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As some of you are aware, we're leaving for Ontario for dh and I's formal wedding this weekend. My dsc are coming with us.
The second weekend of the month is typically bm's weekend. The original plan was for us to pick them up on Sunday. When we decided we would be better served to leave earlier Sunday we decided we would pick them up on Saturday instead, assuming that was okay with her. Coincidentally, she emailed us about that weekend and asked if we would mind taking them Saturday night because her brother's wedding is that evening. We said that was fine. She asked if we would mind just coming Friday night then, like a normal weekend. I'm not sure that we ever replied to that email because we had to look at our schedule, but she asked us again in person this past weekend and we told her that we had some errands we needed to run Friday night and Saturday morning (dh isn't taking any time off this week so we have limited time to do these things - we've already run out last night and this afternoon my mil and I went out to pick up the dresses).
She asked what time we would be picking the kids up on Saturday, and requested it be around 9:00 am. We told her we wouldn't be anywhere near her house at that time and suggested between 11:00 am and 12:00 noon instead. She says, "That's too late." Her brother's wedding isn't until 6:00 pm. Granted, it's about 2 hours away, but 11:00 am would have still given her seven hours alone to get ready and drive there. She asked about dropping them off instead. We repeated that we would be out running errands that morning, but that she could get in contact with my il's and see if they would mind her dropping them off there Saturday morning instead. She said that would be fine.
On Sunday when we dropped the kids back off, we went over it again - she would contact mil about dropping the kids off early Saturday morning. Sounds good. We emailed her Tuesday morning with a list of things the kids would need to have packed (we sent it to my 11 yo dsd too, because she asked us to and frankly we trust her more to make sure everything is there than we do bm - she packs bags for the kids anyway ) and a reminder that we needed updated consent letters signed (she made excuses for not having done it last week) and she wrote us back saying she would do it Tuesday and some other random stuff. No mention of the drop off plan, so we assumed all was as had been discussed twice already.
Tonight we get this email: "What is the official plan for picking up the kids Saturday? I can leave later than I had thought, but need to make sure everything is ready." To which we were kind of because we thought we had already figured this out. More than likely she had had a few days to think about it and realized that meant more work for herself than she really wanted to do, and since we didn't have it in writing (she wonder why we don't want to talk to her on the phone) she could act like we never discussed it in the first place. We wrote back, "We planned out our errands that morning and have made an appointment for something at noon on Saturday under the impression you were going to talk to my parents about dropping the kids off at their house earlier that day. We thought that was the official plan." Which is true - dh needs to pick up our rental vehicle about 35 minutes away at noon that day. He made the appointment yesterday afternoon. We also asked if the letters had been signed and notarized yet.
An hour later we get this: "I can ask your mom if she'd can pick up the kids to make it easier for you and let you know." So now not only is she acting like we never had this conversation where she agreed twice to drop the kids off that morning, she tossed in a passive aggressive remark about making life easier for us like it's us who have made things difficult in the first place. She didn't answer at all as to whether or not she has the letters, so we just responded with a second, "Have the letters been signed and notarized yet?" Nada on a response yet.
It's not a big deal, but it's just one of those things that leaves us going... what do you even say to that? My mil will probably do it for her even though they have a million things to do that day too because she's just that kind of person and she always puts the kids before bm's moronic shenanigans so I'm sure it will be fine. I may ask if I can go with her so that I can make sure we get the letters and the kids actually have underwear for the week.
Edited to add: We did get a response on the letters. She said, "Yes. I told you I'd have them done Wednesday." We're hugely tempted to snark back, "You also told us that you were going to drop the kids off on Saturday morning and yet, here we are." but we're just going to end the conversation here instead. It's so easy. She walked right into it. But it won't make her any less of a douchecanoe, and it won't make it any less annoying that she's going to ask my il's to do her work for her yet again, so I'll bite my tongue and share it here instead.
Thank you to *Kiliki* for my fabulous siggie!
Last edited by Keakie; July 12th, 2012 at 08:33 PM.
Roflmao. You've got enough stress going on in that head of yours... I'm surprised it hasn't popped yet. LOL.
I hope it all goes smoothly, and that the letters ARE ready. Border site I was on said they don't have to be notarized, but it just makes it easier (no phone call required that way) .... but in your case I'm not sure if she wouldn't say that ya'll had kidnapped them if the border called!
~TTC #1 together 1 year and counting ~
Battling Estrogen Dominance, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and Recurrent Miscarriage one day at a time
Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/18/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1dKonnor 11/24/2012@3w6d"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d
Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d
Dh and I had that conversation last night actually. I told him that I wasn't 100% sure the Canadian border guards would care about the notarization, but that it would be better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. He agreed and said, "Besides, I frankly don't trust her not to play dumb or lie and say she didn't sign it if they did call her."
The crazy has continued into today. We talked to my il's this morning and sent bm a message saying that mil and I would be there around noon on Saturday, and if that wasn't early enough she would have to drop them off at the il's house as previously agreed to. She came back with, "That won't work for me. I'll drop them off at your house at 9:30."
