Log In Sign Up

Update... Most likely just a vent.


Forum: Blended Families

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree2Likes

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Blended Families LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
September 17th, 2012, 04:53 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,160
My head is kind of everywhere the last few days.

Towards the end of last week, I started getting short with O. And I hate it. I was scolding him more like a kid than a parent. He's been getting on my nerves a bit more lately with his whining and thinking he can cry his way out of anything. He turned 8 today, and it's time for him to start maturing. But he gets babied so much by his mom. We tried to get him to ride his bike last Thursday and he ran into his closet and hid behind his clothes crying. He has told us thats how he gets his way at his moms.

But we had a fantastic birthday weekend with him. No issues, really. He started getting sick on friday morning. A bad sounding cough and he was kind of listless. But he pulled through the weekend and enjoyed his angry birds birthday party and the full day at the water park yesterday. He had a fever of 101.8 last night and when his mom came to pick him up I invited her in because Eric was just finishing up taking his temperature. When I said, "Oh hes a bit under the weather," she said, "Oh noooo my poor little baaaaaaaaabyyyyyyyy." Like, he felt fine, but he had a slight fever. She then asked if we treated his hair, I told her there was nothing there, my hair stylist checked. She said, "Well the nurse missed some, some people don't know what to look for." (She did not know what lice looked like until she googled it, I'm SURE the nurse has seen much more than she has.) she then asked if she could check his head, so we let her. Even have her a magnifying glass. She found nothing. She is the only one between a school nurse, me, eric, and 2 hair stylists that has supposedly seen lice. But anyway, I told Eric I promise to be more patient with O. That I know he's becoming more independent which in turn makes kids feel a bit untouchable. I think my new job, (I work with Emotionally Disabled kids,) is wearing off on me, because I sometimes get frustrated at work and have to hold it inside. But onto what really has been getting to me.

Today was O's birthday. Last year, we had him on his birthday, (A Saturday,) because his mom was still in rehab. The day before, we sent him to school with cupcakes and juice for his whole class. Today, his mom did nothing. Sent nothing to school with him. We talked to him this afternoon and asked if he had a party with his class and he said, "Not really. Nobody sang. And I didnt bring any treats to school for my birthday." It was so sad. I just... like she didn't get to see him last year until 9pm on his birthday because of her being in rehab, and she gets him this year and does nothing? I don't get it. What makes it 10x worse is that when Eric picked him up on Friday he was preparing him, telling him how much fun his birthday was gonna be and he said, "Yeah I know!..... My mom probably won't do anything special for my birthday."

But in good news, I found a soccer league to sign him up into. I told him that on the phone and he sounded really excited. They start in October. And we're going to be nice and try to make the general rule that both parents are allowed to attend practices and games, no matter who's day it is with him. I think all of us being there will be special to him.

Sometimes, I feel guilty for trying so hard to be the best stepmom I can be for him. I do more things (that I am aware of) than she does for him and that's actually pretty sad. I know he loves her. He said yesterday that he missed her. I know she loves him. But I just dont get why she doesnt try harder. It baffles me.

Advice? Hugs? Anything?
__________________
Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to Owen - TTC our first together- 1 year and counting
Reply With Quote
  #2  
September 17th, 2012, 05:44 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,390
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
I can most certainly give you some HUGS!!!!

I'm finding the same issues with Reme. He's pulling the baby act too, and of course DH takes his side.

But I have no advice, I'm still in the wanting to strangle both of them phase and then yell at L for babying him so much. I don't mind doing things he's not big enough to do, but I should not have to put his under wear on for him just because he doesn't feel like doing it and wants me to (with my eyes closed of course, since he doesn't want me to see him naked...).
Ember Rose likes this.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells Polypectomy - August 21st
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Trying a few cycles of clomid and progesterone. FX this is all it takes.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
September 17th, 2012, 06:10 PM
pmdc5286's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 1,736
Send a message via AIM to pmdc5286 Send a message via Yahoo to pmdc5286
The baby thing has gotta be a phase!!!! Dani is doing it too! All she wants to do is talk like a baby. She also does not want to sleep by herself either. We don't answer the baby talk thing. We also don't give in to the sleep in your own bed unless there is a good reason, like tonight. She is sleeping in Robert's bed. There are a lot of bad storms moving in, we are under a tornado watch until 3am and the child is terrified of storms. When it thunders loud, everyone knows it because she wakes up screaming, and them wakes us up, then Sean asking, "Bubba, I am scared, can I sleep with you" and of course big brother protects the little sister and says yes. But generally, we don't give in.
__________________
Patty






Thank you JMC1988 for my siggy!

