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Is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time?


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  • 5 Post By Rachel
  • 2 Post By Keakie

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  #1  
July 25th, 2012, 10:38 AM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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Location: In the Wild and Wonderful
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I can honestly say yes. I'll do a bit of backround first. We bought the boys a 4 wheeler a few years ago and when DH sold it he got $800 so we gave each boy $400 to spend on what they wanted weather it be another ATV or anything else. K wanted a dirtbike so we went half with his mom. B bought an Xbox 360 on black friday and still had $200 left. Well today we went to gamestop and B wanted to spend his money and get an Ipod. Ok thats fine so I got it for him. (I also got K a game so that he wouldn't feel left out but it was just a $10 one. And I paid an extra $9 on B's thing) Well out in the car we are sitting and he says "Liz have I ever told you that your an awesome Mom?" Well I laugh and told him that I didn't think that he had. Well then he gets serious and says "I mean it. I see you as more of a Mom than my Real Mom. You've been there as long as I can remember you've never left and have always taken care of us and made sure that we had everything that we needed." At that point in time I was trying not to cry. All I have ever wanted was for the boys to be happy and healthy. They are my Sons. I love them just as much as Angelica. I have never tried to replace their mom. But she was gone for so long, Once from June 07- July 08 and again from Jan. 09 to September '10. So when she was gone I had no choice to step up and be their mom. They came back from Florida in 05 and DH and I were already engaged. I have been here since they came to live with us. And for 26 out of 30 days a month I do the things that a BM would do for them. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

But at the same time I feel bad for their BM. They are finally getting old enough to realize that for years she had other priorities. She didn't put them first. After she lost her visits in June of 07 we had a court date in August. She had to be sober for 6 months before she saw them again. She could have seen them in Feb. But wasn't completely clean until July. Then when she was gone in Jan 09 the methadone clinic said that she had been clean since September of 09! Thats means that she didn't see them for 6 months by her own choice! She could have! She could have had her visits back and seen them and talked to them on the phone but she CHOSE not to say anything until a year later. And they realize that now. She will take them out and spend $300 on clothes at an expencive store when we will take them to Wal Mart so that they have everything they need. They realize that we have had to put needs before wants for years to try and support us all. I even had to drop out of college because our babysitter got into trouble and we couldn't afford daycare. They know all of that. I know that I shouldn't feel bad about it. But I do. I can't imagine ever leaving these boys. There was a time when DH and I were struggling with the infertility and it was hard on our marriage. We seperated for almost a month. I would come and talk to DH but I would sneak in our bedroom door after they were asleep because I didn't want Them to watch me leave. I know that it has been her own choices that has made these boys how they are. But that still doesn't make me feel less sad....or maybe it's pity. I don't know what it is. But I just feel bad for her. IDK maybe it's just AF making me extra moody today.
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  #2  
July 25th, 2012, 01:09 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Well I understand from a mom point of view that you feel bad that she's missing out on these great kids. I get that from time to time with W&C, but you didn't do this to her. These were her choices and it sucks, but it's what she did that caused it.

I'm glad they have you in their lives!
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  #3  
July 25th, 2012, 07:02 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
Well I understand from a mom point of view that you feel bad that she's missing out on these great kids. I get that from time to time with W&C, but you didn't do this to her. These were her choices and it sucks, but it's what she did that caused it.

I'm glad they have you in their lives!
I'm glad that they have you too.
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  #4  
July 25th, 2012, 07:56 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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Thanks ladies. My feel sorry for her moment passed today though. K tried to call her and see if she had his share of the money from where she sold his dirty bike (the one we paid half on. We are still letting him keep his half of the money if we can get it from her) and he asked her if she had the money and she said no and then he asked when she was going to give it to him because he wanted to buy something with it and she said "I'll give it to you when I feel like it" Poor K was about to cry because his mom was so hateful with him over something that is rightfully his. Then she told him to call her back and never answered the phone. I am seriously starting to think she is back to her old habits. She went through $700 in 5 days when she works and brings in about $250 a week (from what we can figure they won't tell the boys or us where she is working or what she is doing) and her BF brings in $1200 a month and they both get foodstamps. Thats almost $1500 when they don't have that many bills(they use her moms car, her mom pays cell bill and they have no TV) so it's water power and trailer payment (if they have that). It's going somewhere. I just feel bad for my boys. I don't want them to get hurt again if their mom disappears again. I just hate this whole situation. K told me tonight that he really doesn't want to go over to his moms for a while. He's just so upset with her right now. Ugh. I hate all the drama. And I always feel like I am doing nothing but complaining on the board. I'm sorry to be such a Debbir Downer ladies.
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  #5  
July 25th, 2012, 08:33 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShesaDreamer View Post
I am seriously starting to think she is back to her old habits. She went through $700 in 5 days when she works and brings in about $250 a week (from what we can figure they won't tell the boys or us where she is working or what she is doing) and her BF brings in $1200 a month and they both get foodstamps. Thats almost $1500 when they don't have that many bills(they use her moms car, her mom pays cell bill and they have no TV) so it's water power and trailer payment (if they have that). It's going somewhere.
You're probably right. I wish you weren't for the sake of the boys, but it sounds like you are. I'm so sorry.

Don't feel bad about posting here or being a "Debbie Downer" - what you're dealing with is incredibly difficult. It hurts to watch people we love being treated so poorly, especially when those people are children and the person who's treating them poorly is a (supposed) parent. There's nothing wrong with being sad and angry and tired of it all.

For what it's worth, even if she does hurt them again (which I hope she doesn't, but even if she does) they will be okay - they have their Dad and they have you.
Ember Rose and w292737 like this.
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  #6  
July 26th, 2012, 06:37 AM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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Thanks, I know they will be ok. The first time was the hardest. We didn't want to let them know exactly what happened so we just told them she was sick. Her Mom ended up telling them the truth a few months later. Thats when they stopped asking when they would see her again. The second time they asked once or twice. So it was over in a few weeks. I'd say that if it happens again then once we tell them that they will be upset for a little while but then be ok. I just hate that amount of time that they are upset. They aren't my boys when they are upset.
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  #7  
July 26th, 2012, 09:50 AM
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They are very lucky to have you in their lives!
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  #8  
July 26th, 2012, 10:18 AM
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What a sweet thing for him to say. How smart of him to not only recognize it but articulate it. You've done a good job momma! They are so lucky to have you!
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  #9  
July 26th, 2012, 03:53 PM
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They have you, and you are a constant in their lives. That's such an important role for them, and an incredible one that you get to be a part of. You're an incredible person for stepping up to that role without batting an eyelash and realizing how much of an important part of their lives you are.

Keep doing what you're doing. The situation with BM will be what it is, but if she goes missing again, they still have you.
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  #10  
July 27th, 2012, 03:03 PM
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Ditto to what Rachel said. Only thing you've done was step in and be the best mom you could to them. And they realize and appreciate that. I can totally understand being happy and sad at the same time over a comment like that. Years ago, before we had custody of DSD, she once told me that she knows I love her more than her own mom cause I do so much more for her than her mom does. That filled and broke my heart all at once. I was so happy to hear her acknowledge that I do in fact care for her as if she were my own, but so sad that she felt that way. I would hope that none of my kids ever feel that another person loves them more than I do.
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  #11  
July 27th, 2012, 03:07 PM
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I'm sorry!!!
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  #12  
July 27th, 2012, 03:33 PM
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