I think we have told her we won't be home in the morning at least 5 or 6 times now. Our house is actually a little further from hers than my il's is. We really don't get it. I'm guessing she just wants to stir things up and snoop on the new house in the process. Here's what I sent back:
"We are not going to be home at 9:30. We will be running errands, as we have explained several times already.
You made a verbal commitment to drop the kids off last weekend not once but twice, and said nothing about a change of plans Tuesday when we emailed you about the packing list. Kayla, myself and my parents structured Saturday around that commitment. We are not obligated to rearrange our entire weekend to suit you changing your mind with less than 48 hours' notice. In your original email last night, you stated that you would be able to leave later than expected. We don't understand why it is not an option for the kids to be picked up at noon, especially as that still gives you nearly 6 hours to drive to [city that her brother's wedding is in].
You may either drop them off at my parents house or wait for my mom and Kayla to pick them up at noon."
I mean, is she serious? Delusional? Why can she drive to our house but not my il's? Why did she email us in the first place saying she can leave later than expected if she's still trying to dump kids at 9:30 in the morning? Why can't we pick them up there like she requested? I feel like we're being perfectly reasonable and have offered her several options.
My guess is she's like DH's ex - gets what she wants by playing dumb. We had that just last week "let's do the visitation starting the 20th like we originally planned" We never planned on the 20th. Dh had requested this weekend. In the end, she won. So sucks!
She still hasn't bothered to let us know what the plan is. My mil is going to email bm directly and let her know that we will just come around noon tomorrow (since they have things to do in the morning too). I really don't understand why bm has felt the need to turn this into such a circus. It's really not a complicated situation.
She's going to be kid-free for over a week. Is she really that desperate to be rid of the kids that she can't hang out for two more hours tomorrow morning?
"I never made any such agreement, but rather suggested it as a possibility. It's not my obligation to rearrange my weekend to accommodate your schedule for your wedding.
Given that I am giving up my weekend with the kids, giving you permission to take them out of the country, ignoring that you are leaving one behind, and packing their clothes and toys, I think it is beyond reasonable that you pick them up when I asked.
The kids are more than capable of running errands with you. How do you think I accomplish such things every day?
I'd suggest you stop attempting to fight with me about this. If you want the kids, work with me instead of insisting on your own way. I'm not willing to wait until afternoon to leave for my brother's wedding. I can bring them to you or you can pick them up here."
I'll respond to these here so I don't engage her delusions.
1. She did agree to it. Twice. This is the exact reason that we refuse to speak to her on the phone.
2. a) *She* approached *us* about our taking the kids early this weekend. If we couldn't, she would have had a babysitter take them for the night because none of them were invited to her brother's wedding. She wanted us to take them even earlier than Saturday. She's hardly "giving up her weekend" with them. She's also simultaneously claiming martyrdom for "giving us her weekend" and asking us to take them early because she doesn't feel like leaving a little later for a 6 pm event.
b) The fact that we need written consent from her is part of standard anti-kidnapping law. She wouldn't be allowed to leave the country with any of them without similar consent from dh.
c) One isn't coming with us because he has a pending trial date (thanks to her guidance) and a violent criminal record, and there are laws prohibiting people in that situation from entering other countries or leaving their own. We aren't just "leaving him behind".
d) She hasn't packed a bag for any of the kids in over a year. My 11 yo dsd packs her own, my 5.5 yo dsd's and my 3.5 yo dss's. My 12 and 8 yo dss's pack their own. She doesn't so much as double check them.
3. We realize they're capable of running errands with us. However, as previously stated, we will be out of the house long before 9:30 am and arranged our day that was because of her agreement to drop them off at the il's house. We can't change those appointments now and don't see how it is in the benefit of the kids to drag them along on errands when she'll be home anyway.
4. On the contrary to her claims of "trying to fight" her, we have accommodated every asinine request she has made. She wanted them to leave earlier than noon, we gave her a way to drop them off around 9. She decided she didn't want to drive them, we gave her a way to allow mil and I to pick them up. She decided that wouldn't work because I don't know why, we offered her a time and place where she could drop them off earlier. We have been more than cooperative and she thinks that unless you do exactly what she wants, how and when she wants it, you're "refusing to work with her". It's insanity.
5. "I can bring them to you or you can pick them up here." is exactly what we've been trying to arrange since last weekend. I don't even...
In reality, we sent back something short that repeated when we would and would not be home, what the choices were and to please let us know.
That's what we had been trying to do all day. Every time we accommodated something new, she would decide she didn't want to do it that way anymore. Her issue here, in this email, is that noon is too late but there were options on the table as early as last weekend that would allow her to drop them off as early as she wanted. She refused those options and gave us nothing to work with to come up with an alternative so we were left guessing all day. We really aren't digging our heels in - we just have had absolutely no idea what it is she is trying to accomplish here. I'm just venting.
Anyway, it's been settled. She'll drop them off at il's house around 11:30 when we meet them there. She was rude about it, made a threat to drive them the two hours to the other city and force us to pick them up from there before finally agreeing to something and made a dumb comment about next time planning at least a week ahead (which we thought we had done, but I digress) but it's finished. Oy.
Thank you to *Kiliki* for my fabulous siggie!
Last edited by Keakie; July 14th, 2012 at 05:58 AM.