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  #1  
September 17th, 2012, 05:40 AM
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Good morning! I really don't know where to start, so I will begin with my current problem.

...Ex-husband & his current girlfriend...

I have been divorced for two years now and I have custody of our oldest D while he has custody of our youngest D (was the children's choice). Now just when I begin to see my ex and I are able to be civil with one another and work together to parent our two daughters, his girlfriend(s) put their nose in our business and causes us to fight. GAH! I am at my wits end!

Last month my fiance and I went to Ohio to see our children (whom live with their custodial parents) and were able to get them for a couple days. Since I was given Jasmine at the beginning of the week, the EX got Arla towards the end. The original idea was that he would get Arla first then I do Jasmine at the end of the week, but he wanted it the other way even though we warned him that if my mom (the driver) wanted to leave a day early, we were leaving regardless of our agreed upon impromptu visitation. The two days Arla was with her father, she heard his girlfriend call me names and cuss me out because she could.

Mind you... Not once did I say anything bad about or to this woman. I got to meet her f2f and thought she seemed pretty cool. I was excited about the possibility of getting to know her and sharing my children with her. Where it all went wrong I have no clue. I have a few inkling ideas, but I don't want to make anyone think I am stuck on myself. Anyway...

While we were in Ohio, my fiance and I made sure to get a family pic of the five of us together. We threw it up on his FB account and dubbed the pic "The Risley5". Just yesterday the ex's girlfriend made a comment on the pic saying, Arla and Jasmine will always be Kandel's. Nice pic though. I mean, seriously!? I sit in my corner of the woods and do NOTHING to cause a problem with the ex and this is how I am treated by his girlfriend?!

I did my weekly call yesterday and asked to talk to my daughter and was given the run around. The ex brought up some of the latest events concerning my oldest (that he never would have found out except by my sister). Wanna hear the quencher? The ex has the odacity to tell me how to raise our 13-year-old when he does not allow me to talk or see our 12-year-old AND he is too lazy to dial my mother's phone number once a week to talk to Arla. If our children were into drugs, alcohol, having sex, smoking or even in trouble with the police, I would understand his concern. BUT... Arla is NONE of those!

I wrote up a new visitation agreement before we went back to Ohio in August in hopes that he would agree to it so it could begin next summer. What was the agreement? Since I now live in FL and he remains in OH, I offered to let him have Arla ALL summer until two weeks before school starts, then I would get Jasmine the following year. I explained it would cut our costs for the travelling expenses and we would have a whole summer to enjoy them instead of just a couple weeks. Because his girlfriend didn't like it, he did not agree to it.

Must I continue to bend over backwards for the next 6 years regardless of how much it kills me emotionally?
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  #2  
September 17th, 2012, 06:06 AM
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No one can make you do anything. You're not fighting because of the girlfriend you're fighting because your ex seems a bit dim. The girlfriend is an excuse.
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  #3  
September 17th, 2012, 06:19 AM
Babymakes8's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hey, C! I'm glad you posted. I hope you find some good support among these ladies!

To the moms of the Blended families, I suggested my friend C come talk to you ladies, because I've not been in her shoes and I wasn't sure what would be good advice for her, plus I've read some of ya'll's posts and you seem like a good support group for moms who are either the step mom or real mom, etc.

Ember, saying her ex is dim doesn't even come CLOSE. He's a tool.
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  #4  
September 17th, 2012, 07:53 AM
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I'm not sure I would have let a child choose where they wanted to live, but maybe that's just me.

Anyway, welcome to the board! You'll find that we're not a board that is going to be all sunshine and rainbows. We tend to (mostly nicely) tell it like it is and give you, sometimes hard to hear, honesty. I'm Rachel, mom to Sarah (23), James (21), Daniel (7) and Keelan (13 months) and custodial step mom to William (13) and Clayton (11).

Do you have a current court order that dictates visitation? As in signed by a judge and not just something that you all wrote yourselves? If not, I would strongly consider getting one.

And I agree with Ember, he's not being a jerk because of the girlfriend, but the girlfriend is probably in his ear telling him he doesn't have to agree to your requests. Neely's ex would get along with us just fine, but then she'd get a new boyfriend and it's almost like she had to impress on him how difficult we were so she started being difficult with us. It's a game.

