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What do you think is the hardest part of being a stepparent?


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  #1  
September 3rd, 2012, 11:18 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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For me it would be that they live with us and I am the "mom" to them. Their mom doesn't see them almost at all and barely talks to them. So sometimes when she does the older one gets excited and acts like their mom is the greatest thing in the world it makes me so jealous. I'm here doing all the hard work and she doesn't have to do a darn thing and gets this! I know that when the kids are older they will understand who took care of them. And sometimes they really get angry with her or care less about her.

The other hard thing for me is biting my tongue when their mom tries to act like anything good they accomplish is because of her!

What about you???
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  #2  
September 3rd, 2012, 12:06 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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I think discipline is the hardest. And dealing with their mom hinders our relationship.
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  #3  
September 3rd, 2012, 12:16 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Dealing with their mom used to be hard. In the beginning she tried to complain to hubby about me and try to cause issues. It was over stupid stuff though. She was always nice to my face or on the phone to me and still is.

Over the last few years if she even calls at all to make any plans she calls my cell. Part of it is that her bf is jealous and I don't think he will "allow" her to talk to my hubby. Part of it is that I think she realizes that I am kind of in charge of scheduling around here and if she talked to hubby he would just ask me
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  #4  
September 3rd, 2012, 12:57 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2more View Post
The other hard thing for me is biting my tongue when their mom tries to act like anything good they accomplish is because of her!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
I think discipline is the hardest. And dealing with their mom hinders our relationship.
Both of these for us too.

Another thing in our case is that sometimes, the crazy can make you feel like it's *your* fault that they act the way they do. In bm's mind, dh is abusive and awful and the divorce was all his fault and she is flawless and was nothing but a victim in the whole thing. In her mind, she deserves and is *owed* happiness by the world because she did everything right. If, between her and dh, one of them gets to move on with life and be happy, it ought to be her. She's highly resentful of the fact that dh is happily married, that we have the support of our families, that we seem to be more financially secure than she is and that we're generally moving forward with life whereas she's exactly where she was when the separation started. Sometimes it makes me feel like if I hadn't met dh and we weren't happily together and stable, he would have to deal with less crazy on her part and the kids would have less stress put on them by their mother.

It's illogical because she would *still* be crazy and she had been lying and manipulating people since I ever came along. Realistically, I know that she would have just taken advantage of dh's natural good-guy tendencies for a longer period of time while talking badly about him to not only her friends and family but HIS family too if I hadn't come along and helped him see it for himself. I know that ultimately, she would be the same person she is now and he would just have one less person backing him up.
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  #5  
September 3rd, 2012, 02:30 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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A lot. I've written 10 things out.. but I'm just going to stick with a lot, and it's making my marriage hell at the moment.
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  #6  
September 3rd, 2012, 05:48 PM
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Dealing with K thinking the sun shines out of BM's butthole. She can do no wrong and sometimes it really irratates me. I've been their mom for 7 years. And 3.5 of that she didn't have and contact,
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  #7  
September 3rd, 2012, 06:53 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShesaDreamer View Post
Dealing with K thinking the sun shines out of BM's butthole. She can do no wrong and sometimes it really irratates me. I've been their mom for 7 years. And 3.5 of that she didn't have and contact,
We have one of these as well. It's obnoxious.
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  #8  
September 3rd, 2012, 06:56 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShesaDreamer View Post
Dealing with K thinking the sun shines out of BM's butthole. She can do no wrong and sometimes it really irratates me. I've been their mom for 7 years. And 3.5 of that she didn't have and contact,
We don't really have any dsc that do this (at least not to an extreme) but she's surrounded by a circle of friends who are either a) as delusional as she is or b) are being hugely lied to by bm so they've got an entirely manufactured version of the situation as a whole. Either way, she ends up getting all of this validation from them and it really prevents her from ever growing as a person because she always ends up finding someone who will let her justify her crappy behaviour (even if it's a result of her only sharing half of the story, or fabricating parts of it altogehter).
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  #9  
September 3rd, 2012, 08:17 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I often wonder what my step kids biomom tells people to justify that she is absent from her kids lives. I am sure she has some big lie/story she tells people to make herself look like less of a piece of crap.

Her newest thing is telling sd that she should just forgive her and start over with their relationship. She made a "mistake" by disappearing constantly for the past 8 years and sd should just let it go and move forward with their relationship. lol
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  #10  
September 4th, 2012, 11:59 AM
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We have one that thinks the mom is the best So irritating!

For me it's that dsd is so far away that we don't get to see her enough. That & dealing with a crazy bm who has systematically worked to cut dh out of his dds lives.
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  #11  
September 4th, 2012, 12:24 PM
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ya know... this is a good question. I think I'm going to ask S his take tonight...

when I dated my ex boyfriend and his kids lived with us full time. I could never measure up to anything. not by them, they were little and thought mama ro was awesome. but his family was bad. they'd overly criticise. how I did D's hair, if I cut their fingure nails recently enough and so on and so forth. so glad I don't have to deal with that.
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  #12  
September 4th, 2012, 01:09 PM
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For me it's not being able to undo the mess that bm has done to dsd. She has not been raised in a way that I have raised my dd nor in the way dh and I raise our kids. It really makes being a step parent hard, especially now that she lives with us and has to abide by our rules full time.
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  #13  
September 4th, 2012, 07:25 PM
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I feel really lucky that I came in to DSS' life so early I have been with BF almost a year now and I have been in dss' life the same amount of time. I have potty trained, rocked to sleep at 3 am, bottle fed, disciplined and rewarded him.

I had a VERY VERY hard time adjusting and adjusting my mentality to having to be concerned with it all, the drama was HORRID at first. BM had no faith in BFs parenting and was always trying to tell him how to do things( I used to sit at the top of the stairs during baby switching time. I am a nosey nuts) any way now she is really following our lead. We are far more stable than she is and I think she knows it. C has started to show which house he prefers. At one point she said she was giving D custody, she hasnt mentioned it in a while but she is leaving her DF and moving in with her momma. Her changing her mind like this drives me bonkers and breaks BFs heart.

The drama and the lack of nurturing from BM has got to be the hardest. I spend a full day correcting C's behavior and I am terrified my potty training will have to start all over. OH! and BMs lack of attention to C its very clear that he has to push for it at home with her.

I feel very lucky that BM is working with me trying to be friendly with me. even more lucky that BF is supportive of my role as Step mom.
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