's DH, maybe a very awesome date night is in order where you guys can discuss and re-evaluate your needs of one another. And sex. Lots of it.
This.

I'm sorry you're feeling like that right now!
__________________


*Cautiously and excitedly expecting number two - shhh, if we're friends on Facebook. *



Thank you to Babydoll213 for my fabulous siggie!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
July 1st, 2012, 12:38 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,600
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
*hugs*
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - Testing Christmas Day
Reply With Quote
  #7  
July 3rd, 2012, 11:23 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,124
Thanks all. A date night will not remove his ex from the picture. It won't make me his 1st wife. At the end of the night, I'll still be 2nd. So that won't solve anything. I'm tired of her & her drama.
__________________
Kris

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
Reply With Quote
  #8  
July 3rd, 2012, 11:27 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,586
You aren't simply a "second wife". You're his wife. You're his current wife. Your position is just as valid. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way right now.
__________________


*Cautiously and excitedly expecting number two - shhh, if we're friends on Facebook. *



Thank you to Babydoll213 for my fabulous siggie!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
July 3rd, 2012, 01:19 PM
stucklikeglue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: sunny state
Posts: 2,424
Just think of her as the stater wife Hehe. I feel like I come in last a lot, but mostly because I think he should have his time with his kids. I know if I put my foot down we could come up with an agreement but I don't want to take his time from unis kids. I also used to think I came in seconds to his ex but I'm realizing that his ex was worthless and that he still thinks that way. I hope you can resolve your issues. It takes time and I know we haven't resolved all of ours yet but its a process. HUGS!
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #10  
July 3rd, 2012, 01:23 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,586
I didn't have to be pregnant for dh to go through with his wedding to me.
__________________


*Cautiously and excitedly expecting number two - shhh, if we're friends on Facebook. *



Thank you to Babydoll213 for my fabulous siggie!
Reply With Quote
  #11  
July 3rd, 2012, 03:08 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,124
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
I didn't have to be pregnant for dh to go through with his wedding to me.

ummmm not sure how to take that. Since dh's ex wasn't pregnant when they got married & I was. Although he didn't have to marry me since I made twice as much money as him & owned my own house.

Stucklikeglue, I'm not talking 2nd to his kids. I'm mad not because he spends too much time with them but because bio mom makes it impossible for him to spend enough time with them. It's a very long story. But in the end, whatever his ex wants she gets my family be d@mmed. It's been 7 years of nightmare with her. I highly doubt that will ever change. Just can't wait for 5 years when dsd will be 18.
__________________
Kris

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
Reply With Quote
  #12  
July 3rd, 2012, 03:20 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,586
It was a statement that's only relevant to our situation, and it certainly wasn't a commentary on any and all couples who became pregnant before the wedding day. My dh's relationship with bm would have ended before the wedding had she not become pregnant. He went through with it to "do the right thing" and out of a feeling of obligation. We got married because we were/are in love with one another and want to spend our lives together. It's simply one of the circumstantial truths that, in our situation, is a reminder that being the "second" wife doesn't mean squat. I'm not "just the second wife". I'm his wife. The same is true for you and your dh.

Kris, I realize that you and I haven't seen eye to eye on a few issues, but I can assure you that I don't hold grudges and am not trying to make passive aggressive or otherwise antagonistic statements towards you. I have no ill will towards you and commented here only to express my support and commiseration for all of the crap you're having to deal with right now.
__________________


*Cautiously and excitedly expecting number two - shhh, if we're friends on Facebook. *



Thank you to Babydoll213 for my fabulous siggie!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
July 3rd, 2012, 03:38 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,124
Oh Kayla, I didn't think you were slamming me on purpose I'm sure you didn't even know that I was preggo when we got married. You just need to be more careful in how you say things. Yes it pertain to your situation but it also reflects others. One could assume that dh only married me because he felt he had to. I'm sure there are people who have. And to be honest, while I gave him the out, he may still have married me only for that reason.
__________________
Kris

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah

Last edited by My2miracles; July 5th, 2012 at 08:01 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
July 4th, 2012, 09:49 PM
stucklikeglue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: sunny state
Posts: 2,424
I wasn't saying that you came in 2nds to his children. I was putting my aggravations out on my relationship. Sorry. I meant like I feel like I come in seconds to every aspect in my dp's life. Atleast you only have one bm (I hope) and not 2 like me. I pretty much cant say anything to the kids because its "not my " place. According to both bms. And because dp doesn't want to stir the pot it stays that way. It shouldn't be like that. I literally cant even tell my dsc hey you emptied the gallon of water why isn't it filled. No joke. Trust me when I say I understand.
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #15  
July 5th, 2012, 08:02 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,124
Oh thank God I only have 1 to deal with. My heart goes out to you! I can't imagine this stress & aggravation doubled!
stucklikeglue likes this.
__________________
Kris

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
Reply With Quote
  #16  
July 12th, 2012, 02:56 PM
Happy Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 21,659
have you talked to him ?

does he know how it's affecting you?
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #17  
July 12th, 2012, 02:59 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,124
Yes he knows. For some reason, he just can't stand up to her. She's a therapist & manipulative and he's non-confrontational so he doesn't have chance.
__________________
Kris

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:53 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0