TTC #3, Our first together




Reply With Quote
  #4  
September 17th, 2012, 06:23 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,343
I don't have any advice on the baby-mode thing, but I couldn't read without sending :hugs:. I'm sure it will pass and in the meantime, I think it's very wise of you to realize you're probably releasing some of your work-related tension at home. I would make an effort to give yourself some dedicated 'you' time - glass of wine, warm bath, an hour with a book you love, a girly movie or guilty pleasure TV show you can veg out in front of before bed one night, some yoga - whatever recharges you until O grows out of the wanting-to-be-babied phase. I don't know that there's anything you can do to help him move out of it quicker, especially with his mom playing into it, but at the very least it will help you be more able to have the responses you want to have.

I'm glad that he had fun at his birthday party! The soccer league sounds really great for him too, and I agree that it would be good for him if all of the adults who love him could be there to see him play.
__________________

Thank you to Jaidynsmum for our awesome banner and my fabulous siggie!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
September 17th, 2012, 06:45 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,160
Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
I can most certainly give you some HUGS!!!!

I'm finding the same issues with Reme. He's pulling the baby act too, and of course DH takes his side.

But I have no advice, I'm still in the wanting to strangle both of them phase and then yell at L for babying him so much. I don't mind doing things he's not big enough to do, but I should not have to put his under wear on for him just because he doesn't feel like doing it and wants me to (with my eyes closed of course, since he doesn't want me to see him naked...).
Yeah it's like now that he can do so much by himself, he doesnt want to? I dont know, maybe he's realizing he is growing up and while he likes it, is protesting a bit? He does get whatever he wants from his mom. But if only he would see that her giving into his whining isnt the same as when we go out of our way to make sure he is well rounded and mature.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pmdc5286 View Post
The baby thing has gotta be a phase!!!! Dani is doing it too! All she wants to do is talk like a baby. She also does not want to sleep by herself either. We don't answer the baby talk thing. We also don't give in to the sleep in your own bed unless there is a good reason, like tonight. She is sleeping in Robert's bed. There are a lot of bad storms moving in, we are under a tornado watch until 3am and the child is terrified of storms. When it thunders loud, everyone knows it because she wakes up screaming, and them wakes us up, then Sean asking, "Bubba, I am scared, can I sleep with you" and of course big brother protects the little sister and says yes. But generally, we don't give in.
Ugh. Yeah it sucks! We can get through this!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
I don't have any advice on the baby-mode thing, but I couldn't read without sending :hugs:. I'm sure it will pass and in the meantime, I think it's very wise of you to realize you're probably releasing some of your work-related tension at home. I would make an effort to give yourself some dedicated 'you' time - glass of wine, warm bath, an hour with a book you love, a girly movie or guilty pleasure TV show you can veg out in front of before bed one night, some yoga - whatever recharges you until O grows out of the wanting-to-be-babied phase. I don't know that there's anything you can do to help him move out of it quicker, especially with his mom playing into it, but at the very least it will help you be more able to have the responses you want to have.

I'm glad that he had fun at his birthday party! The soccer league sounds really great for him too, and I agree that it would be good for him if all of the adults who love him could be there to see him play.
Thanks

I think aside from me time, which is what I get the weeks we dont have him, (like now,) we also need US time.

Last year when we had him full time, we went to the park every day. We went to pump it up (an inflatable bounce house place,) and just always were out and about.

I made a promise to O that next week we will go to the park at least 3 days. I miss the bond he and I had when I'm all he had (maternally.) But I am realizing that instead of losing our bond altogether, building a different one will be best for us both.

I've been super sensitive lately. I don't know why. (No not pregnant! lol,) but I will get through it.

Thanks, ladies
__________________
Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to Owen - TTC our first together- 1 year and counting
Reply With Quote
  #6  
September 17th, 2012, 07:05 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
First off *hugs* being a parent is hard, regardless of biology. Second, this age is a tough one. I've gone through it twice and currently going through it with my first son. This is an age that is very confusing for them as well. They're so used to being babied or coddled and then all of a sudden they're expected to buck up and be more mature. It's a huge confusing reality check for them and us parents forget that they're still in essence babies.

