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  #1  
August 8th, 2012, 12:16 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 930
hi,
I havent posted in here in forever, but i need your opinion.
My SO and I have custody of his son and his sons brother(no relation to SO or me) DSS mom hasnt seen them since the begining of march, before that it was june of last year, before that it was november of the previous year and june before that. She has supervised visitation and only needs to give us 3days notice when she wants to come and see them. I have invited her many times and she "couldn't" come because she had other things to do. She will arrange a day with us and then cancel at the last minute. The last time being this past fathers day. We told her she could come for the 16th, but first she txt me and said Im not cancelling but my boyfriends daughter is supposed to be with us this weekend, and I said ok and 2 days later she txt me saying they had pink eye and if it wasnt gone by friday they wouldnt be coming up. She txt on thursday saying she wasnt coming.
Now she has a 6yr old son by a different man, who lives with this mans ex gf (long story, they got custody and then he left) me and her are friends. BM sees this boy every weekend, calls him every second day etc. He lives 2hrs from us. 3hrs from her, she has to drive by our town every time she goes to see him.
She doesnt call the boys, doesnt send bday or Christmas stuff. Nothing. Now she is asking when she can come see them. I honestly dont want her to. Both our boys have special needs and are delayed in lots of areas, my youngest we have had since he was 4months old, doesnt have a CLUE who she is, my 5yr old does and each time she comes it causes him to act out for weeks after.
She claims to want to be in their lives, but never visits. Do I tell her she can come and see how it goes or do i just tell her to get lost?
Our youngest (neither of ours by birth) his dad hasnt called or visited him since last june and honestly if he decided he wanted to Id tell him how to get where he was going and I wouldnt care if he took us to court.

edit to add, she moves around all the time, and has numerous bf's where ever she goes. it bugs me because you never know whos coming with her when she comes. one minute shes engaged,next shes staying single, but secretly dating and then shes engaged again.
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Last edited by beccasmom7718; August 8th, 2012 at 12:24 PM.
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  #2  
August 8th, 2012, 12:40 PM
.Katie.
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Posts: n/a
That's hard. I don't think it's mean of you to consider telling her to get lost but I think the best thing would be for her to see them. Regardless of her past mistakes, she's still a mom and if she is trying, you have to let her try.
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  #3  
August 8th, 2012, 01:43 PM
Happy Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 21,659
if she still has some parental rights (meaning they aren't terminated by the courts) then I would say you stil legally have to allow her to see them. if you'd rather not, then I'd go through the adoption process so you can tell her no.
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  #4  
August 8th, 2012, 03:04 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
As long as she has that visitation order, you can't turn her down. I totally get wanting to and would feel the same. But it's best to cya aka cover your arse, in this situation.
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  #5  
August 8th, 2012, 03:37 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,011
Unfortunately, Liz is right. It so sucks! And may I say again how awesome you & your dh for being such great parents to these boys!
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  #6  
August 8th, 2012, 06:29 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
Posts: 114,733
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Quote:
Originally Posted by .Katie. View Post
That's hard. I don't think it's mean of you to consider telling her to get lost but I think the best thing would be for her to see them. Regardless of her past mistakes, she's still a mom and if she is trying, you have to let her try.
Quote:
Originally Posted by w292737 View Post
if she still has some parental rights (meaning they aren't terminated by the courts) then I would say you stil legally have to allow her to see them. if you'd rather not, then I'd go through the adoption process so you can tell her no.
Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
As long as she has that visitation order, you can't turn her down. I totally get wanting to and would feel the same. But it's best to cya aka cover your arse, in this situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Unfortunately, Liz is right. It so sucks! And may I say again how awesome you & your dh for being such great parents to these boys!
I totally get your desire to tell her to get lost, but I think you're legally obligated to allow her to visit. I'm sorry she's such a pain.
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  #7  
August 8th, 2012, 06:55 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,684
You have to legally provide her the opportunity but honestly I would move to have those removed.
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