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How would you handle this?


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  • 1 Post By Ember Rose

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  #1  
July 21st, 2012, 02:36 PM
.Katie.
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So J and K's dad is a single dad with no help. His parents suck. Always have. They have been almost non existent in the girls lives aside from holidays even though they live 10 minutes away. He is awkward and weird so he doesn't really have friends outside of the church he goes to.

Here is how our PP is written. Girls reside with me. Visits are every wednesday evening for a few hours and then every other weekend. Holidays are split evenly and we alternate the big ones. Summer vacation is week on week off.

I moved an hour away to be with DH and we have since gotten rid of the wednesday visits. He now has the girls 3 weekends a month usually.

My hang up: He doesn't have help, and because he doesn't have help, he doesn't have the girls on days he is working. So he never has them for more than two days.

So we have this PP that is hardly even implemented anymore because our circumstances changed, but I feel screwed by him and the girls want to spend more time with him but he won't make arrangements to make it happen (like finding daycare).

I have done this for two years now so obviously it isn't like I don't want my kids around. I just want him to follow through just once in his life on something he is supposed to.

So if any of that made sense. What do you think? How would you handle this?
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  #2  
July 21st, 2012, 04:38 PM
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I'd implement it regardless which would force him to find care unless you think he'd leave them alone.
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  #3  
July 21st, 2012, 04:40 PM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I would defiantly talk to him!..tell her how much the girls would really like to spend more time with him!..


if it were me i would express how much my kids missed him..how its important to have there dad...suggested day care or search around for a babysitter?
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  #4  
July 21st, 2012, 04:50 PM
.Katie.
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He won't do daycare/babysitter. That's my job in his mind.
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  #5  
July 21st, 2012, 07:59 PM
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What a d*ck.
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  #6  
July 22nd, 2012, 02:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
What a d*ck.
That's a bit harsh since we really don't know all the circumstances.

I find the thread responses odd because there was a thread not long ago where everyone bashed the bio dad because he chose to put his kids in daycare instead of leaving them with bio mom. Seems like the dads can't win.

Here's how I see it--- you moved not him. Daycare is expensive. I assume he pays child support which takes up a good chunk of his pay so now on top of that, you want him to pay daycare (which is expensive btw). I think this falls into the category of suck it up.
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  #7  
July 22nd, 2012, 09:45 AM
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From what I know from Katie, he does everything in his power to avoid paying support and hides assets from the courts and when the courts finally did find those assets, he cried to her and asked for the money back.

Katie, it's a no-win situation. If he won't honor the agreement as written, I'd get it rewritten to your current circumstances.
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  #8  
July 22nd, 2012, 11:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
From what I know from Katie, he does everything in his power to avoid paying support and hides assets from the courts and when the courts finally did find those assets, he cried to her and asked for the money back.

Katie, it's a no-win situation. If he won't honor the agreement as written, I'd get it rewritten to your current circumstances.
This.

Every situation is different, although in both cases it's an issue of the original agreement not being followed. One case by insisting on a babysitter and one case not being willing to pay for one.
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  #9  
July 22nd, 2012, 11:36 AM
.Katie.
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Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
That's a bit harsh since we really don't know all the circumstances.

I find the thread responses odd because there was a thread not long ago where everyone bashed the bio dad because he chose to put his kids in daycare instead of leaving them with bio mom. Seems like the dads can't win.

Here's how I see it--- you moved not him. Daycare is expensive. I assume he pays child support which takes up a good chunk of his pay so now on top of that, you want him to pay daycare (which is expensive btw). I think this falls into the category of suck it up.
If you knew all the circumstances you would've laughed like I did at her post.

As far as your implication that I am taking CS and now "on top of that want him to pay daycare" is false. I want him to hold up his side of the parenting plan and stop taking advantage of me.

And Rachel is right. On the rare occasions we do receive support it's when the state finds it in his hidden stock piles.
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  #10  
July 22nd, 2012, 02:05 PM
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Since I don't know your situation, I'll refrain from posting comments to your threads in the future.
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  #11  
July 22nd, 2012, 04:32 PM
.Katie.
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No worries Kris. I just can't wait until he finds someone that is willing to help him so he stops defaulting to me.
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  #12  
July 22nd, 2012, 05:07 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Having been on the other side of this (my dh working and bm demanding that we put the kids in daycare instead) I have to say that I kind of feel like you're making a big deal out of something rather trivial. Obviously I know there's a back story and this is the tip of the iceberg with your ex and so I can understand why it might cause more resentment than if those things had not happened/continue to happen/etc.

In *our* situation bm doesn't care about dh's time with the kids. She views him as her babysitter, and has said that she only "allows" visitation so that she can net some alone time (which is crucial, I suppose, when you date a man who hates children). She doesn't care where they go or what they do, as long as she doesn't have to parent them. The couple of times we have asked that they stay home, dh is on-call and has worked almost every single one of those weekends both day and night. We certainly didn't "use" bm and we always gave 3+ weeks notice when a weekend like that was coming up. We have worked out a new system that works better for everyone currently, but the fact that bm really could give a rip about the kids getting to see dh and is primarily concerned with being able to dump them somewhere still stands.

Visitation, as I understand it, is there for the benefit of the non-custodial parent and the child(ren). I don't agree that it is in the benefit of either of those parties to pick up/have children dropped off and then dump them into a daycare center. If he is able to spend time with them and just doesn't want to, it's his loss. If he really can't manage and has no support system and the girls would be sitting in some daycare center all night, I really don't know that it's worth fighting for, especially given the fact that you were the one who moved away. Regardless of the other events in your history (and I can assure you that I'm not trying to downplay them - I acknowledge I don't know the full extent of that and the little pieces I do know about have me angry for you ) the court will look at the fact that it was you who changed the status quo, so to speak.

I do agree that the PP should be changed if what's written isn't working anymore.
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  #13  
July 22nd, 2012, 06:58 PM
.Katie.
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This has been the status quo for two years now. I am just venting my annoyance at it. He doesn't have help so that's that and this is how it's going to be.
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  #14  
July 22nd, 2012, 07:18 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I'm sorry, Katie. For what it's worth, I hear you loud and clear on the fact that sometimes these situations simply aren't fair.
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  #15  
July 23rd, 2012, 01:45 PM
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I'd have the order rewritten.
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