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Needing some advice.


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  • 1 Post By Stepmom2Be
  • 1 Post By Rachel

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  #1  
July 24th, 2012, 04:13 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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Ok so DH and I planned at the beginning of summer to take the boys to Pittsburgh as a surprise vacation. Well we were planning right after the 4th of July. Right before the 4th DH lost his job. So we didn't have the money or the vacation time to go. He DID get another job right away same place just doesn't work for the contracter anymore. Well now we have the money but he still doesn't have any vacation time saved up yet. Labor day weekend is one of those gauranteed days off so it would be a 3 day weekend the perfect amount of time to do our trip. Only problem is it's supposed to be BM's weekend. But she had the boys on the 4th so Labor day is DH's day. We aren't sure what to do. We pretty much have 3 options. 1. Forget the whole thing and take the boys next year. 2. try and talk to BM and see if she is willing to swap a weekend or sometime so we can take them (doubtful because she is Pi$$ed at us right now) or 3. plan the trip and buy tickets and say we didn't realize it was the first weekend.


I should also add that have gone on an every other weekend schedual for years but when she gets mad she throws a fit and wants it 1st 3rd and 5th. We never really know when she is going to pitch a fit about that though, we could plan it and her throw a fit or we could not and we end up with the boys all weekend. If we are going to do it I want to go ahead and start getting tickets for the things we want to do so that it's not a big cost all at once. But I don't want to get them then her throw a fit and us not be able to take them. I'm just stuck at this point. Dh tried to text her earlier but she knows that K told us she sold his dirtbike so she is avioding us.

I should add another thing that she has went and planned things on our weekends in the past and we would let the boys go because they were excited when she called and told them but then she lost her schedualed weekend with them because she took ours. I'm just not sure what to do and was looking for a bit of advice. I really don't want to wait until we drop the boys off again to talk to her because her BF litterally goes off and screams and yells and cusses if DH or I say anything or get out of the car when we do. I got out to move something to the trunk the other day and he jumped out of the car like he was going to tackle me. And TBH I'm afraid to say anything because he's like 4x bigger than me and 3x bigger than DH if he wanted to hurt us there really wouldn't be anything stopping him.
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  #2  
July 24th, 2012, 05:09 PM
.Katie.
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What a headache.

Even though she's mad I would still put the ball in her court and ask before buying tickets and all that. Make the deal sweet for her too and come up with something that you can do in return for her. The more GOOD interactions and compromises you guys can get through the easier it gets. If you go behind her back it will just cause more strain... but I also don't think you should just give up and say next year. Give her the chance to say yes/no first.
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  #3  
July 24th, 2012, 05:10 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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That sounds like a tough situation. I'm sorry your plans for the 4th got all jacked in the first place. Also, the classiness of her boyfriend never ceases to amaze me.

If it were us, I would consider asking her if she would be willing to trade a weekend with you. That said, in our situation bm will *usually* trade a weekend if we ask her to because it gives her something she can hold over our heads later so it wouldn't be a very high risk thing to ask. You could say that you already bought the tickets and see if that sways her any more, I suppose. It wouldn't be completely honest but if you think your "buying" the tickets already will be the thing to determine whether she lets the boys go or not I might chance it. At the end of the day, if she says no, you'll still have lost nothing, KWIM? Normally I don't advocate needless dishonesty but those boys have been through a lot because of her lately and I think doing something special with them would lift their spirits. Morally though, I understand the hesitation and am not sure I would be able to do it either.

I hope she allows them to go!
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  #4  
July 24th, 2012, 05:11 PM
.Katie.
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As far as the BF thing goes... yuck. I don't know about that one. I haven't had to deal with scary people so hopefully someone else has some insight.
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  #5  
July 24th, 2012, 05:37 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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Well we are almost to the point that we are going to see if there is someway that we can meet with just her or even her mother so that he is not there when the exchanges occur. And I never even thought about just telling her that we had already bought tickets. hmmm it's worth a try. But I am going to tell her that we are taking them somewhere else. Like Cincinati or something because they know we are wanting to go somewhere but they have no idea where. We aren't going to tell them until we are in the car almost there. And she would be just spiteful enough to tell them. I went though it enough with my parents that it's no fun when one parent ruins a surprise that the other is planning. I had my mom ruin a surprise birthday party for me one year that my dad was having me. She did it because he told her about it but his new wife was going to be there because it was a party for me and my sister. I may try to talk to her when K calls her tomorrow. But weather or not she will talk to me is a different story.

Oy this woman gives me a headache :crazy:
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  #6  
July 24th, 2012, 09:17 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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One thing I would add. We planned a trip for memorial day weekend before we went to week on week off. When the papers were signed, Eric told her about our trip and she said no problem if it falls on my week we can work something out. Long story short we wanted to keep him till Monday (memorial day) But we ended up coming home Sunday the day before because we couldnt have a campfire (fire restrictions) so we didnn't end up bargaining with her anyway.

But when we were planning to, we were going to offer her MORE than what we were getting. We were going to ask if we could have him till Monday night and then give her like an all day on a day when she was off work. trading weekends is nice, but then she still gets her 2 days and YOU get to go on your trip. I've always been in the "If you are at the mercy of her, make it hard to say no to" mindset. So maybe that might work if you offer her a weekend and an extra day?
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  #7  
July 24th, 2012, 09:41 PM
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Uhm the boyfriend thing is bizarre. SO bizarre. And it makes it worse for the kids if you have police assistance but then again no one wants to be assaulted. What a sticky spot to be in.n
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  #8  
July 25th, 2012, 08:35 AM
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oh gosh, that's a hard one. I'd jsut ask, I'd hate to buy tickets and have it not work out. and I really wouldn't play dumb about it not being your weekend.

and if the BF will be like that, I agree try to find someplease else to exchange. public too.
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  #9  
July 25th, 2012, 09:33 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by .Katie. View Post
What a headache.

Even though she's mad I would still put the ball in her court and ask before buying tickets and all that. Make the deal sweet for her too and come up with something that you can do in return for her. The more GOOD interactions and compromises you guys can get through the easier it gets. If you go behind her back it will just cause more strain... but I also don't think you should just give up and say next year. Give her the chance to say yes/no first.
I agree. Although, if it's her weekend, but the holiday schedule supersedes weekend visits, then make your plans and let her suck it up.
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  #10  
July 25th, 2012, 09:43 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
I agree. Although, if it's her weekend, but the holiday schedule supersedes weekend visits, then make your plans and let her suck it up.
This. Dh's pp has a "holiday schedule supersedes normal schedule" provision too. For us, I don't think anything other than Christmas, Thanksgiving and summer vacation is included in the holiday schedule but some people have it set up to include long weekends.
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  #11  
July 25th, 2012, 10:02 AM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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The only holidays we include are the ones where DH is off work. Makes no sence for us to have them on columbus day because here they have school and DH works. We do New years, Easter, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas eve Christmas. We've always been able to work it out easily. She gets them Thanksgiving and Christmas eve and we get them christmas and we try to split the rest. But we dont' celebrate Easter but her family does. I am going to see if Dh will call her tonight and talk to her. She planned a camping trip for the 1st -3rd which is a Wensday Thur. Friday and that friday is her normal visit. She hasn't told us about it yet but the boys did. We may let her have them for those 5 days if she agrees to let us have them the entire labor day weekend.TBH I'm tired of fighting her. She tries to make life so difficult for us. And the boys are getting old enough to notice that she is the one that causes the trouble and that their dad and I try to keep the peace as much as possible. B said something to me today that almost made me cry (in a good way) But I'll make a seperate post about that.
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