Log In Sign Up

New to this board -- My story


Forum: Blended Families

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree8Likes
  • 2 Post By Keakie
  • 1 Post By .Katie.
  • 3 Post By My2miracles
  • 2 Post By K.A.T

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Blended Families LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
July 10th, 2012, 03:52 PM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 1,452
Send a message via AIM to gmtejese Send a message via Yahoo to gmtejese
My name is Heather. I'm almost 26 years old and the proud momma to three handsome, wonderful boys.

Gage is 5 and Jaxon is 3. They have no contact with their father b/c he assaulted me when I was pregnant with Jaxon and is now currently serving a 13 year sentence b/c of it. He also got a 10 year sentence for spitting on a police officer when he was getting arrested. This happened in 2008. He was not present for the birth of either boy.

I also have a beautiful 3 month old named Evan. He was born on Easter Sunday His father and I are no longer together and haven't been my whole entire pregnancy and Evan's life.

Ryan is very controlling and vindictive. When evan was 4 weeks old, he contracted a type of diaper rash that caused a few blisters on him. I wasn't able to get his script for the medicine he was prescribed. I asked Ryan for the money for it and he told me he didn't have it. He then called DCFS on me and I am now currently being investigate for "medical neglect". Yay me.

On May 11th, I obtained an order of protection against Ryan to protect Evan. The judge granted it but allowed visitation for Ryan as per agreement of the parties. The longest Ryan has gone without seeing Evan is a week. At first, when I first brought Evan home, Ryan would visit everyday during his lunch (he works two minutes away from my house) and then after work for about an hour or so. When Evan was about 3 weeks old, all of a sudden Ryan wanted to visit Evan on his own. At a mere 6 days old Ryan mentally bullied me into taking Evan all night. I was a nervous wreck that night!

Ryan has called Evan's peditrician to get information about appts he could not attend due to a work schedule. Ryan will either drive right by my house or have his dad drive by my house at like 10p. He will constantly text me and ask where I am with his son. I can't tell him anything!! At one appt with Evan's ped, Ryan told him that he wanted full custody of Evan and to strip me of my parental rights. The doctor was shocked and told him that he was being overly aggressive. Then after that, Evan's doc dropped Evan as a patient.

On May 31st, Ryan filed an order of protection against ME to gain custody of Evan. It didn't work and our hearing was held on June 13th. The judge told Ryan what he was doing was "creepy" and that he has NO say over where I go with our son. Ryan had my own mother against me at court. He subpoenaed the lady from DCFS, our sons pediatrician, an old caseworker I had years before Evan was even born (she was through a single parent program) and the ER doctor from the night that he got prescribed stuff. The judge stated that the only credible witness was Evan's pedi who stated that he has NEVER had any concerns regarding Evan being in my care and that he has told Ryan several times that Evan was a very well taken care of little boy. The judge didn't grant either OP.

Ryan and I got into an argument a couple weeks ago and he told me that I was nothing but "scum"... that I was "trailer trash" and that the thought of me made him "sick"... Real nice way to talk to the mother of your child, right? He also told me that he would NOT be nice to me til I sign over Evan to him. That he wants Evan living with him full time and to allow me visitation Every Saturday from 2 -4 at his house under his supervision.

On July 3rd, he filed for joint legal custody with him as the residential parent.

I'm sooo scared I'm going to get Evan yanked from me in court :/ We go in front of the same judge who oversaw our OP case a little less than a month ago.

Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated, ladies!!
__________________
Heather--Momma to Gage (7) Jaxon (5) Evan (2) and Peyton (01/18/2014)
**Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my AMAZING siggy**
Reply With Quote
  #2  
July 10th, 2012, 04:11 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
Posts: 115,462
Send a message via Yahoo to Rachel
Welcome to the board! I'm not sure what he hopes to accomplish outside of driving you nuts with all his legal shenanigans. That's what Neely's ex does to us and it rarely works in her favor.

I'm Rachel, mama to my two, Sarah (23), James (21 on Sunday), and our two, Daniel (almost 7) and Keelan (1 on 7/29) and step mom to Neely's two, William (13) and Clayton (11). Neely has had full custody of W&C since June 2009. Their mom currently has a pending petition to modify custody, but has failed to pay her lawyer and he quit on her, and has failed to answer interrogatories and other discovery requests so we anticipate that her petition will fail. Trial is currently scheduled for August 30th. We're optimistic that things will remain the same with custody and this is just another one of her legal games.

In October of last year she did something similar after Neely spanked Will and obtained a 1 week order of protection (which ended up being 3 weeks because of a court scheduling issue) and basically legal kidnapped the kids. She pulled them out of their home, their schools and away from their friends, only to drop the petition moments before the hearing. It was a nightmare. Sounds like your ex and his are cut from the same fabric.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
July 10th, 2012, 04:17 PM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 1,452
Send a message via AIM to gmtejese Send a message via Yahoo to gmtejese
Ryan tried the same thing, but cited that I needed to undergo a psych eval and take parenting classes, neither of which the judge ordered.

