We pride ourselves on having the friendliest
and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment
for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers.
If you have any problems registering please drop an email to email@example.com.
Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!
Ok, maybe I was actually out of line here, I'm not sure, you can tell me if I was though, ok?
So, this is the girls last week of summer vacation. They go back to school on 8/8. And they're all done with summer activities. And they're all home. And they're all driving me nuts (I'm working from home). So I realize, hey BM hasn't started her new assignment yet, maybe she'd like to spend a day (or a few days) with them before they go back to school! She has two weeks with them every summer but she used those earlier this summer. And they also need to do some back to school shopping still, which I remember doing with my mom, so I thought that might be a good mother/daughter activity.
So I run the idea by DH, who thinks it sounds fine, but he's busy at work and asks me to text her. So I do. My text says "Hey BM, I was just thinking this is the girls last week of summer. And I'm pretty sure you haven't started your next assignment yet. I thought you might want to take them for a day or two. I know they need to some back to school shopping still. Let me or DH know if/when you'd like them", ok so I think this is just casual and friendly. What I get back indicates that it is not.
It's a long text message (I hate that BTW, texts are short, not long, that's what email is for), but it boils down to 1) I shouldn't get invovled in her visitation, 2) if she wants to see her kids she'll ask, 3) the girls live with us full time we should handle back to school shopping, and 4) if they go back in a week why haven't we got the back to school shopping done?
Ok, the first point, yes she's right. But I kind of figured this was just an extra bonus thing and wasn't a big deal to text her. She'll text me little things about the girls all the time she knows DH won't know the answer too. Like "Is Tara reading Twilight?" or "Is Izzy still same shoe size?", and I'll text her things if the girls are with her like "Alex left her book, should I bring it by?" or "BD is having a pool party, you and the girls are invited", I've invited her over to our own BBQs when she doesn't have the girls. I kind of figured this fell under that heading.
As for the rest, number 2, she never asks to see them, and she might not have realized this is their last week of summer (I didn't realize it until I looked at a calender). Number 3 and 4, we will handle it, but the girls have some money of their own for back to school stuff, thought she might like taking them to get it, I always liked shopping with my mom when I was their ages (not so much now, but back then it was awesome). And we haven't done it yet because I'm pregnant and tired and DH has been busy at work. But she doesn't know I'm pregnant yet.
Ok, so was I really out of line for even suggessting it? It'd out of her visitation scheduel (next weekend is her weekend), but I just figured it was like an extra bonus thing ya know. BD and I have a very relaxed schedule he'll pick her up all the time to random things. So I just can't see spending extra time with your kids as a big deal.
I do not think you were out of line for offering her bonus time with her children. I might've left out the part about the school shopping. She could've thought you meant that she should pay for their back to school stuff. If that struck a nerve, then I'm sure she closed her ears to the thought that you were just trying to be nice. IMO, women are pretty petty that way.
I wish she would see that you only have good intentions and were trying to be decent. I'm sorry she's so hot & cold with you. It makes it hard to know where you stand and what she will take offense to, or not.
I would she waaayyy over reacted! If my sons bd texted me saying the same thing and even if I had though he was asking me to pay for school supplies I would have txted back, id love to see him but I don't have money right now for school supplies, so if you want him to go shopping send him with me with a couple of bucks . Although ive never had to deal with another women in my child's life I'd hope I wouldn't come off as a crazy bm like some of these bms do.
Here too. Every single email that gets sent to bm is wordsmith-ed and sent off by me (although I do it from dh's email account and he does look everything over before we send it) because he's working all day and we prefer to avoid using the little bit of alone time we get in the evenings to write to her if at all possible. It really is a time sink sometimes because we've learned the hard way to be very deliberate about our word choices.
I honestly think it was he school shopping that set her off and she just nit picked at the rest. I'm willing to bet if you had added that the girls have their own money to shop, she may have been more receptive to the idea. I, personally, don't get in the middle of visitation talk ever. It's just always been something that I've felt more comfortable staying away from. But that's my preference, not something that all blended families should adhere to.
I"m going to guess that you offering more time wasn't the issue. but the fact that I would have taken that as I was expected to buy all the back to school stuff, and I too would be like *** why wasn't that done long time ago, so the rest just went along with that irritation. and who knows what you were texting into, she might have been having a bad day or something.
Iwhy wasn't that done long time ago, so the rest just went along with that irritation
Well, she does know we wait til the last minute to get anything because the girls will get into if we buy any sooner, she's the one who suggessted it.
But I do think it was probably a money thing. I mean, me, as a sane rational person would've said "Well I'm not sure about back to school shopping, but I'll take them" or if I couldn't "Thanks for the offer, but I'm not able to this week", or even just point blank said "Well I don't mind taking them back to school shopping, I'm low on cash this week". But whatever, she did take them friday to go swimming at her condo complex. They came back Friday night and zonked out (swimming tires them out, I love it!).
They started school today, we took them shopping on saturday for some supplies, we are waiting on clothing because it's still too hot for fall clothes and they have pleanty of summer stuff. Ok, I let them each get some new outfits, but nothing to major. And BM is planning to pick them up from school on Friday actually. So they have to pack their bags and I'll hand them off to her before she goes and picks them up. And then they will be re-delivered sunday afternoon.
Any and all communication about Reme comes through me. Texts are rarely addressed to DH because L knows, after 5 years of being married to him.. he hates texting. She finds it easier to get day to day answers out of me, and only specifically talks to DH if it is a custody thing.
~TTC #1 together 1 year and counting ~
Battling Estrogen Dominance, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and Recurrent Miscarriage one day at a time
Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/18/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/21/2012@4w1dKonnor 11/24/2012@3w6d"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6dRonen 02/102013@3w5d