It's messed up that she didn't send him to school with anything. I stopped doing cupcakes last year but I did do goodie bags that can be handed out at the end of the day. I will say that in her defense, if I would have showed up to pick up any of my kids and heard they were under the weather I probably would have been all aww my poor baby as well. It's just natural. I'm willing to bet that when you heard she didn't send anything with O for his bday to school you thought my poor baby, or something along those lines. To us, no matter how old our kids get, they will always be our babies. Heck my 16 year is still my baby girl to me.

The soccer league sounds good I hope it works out wonderfully for him.
__________________

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



Reply With Quote
  #7  
September 17th, 2012, 07:25 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,160
Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
First off *hugs* being a parent is hard, regardless of biology. Second, this age is a tough one. I've gone through it twice and currently going through it with my first son. This is an age that is very confusing for them as well. They're so used to being babied or coddled and then all of a sudden they're expected to buck up and be more mature. It's a huge confusing reality check for them and us parents forget that they're still in essence babies.

It's messed up that she didn't send him to school with anything. I stopped doing cupcakes last year but I did do goodie bags that can be handed out at the end of the day. I will say that in her defense, if I would have showed up to pick up any of my kids and heard they were under the weather I probably would have been all aww my poor baby as well. It's just natural. I'm willing to bet that when you heard she didn't send anything with O for his bday to school you thought my poor baby, or something along those lines. To us, no matter how old our kids get, they will always be our babies. Heck my 16 year is still my baby girl to me.

The soccer league sounds good I hope it works out wonderfully for him.
yeah I guess the my poor baby was to be expected. I think it was just how she said it. Cuz like with me and Eric, we're like, "Aww dude you dont feel good? Come here, lets take a rest." But she literally talked to him like he was one year old.

I know how excited he was that his birthday was today, turning 8 was a big deal for him, and I hate that she didnt make a big deal about it.
__________________
Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to Owen - TTC our first together- 1 year and counting
Reply With Quote
  #8  
September 17th, 2012, 07:57 PM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 1,452
Send a message via AIM to gmtejese Send a message via Yahoo to gmtejese
When Ryan brings home Evan (like the other night Evan has been battling a flu bug) and told me he had gotten sick a few times and had a fever, I also did the "aww my poor little guy" but then again he's only 5 months old, lol. I baby my boys more than I should, I admit that but I don't do it on purpose. Alot of it has to do with Gage's issues.

When I was little my mother never had to money to do things for my birthday. Yeah, I got things but never took things to school for a party unless my grandmother baked them herself. Now (at least where I live) you can't take anything to school unless it is pre-packaged and unopened in the box. Blah.

You kinda have to expect what O is doing right now. Now that mom is back in the picture (which is great for O and her's relationship) he might be starting the manipulating phase soon. My sister is 11 and started when she was about 9 manipulating me against my mother. She would come to my house to spend the night with the boys and would act like a total nutcase. Her excuse? "Mom lets me do it"... I simply told her that it is my house and we do not act that way. It didn't stop right away but after emphasizing it everytime she did the undesired behavior, it sunk in.

You might need to emphasize that things that he does at his mother's house are not the same at your/DH's house. That they are two different places. He may/may not understand that at this time but he seems like a very bright, intelligent little boy so odds are he will understand.

While I'm not a stepmom, I've had to basically raise my little sister since I was 16 and in high school. So I don't have any real great advice for you, just what has worked for me in past experiences.

Hooray for him liking his party!

::HUGS:::
__________________
Heather--Momma to Gage (7) Jaxon (5) Evan (2) and Peyton (01/18/2014)
**Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my AMAZING siggy**
Reply With Quote
  #9  
September 17th, 2012, 09:25 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,160
Quote:
Originally Posted by gmtejese View Post
When Ryan brings home Evan (like the other night Evan has been battling a flu bug) and told me he had gotten sick a few times and had a fever, I also did the "aww my poor little guy" but then again he's only 5 months old, lol. I baby my boys more than I should, I admit that but I don't do it on purpose. Alot of it has to do with Gage's issues.

When I was little my mother never had to money to do things for my birthday. Yeah, I got things but never took things to school for a party unless my grandmother baked them herself. Now (at least where I live) you can't take anything to school unless it is pre-packaged and unopened in the box. Blah.

