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  #1  
July 19th, 2012, 09:31 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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O's mom is being very intrusive lately. I don't think she realizes that we are not a big happy family.

First, she texts me yesterday and says "Didn't wanna wake up E, but can you have Owen call me?" Yes, she abbreviated his name. At first I thought I was overreacting, but I told Eric and he was like, She called me E? That is NOT okay.

Then today. She texts me at 3 oclock in the afternoon. "Hey Jen. Can you have Owen give me a call if he's around?"

I text back, "I'm at work right now and so is Eric."

Her reply, "Owen can just stay with me on those days. I don't work starting August 4th."

Owen stays home with his cousin, who is 13, who he loves. They are never alone for more than 4 hours. Why would we send him to her when we have a great setup here?

I replied, "We have arrangements for our time, but thank you."

"I will speak with Eric about this. Thank you." < Her reply.

She then proceeds to text Eric and say she should have O on days we are both working. Does not she realize people have JOBS and we do get our time with him in the evening? Why should he go back and forth so much? That's just ridiculous. She gets her 50%. Him being with his cousin is no different then when she's at work and he's with her parents.

She's just ridiculous.
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  #2  
July 20th, 2012, 02:41 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i wouldnt put a pass on it shes doing it to annoy you!!..I would make sure you word everything in a way that you dont sound annoyed or anything!...


when my boyfriend went back with his wife i continued to text him every day like we were doing when we were together...He mentioned about us texting once and it gave me the clue that it was annoying her...when we were back together he told me how it would make her sooo mad and she would swear and ask why i would text..did i do it on purpose? yup cause i wasnt going anywheres....


anyways point is...def dont show her she is getting to u!..also tell her to take it up with eric!..she will eventually realize she isnt annoying u (even if she is)
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  #3  
July 20th, 2012, 12:29 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Maybe it's just me, but I'd want my kid to be with me rather than a 13 year old too.
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  #4  
July 20th, 2012, 01:14 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
Maybe it's just me, but I'd want my kid to be with me rather than a 13 year old too.
Maybe. But he is an extremely responsible 13 year old and they are only alone from 4pm until I get home at 6:30. It's not an all day thing.

Also, my parents live across the street and 2 houses down and work from home. So in our opinion, it is pointless for him to go over there for 2 hours when he is perfectly fine and safe here.

I used to babysit for a 2 year old for an hour or two at a time when I was 12. I was also very mature for my age, as is his cousin. We would not leave them here unless we were 100% certain that they were both safe. He has already expressed that he wouldn't be comfortable being alone with him when it was late at night. But I'm home by 6:30 and Eric goes to work at 4 or 5. Most of the day, Eric is asleep as he works nights, and his cousin is here to keep him company.

Also, she doesn't know he's with his cousin. I believe she is under the impression he still comes with me to tutor time.

And I dont let her know if it gets to me. I have many times in the past told her to take these things up with Eric. Shes going to get the same answer, but still...
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  #5  
July 20th, 2012, 02:12 PM
.Katie.
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13 isn't old enough for care imo.
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  #6  
July 20th, 2012, 02:25 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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It's legal to have a 13 year old babysit here, but only barely. 13 is the youngest legal age. But that's not even what I thought about. We always offer W&C's mom first option before hiring a babysitter and she lives an hour away. I realize that it would be a lot of back and forth, but I do understand where she's coming from. I'm not saying it's the right thing to do for your family, not at all. I just get it, as a mom.
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  #8  
July 20th, 2012, 04:03 PM
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Well, my opinion is skewed by my own personal experience with a 13 year old boy I deemed pretty responsible but still never left my child alone with him, and he proved to be... well, to put it nicely, less than responsible.

As a mom, I would want my kid if I was available and the other set of parents were working or otherwise unavailable, just to have that extra time with my kid. Also, maybe she thinks that you guys are paying for daycare and she's trying to be nice.