As far as the picture on Facebook, I would have NEVER put a picture up and named it "Johns Family" if it included my older kids. They are not and never will be anything other than Wisners and I know my exhusband would have had a fit had I done something like that. I think your ex has a right to be upset. Maybe his girlfriend went about it the wrong way, but still, were I in his shoes, I'd have had to address that.
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  #5  
September 17th, 2012, 07:57 AM
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You have issues with your ex, and IF he is letting his gf influence his actions with his children well then he has some real issues all his own.
but I wouldn't put all the blame on the GF.
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  #6  
September 17th, 2012, 09:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RisleyC View Post
Good morning! I really don't know where to start, so I will begin with my current problem.

...Ex-husband & his current girlfriend...

I have been divorced for two years now and I have custody of our oldest D while he has custody of our youngest D (was the children's choice). Now just when I begin to see my ex and I are able to be civil with one another and work together to parent our two daughters, his girlfriend(s) put their nose in our business and causes us to fight. GAH! I am at my wits end!

That can happen often on both sides of the coin. It's best to try and ignore it. Also, it could help if you let your ex know how you feel about these women getting in the middle.

Last month my fiance and I went to Ohio to see our children (whom live with their custodial parents) and were able to get them for a couple days. Since I was given Jasmine at the beginning of the week, the EX got Arla towards the end. The original idea was that he would get Arla first then I do Jasmine at the end of the week, but he wanted it the other way even though we warned him that if my mom (the driver) wanted to leave a day early, we were leaving regardless of our agreed upon impromptu visitation. The two days Arla was with her father, she heard his girlfriend call me names and cuss me out because she could.

This is definitely something you need to address with the ex. Let him know that you being disrespected in that manor in front of the kid(s) is unacceptable. Everyone needs to leave the name calling behind closed doors and never do it in front of the kids.

Mind you... Not once did I say anything bad about or to this woman. I got to meet her f2f and thought she seemed pretty cool. I was excited about the possibility of getting to know her and sharing my children with her. Where it all went wrong I have no clue. I have a few inkling ideas, but I don't want to make anyone think I am stuck on myself. Anyway...

Some people have no interest in becoming friendly with the ex and will only put on a fake face for the moment. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do, they already have it set in their minds that they have no interest.

While we were in Ohio, my fiance and I made sure to get a family pic of the five of us together. We threw it up on his FB account and dubbed the pic "The Risley5". Just yesterday the ex's girlfriend made a comment on the pic saying, Arla and Jasmine will always be Kandel's. Nice pic though. I mean, seriously!? I sit in my corner of the woods and do NOTHING to cause a problem with the ex and this is how I am treated by his girlfriend?!

To be perfectly honest, I would be bothered by that caption too. Would I say anything about it, no, but not every one has class. Putting a caption like that makes it look like your fiance could be trying to replace your ex as the girls father. Not trying to defend the girl, but she may have said it because it hurt your ex and it in turn hurt her to see him hurt. I know I've been there plenty times. BM had tried many times over the years to replace DH as DSD's dad yet it never worked. Why? Because the both of us would not allow it. I would never say a word to BM, I left that up to DH, but I would correct DSD whenever it was needed.

I did my weekly call yesterday and asked to talk to my daughter and was given the run around. The ex brought up some of the latest events concerning my oldest (that he never would have found out except by my sister). Wanna hear the quencher? The ex has the odacity to tell me how to raise our 13-year-old when he does not allow me to talk or see our 12-year-old AND he is too lazy to dial my mother's phone number once a week to talk to Arla. If our children were into drugs, alcohol, having sex, smoking or even in trouble with the police, I would understand his concern. BUT... Arla is NONE of those!

This confuses me a bit. So your oldest lives with your mom? It's not right that you were given the run around. Your daughter should have been made available for that call if they knew it was coming. I don't know what he had to say about the eldest, but as any parent he does have the right to voice legit concerns. Where they legit? Should he have known about what your sister told him? That could have been the real issue and not whatever he was told but the fact that he wasn't told by you directly. That always burned up DH. He hated finding out important things from the mouths of others.

I wrote up a new visitation agreement before we went back to Ohio in August in hopes that he would agree to it so it could begin next summer. What was the agreement? Since I now live in FL and he remains in OH, I offered to let him have Arla ALL summer until two weeks before school starts, then I would get Jasmine the following year. I explained it would cut our costs for the travelling expenses and we would have a whole summer to enjoy them instead of just a couple weeks. Because his girlfriend didn't like it, he did not agree to it.
Agreements at times need to be discussed via attorneys. His new girlfriend shouldn't have a say in the matter, but there is nothing you can really do to stop her speaking her mind. It's when he allows her to control his decision making regarding your girls that it becomes a problem. Try and find out why the agreement doesn't work. Maybe he's using the gf as an excuse when he really feels a certain way himself. Do you know for a fact that it was her that told him not to agree to it?