Even when I had the OP on him, I allowed him visitation with Evan. Like I said the longest he has gone without Evan was a week. He works at the local grocery store so I'm always up there buying groceries and we always stop and see daddy. He acts as if he NEVER sees his son, lol.

Alot of this has stemmed from his need for control and from his parents. His father is an alcoholic and his mother has MS and is on methadone for pain. I'm scared for Ryan to leave the baby with his parents while he works, but there is nothing I can do except pray nothing happens. Ryan has had Evan overnight a few times.

On days that he works early, he wont keep Evan overnight. But he wants to be residential parent?? How the heck does THAT work??

I just pray the judge sides with me. I don't do drugs. Don't drink alcohol (I"ve only been drunk ONCE in my life lol. I'm a prude, apparently). Never been to jail or even arrested. Have one traffic ticket and a no seatbelt ticket lol. I'm boring.
__________________
Heather--Momma to Gage (7) Jaxon (5) Evan (2) and Peyton (01/18/2014)
**Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my AMAZING siggy**
Reply With Quote
  #4  
July 11th, 2012, 05:56 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,617
Wow! What a looney toon! I am so sorry for all that you've gone through, and strongly recommend filing for a more restrictive protective order. None of that is healthy at. all. If it helps, I highly, highly doubt he's going to get anywhere with his request for residential custody. Most family judges are opposed to yanking a child out of their home and changing their norm unless there's a very, very good reason for it, even without taking it into consideration that he's under 6 months old and has rarely spent the night with his father in the first place. I'm not sure if he's nursing at all either, but most states won't even order overnight visitation until a baby has weaned. Your ex is pretty much digging his own hole here.

I'm Kayla and I've been married to my dh for almost a year. We've been together for a few months short of 3 years. I'm a stepmomma to his 5 children from his previous marriage. He has joint legal custody and we have standard visitation (2 weekends per month plus a holiday schedule).

Welcome to Blended Families!
My2miracles and gmtejese like this.
__________________


*Excitedly expecting baby girl number two!*



Thank you to Babydoll213 for my fabulous siggie!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
July 11th, 2012, 09:02 AM
.Katie.
Guest
Posts: n/a


I'm glad you joined! I hope you get the support you need here!
gmtejese likes this.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
July 11th, 2012, 08:49 PM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 1,452
Send a message via AIM to gmtejese Send a message via Yahoo to gmtejese
I have given him what he's wanted but I still can't make him happy.

He is being overly-aggressive with this whole situation. He is saying that I can't afford our son thats why he wants residential custody. He is also going after me for child support for evan.

He told me today that he isn't paying me anything towards Evan b/c no order has been established therefore he doesn't owe me child support. Wtheck?

On June 30th, Ryan was supposed to come get Evan but wouldn't answer my calls or texts. I left him a voicemail asking what time he was coming to get the baby. He didn't call me back so after ten minutes I was getting ready to leave. Well he showed up with his father (he always has his parents with him) who told me in front of my children that he would ensure my children get taken away from me and never see me again. That he would make a sacrifice if he had to. I told him 4x to get off my property so he goes and stands on the sidewalk (that goes THRU my driveway and is less than ten feet from my front porch) and takes pictures of me and my children at my van without my permission. His father drives by my house at all hours of the night to see if I'm home or not.

I'm seriously considering moving but I really don't want to b/c I love living here but I seriously cannot handle the stress anymore that him and his family are causing me.

I have signed up for parenting classes. I attend my first one tomorrow and I am also completing some online as well Ryan refuses to take them b/c he sent me a text saying that he "has more common sense with one child than I have with three".... fml

By the way, I'm not nursing lol.

Forgot to put that in the original post haha.
__________________
Heather--Momma to Gage (7) Jaxon (5) Evan (2) and Peyton (01/18/2014)
**Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my AMAZING siggy**
Reply With Quote
  #7  
July 12th, 2012, 12:10 AM
.Katie.
Guest
Posts: n/a
You are living in subsidised housing because you are on disability right? Does he have a job?
Reply With Quote
  #8  
July 12th, 2012, 12:00 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,306
1st of all take a deep breath. I know this isn't easy but you can't let his mind games get to you. It sounds like the judge you have pegged him for the abuser that he is. So that's good. And as Kayla said, judges don't remove a baby from it's mother unless the child is in danger. The past court appearance prove that the judge doesn't think this.

