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The Saga continues.....


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  #1  
July 3rd, 2012, 10:38 AM
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So last week when dh talked to dsd, she told him she wanted to come with us as soon as possible. But her school band is playing in the 4th of July parade & then doing a concert. So she wanted dh to get her after that. So instead of a weekend trip, dh planned for the 4th (we completely changed our 4th of July plans but worth it).

Yesterday, dh gets an email from bio mom's sister saying that bio mom is doing better than expected (this is good news, we are happy) but...... she doesn't want dh to come get dsd. Why????

1. She needs dear dsd to take care of her Dsd is 13. A 13 year old shouldn't have to take care of her invalid mother. What happend to the boyfriend? Why can't her sisters go take care of her? What about her friends?

Not to mention that she told her oldest who is 17 1/2 almost an adult not to leave where she was at because she wanted her to be able to enjoy her summer. What about dsd???? The oldest has always gotten favorite treatment from bio mom.

2. Bio mom's friends are coming to visit & would like to see dsd Her FATHER would like to see her. And her SIBLINGS!!!! I think they way out rank bio mom's friends. (I'm trying to remain calm on this one because I'm assuming that the sister doesn't realize that we only see dsd 3-4 times per year)

And to top it off, she said that bio mom wants to "stick to the original plan of July 20th" There was no original plan of July 20th Dh said July 14 & bio mom counter with the 20th because it was more convienent to her. But DH has to work the 20, 21 & 22. So can't drive 4 hours to get dsd. So he never agreed & that wasn't the plan.

I'm so done with this! Dh & I have gone back & forth. He doesn't know what to do. Part of us wants to fight & just go get her. But then we could be dealing with a sullen miserable 13 year which isn't fair to her sister & brother who never see her. It also isn't fair to the 21 year old nanny that we're paying to take care of the kids (who we love & want back next year ) So part of us just wants to forget it. We're just done. Bio mom has such a strong hold on dh's dds. She is a therapist so knows all the manipulation tricks. Plus if he forces it, he's the bad guy who's hurting bio mom in her time of need.

So I told him that I'd support him in whatever decision he makes. And I will but honestly I'm hoping he doesn't go get her. I know that's sad but I just don't need the drama right now. My kids don't need it either.

He's going to talk to dsd today. She went camping over the weekend with friends & had no cell phone service.

But once again it's the day before & we have no idea.....
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  #2  
July 3rd, 2012, 11:38 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I'm sorry Kris. I would be furious too. I hope that your dh and you can come to a decision you can be at peace with.
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  #3  
July 3rd, 2012, 01:21 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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*hugs*

you're in such a hard place, I hope that your DH is able to come to some sort of agreement with his daughter. I understand her wanting to do th eband thing.. but she shouldn't have to take care of her mom at 13, not when there are other options!
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  #4  
July 3rd, 2012, 07:23 PM
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Well the decision was made for us. No word from anyone

So of course dh isn't going to drive 4 hours each way for nothing.
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  #5  
July 4th, 2012, 12:24 PM
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I'm sorry Kris!
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  #6  
July 5th, 2012, 07:10 AM
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Well the 4th passed & no DSD. Actually no response from bio mom's sister & no text or call from dsd. All kinds of wrong imo! But what can I do?

Oh & get this dh told me that bm's sister told him that he could go to dsd 4th of July activities anyway - that it would be "nice" ***???? Thanks for the permission But as her father he doesn't need it. But also does she realize that's a 8 hour drive round trip???? Yeah he's going to drive 4 hours watch a band concert & drive back 4 hours on his only day off this week

This is just beyond words now.
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Last edited by My2miracles; July 5th, 2012 at 01:45 PM.
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  #7  
July 5th, 2012, 01:40 PM
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*** is wrong with people? Why should the 13 year old care for mom? Let the older one come back home and do it. She could probably do a better job anyways. And to give permission to go see his own daughter?!! The freaking nerve on her. Oh man I would have flipped.
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  #8  
July 6th, 2012, 12:21 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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BM's sister must be related to my SIL's... they seem to feel they have more say than Dh does over Reme...

I'm sorry they're being such jerks! I can not imagine what dh would do if he contacted L and she didn't contact back in a reasonable time...
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  #10  
July 6th, 2012, 11:30 AM
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I couldn't agree with you more. Now it seems that the communication has stopped all together. As far as we know bio mom is still in the hospital. We don't know when she's getting released and what the extent of the damage is. Is she going straight home or to a rehab place. This is just ridiculous!
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  #11  
July 6th, 2012, 12:21 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Ugh.
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  #12  
July 7th, 2012, 08:10 AM
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Still no word. So basically we've had no communications from either girl or bio mom sister in a week.
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  #13  
July 7th, 2012, 11:55 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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ugh. I'd be losing my mind already.

what does their court order say about it?
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Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d,Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d,Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d,Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d


Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, Insulin resistant.
150mcg Synthyroid, 500mg Metformin (aiming for 1500mg)
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  #14  
July 8th, 2012, 12:20 PM
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court order doesn't say anything about it. And even if there was a communication plan it would be hard to enforce. She did have a stroke after all so she'd claim extenuating circumstances. No judge will fault her for that. So frustrating.
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