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  #21  
August 3rd, 2012, 06:28 PM
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You're totally right. But focusing on his ability to work or the money side of it isn't going to solve the issue. I think the better course of action would be family therapy and couples therapy with your husband.
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  #22  
August 3rd, 2012, 09:59 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose
You're totally right. But focusing on his ability to work or the money side of it isn't going to solve the issue. I think the better course of action would be family therapy and couples therapy with your husband.
LOL!!! We may be the only family who has been removed by the therapist from counseling due to dh inability to stop talking over the therapist. So yes,,, been there done that,,, got t shirt and key chain!
I think my best course of action is to take a different course of action...
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  #23  
August 4th, 2012, 08:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
Everyone is meant to live a different path. If a kid has a great ability to cook, they don't necessarily have to go to culinary school, because a degree isn't going to make them anymore likely to land a job. But being able to live at home and save up money to open up their own restaurant CAN be helpful. (Maybe some business classes)

While I don't think working necessarily equals having to pay I do think he needs a plan or some guidance figuring out what he wants out of life.

I disagree with that - my husband is a chef & a degree is necessary to run a restaurant. It's not as easy as one would think.
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  #24  
August 4th, 2012, 08:14 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles

Sorry to dispell this one - my husband is a chef & a degree is necessary to run a restaurant. It's not as easy as one would think.
9 times out of 10 even "lower" job employers WILL hire a degrees applicant before a non degreed. I have no degree but 10 years experience in accounting. Someone w a degree will beat me each time! And they will be promoted over me. Even if they are dumb as a bag of rocks!

Dh has my step son thinking he can do as dh has and walk into car dealerships and get paid 300 to 500k year to run them.
It is not happening for ss18. He barely has the capacity to be a stock boy. Not because he's stupid, but because he has zero ambition or responsibility.
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  #25  
August 4th, 2012, 08:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
That's a lot for a kid fresh out of high school, with a $1200 a month take home. Insurance alone runs a boy under age 25 (at least in Maryland) close to $300 a month. He absolutely should have to pay that, but another $300 for groceries and rent and then a contribution to utilities?

Really? My parents were fresh out of high school, married & with a kid and they lived on their own. My sister got pregnant & married at 16 and was on her own (with some help from my parents but still).


There are no free rides here. If either of my kids picks working a meager part-time job with no hope of moving up because they are too lazy to do anything else, they'll have to pay rent. I'm not supporting them forever.
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  #26  
August 4th, 2012, 08:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doodlebug06 View Post
9 times out of 10 even "lower" job employers WILL hire a degrees applicant before a non degreed. I have no degree but 10 years experience in accounting. Someone w a degree will beat me each time! And they will be promoted over me. Even if they are dumb as a bag of rocks!

Dh has my step son thinking he can do as dh has and walk into car dealerships and get paid 300 to 500k year to run them.
It is not happening for ss18. He barely has the capacity to be a stock boy. Not because he's stupid, but because he has zero ambition or responsibility.
Not to mention that 80% of restaurants fail due to poor management. Dh has the education but would never own his own restaurant. It's too risky even for someone who's successfully managed other people's restaurants.
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  #27  
August 4th, 2012, 09:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
I disagree with that - my husband is a chef & a degree is necessary to run a restaurant. It's not as easy as one would think.
It's just what I'd seen in my personal experience.
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  #28  
August 5th, 2012, 11:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Really? My parents were fresh out of high school, married & with a kid and they lived on their own. My sister got pregnant & married at 16 and was on her own (with some help from my parents but still).


There are no free rides here. If either of my kids picks working a meager part-time job with no hope of moving up because they are too lazy to do anything else, they'll have to pay rent. I'm not supporting them forever.
Perhaps it's where we live, so close to DC. The cost of living here is unbelievably high.



I don't think anyone fresh out of high school with a slightly better than minimum wage job could live on their own without roommates. Or help from mom and dad.

I'm in Maryland by the way, which is ranked 43.
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  #29  
August 5th, 2012, 01:54 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel

Perhaps it's where we live, so close to DC. The cost of living here is unbelievably high.

I don't think anyone fresh out of high school with a slightly better than minimum wage job could live on their own without roommates. Or help from mom and dad.

