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  • 2 Post By .Katie.
  • 3 Post By My2miracles
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  #1  
August 21st, 2012, 11:21 AM
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 23
My partner and I were never officially "together" we were a support for each other during a very difficult time in both of our lives. My husband died in 2009 and his wife died in 2010. In August 2011 we met at a support group for parents who have lost a spouse. It was a group that gave the parents support but also the children.

To cut a long story short, 12 months on and I discover we are having a baby My partner lives 30 miles from me. We do love each other but we never expected this to happen. We are now wondering how to make this work.

My partner has 5 boys and I have 3 boys. They are all aged 9 and under. We both rent our houses, neither of us drive, I don't work but my partner does but only part time because of his boys.

To move in together means we both give up our properties and somehow try to find a bigger place to live.

How do we make this work?
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  #2  
August 21st, 2012, 12:30 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Welcome to the board! It looks like you have a lot of decisions to make. Good luck!
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  #3  
August 21st, 2012, 01:39 PM
.Katie.
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Take things one day at a time and don't expect perfection. With that many people you are bound to have hiccups!

But seriously. One day at a time and hold on tight.
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  #4  
August 21st, 2012, 02:01 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
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Welcome! Wow! 8 boys under the age of 9! You have your hands full I don't know whether to hope you're having a girl or feels sorry for her if you do

Let me ask you this.... If you weren't pregnant would you even be considering moving in together? If your answer is no, I'd say don't rush into things just because of the baby.
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  #5  
August 21st, 2012, 02:13 PM
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Hi! I'm in your due date club and I also post here a lot.

They're definitely going to have to double up if you move in together. Houses side by side might also be an option. Take it one day at a time!
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  #6  
August 21st, 2012, 03:27 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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I agree with the one day at a time. I also strongly agree with Kris, if the only reason you're considering making it work is due to the new baby, don't bother. You have to do it because you want to.
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  #7  
August 22nd, 2012, 04:15 AM
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Your replies have given me something to think about. We would not be moving in together if it was not for the baby, I love the idea of 2 hours together or at least on the same road.
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Charlotte (33) & Henry (37)
DSS: Isaac David (Feb 7 2003) (9)
DS: Leo Everett (Jun 19 2004) (8)
DSS: Jacob Simon (Mar 8 2005) (7)
DSS: Reuben James (Mar 8 2005) (7)
DSS: Samuel Robert (Oct 6 2005) (6)
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DSS: Michael John (Feb 21 2007) (5)
DS: Dominic William (Mar 31 2008) (4)




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  #8  
August 22nd, 2012, 05:22 AM
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It would give you guys time to transition and grow together as a family without being on top of each other.
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  #9  
August 22nd, 2012, 06:16 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I think the other ladies have already given some great advice. I just wanted to say hello and welcome!
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  #10  
August 22nd, 2012, 08:06 AM
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Welcome. I agree if you wouldn't move in with him before the baby I would hold off. Think about it before making a decision.
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  #11  
August 22nd, 2012, 02:33 PM
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welcome

I agree don't do somethign just beacuse of the baby.
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  #12  
August 25th, 2012, 04:13 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I love the idea of renting houses side by side or in close proximity. It gives you all your space while letting you be close to each other. Then you can slowly combine families and form friendships between the kids.

But that would still mean you and him are sleeping apart each night. And when the baby comes how will that work? Which house will hold the baby?
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  #13  
August 25th, 2012, 07:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2more View Post
I love the idea of renting houses side by side or in close proximity. It gives you all your space while letting you be close to each other. Then you can slowly combine families and form friendships between the kids.

But that would still mean you and him are sleeping apart each night. And when the baby comes how will that work? Which house will hold the baby?
I think if they start to look for nearby homes NOW by the time the baby comes the kids could be well adjusted enough to accept sleepovers on the weekends. Dad and his kids could sleep over at Mom's house with the baby. It'd be the weekend so sleeping bags or pull out couches wouldn't be the biggest deal ever.
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  #14  
August 26th, 2012, 11:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2more View Post
I love the idea of renting houses side by side or in close proximity. It gives you all your space while letting you be close to each other. Then you can slowly combine families and form friendships between the kids.

But that would still mean you and him are sleeping apart each night. And when the baby comes how will that work? Which house will hold the baby?
I don't see this as a big deal. They sleep apart every night now & wouldn't be thinking of changing that if she wasn't pregnant. Of course the baby would live with her & if she's breastfeeding it doesn't matter if he's there or not.
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  #15  
August 26th, 2012, 01:44 PM
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Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
I don't see this as a big deal. They sleep apart every night now & wouldn't be thinking of changing that if she wasn't pregnant. Of course the baby would live with her & if she's breastfeeding it doesn't matter if he's there or not.
I think it's a very big deal. They sleep apart now but all of his children are in the same house with him. That's important to some guys. He'd be apart for one of his children and missing all of those little bits and pieces.
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  #16  
August 27th, 2012, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
I think it's a very big deal. They sleep apart now but all of his children are in the same house with him. That's important to some guys. He'd be apart for one of his children and missing all of those little bits and pieces.
But that happens to all divorced parents. I fail to see the difference. They shouldn't move in together just because he might miss a midnight feeding jmo. Dh misses a lot of things with his girls. That doesn't mean he should have stayed married to the cheating b.
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  #17  
August 27th, 2012, 11:13 AM
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Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
But that happens to all divorced parents. I fail to see the difference. They shouldn't move in together just because he might miss a midnight feeding jmo. Dh misses a lot of things with his girls. That doesn't mean he should have stayed married to the cheating b.
But generally when parents divorce it's because it's the best thing for everyone but it doesn't mean they enjoy it. If they can get along well enough to live close, and BD and his kids spend the night on the weekends why not. Marrying either of the mothers of his children was NOT a viable option for my husband but that doesn't mean he enjoys not living with his kids. And who said anything about moving in right away?
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  #18  
August 27th, 2012, 12:43 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
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I have a very strong opinion about this right now but I'll keep my mouth shut on the matter.
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  #19  
August 27th, 2012, 01:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
But generally when parents divorce it's because it's the best thing for everyone but it doesn't mean they enjoy it. If they can get along well enough to live close, and BD and his kids spend the night on the weekends why not. Marrying either of the mothers of his children was NOT a viable option for my husband but that doesn't mean he enjoys not living with his kids. And who said anything about moving in right away?
They were talking about moving in together now & I was responding to your comments on how they would be sleeping apart & he would be away from the baby.......

No one said anything about that he wouldn't miss things but it's not a reason to marry or live with someone.
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  #20  
August 27th, 2012, 02:05 PM
Happy Mommy
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you have to do what is right for you and your kids you have now. I personally wouldn't upset their lives because you had an oppsie pregnancy with a man you do not want a long term relationship with (and I feel I can say that because I've BTDT)

yes this baby needs a father and all that, but you need stability for your other kids as well.

take it one day at a time and make sure you don't make any rash decisions. if you are like me when you are pregnant, hormonal and emotional you think differently then you would other wise.
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