Also as a mom I wouldn't want my child left alone with another child, even if an adult was in the house but sleeping.
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  #9  
July 20th, 2012, 05:41 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I know from a mom stand point I'd want my kid with me rather than with a sitter of any kind but I see why it'd be not so easy to do. I say if she wants to come and get O at 4, and bring him home for 6:30 then let her, but I don't think I'd be driving him over and picking him up when there are other options available.
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  #10  
July 20th, 2012, 07:55 PM
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1. Depending on your state your care arrangement might not be legal.
2. Depending on your state something that I think is called "first right of refusal" might come into play. I'm not sure I have the name right but several members have dealt with it. Basically if one parent is working, the other parent can get the child instead of them being placed with a babysitter.

so....yeah. I get that she's annoying and insecure and stupid but you might not have a legal leg to stand on here.
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  #11  
July 21st, 2012, 02:21 PM
.Katie.
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If she is wanting to spend time with him and you and DH are working then there is no reason she shouldn't have him other than you and your dh being selfish. It's not about you. It's about O. Right? If it is, then he should be allowed to be with his mom.
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  #12  
July 22nd, 2012, 04:11 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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She works and goes to school. yet every Saturday, he spends all day with his grandparents.

And yes, our setup is legal. The whole right of refusal thing states if one parent is unavailable for 6 hours or more. So basically, legally, he should be HERE every Saturday.

We're talking 2 hours here. And we know our nephew and he is completely responsible to help out for 2 hours.

I get where she is coming from. I never said I didn't GET it. I understand why a mother would want that time. Maybe because I have more details about the whole situation, but she's never offered to have him come here when she works for 8 hours on Saturday.

My issue with her boils down to her thinking she is more important in O's life than his dad.

And maybe because a lot of the stepmoms on this board are also biological mothers is the reason that every time I come here to blow off a little steam and vent a little bit about her demands, I seem to be met with a "I totally get where she's coming from," mentality.

We're not going to have her come here at 4, pick him up, and bring him back when I get off work. That just doesnt make sense. Not only for the fact that she is NEVER on time to pick him up, but he's been through enough and all the back and forth is just confusing to him.

You do remember when we sent him to his moms for a night on 4th of July and he cried about it right? He doesn't like missing out on any time with either parent, even if it's to spend time with the other one.

And honestly, I don't need anybody telling me they wouldnt trust a 13 year old to watch a 7 year old. I babysat when I was 12. He is alone for 2 hours with him. In that time, they watch tv and play video games. You are aware O is 7, almost 8 right? He's pretty self sufficient. Not to mention I can stand outside my front door and YELL to my parents from my house, thats how close they live. it's not about who would trust him to watch their kid. it's about her saying "He can stay with me during those times," when she leaves him with her parents for 8 hours without so much as offering for us to take him.
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  #13  
July 22nd, 2012, 05:25 PM
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.....I'm pregnant with my first child. So I'm not a bio mom yet. So yeah. Everyone is coming from different places.

It's just not in my personality to say whatever people want to hear if it's not what I think. I don't even do that with my best friends. Anytime I have commented to you I've tried to share knowledge if I have it and be supportive. The general vibe I get is that you a)feel like you're doing her a favor because she's a drug addict who screwed up and b)don't have a grasp on your local laws. She's trying to get her life together and she doesn't owe YALL jack she owes OWEN and the COURTS her best. Also yall can't do whatever you want there are laws.
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  #14  
July 22nd, 2012, 05:28 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
.....I'm pregnant with my first child. So I'm not a bio mom yet. So yeah. Everyone is coming from different places.

It's just not in my personality to say whatever people want to hear if it's not what I think. I don't even do that with my best friends. Anytime I have commented to you I've tried to share knowledge if I have it and be supportive. The general vibe I get is that you a)feel like you're doing her a favor because she's a drug addict who screwed up and b)don't have a grasp on your local laws. She's trying to get her life together and she doesn't owe YALL jack she owes OWEN and the COURTS her best. Also yall can't do whatever you want there are laws.
What laws are you talking about?

I dont think I am doing her any favors, I just dont see why she thinks she deserves so much more than his dad does. And yeah, maybe a small part of that is his dad has never screwed up, but we all make mistakes. Im past that. Shes proven that she got her life back on track.

