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'meeting the ex'... not looking forward to it...


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  • 1 Post By mom2more

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  #1  
September 15th, 2012, 06:09 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
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Location: Christchurch, NZ
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In 10 days the girls & I are flying up to spend 18 days with Lauriel & her children... I cannot wait (obviously), but I am going to be meeting her ex, and I feel rather nervous about it. I want to go into it with an open mind, and be open to the idea of liking the guy... or you know, tolerating him. BUT HE'S AN @SS! How the heck do you meet someone who you have heard so many horrible things about, and not hate them from first sight?

The last thing I want is for there to be immense tension between the 3 of us (well Lauriel/me & him) - because of the impact it could have on the kids. But i have a feeling it's going to be very hard to think anything vaguely positive about him On the flip side, I don't want him to hate ME, but I guess that it's kind of inevitable for him to not feel overly happy about my 'intrusion' into his childrens lives.... and the fact I'm eventually going to be seen by them as another parent, or at least a parent type figure.....

So.. how did all of you cope with meeting the ex for the first time? Whether I like it or not, I'll be having a bit to do with him, considering him and Lauriel have 50/50 shared care of the kids, he lives in the same city (just down the road actually.. until we find our own place).. so it's not going to be a 'see him once every 6 months' type of thing....
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  #2  
September 15th, 2012, 06:24 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I've heard a million awful things about L and still managed to like her. lol. She just didn't make the perfect wife for DH, but as a person she's not all that bad so I got lucky.

Good luck.
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  #3  
September 15th, 2012, 07:04 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Just kill him with kindness

Honestly I am sitting here trying to recall the first time I met hubby's ex and I can't? Guess it wasn't that memorable.

As much of an idiot as I think hubby's ex is I am always as nice as I can be. No reason for me to fight with her....if it wasn't for her leaving my hubby I would have never met him and my life wouldn't be what it is now. So I kinda owe her. lol
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  #4  
September 15th, 2012, 10:03 PM
stucklikeglue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Lol I had a few beers when I met my dp ex. We were at a sports bar and I was having a good time. I wasnt drunk but I felt good I am pretty sure she didn't like me being there for the pick up. If I recall correctly she had a text fight with him about it. He won We technically never introduced ourselves though lol. She just "saw" me with him and new of me from the kids. Bm2 I cant recall true first time we met. Oh well

Good luck
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  #5  
September 15th, 2012, 11:56 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
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thanks ladies I don't think he'll be openly rude to me, and I don't plan to do that either.. I hate confrontation... I'm also sure that the thought of meeting him for the first time won't be as bad as the actual reality of it.
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  #6  
September 16th, 2012, 06:16 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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When I met Neely's ex, it was at one of those rare times when she wanted to play nice and get along with him (and me), so we went to her place for dinner. It was enjoyable because the kids were there (this was pre-Daniel) but it was hard to be nice knowing the was crazy and lying about Will's diabetes (this was shortly before her scheme fell apart, and it was at this dinner of spaghetti and tons of garlic bread that I started to get wise to her).
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  #7  
September 16th, 2012, 10:31 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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The biggest thing I had to 'cope' with was general passive aggressive crap, and dh and I were both expecting it so I had some time to mentally prepare. She was somewhat polite, but didn't waste any time doing and saying things that were clear attempts to assert herself in this odd way - like she was trying to send the message that dh's old house was still HER house, that SHE was still the most important woman in his life (), that the family, including dh's parents, were still HER family, etc. She used to do this odd thing where unless dh and I stood side by side holding hands, she would physically stand between us and keep her back to me. She would stare at my dh while I was saying something to her (about the kids - I wasn't making generic conversation) and nod without even making eye contact with me. She would follow us around when we went to load or unload the kids' things from our vehicle under the guise of 'helping' us but she never seemed to actually do anything. A lot of that has stopped now that we've made some clear boundaries. The first time was the worst, and it frustrated me a lot at the time; in retrospect it was silly and kind of pathetic.