Must I continue to bend over backwards for the next 6 years regardless of how much it kills me emotionally?

No you don't have to bend over backwards, especially if he's not going to bend as well. But it's best for the girls that compromises continue to be made.
I wrote my replies in blue. IMO, it sounds like you have to have a serious talk with the ex about how you feel and what lines need to be drawn. Good luck.
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  #7  
September 17th, 2012, 11:20 AM
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Yeah the caption of the picture wouldn't have gone over well with me either. 1 year dh's ex sent a "family" picture of her, his dds & her then dh. Acting like he was their father. It hurt dh so much. If she had put "The Smiths" on it, it would have crushed him. (mind you it was ok that they took the picture & sent it to their family & friends but the b didn't need to send it to dh. Basically she was saying "we've replaced you as father".

I get what you were doing - trying to include everyone and it could seem petty but in these situations names mean so much more. Best next time to caption it "The Clan" or "The Family" instead of the last name.
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  #8  
September 17th, 2012, 11:46 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Welcome to the board!

It would probably be difficult to change now that it's been the standard, but I feel like this set up where you have the kids split up and in different states really strange. It sounds horribly divisive, and like it creates more complications and opportunities for drama than anything else.

Also, why is your ex's girlfriend on your df's Facebook? That and/or his privacy setting would be the first thing I would rectify there; again, that really only opens up the door for needless drama.

I think the other ladies have already covered everything else I wanted to say.
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  #9  
September 17th, 2012, 02:53 PM
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I think everyone's about covered it, so I'd like to say welcome to the board!

We run into the picture thing.. just on the opposite end. I have the kiddo's name, his mom doesn't. I know however if she did title something "the ******'s" DH would lose his mind.
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  #10  
September 17th, 2012, 03:05 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Out of sheer curiosity, would titling a picture something like, "The ______ Family" be less hurtful if it were kept private/only for viewing by the family and friends of the adults in the photo (in other words, not sent to the ex on a Christmas card just to be a jerk or put on a public Facebook wall/Facebook wall that the ex has access to)? I've never titled anything 'The ______ Family', publicly or otherwise, so I've never really thought about it before and am a little surprised by the strong responses to it.

I don't disagree with anyone; it's just not something I would have thought of. For simplicity's sake, I do have dh's last name and all of the kids have his last name so we're '______ Family' in things like our church's childcare ministries database and things like that. Would that be equally offensive, or would it be a little more acceptable because it's really the simplest label in that kind of setting (as opposed to a personal picture where the adults have total control over which words they want to use with it)?

I don't have children that aren't (our family name) children and bm kept dh's name post-divorce, so maybe that makes things a little more simple in my mind.
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Last edited by Keakie; September 17th, 2012 at 03:49 PM.
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  #11  
September 17th, 2012, 03:31 PM
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The picture that the OP is talking about was taken by me when they were up visiting last month. I sent a copy of it to them, and her fiance titled it, and tagged it to all the kids, that is how her ex's girlfriend was able to comment on it.

She didn't just comment on it, though. She slammed C for her parenting style and went on to throw into C's face that Jas calls L Mommy. C's fiance posted to the photo, apologizing to the girl's dad and acknowledged that they were _____ and always would be. L posts back more horrible things to C (mom) and the whole time she is doing this ON the 12 yr old's FB page, NOT C's OR her Fiance's.

I understand if ex DH was upset by the title of the photo, but you don't rave about it on a 12 yr old's FB page, where the children can see it. It should have been discussed privately, and the ex should have been the one mentioning it. In fact, from what I saw, her ex never said one word about it. And from what I know about him, he probably didn't even care, because he's done the same thing with his ex-girlfriend (the one before this one) when they took both girls plus his gf's 4 kids to S.Carolina for Vacay and plastered their family pics (and labelled them as _______ family) all over the internet. No one bashed him/her for that. It's just this new gf who's only met C exactly ONE time.