There are laws. We arent breaking any. She, however, is moving in a week and has YET to tell us. My whole issue with her is her feeling she is entitled to so much more than his father is.
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  #15  
July 22nd, 2012, 05:49 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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And FWIW, i do appreciate the advice and whatnot. Its just sometimes its good to vent. We know our rights with O, we know whats best for him. Yes seeing his mom is good. But he sees her every other week. He is an only child and his time spent with his cousin is very beneficial for him.

I dont think any extra time during our week is whats best for him.

I dont think any extra time during HER week (with us) is whats best for him.

He thrives on consistency and structure. He accepts that when he comes here, he wont see her till sunday. it throws him off when he does. Same with when we had to pick him up from school bc the school called saying she hadnt picked him up.
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  #16  
July 22nd, 2012, 09:00 PM
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I understand what you are feeling. Part of me thinks having time with mom had no harm to it, but if you take my situation 2 years ago you'd see it can. My son's father and I split. Around age 2-3 was terrible for me. We tried every kind of situation I would drop him off before work, pick him up after, or drop him off for a few days yada yada then we just started switching him every other week. But the problem with that was I would still have to drop him off and pick him up after. It got to the point that dad was spending more time with him then I was bc dad works from him and I don't. Then it took the structure out of my sons life. It got to the point that EVERY SINGLE TIME I would pick him up he would throw a fit. It was like I was just a visitor. I hated it! Didn't know how to even handle why my own son didn't want to be with me. I wish I had a 13-14 year old who could have babysat while I worked. I think that it would have made my son and I relationship a lot better. Now that hes older he knows I git to mommy's on this day and go to daddy's this day and if we screw that up he gets confused. Jeez just today I screwed it up. I have a Dr appointment tomorrow so I dropped him off a today instead of tomorrow. I told him yesterday he was going
back to his dads tomorrow. So all day its been when am I going to my dads? "Tonight" I'd say and 20 mins later it would start all over. When is tonight? Tonight. You know later in the day. So tomorrow. No, tonight. Ugh and hes 5! Oh and my order it does state that I do have to ask his dad if I cant have him on my given days (btw I don't have primary of him) but it if I did that with everything then it would be heck on me. Daddy is my boys world. So if I'm going to a baby showed or something like that my dp usually watches him. If I have to run to the store for something my Dsc 12,13,&10 stay home with him.
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  #17  
July 22nd, 2012, 09:50 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I know every situation is different.

But I know for a fact that if we had him every Saturday while she was at work, it would throw him off. Just like if she had him the 2 nights or so a week that he has to leave for work before I get home.

He adores his grandparents, I love that he gets to spend time with them, that they are so willing to watch him when she works/is at school.

BTW- shes in nursing school, starts up again august 6th. Full time. Where do you think hes going to be if she ever has a class after 3pm?

I'm not being selfish. I think during her week, if she cant be with him, she has every right to have whoever she wants to watch him. I think we deserve that same respect.

It boils down to this too. hes not going to some babysitter. hes in his own house, with his own things, his own dogs. I strongly feel that keeping our week on week off structure is whats best for him right now. We saw that when we gave her an extra night for 4th of july. It throws him off.

If I was being selfish, I would say we should demand to have him when she works. But TBH its none of our business where he is when shes at work. Shes fully within her rights of having someone watch him, as are we.
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  #18  
July 22nd, 2012, 10:12 PM
.Katie.
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If you were available and willing to take O while she worked then why not have him? Same for if she is available and willing then you should let her take him as long as she is willing to let you guys pick him back up when you get off work.

I don't think that she 'deserves' O more than you guys. Just from my standpoint it seemed like an easy compromise for everyone since no one would be losing out really and everyone gains.

And as far as the age thing goes, legalities aside, if it came down to me being with my kids as opposed to a [mature even] 13 year old I would still prefer myself or another adult 100% That's just me.
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  #19  
July 22nd, 2012, 10:13 PM
stucklikeglue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't think you are being selfish I think people have their own opinions and that they think " what would I do" if it were their situation.
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  #20  
July 22nd, 2012, 10:14 PM
.Katie.
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For the record I would be ten shades of pissed if I discovered my babies were being watched by someone who is just barely old enough for pg-13. :l
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