Log In Sign Up

Where do I even start?


Forum: Blended Families

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree23Likes
  • 1 Post By My2miracles
  • 2 Post By w292737
  • 4 Post By mom2more
  • 4 Post By stresswife
  • 1 Post By Rachel
  • 4 Post By .Katie.
  • 4 Post By Ember Rose
  • 1 Post By plan4fate
  • 2 Post By Doodlebug06

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Blended Families LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
September 11th, 2012, 07:20 AM
Megs982's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Washington, IL
Posts: 1,568
Send a message via Yahoo to Megs982
Well, Hello I guess is as good as anything. Im new to the blended family boards but have been on JM for years. Grab some popcorn because this is such the interesting story (sigh) and i am ready to pull my hair out.

I am Megan, I have 4 children (12, almost 10, 7 and 4mths) with my ex whom we are going through a divorce at the moment. Great friends, civil ect. My kids are doing wonderful during all of this. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and bestfriends for the last 9 years. He has 2 boys, ages 12 and 4. He has serious baby mama drama to say the least. They were together for 12 years in a very physical abusive relationship towards boyfriend..They have been split since February of 2011. She finally just moved out. She has had a drug problem the last year and didn't even spend Christmas with their kids. Her and their 12 year old get into physical fights to the point where bf has to pull them apart. Anywho. She just moved out about 2 weeks ago. the 12 year old over the last month or so has been really starting to act out. Dad doesn't spend any one on one time with me (which I have left him the WHOLE weekend while I did my thing to have this time) ect ect. He doesn't even like sharing dads time with his 4 year old brother. If James (boyfriend)has work to do and can't devote 110% of his time to 12 year old (logan) then he throws a big 2 year old temper tantrum. I become the scape goat. He runs home to his mom and says that because of me Dad doesn't want to spend any time with him (this is after James has spent 3 hours of playing one on one with him and then proceeds to do his work) I have been off by myself this entire time. BM does not like me.. at all. She is jealous that James and I are together (she left him a year and a half ago) basically misery loves company. Been a huge battle for the last 9 years of her lying saying I throw pop tarts under the door at my kids (lmao) and so on.. Girl is nuts and I mean that in the nicest way. She's devious and will get info or take what you said twist it and turn it and use it against you. James and I both know she's bad mouthing me to the 12 year old.. but there isn't anything we can do to stop her obviously. A couple weeks ago James and I had a disagreement about letting the dogs out where he raised his voice at me and I told him don't talk to me that way. Logan (12 year old) turned around and hatefully yelled at me saying DON'T YOU TALK TO HIM THAT WAY. I said excuse me? he said you heard me.. I turned around and walked away and said wow what disrespect. James had to grab him because he went to charge me.

Last week BM had recorded Logan talking about James and I. She explained to him that I was moving in and there were going to be 4 other kids there as well and asked how he was going to feel then. He said he would terminate us and make us go away. James and I bought a kitten this last weekend. Logan started complaining about that.. then James had me move the livingroom around and hang some stuff up.. he ran and complained about that. I bend over backwards showing this child so much love and hug him and tell him I love him (i've known him since he was 3) and he can always come talk to me..and the moment we turn our back..Im the scape goat.

After the termination comment James had told Logan he can not come back to the house until he understands what he said was wrong (especially after the charging/physical stuff towards me) BM said right in front of Logan that He was choosing me over his child (wasn't even like that) and now logan goes around saying that James loves me and my kids more.

Last week (the day he said the termination thing..before hand) I had my 9 year old and 4mth old with me. James and I were watching tv and told Logan he couldn't play video games since it was a school night. Well all of a sudden he started antagonizing my 9 year old daughter..following her around (she was trying to get away from him) saying he's going to lie on her and she'll get in trouble. Next thing I know Logan comes down. Emilee is in your van megan. She's going to lie and she's crying. I go out to my van to see what was going on and My daughter is in a ball, bawling her eyes out. He was hateful to her ect. I can't prove this because I did not see it..but my daughter doesn't have snot coming out her nose and crying to the point where you can't understand her for no reason.