When they were up last month and C came here with both girls, J's cell phone was blowing up. Ex DH's girlfriend was texting her every 10 minutes with "I miss you" "I love you" etc. When C gave both girls to Rod for the two days, L immediately turned off cell phones so that C couldn't even text to find out when was the best time to pick up A.
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  #12  
September 17th, 2012, 04:03 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Babymakes8 View Post
The picture that the OP is talking about was taken by me when they were up visiting last month. I sent a copy of it to them, and her fiance titled it, and tagged it to all the kids, that is how her ex's girlfriend was able to comment on it.

She didn't just comment on it, though. She slammed C for her parenting style and went on to throw into C's face that Jas calls L Mommy. C's fiance posted to the photo, apologizing to the girl's dad and acknowledged that they were _____ and always would be. L posts back more horrible things to C (mom) and the whole time she is doing this ON the 12 yr old's FB page, NOT C's OR her Fiance's.


I understand if ex DH was upset by the title of the photo, but you don't rave about it on a 12 yr old's FB page, where the children can see it. It should have been discussed privately, and the ex should have been the one mentioning it. In fact, from what I saw, her ex never said one word about it. And from what I know about him, he probably didn't even care, because he's done the same thing with his ex-girlfriend (the one before this one) when they took both girls plus his gf's 4 kids to S.Carolina for Vacay and plastered their family pics (and labelled them as _______ family) all over the internet. No one bashed him/her for that. It's just this new gf who's only met C exactly ONE time.

When they were up last month and C came here with both girls, J's cell phone was blowing up. Ex DH's girlfriend was texting her every 10 minutes with "I miss you" "I love you" etc. When C gave both girls to Rod for the two days, L immediately turned off cell phones so that C couldn't even text to find out when was the best time to pick up A.
Thank you for the clarification. Please remember that we don't know all of those things and all that we had to go off of was, "Fiance put this one Facebook and my ex's girlfriend made a comment on it." I know some people make Facebook accounts for their children (and it's really not a huge deal, IMO) but here, we're refraining from allowing the kids to have their own accounts until they're 13 years old (because that's that Facebook's Terms of Use wants people to be to sign up). The information provided made it sound like it was one comment on the OP's fiance's Facebook wall.

I agree that those conversations are inappropriate to have in front of a child, let alone on the internet in a place the child hangs out all the time. How does she feel about it? Would her messaging the girlfriend and asking her to please stop writing upsetting things be enough to get her to stop? I would let your dd know that if she's uncomfortable with the girlfriend being on her Facebook at all, she's allowed to delete her from her friends list or block her from commenting. This is one of the reasons we're not in a hurry to have any of my dsc on Facebook - bm's family are also the type to write all kinds of hateful crap in public places/in front of the kids.

As far as his labeling pictures with an ex-gf and her kids (plus the OP's girls) 'The ______ Family'... it's classless, but I think it's obvious that it's an attempt to make things look a certain way. I think their actions speak a lot more loudly than whatever (bogus) title they put on their pictures. Good for the OP for taking it in stride.

Other than that, I think the girlfriend just sounds nuts. For what it's worth, she sounds painfully insecure and I doubt she'll be around for very long. The real problem lies with the ex, though, as it is he who has a responsibility to his daughters to keep their best interests at heart (and that includes putting his foot down with a boundariless girlfriend when her actions hurt his children). Is the girlfriend a douche? It sounds like it, and it sucks - but at the end of the day it's the responsibility of the ex to make good choices about his partner. I'm sorry that he's failing to do so (we're familiar with that too).
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  #13  
September 17th, 2012, 04:07 PM
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  #14  
September 17th, 2012, 06:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
Out of sheer curiosity, would titling a picture something like, "The ______ Family" be less hurtful if it were kept private/only for viewing by the family and friends of the adults in the photo (in other words, not sent to the ex on a Christmas card just to be a jerk or put on a public Facebook wall/Facebook wall that the ex has access to)? I've never titled anything 'The ______ Family', publicly or otherwise, so I've never really thought about it before and am a little surprised by the strong responses to it.

I don't disagree with anyone; it's just not something I would have thought of. For simplicity's sake, I do have dh's last name and all of the kids have his last name so we're '______ Family' in things like our church's childcare ministries database and things like that. Would that be equally offensive, or would it be a little more acceptable because it's really the simplest label in that kind of setting (as opposed to a personal picture where the adults have total control over which words they want to use with it)?

