Smooth

Banned-lilymagic · #1 August 21st, 2012, 12:42 PM

Everything has been going very smoothly around here. BM took the girls for her weekend with them, they had a great time, no drama happened at all. We went to open house all together last night (no seriously, all of us went, even BD...for reasons I'm still not completely clear on), and BM was totally cool and even took all of us out for ice cream afterwards. She's called the girls to ask about school, she'll talk to me about my life, nothing insane has happened.

DH is going to tell her about the pregnancy this Saturday (he managed to get the girls to promise not to tell her when she had them, and apparently Izzy managed to not say anything), he told her he wanted to disscuss something with her face to face and she suggessted they meet for coffee on Saturday. I'm nervous things won't be so smooth after this.

Admin-Rachel · #2 August 21st, 2012, 01:15 PM

I'm glad things are going well! I hope the pregnancy news doesn't send her into a tail spin! Good luck and keep us posted!

Doodlebug06 · #3 August 21st, 2012, 01:17 PM

Just curious. Why does it matter for her to know your pregnant?
My Exh and his wife didn't tell me. It wasn't a big deal. I'm not caring for the baby so not my concern.
I told them I was pregnant only because I was high risk and I needed my kids step mom to be on alert in case I had to go the hospital and needed her to pick up the kids.
Personally I don't make a big deal to tell them anything.

Admin-Rachel · #4 August 21st, 2012, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doodlebug06

Just curious. Why does it matter for her to know your pregnant?
My Exh and his wife didn't tell me. It wasn't a big deal. I'm not caring for the baby so not my concern.
I told them I was pregnant only because I was high risk and I needed my kids step mom to be on alert in case I had to go the hospital and needed her to pick up the kids.
Personally I don't make a big deal to tell them anything.

for us we took a long time to tell his ex because she would fill the boys heads with crap that we would love the baby more than them and other dumb stuff.

Banned-lilymagic · #5 August 21st, 2012, 01:33 PM

The girls live with us full time and this is their new brother/sister. So their mom should know that there is going to be a new baby around as it's a pretty big change in their lives, especailly for Izzy whose never been around a baby. Plus I don't want to ask the girls to keep this from their mom, and as there is no telling how she'll react one minute to the next, I'd rather DH deal with an adult throwing a hissy fit then the girls. Especially with Alex, it's taken a long time to get her to accept I'm not replacing her mom, and she's really excitied about this baby. But if we aren't careful about how we tell BM or the girls told her instead and she flipped out with crap about how we'll love the new baby, their dad is replacing them, any of that BS, Alex would be crushed (Izzy would be confused and Tara would roll her eyes and quit talking to her mom for awhile).

We also try to give all the girls the idea that we are all a family, it's not the two of us and their mom. It's the three of us. We like to present a united front. Telling her just seems like the right thing to do. But as she's not my ex-wife, it's DH's job to tell her (hey, I'm telling BD...who will be thrilled and has already guessed I'm pregnant, but still...it's fair).

My2miracles · #6 August 21st, 2012, 02:04 PM

I agree with telling the bio parent. When I was pg with ds, both dh & I told our ex's fairly early on. It's their business because it affects their kids.

Ember Rose · #7 August 21st, 2012, 02:31 PM

A baby is a new member of the child's family and it affects every child differently.

BM#1 is really mature but if BM#2 hadn't already had a baby with her husband and wasn't pregnant again I think it would have been extremely problematic. We got married before her and her husband did and she went ballistic.

Doodlebug06 · #8 August 21st, 2012, 09:51 PM

Yeah I never thought (or assumed) an adult bm would say or do things like that. =\

A baby isn't like a car or house. Not like you can send it back. => so no matter what she thinks or what hissy fit she has, she's not in control of that.
Laws still say we control our uterus in the US. (for now! Lol)

I am trying to recall exactly how I found out exh's wife was preggo. And I honestly think my kids told me. They were excited and said they were having a baby brother or sister. Maybe my ex mil might have mentioned it before that too?
I guess it was so insignificant to me that I don't remember much of it. I congratulated them and was a part of her baby shower. Bought several nice gifts.

The only affect I personally felt their baby had on me was that I had one more kid to include at birthdays and Christmas and other holidays.
We did talk about some baby behavior my dd was having after their baby was born. So I guess she regressed a bit. But I think that's pretty norm for any younger child. I didn't involve myself. They handled it.

Me personally, I never react negatively to ANY BODY who has pregnancy news.
Number one reason is that if god forbid something happen w the pregnancy, I'd look like a jerk for saying things. So hopefully your kids bm will act appropriately and be happy for all of you.

Oh. Oddly enough...when I got pg w jade, dh's ex who is sd9's mom is one of the first 3 people *I* told. Only bc we are actually friends.
She's currently TTC and I'm one of the few to know.

K.A.T · #9 August 21st, 2012, 11:03 PM

Hope it goes smoothly this weekend. I'm glad to hear things are smooth now. I'm not sure if and when BM found out about both my pregnancies. With DSD being 5 years older than my first ds we figured she would spill the beans but never did. Once bm found out she told dsd terrible things, even going as far as telling her he wasn't her brother because he wasn't coming from her aka bm. Once DH let her know, she got really upset about it. Started crying and then asked if he was going to marry me, when he said yes, she got even more upset. A few weeks later she started a fight with him, then filed a restraining order against him and filed to remove his parental rights. I'm not sure how she found out this time, but since she's married and in a better place it didn't bother her. Anyways, that's my long winded reasoning as to why I feel the bp's should be told by the other bp over the child. You just never know how they're going to react.

stresswife · #10 August 22nd, 2012, 10:46 AM

we were going to wait to tell BM but she called as I was being hospitalized when I was 9 weeks wanting to talk to the kids and he said not right now and she threw a fit and he had to tell her what was going on.. she went NUTS..which we figured she would..
Hopefully you don't have any drama when he tells her.