James gets very defensive with his kids. Saturday morning I ran and got sugar. Told Logan I would be right back. James was sleeping and I was only gone 5 mins so I didn't wake him to tell him I was going to get sugar. What does Logan do. He ran and "tattled" on me "dad, ur car is gone I am worried" James came and told me when he got up.. Don't take the car without telling me where you are going.. The way he talked to me was like I was the child when Logan knew where I was going.

There is so much more little stuff to this but not enough time to write it out. I am at a loss. I dont know what to do anymore. I am moving in this weekend.. and I am already ready to rip my hair out. James sits and listens to BM and she feeds into his head that this is all my fault because him and her should be together otherwise Logan wouldn't be acting this way. I mean you get the idea of whats going on.

Now my question is.. How do I deal with this without biting a hole through my lip..or ripping my hair out
Reply With Quote
  #2  
September 11th, 2012, 07:58 AM
Shadeauxe's Avatar It's me
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 5,820
Go to family counseling. It's too much too handle on your own and that's probably the best way to find out what's really bothering everyone because it probably isn't what they're saying it is.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
September 11th, 2012, 08:45 AM
Megs982's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Washington, IL
Posts: 1,568
Send a message via Yahoo to Megs982
Well, I dont even know if its going to make it that far to be honest. James now treats me like **** half the time because of all the stress and I start crying bc of how he's acting and he doesn't care. He keeps saying we need to be one. but his actions are its his way or the highway. I am ready to run away and hide in a hole lol
Reply With Quote
  #4  
September 11th, 2012, 09:15 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,128
RUN RUN RUN

All my warning bells are going off on this situation. Why are you with this guy???? Based on your statement of "it's his way or the highway", I'm honestly wondering if his ex was really the abusive one in the marriage (sorry I don't know but lots of warning bells in your post).
Rachel likes this.
__________________
Kris

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
Reply With Quote
  #5  
September 11th, 2012, 09:42 AM
Happy Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 21,659
I sure as heck wouldn't be moving into that situation. not now. there is SO MUCH going on. you both need ot take time to get your kids straight before you join intogether. His son has some serious anger(and anger is a secondary emotion so what's fueling it? hurt??) that needs to be dealt with. and honestly for Him to want you to move in knowing there is something going on with his son to make him act this way. makes me question. He should be putting his kids first in this situation.
Rachel and My2miracles like this.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #6  
September 11th, 2012, 10:07 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,680
You said his ex recently moved out. For his kids I think it is way too soon for you to move in! And with the way he is acting towards you I think it is a bad idea. His son's behavior is not going to get better with you moving in right now. And do you want your daughter upset like she was the other day all the time?

I think you should all work on things before moving in together.
__________________
Mom2more






Reply With Quote
  #7  
September 11th, 2012, 10:56 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,769
DO NOT MOVE IN!
if his ex JUST moved out of course his kids are going to be acting out! if you guys have been together a year why was his ex still living there?
having your dads new gf and 4 kids move in when your only 12 and going through a lot already is not going to help the situation.

He needs to get counseling with his son, they need to work on their relationship, the boy isn't acting out for no reason, and I would not move in to such a hostile environment with my children until all that is worked out.
__________________






Reply With Quote
  #8  
September 11th, 2012, 11:22 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
Posts: 114,908
Send a message via Yahoo to Rachel
Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
RUN RUN RUN

All my warning bells are going off on this situation. Why are you with this guy???? Based on your statement of "it's his way or the highway", I'm honestly wondering if his ex was really the abusive one in the marriage (sorry I don't know but lots of warning bells in your post).


Quote:
Originally Posted by w292737 View Post
I sure as heck wouldn't be moving into that situation. not now. there is SO MUCH going on. you both need ot take time to get your kids straight before you join intogether. His son has some serious anger(and anger is a secondary emotion so what's fueling it? hurt??) that needs to be dealt with. and honestly for Him to want you to move in knowing there is something going on with his son to make him act this way. makes me question. He should be putting his kids first in this situation.
and that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2more View Post
You said his ex recently moved out. For his kids I think it is way too soon for you to move in! And with the way he is acting towards you I think it is a bad idea. His son's behavior is not going to get better with you moving in right now. And do you want your daughter upset like she was the other day all the time?

I think you should all work on things before moving in together.
and that

Quote:
Originally Posted by stresswife View Post
DO NOT MOVE IN!
if his ex JUST moved out of course his kids are going to be acting out! if you guys have been together a year why was his ex still living there?
having your dads new gf and 4 kids move in when your only 12 and going through a lot already is not going to help the situation.