I'm in Maryland by the way, which is ranked 43.
That kind of proves my point even more. The less education and experience he has, the harder it will EVER be for him to have better of a job than he has now. Which means he wld ALWAYS need mom and dad or a roomie. He makes more now than A LOT of people do here. And they pay all their own bills. They just leave within their means. It's poverty level income but at the higher end.
So if he wants to keep himself in poverty level when he had a full ride to college, that's his dumb mistake!
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  #30  
August 5th, 2012, 03:47 PM
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If he is earning money, then I would be wanting him to pay his own way...
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  #31  
August 5th, 2012, 10:07 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doodlebug06

That kind of proves my point even more. The less education and experience he has, the harder it will EVER be for him to have better of a job than he has now. Which means he wld ALWAYS need mom and dad or a roomie. He makes more now than A LOT of people do here. And they pay all their own bills. They just leave within their means. It's poverty level income but at the higher end.
So if he wants to keep himself in poverty level when he had a full ride to college, that's his dumb mistake!
I understand your point about school, but at the same time it's pointless for him to go and not really be into it, Kwim? If he doesn't want to be there he's not going to do well and may not even stay and money has been wasted.

From personal experience, you can force the school issue, but you can't make them apply themselves once they get there.

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  #32  
August 6th, 2012, 07:03 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
I disagree with that - my husband is a chef & a degree is necessary to run a restaurant. It's not as easy as one would think.
Slightly OT but this is true. I worked in kitchens in my late teens and the thing that kept getting me hired for minimum or close to minimum wage (while other people were hired at a couple of dollars more than that -- granted, that was minimum wage in Ontario, Canada which at the time was $9.75-$10.50/hour depending on which year we're talking about so it was "livable", but here in Georgia minimum wage would *not* be livable) was the fact that I didn't have any formal training. It didn't really matter if I was more skilled on the cooking line or in managing a big prep list. I did eventually go to culinary school and being able to have that diploma on my resume made a big difference in the pay and positions I was offered.

It is a lot more complex to open and run a restaurant, or even to be a head chef or kitchen manager and only run the kitchen efficiently, than one might think. It involves a lot of finance and labor balancing, and there are a lot of moving parts.

Back on topic: I don't have anything helpful to contribute because Rachel and Ember Rose have pretty much said it all.
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  #33  
August 6th, 2012, 10:32 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I didn't read all the replies I admit.

We have the following plan in place.

We will provide everything a child needs to live a happy healthy life up until the September following their high school graduation. This includes a roof over their head, basic clothing on their back, utilities, food, health insurance, a crappy basic cell phone and plan and the ability to borrow our cars with permission (but must pay for their own gas). We will insure them on our vehicles as long as they drive responsibly.

If our child wishes to have their own car, it is their responsibility to buy it and the insurance that is required, we will still put it under our name, as long as they are responsible. If they are not, they will need their own policy. If they wish to have a better cell phone, they will have to purchase it and pay for what ever extra it cost over what we were paying.

If our child choose to go to college, nothing will change except possibly the car situation.

If the child chooses to take a year off school to work, they will be required to pick up a lot of what we have been paying. They will have to get their own vehicle. We will allow them to put it on our insurance to keep the payment down, but they must pay it. They have to fully take over their cell phone. They can eat with us, and will not have to pay utilities (power, water, internet etc). They however will have to pay rent, which we will put away and they can have it back when they start college.

If they choose not to do college at all, they will be responsible for everything except utilities and will probably get an exception on their health insurance cause of the new mandate. However they will have to cover anything insurance does not cover.


We are hoping when we build to put an apartment over our garage. IF one of the children wishes to live out there, they will be responsible for the utilities that run through the apartment while they are living there (we'd be on a well, so it'd be mostly Power).

Reme doesn't live with us, but he is welcome to at any time. The same rules apply for him.
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Last edited by plan4fate; August 6th, 2012 at 10:37 AM.
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  #34  
August 6th, 2012, 11:21 AM
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I agree Rachel that cost of living does factor in. Even if he can't live on his own, he still should be contributing to the expenses of the household. 19 he's considered an adult & needs to start acting like one. I do agree that you can't force someone to go to school. They won't be successful until they are ready to go.

The big factor these days is health insurance. You can cover a kid until they're 26 now if they are going to school. If not it's no health insurance. That's scary!
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  #35  
August 8th, 2012, 12:40 PM
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I have not read all the replies...

I'd say whatever is expected needs to be decided and clearly communicated. and no changing. was this something that was discussed with his father possibly? and if just left high school maybe he needs a year off, it's pretty common and he's working so I don't see the big deal.

well the stealing, if if could be proven as stealing, needs to be addressed. but I'd make 100% sure you know it was lifted, and not given, or bought by someone else for him, before you make accusations like that.
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