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Is it worth it? (Alternatively titled "Would you do it all again?"


Forum: Blended Families

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  #1  
August 19th, 2012, 12:46 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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If you had the opportunity to do things differently, would you? If you could start fresh, knowing what you know now, would you change things? Why or why not?
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  #2  
August 19th, 2012, 02:26 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would definitely do it all again. I love my fiance and I love my future step son.

I would, however, try my hardest to do things a smidge differently. All in all, we made it through the rough stuff. But I would have worried less about what SHE was doing, and focused more on what WE were doing. Don't get me wrong, we spent a LOT of quality time together in the last 2 years, but I also had a lot of unnecessary stress due to being so focused on her life.

I'm not saying I'm completely past it, even. But I'm getting there.

I think though, that the life we have is WAYYYYYYY worth anything she puts us through. Even if it gets worse, even if it gets better, no matter what, I want these boys in my life.
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  #3  
August 19th, 2012, 03:45 PM
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My life would be so different without D and his two kids. I wouldn't be having my own baby now. This man....he makes me laugh and he just....he makes my life better. I would have pushed him to make legal moves sooner though. We've missed out on a lot because of it and it's hurt him. I'd like to deal with that sooner rather than later.
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  #4  
August 19th, 2012, 04:15 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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It really is worth it for me. I love my dh more than anything and I am super thankful to have him in my life. I think we both would have done things differently in the beginning (what we agreed to in the settlement agreement, how we handled bm initially, how we handled dh's family, etc.) but other than that, I would do it all again.

It's worth it to wake up next to someone I genuinely want to be with for the rest of my life. It's worth it when my dsc give me hugs and kisses. It's even worth it when bm is in the middle of a total tailspin like she seems to be right now and the crazy is flying left, right and center because at the end of the day, I still have my dh by my side.
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  #5  
August 19th, 2012, 04:20 PM
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I would do it again and again for Eric. He is everything a woman could want in a mate, and everything that a mother would want in a step father for her children. No matter what we go through we still have each other and that's all I need!

As far as doing things differently, I wish he would have gotten someone skilled in law to look over the parenting plan BM wrote before he signed it.
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  #6  
August 19th, 2012, 05:01 PM
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Nope. I'd have our baby still. But I wouldn't have married him or moved 8 hours away with him.
I don't know how I'd manage to do it this way though! Lol
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  #7  
August 19th, 2012, 05:04 PM
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The only thing we would do differently is fought for full custody of Robert! He deserves to be happy!
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  #8  
August 19th, 2012, 05:08 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Yes I'd do it all again in a flash. I do think that we should have done more talk about parenting skills... DH is of the opinion "just give it to him so he shuts up" while I'm not willing to be walked over by a 7 year old.
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  #9  
August 19th, 2012, 08:27 PM
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All for Kevin, you bet I would. No matter how crazy things can get or have been, I'd deal with all again to have him in my life. Without him I wouldn't have my two sons, nor would I know what it's like to have a real man in my life. My daughter wouldn't have an awesome father and my life would probably be in the crapper stuck with a man who never really cared about me and mines.

However, I would have fought by his side harder to get custody sooner over now. Things would be so different with dsd if we would have been the ones with residential custody sooner. She would be in better health mentally and physically. She would be able to socialize better with family and friends. She would know what true unconditional love is from her family. There is just so much we could have truly influenced if we had a real hand in raising her. Not just the weekend dad and family that we had for so long.
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  #10  
August 20th, 2012, 07:32 AM
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No I would do it all over again. I'd still have my ds & the last 6 years would have been so much easier. Maybe we would have still dated but I wouldn't have married him.
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  #11  
August 20th, 2012, 07:59 AM
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I would go through hell and back for him, and looking backing at everything I went through in our first year and half I pretty much did!
he is so worth it all, and so is getting my amazing little girl.
I would have not let her get to me so much, and I would have put my foot down a lot sooner, but in the end we got where we needed to be and that is all that matters.
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  #12  
August 20th, 2012, 08:10 AM
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yes and no. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world, but I hate that they have the bio fathers that they do.
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  #14  
August 20th, 2012, 10:06 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I for sure would do it all over again almost the same way. Love my husband and step kids and biobaby I got out of this marriage.

The only thing I would do different.....when bm took off and had not called the kids in a year I would have pushed hubby to cut all ties. We moved around that time and we should have just changed our cell #'s. Then she would have never been able to get a hold of us instead of coming in and out of the kids lives at her leisure every 6-12 months.

Probably couldn't follow through on that...but it sounds good
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  #15  
August 20th, 2012, 01:43 PM
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Yes 100%, I might have done things a little differently and things might have evened out better, but I'm happy where I am.
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  #16  
August 20th, 2012, 03:15 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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I would do it again in a minute. The only thing I would change is (not to be mean and please don't flame me) I wish I would have adopted the boys when she was gone for the year and a half. Not because of me not liking her. But because of what she has done to them in the years before and the years since then. She has hurt them so much that I don't know if they will ever heal. K is so sad that his mom is blaming the whole bike situation on him and that she is lying even though she knows that he is listening. I want these boys to be happy and not worry about if their mom is going to sell their stuff when they aren't there. Sometimes I just wish she would go away again so they will stop worrying and be kids again.
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  #17  
August 20th, 2012, 06:22 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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It is totally worth it. Even days like yesterday with bat**** crazy woman, having Neely in my life is totally worth all that.

However, I would have totally pushed him to fight back against her harder. He rolled over on a lot of things when we first met and I wish he hadn't.

With my ex husband, even though I think I should have divorced him a lot sooner, I don't think I would have been in the place I was when Neely came into my life if I had. And I wouldn't change the way we raised our kids after the divorce.
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  #18  
August 21st, 2012, 06:29 AM
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I would do it all over again! These things make you stronger!
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  #19  
August 21st, 2012, 10:29 AM
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Just wanted to add, that dh's a good man, he's an amazing father and I love him very much. It isn't about that at all. But for me it is that I went from my abusive parents, to an abusive ex husband and then to the chaos of his ex & oldest dd. I would prefer peace at this point of my life.
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  #20  
August 21st, 2012, 01:18 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Just wanted to add, that dh's a good man, he's an amazing father and I love him very much. It isn't about that at all. But for me it is that I went from my abusive parents, to an abusive ex husband and then to the chaos of his ex & oldest dd. I would prefer peace at this point of my life.
I totally get that. Some days I think it would be easier to walk away from the boys and let her have them back. It's usually just a passing thought of "I wouldn't have to deal with this if ...". But on the bigger scale, I know it's not what's best for them and stuff those thoughts down deep.
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