Are you in counseling for yourself? I would highly recommend it if you're not. You now have 2 abusive relationships under your belt & need to get yourself strong & healthy. BTW I speak from experience. My ex was mentally abusive & therapy enable to me to get over that relationship & marry a really good guy.
gmtejese, K.A.T and Keakie like this.
__________________
Kris

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
Reply With Quote
  #9  
July 12th, 2012, 02:44 PM
Happy Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 21,659
welcome!

sounds like having DHS involvoed might actually be a good thing to protect your son and to have an outside party to advocate for him through all of this.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #10  
July 12th, 2012, 06:26 PM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 1,452
Send a message via AIM to gmtejese Send a message via Yahoo to gmtejese
Quote:
Originally Posted by .Katie. View Post
You are living in subsidised housing because you are on disability right? Does he have a job?
No. I was on Section 8 before Gage got diagnosed and put on SSI.

Yes, Ryan has a job. He works full time as a cashier at the local grocery store here in town. He gets about a quarter more than minimum wage.

I started parenting classes today. It will consist of 6 sessions and the first one we started today was on discipline and starting with the program called "1 - 2 - 3 Magic". Hopefully it works
__________________
Heather--Momma to Gage (7) Jaxon (5) Evan (2) and Peyton (01/18/2014)
**Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my AMAZING siggy**
Reply With Quote
  #11  
July 12th, 2012, 06:47 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In the Wild and Wonderful
Posts: 4,844
Most of the time children aren't taken from their Moms unless there are some extraordinary circumstances. I'd say that at most it will be shared custody with you as primary. It took DH's ex taking the kids to Florida for 6 months and DH having no contact whatso ever for him to get custody. And then it took her failing a drug test and not contacting CPS for it to be finalized. I know it's hard but I wouldn't let it worry you. And you taking the classes without it being ordered actually shows good on your part. It shows that no matter what you want to be the best parent possible for your boys. Good luck! And welcome to the board!
__________________
Me: B 28
DF: S 29

DSD:S 12
DSS:T 7
DD: A 6 Autism, Global Developmental Delays

Getting Married 6/11/16!!!

Reply With Quote
  #12  
July 12th, 2012, 06:49 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
Welcome to the board. You have been given good advice so far so I won't repeat myself. Just keep doing what your doing. My only added advice is that if you feel threatened by the grandfather, which is sounds like you do, get a restraining order against him. That way he has to stay away from you and if he continues to drive by your house like that you can have him arrested.
gmtejese and Keakie like this.
__________________

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



Reply With Quote
  #13  
July 13th, 2012, 06:13 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 972
Welcome! I don't have any advice to add. Best Wishes to you!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
July 13th, 2012, 11:17 AM
.Katie.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Okay. I thought I remembered something like that.

Keep us posted!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
July 13th, 2012, 11:21 PM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 1,452
Send a message via AIM to gmtejese Send a message via Yahoo to gmtejese
Well Ryan was supposed to have Evan overnight tonight so I could get a break. He's had him overnight last Sunday, picked him up Monday at 9p.

Offered him Tuesday but he didn't want him since "he was getting him on wednesday for a few hours"

He got him wednesday from 5-10p b/c he was late picking him up. Supposed to pick him up at 4. Didn't want to keep him overnight b/c he had to work early thursday morning and his mom does a paper route early in the morning (obv he doesn't trust his dad enough)

I spoke to him yesterday. Told him he needed to meet me in a different town, a whopping 10 more minutes away from my house, b/c I was taking a friend to her job b/c we share a vehicle so I have to. He knows that I take her to work all the time and stay there with her. She works for her mother as a care provider, btw. We got into an argument about Evan's doctor and his next appt with his ped neurologist. Ryan doesn't think anything is wrong, blah blah blah. Well he hangs up on me. I talk to him a bit later tell him to meet me at the gas station in town and then don't speak to him til today.

I get to the gas station, low and behold, no Ryan. I wait a half hour and return to my best friends house and call Ryan. Said he doesn't want to come all the way to town to get Evan, that we need to meet at my house for him to get Evan. According to him I'm playing "mind games" with him regarding Evan and it's my "obligation to let him see his son instead of take my best friend to work". He has only had to come into the other town ONCE to get Evan and he agreed then so I dont know what his deal was today. I called 3x and asked if he wanted to see Evan and he flat out told me NO unless I would meet him in the town I live in. FML. So I documented this incident as an effort to let him see his son.

I stayed all night at my best friends house last night b/c I had to take her to the doctor who is like 30 minutes away from HER house and about 40 minutes away from my house. She had to be there at 9 so I didn't want to have to wake up my kiddos at 7:30a so I just stayed all night. Apparently I'm never home (I take her to work everyday) and he is going to use that against me at court as well.

I had a baby with an idiot. Lol.

I really hope this all helps me in court :/
__________________
Heather--Momma to Gage (7) Jaxon (5) Evan (2) and Peyton (01/18/2014)
**Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my AMAZING siggy**
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:52 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0