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  #1  
August 20th, 2012, 05:19 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Our C/O states that the parent can call O any time before 9pm when O is with the other parent. It does not specify that he HAS to be available or that a certain number of calls must be answered, etc.

We usually call him Wednesday night. (How's your week been, have a good rest of the week, miss you, see you Sunday.)

She texts me every. single. day. to have him call her.

First off, I am fully aware that it's much better than her never calling. However, we have joint custody, and there are some weeks where we're just super busy or Eric is out of town and we don't call.

That being said. He seems to get frustrated when she calls. And sometimes it puts him in a bad mood. He's even started crying because she insisted he talk to her when all he wanted to do was finish playing his game. Multiple times, he's said, "Can I hang UP now?" or something similar.

So IYO, how much is too much?

At most, they are 3-7 minutes phone calls, so it's not something that REALLY bothers us. It's just irritating when it puts him in a bad mood. Eric thinks she does it because it makes her feel more involved. But we don't think it's something O benefits from.

She also tends to, if we don't have him call her right away, she repeatedly sends the same text every half hour or so until he calls. Like she will text me at 1pm during the summer asking for him to call. Hello. Some people work!

He was with us this last week from Sunday- Sunday and the ONLY day she didn't ask to talk to him was Friday night. We were at a birthday party and O was being watched by family on Saturday night and she texted us BOTH asking for him to call her. We didn't reply, and first thing Sunday morning, we both have the same text. He calls her, they talk for less than 2 minutes, and he hangs up. 6 hours before she was picking him up.

I know it's not something to start anything over, I'm probably just venting. Eric did say that not answering her on Saturday was his way of getting the point across that we are not at her beck and call all the time. And she didn't make a big deal about it either.

So, how much is too much? Do you call your kids every day when they're with dad? Does BM call every day when they're with you?
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  #2  
August 20th, 2012, 05:34 PM
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I think there has to be a balance. Kids have to know you can't play all of the time, that sometimes people miss you, but at the same time it shouldn't be disruptive. I like once a week.
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  #3  
August 20th, 2012, 05:47 PM
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We talk to Chloe two days a week while she is in Texas. When she comes back she talks to BM the same days a week. J and K see their Dad almost every weekend during the summer. If they want to call him then we let them. If he calls it's only when he goes longer than a week or so of seeing them.

Since they only see him for a couple of days, I respect that's his time and I don't call.
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  #4  
August 20th, 2012, 06:12 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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We don't usually call them while they are at their mom's for the weekend. Neely did call them once while they were gone for a week. She used to call about once a week, but now she hardly ever calls. If they ask to call her, we let them but lately they haven't asked at all.

I would probably be annoyed that she was texting asking for a phone call from him so often, but I probably wouldn't rock the boat. If it wasn't convenient for him to call, I would respond as such and say that we would have him call when it is, even if that happened to be the next day. I don't think I would ignore the text messages because to some people that makes them crazy and I try to avoid crazy.

I don't always succeed at that.
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  #5  
August 20th, 2012, 07:04 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That does seem like a lot. But as others said I wouldn't rock the boat. If its convenient let him talk, if not then don't. I would text back when she wants you to have him call and its a bad time. She probably just misses him when he is gone.

When my sd went to go visit her grandparents this summer she was gone for a few weeks. It was the longest she had ever been away from us and we talked to her pretty often. I would say we texted or skyped or talked on the phone every other day.

She did initiate it at times though too. She would text me throughout the day because she was bored. Or she would be on her grandparents computer and see that I was signed into Skype and start messaging us or video call us(I rarely sign out of it so when I use my computer it shows I am online) .

I guess you just have to find a balance that everyone is happy with.

And I really wanted to daily, but I figured it was her grandparents time to enjoy her and I didn't want to interrupt it, but it was hard! lol
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  #6  
August 20th, 2012, 09:33 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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yeah it's definitely not rock the boat worthy.

It's just disruptive. But I kind of always thought, if she wants him to call, he should call.

but I'm getting tired of having to interrupt what he's doing so he can talk to her. Like I made him get out of the pool last week to call her, (I had texted her back and said he was swimming but would be out in about 15 min, he called her 22 min later,) and she didn't answer.

I need to put my foot down a little more on deciding when he is available to call. If he's just watching tv then sure. But when we're in the middle of doing something as a family and he just talked to her yesterday, him calling her would make HER feel better, not him.