Oh, and there was also this truly moment where my oldest dsd (she was 9 at the time) said to bm, when she got there to pick the kids up: "This is Kayla! I didn't know you were friends!" She was talking about on Facebook, because for a time bm was on my friends list (I added her before I met the kids - I was trying to be considerate about the fact that the kids meeting me was a big deal and she was anxious about it, and I wanted her to have a feel for my personality ahead of time to hopefully ease some of the worry). Anyway, during the week my oldest dsd had seen her mom popping up in my News Feed while I was on the computer so that's what she was talking about when she said, "I didn't know you were friends!" Bm raised her eyebrows, laughed and said, "I'm not sure what you'd call us."

I don't really have any advice about the first meeting, but for what it's worth, it really isn't worth stressing out over. It helped (helps, actually, since there are more things/more things that I know about that drive me crazy about her now than there were when I met her for the first time) to remember that whatever awful things I knew about her, I wanted to be proud of the way *I* handled myself. If the ex in your case is a jerk, well, that stinks; but you'll set a good example for your dsc if you handle yourself in a positive way regardless of what he does. It might not eliminate the tension entirely, but if there is tension and it's coming from one person, you can't do much about it unfortunately. Good luck! I hope that things go better than expected.
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  #8  
September 16th, 2012, 11:12 PM
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Uhm...for me I had to understand that while these women could be awful, my husband is also a douche. So I heard what he said and I saw how the children were affected BUT I also took a grain of salt. With BM1 I was on the fence for quite a while because what DH said was all I had to go on. With BM2 she had a Myspace and was very open on it and so I was more able to form my own opinion.
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  #9  
September 17th, 2012, 07:38 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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I hope it goes OK for the most part. I can be hard not to hold a grudge against an ex when you know what they did to the person you now care for. Just try to keep it in the back of your head that the ex wasn't alone in the relationship and you only know your partners side of it. I always kept that in mind when I heard stories about the ex and still do now when I hear stories from DSD. For me it comes down to truly knowing DH and DSD and knowing that what they tell me are true for the most part, that I also know they omit part of the story as well.
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  #10  
September 17th, 2012, 10:00 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I was just thinking of a funny story (well its funny now, wasn't then) of when I met a guy's ex. I was seeing this guy for a few weeks and he invited me to his house (he was living with his mom). I knew that he had been married and had kids, but we had not talked about how long it had been since they split. And I didn't know his ex lived within eyesight of his mom's house.

Anyways I got to his house and we were hanging out outside with his sister. All of a sudden we hear this loud crash and look and there is a lady holding a child out of a busted out window. She is screaming "thats why your daddy doesn't live here...she is the reason"! I was totally confused till the guy's sister filled me in and told me that was the ex!!! As I was standing there thinking OMG all of a sudden I see this crazy lady running towards us with a golf club!! I took off running and she proceeded to bash out the window's of the guys truck.

Next thing you know police came and took her away and gave the guy his kids. I had to go to court with them the next day. What a mess!!

I found out later that he had only been split from his wife for a few weeks before we met and she wasn't okay with their split.

So your meet and greet can't possibly be worse than that! lol
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  #11  
September 17th, 2012, 11:11 AM
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Wow that's a memorable meeting

Dh's ex was sicky sweet & greeted me like I was a long lost friend . She was so fake. I was polite & thankfully the encounter only lasted a few minutes. She's never been anything but friendly & polite to my face - she just stabs me in the back whenever I turn around

Hope your encounter goes well.
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  #12  
September 17th, 2012, 11:12 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Oh my word, M2M! I can't decide whether that story makes me laugh or feel mortified on your behalf. That's insane!

It could always be worse, I guess.
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  #13  
September 17th, 2012, 04:03 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
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lol mom2more, that's definitely a meeting that you'd remember for a lifetime
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  #14  
September 20th, 2012, 12:46 PM
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good luck!
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  #15  
September 20th, 2012, 02:32 PM
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I really hope it goes well for you! Just try to keep an open mind. Like everyone else said, up until this point you've only heard just one side of the story and it won't do any good to form a negative opinion before you even meet the dude...
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  #16  
September 23rd, 2012, 04:54 AM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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First time I met BM was after she had the boys taken from her. She asked to see them and we had to supervise. So we met at a flea market and the first thing she said to me was " I'm not as big a B@##@ as you've heard"

Don't get too nervous about it and just try and make the best of it.
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  #17  
September 27th, 2012, 10:07 AM
Baby Boy Coming in March!
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Any updates on how it went?
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