I don't have children that aren't (our family name) children and bm kept dh's name post-divorce, so maybe that makes things a little more simple in my mind.
To answer your question, I feel that it applies more to the BM and her new man posting a picture and using her new guys last name. If the new woman/wife now has the last name of the kids, as I do, it's expected that a picture be labeled "x family." If my ex were actually in the picture, I'm sure he would be bothered by the fact that DD is part of the x family now. But he's not so he has no say. I find it wrong when the bio dad is in the picture and the bio mom does all in her power to try and replace him or make it appear like he's not in the picture. Just imagine how your DH and you would feel if the day came that BM remarried and then put up a picture, publicly to boot, with the title of her new husband's last name. It would sting big time.
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  #15  
September 17th, 2012, 06:25 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
To answer your question, I feel that it applies more to the BM and her new man posting a picture and using her new guys last name. If the new woman/wife now has the last name of the kids, as I do, it's expected that a picture be labeled "x family." If my ex were actually in the picture, I'm sure he would be bothered by the fact that DD is part of the x family now. But he's not so he has no say. I find it wrong when the bio dad is in the picture and the bio mom does all in her power to try and replace him or make it appear like he's not in the picture. Just imagine how your DH and you would feel if the day came that BM remarried and then put up a picture, publicly to boot, with the title of her new husband's last name. It would sting big time.
That makes sense. I really just hadn't thought about it in depth, and my dsc's bm is too busy with the same non-boyfriend who couldn't be *less* interested in the kids so I sometimes forget about the possibility of the bm remarrying/bringing a stepfather figure into the picture altogether.
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  #16  
September 17th, 2012, 06:29 PM
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New girlfriend sounds very insecure. However, I still stand by my posts. With more information, the girlfriend was out of line as was the fiance. This is a case of the two step parents starting unnecessary drama. He could have just titled it our family and that would have probably been fine and shouldn't warrant any comments. It definitely sounds like the new woman needs a reality check and put in her place. If the ex can't do it, then the OP needs to do it herself. I know that I had to check the bm once. That was probably the only time that I actually stepped out of line, but she stepped out of line one too many times with me already. In our case, she is the childish one who doesn't know how to have class nor respect for others, especially DH.
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  #17  
September 18th, 2012, 05:06 AM
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1. The divorce was a pretty nasty one fighting over the children. The EX hubby wanted to have both of the girls knowing it would cripple me the most cause I am the one that raised them while he drove semi or was off doing his thing. I had already had our marital belongings divided up... He got more than I did because I simply gave it to him so I could move once school was out for the girls. So since Jasi was "daddy's lil girl" she chose to live with him and Arla chose me. They were old enough to make up their own minds. By each of us having one daughter, we have cancelled out the child support ordeal AND my divorce was granted with no more fighting.

2. R is a Momma's Boy. And When I was married to him, I did all of the decision-making concerning... EVERYTHING. In the end I was so fed up caring for 3 children. I had only signed up for 2 not 3. So after 11 years of caring for a 36 year old man-child, I called it quits. I wanted to be married to a man. Not someone who hides away when OUR friends come over to visit or hides in our bedroom playing Xbox360 games. If the girls and I wanted to do family time with him, we had to go to my bedroom. Not cool!

3. I am not the conventional ex-wife or step-mom. I want to SHARE the joy of raising a child. I want to be able to tell the new mom or have the step-child's mom tell me of the child's past so they can be better understood and cared for. THIS is putting our children ahead of ourselves. I do NOT get to choose the NEW mom, but I would like to work with her so we can do what is best for my daughters. I did not get to choose my step-son's mom, but I would like to be a friend and help her when things get a bit rough for her. I do NOT want to "take over" and be the Supreme Mom. I simply want to be the stable mom who loves them unconditionally no-matter-what.

4. As for the family pic... I never sent it over to my EX or even onto his GF's page. She has me blocked (mind you, I never did or said ANYTHING to this woman to cause any strife. I refuse to instigate such childish acts.) I thought FB was there to share our happy times with whomever we want. I didn't realize there was a rule to properly name family pics. ... Yes, he did the same EXACT thing when he was with his ex girlfriend and her 5 kids. But I was the good ex-wife and simply enjoyed the pics with my girls in them. How the pic is titled is of no importance to me.