He needs to get counseling with his son, they need to work on their relationship, the boy isn't acting out for no reason, and I would not move in to such a hostile environment with my children until all that is worked out.
and that.
w292737 likes this.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
September 11th, 2012, 11:25 AM
.Katie.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi Meg

I am the odd one out because I moved in the day BM moved out, but she was seeing other men while living with DH for the last 5 years of their "marriage". DH and I dated 9 months before moving in together, and Chloe met me three months before I moved in. It sounds horrible looking back on it now, but it worked for us. There were a lot of things that helped facilitate the smoother than average transition though but this isn't about us.

To me, your BF needs to get his son under control. Whether you're the new mom or not, the way he is acting towards you isn't acceptable behavior at all. If your bf doesn't take care of that asap, then I would seriously reconsider your relationship with this man. You need to build a home for your children, and you can only do that if the two of you are a unit working together and loving/respecting eachother.

The strength of your family will reside in the strength of your relationship with your bf and it will be the foundation all the other relationships will be based on. If you two can't get your stuff straight and communicate/work as a team it's just not going to work.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
September 11th, 2012, 11:43 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,684
It's too soon to move in right now.

You and James need counseling, Logan needs counseling, Logan and James need counseling together.

James needs to find his balls. If they've been separated since Feb 2011 she should have moved out forever ago so a) the kids and her could get the message that that relationship is over and b) so the kids wouldn't see the constant abuse and assume that junk is normal or acceptable. Also if she's abusive why is she allowed to come and go out of the kids' life? Stepping up is hard and the court system can be costly and unfair but he's got to step up and show you in some way that he's not gonna let her control your life forever.
__________________
J Married to D 08.21.2009
Bonus Mama to R (14) and M (7)
Warm up your home with a fabulous warmer and some of our scentsational scents! PM me for details!!!
Reply With Quote
  #11  
September 11th, 2012, 01:03 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,608
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
Quote:
Originally Posted by .Katie. View Post
Hi Meg

I am the odd one out because I moved in the day BM moved out, but she was seeing other men while living with DH for the last 5 years of their "marriage". DH and I dated 9 months before moving in together, and Chloe met me three months before I moved in. It sounds horrible looking back on it now, but it worked for us. There were a lot of things that helped facilitate the smoother than average transition though but this isn't about us.

To me, your BF needs to get his son under control. Whether you're the new mom or not, the way he is acting towards you isn't acceptable behavior at all. If your bf doesn't take care of that asap, then I would seriously reconsider your relationship with this man. You need to build a home for your children, and you can only do that if the two of you are a unit working together and loving/respecting eachother.

The strength of your family will reside in the strength of your relationship with your bf and it will be the foundation all the other relationships will be based on. If you two can't get your stuff straight and communicate/work as a team it's just not going to work.

^^ I ditto this with a side of family counselling and substitute the conversations with the ex for conversations with YOU. He needs to cut those apron strings with his ex if he ever expects to have a successful relationship with anyone. (it's ok to be friends with your ex, but this sounds like more manipulating than anything).


Your BF needs to realize, that he cannot let his son speak to ANYONE in a way that he would not allow him to speak to his own mother, or grandparent or himself. He cannot let his son hurt people, antagonize people etc. This child is reacting to a major change in his life, and he's also at an age where he is probably going through a lot of changes internally which make it worse. He needs help.

Your BF, yeah I have to agree with some of the others, it doesn't sound like he was innocent in the abuse section either.
Keakie likes this.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - Testing Christmas Day
Reply With Quote
  #12  
September 11th, 2012, 02:51 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 1,397
I can't even read all this. Get the heck out of dodge! You absolutely should NOT be moving in especially so soon after she's left. Period.
His kid needs counseling and time to adjust.
You are asking for a very hellacious life by doing this. Period. Get out. Don't move in. Period. Period. Period.
Rachel and w292737 like this.
__________________

Jade Ja Kang
1-18-12
10:52 a.m.
18.5 inches
6lb 10 oz

Reply With Quote
  #13  
September 12th, 2012, 12:29 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
Sounds like everyone needs counseling. I wouldn't move in yet, it's way too soon for the kids.
__________________

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:11 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0