She did ask yesterday if she could pick him up early because she started school today and "Life will be really hectic for a while and I want to spend some time with him before school starts." we had actually just discussed asking her to switch from 7pm to 6pm because 7pm is too late during the school year. So we agreed and now going forward its 6 pm. Maybe she was just trying to talk to him as much as she could before school started? Like talk to him a lot since she wont see him much when shes in school?

I dunno. Just have to pick and choose I suppose.
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  #7  
August 21st, 2012, 06:24 AM
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I can't say anything because I talk to Sophia every night before bed when she is at her fathers and she calls her dad every night before bed when she is at my house. It's usually just a quick How was your day, what did you do, night night I love you. It's part of our bed time routine.
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  #8  
August 21st, 2012, 06:32 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I think the other ladies are spot on. It's a balance thing. I think that O's bm sounds like she's scared of becoming irrelevant, KWIM?

Bm doesn't call dsc on weekends with us. The oldest 3 have their own "phones" - old iPhones that they use WiFi on and that we're seriously considering not allowing them to bring to our house anymore because they don't put them down and fight over them and that kind of thing is just a game we aren't willing to play - and there's a free texting program that they'll occasionally text her with. Usually 11 yo dsd texts her friend, though, and nearly-9 yo dss just got the free texting app last weekend so he was excited to be able to text anybody at all. She did call both times we had them for an entire week (or more) this summer - 11 yo dsd and 9 yo dss are both talkers so they'll chat for a few minutes. 5 yo dsd always bluntly asks, "Why?" when we hold the phone out and tell her that Mommy wants to talk to her, followed by a big sigh and then an almost-adult, "Hi Mommy." into the phone. She talks a little bit but keeps it short. 3.5 yo dss is hit or miss - sometimes he's thrilled to talk on the phone and sometimes he hangs on for about a minute before passing the phone back to us or to one of the other kids.
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  #9  
August 21st, 2012, 09:43 AM
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I agree it's probably a security thing. I don't call my kids every day they are gone, but I do check in on them to see how the day is going. even if It's just texting who they are with. but normally I'd get at least a text or photo each day any how.

I'd say it's better she call every day then to not. it's probably hard for her to have him gone any how.
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  #10  
August 21st, 2012, 10:26 AM
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If I were away from my kids for any amount of time, I'd want to talk to them every day even if it was just for a quick few minutes. Perhaps you can set up a standard time so it's not all over the board & you can plan accordingly.
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  #11  
August 21st, 2012, 11:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
I need to put my foot down a little more on deciding when he is available to call. If he's just watching tv then sure. But when we're in the middle of doing something as a family and he just talked to her yesterday, him calling her would make HER feel better, not him.
Exactly!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
I dunno. Just have to pick and choose I suppose.

Yup, with BMs and with kids. It's easy to forget that some things just aren't that important!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wisey View Post
I can't say anything because I talk to Sophia every night before bed when she is at her fathers and she calls her dad every night before bed when she is at my house. It's usually just a quick How was your day, what did you do, night night I love you. It's part of our bed time routine.
I can see that working out because it's mutual and some unwritten agreement. I think this is obnoxious for her because it's so random and constant.
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  #13  
August 21st, 2012, 09:07 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I can't wait until O is old enough for his own cell phone. It'll make things so much easier when we don't have to play middle man all the time.

Part of me thinks "well should WE be calling more?" But honestly, we feel that once a week when he's with her is enough. It's not like a week is a super long time to go without seeing him. However, since we used to be every weekend, we're used to it.

She's used to only not seeing him on the weekend until last year.

Who knows. Not going to rock the boat over it, but hopefully it settles down a bit eventually.
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  #14  
August 21st, 2012, 10:50 PM
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With Doni being older it's not an issue anymore. When she was here visiting and younger her mom never called. It was always her asking to call her mom. I always left it in her hands. In your shoes I would respond with a text saying now is not a good time, he'll call when he's done. If she continues to text, gently remind her that you guys are still busy but you promise he will call asap. This is something that needs to be handled diplomatically so that it doesn't cause unneeded stress to all. Maybe setting up a set time would be best for him and her.
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  #15  
August 22nd, 2012, 02:33 PM
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BM used to call the boys ALL THE TIME. BUT it was only after any normal 3 and 5 year old would be in bed. Like 11, 12 1 am. And I told her no but she would throw a fit because the original order said unlimited phone contact. So they set it to Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7pm. And after that she just stopped calling. Maybe see if you can set up once or twice a week to have them talk because it aggravates him talking every day. Either that or let him decide if he wants to talk and don't pressure him if he doesn't want to. Thats what we finally did. If they want to talk to her then they can call. And she doesn't call and harass us all the time to talk to them.
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