Is there anything else I need to clarify? Just asking...
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  #18  
September 18th, 2012, 05:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RisleyC View Post
3. I am not the conventional ex-wife or step-mom. I want to SHARE the joy of raising a child. I want to be able to tell the new mom or have the step-child's mom tell me of the child's past so they can be better understood and cared for. THIS is putting our children ahead of ourselves. I do NOT get to choose the NEW mom, but I would like to work with her so we can do what is best for my daughters. I did not get to choose my step-son's mom, but I would like to be a friend and help her when things get a bit rough for her. I do NOT want to "take over" and be the Supreme Mom. I simply want to be the stable mom who loves them unconditionally no-matter-what.
I disagree that it's "unconventional" to want to be able to have a good relationship with an ex's new partner/a partner's ex. I don't have one with my dsc's mom because she's not interested in being civil with us; it doesn't mean that it wouldn't be ideal or that I simply don't want one. I know that to be true for other ladies here as well.
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  #19  
September 18th, 2012, 08:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
To answer your question, I feel that it applies more to the BM and her new man posting a picture and using her new guys last name. If the new woman/wife now has the last name of the kids, as I do, it's expected that a picture be labeled "x family." If my ex were actually in the picture, I'm sure he would be bothered by the fact that DD is part of the x family now. But he's not so he has no say. I find it wrong when the bio dad is in the picture and the bio mom does all in her power to try and replace him or make it appear like he's not in the picture. Just imagine how your DH and you would feel if the day came that BM remarried and then put up a picture, publicly to boot, with the title of her new husband's last name. It would sting big time.
I agree with Liz's take on this, Kayla. I don't think it would be inappropriate for a new wife to label a picture of her and the kids and DH as the "blank" family, because that's what they are. I do that frequently when it's just me and the Johns boys (i.e., my older children not in the picture). If they were, I would label it "Wisner/Johns" family, always maintaining their own identity. And in reality, I kept my married name during the divorce and since Neely and I aren't married, it's still my legal last name too. I only use it for legal purposes though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babymakes8 View Post
The picture that the OP is talking about was taken by me when they were up visiting last month. I sent a copy of it to them, and her fiance titled it, and tagged it to all the kids, that is how her ex's girlfriend was able to comment on it.

She didn't just comment on it, though. She slammed C for her parenting style and went on to throw into C's face that Jas calls L Mommy. C's fiance posted to the photo, apologizing to the girl's dad and acknowledged that they were _____ and always would be. L posts back more horrible things to C (mom) and the whole time she is doing this ON the 12 yr old's FB page, NOT C's OR her Fiance's.

I understand if ex DH was upset by the title of the photo, but you don't rave about it on a 12 yr old's FB page, where the children can see it. It should have been discussed privately, and the ex should have been the one mentioning it. In fact, from what I saw, her ex never said one word about it. And from what I know about him, he probably didn't even care, because he's done the same thing with his ex-girlfriend (the one before this one) when they took both girls plus his gf's 4 kids to S.Carolina for Vacay and plastered their family pics (and labelled them as _______ family) all over the internet. No one bashed him/her for that. It's just this new gf who's only met C exactly ONE time.

When they were up last month and C came here with both girls, J's cell phone was blowing up. Ex DH's girlfriend was texting her every 10 minutes with "I miss you" "I love you" etc. When C gave both girls to Rod for the two days, L immediately turned off cell phones so that C couldn't even text to find out when was the best time to pick up A.
I did acknowledge in my response that the GF probably went about it the wrong way, but still think it's something that needed to be addressed because it shouldn't happen. Ever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
I disagree that it's "unconventional" to want to be able to have a good relationship with an ex's new partner/a partner's ex. I don't have one with my dsc's mom because she's not interested in being civil with us; it doesn't mean that it wouldn't be ideal or that I simply don't want one. I know that to be true for other ladies here as well.
I agree. I am very civil with my ex husband. In fact, he still works on our vehicles from time to time. I never had an issue with his girlfriends being around my kids once the initial sting of the divorce was over. I ran into his first girlfriend (post and pre divorce) not too long ago and we chatted like old friends. Since my kids are grown now, his current girlfriend doesn't have a hand in raising them, but we are facebook friends and we invite them to our house for family events and they invite us.

Now Neely's ex? Totally different, but that's mostly because she's crazy. Neely is friends with her 3rd ex husband, but they were friends (and band mates) before they married.
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  #20  
September 18th, 2012, 09:38 AM
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Men...society doesn't really see them as loving parents when they're split. Moms are supposed to be the caretakers and men the providers. So when people don't raise a child together a lot of dads get viewed as a bank. And for the dads out there that love their children that's hard. R dropped my husband's last name (she's got it hyphenated with her mom's) on FB and stopped using it in school and D was devastated. I mean heartbroken. I gently approached her about it and it turned out to be a funny thing but it really got to him.
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