You kinda have to expect what O is doing right now. Now that mom is back in the picture (which is great for O and her's relationship) he might be starting the manipulating phase soon. My sister is 11 and started when she was about 9 manipulating me against my mother. She would come to my house to spend the night with the boys and would act like a total nutcase. Her excuse? "Mom lets me do it"... I simply told her that it is my house and we do not act that way. It didn't stop right away but after emphasizing it everytime she did the undesired behavior, it sunk in.

You might need to emphasize that things that he does at his mother's house are not the same at your/DH's house. That they are two different places. He may/may not understand that at this time but he seems like a very bright, intelligent little boy so odds are he will understand.

While I'm not a stepmom, I've had to basically raise my little sister since I was 16 and in high school. So I don't have any real great advice for you, just what has worked for me in past experiences.

Hooray for him liking his party!

::HUGS:::
Thank you for the reply. We think the manipulating is def starting. We dont compare houses, but we do say things like, "Owen you know the rules here and you know we dont tolerate that behavior." He is bright, so he does get it. However, the constant reminders are irritating, lol.

I only comment on the fact that she dresses him in a size 7 (He wears a 10,) and never buys him new clothes, and doesnt send him to school with treats on his birthday, because Ive never seen her in the same outfit, and she's always accessorized to the max. She dresses like shes on the runway every day. Not so much now that shes out of her drinking phase, but shes still always wearing brand new clothes. If colored tee shirts werent 2.50 at wal mart I might have more sympathy for her. But when his shirt doesnt even cover his waistline, I get irritated.
__________________
Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to Owen - TTC our first together- 1 year and counting
Reply With Quote
  #10  
September 17th, 2012, 09:38 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,390
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
Yup, it is a very trying age. His mom gives in and helps because it saves her a headache. I just fear the longer we starve off the headache, the bigger he's going to be physically when it's time for him to start really doing things, and when he throws tantrums we won't be able to just pick him up and deposit him into his bed like we do now.

I do try and be as patient as I can, I do leave the room and close my door until I can calm down. My mother spanked out of anger, and while I just do not spank Reme, he's at least giving me some experience with learning to calm down. I don't yell at him either unless he's screaming, and that's more just to be heard than anything. I do speak in raised tones, which DH often says is yelling, but when you're just trying to be heard, sometimes it does sound like yelling.

I do plan on sitting down with DH after his next job and having "the talk" the united front, parenting plan before my head explodes from stubbornness. If DH would do the original plan and actually do the work that involves his kiddo we'd be fine, but it always falls back on "mom" to do the work.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells Polypectomy - August 21st
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Trying a few cycles of clomid and progesterone. FX this is all it takes.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
September 17th, 2012, 09:46 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,160
Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
Yup, it is a very trying age. His mom gives in and helps because it saves her a headache. I just fear the longer we starve off the headache, the bigger he's going to be physically when it's time for him to start really doing things, and when he throws tantrums we won't be able to just pick him up and deposit him into his bed like we do now.

I do try and be as patient as I can, I do leave the room and close my door until I can calm down. My mother spanked out of anger, and while I just do not spank Reme, he's at least giving me some experience with learning to calm down. I don't yell at him either unless he's screaming, and that's more just to be heard than anything. I do speak in raised tones, which DH often says is yelling, but when you're just trying to be heard, sometimes it does sound like yelling.

I do plan on sitting down with DH after his next job and having "the talk" the united front, parenting plan before my head explodes from stubbornness. If DH would do the original plan and actually do the work that involves his kiddo we'd be fine, but it always falls back on "mom" to do the work.
I think it's a dad thing. before, we had him every weekend. 2 and a half days. Who wants to discipline when you only have the weekend? So we'd just have fun and as long as he wasnt causing big issues, we let the little things slide. And there werent many, he was 6.

Then he turned 7. And was abandoned by a formerly flawless parent. He had to do adjusting. He learned about alcoholism and atempted suicide at age 7. he began having bad anger problems as a result. often times, it was just to get any kind of attention.

Then, his life became stable again. Dad and jennifer got engaged. Life moved on. He realized he was safe. But by then he was 7 and a half. And getting his own ideas and opinions. And because of everything he had been through before, nobody corrected the small behaviors.

It's time to do that.

when his mom cried to us that one day that he was getting out of control. She actually said, "hes my baby, I dont like to tell him no."

So there's definitely blame on both sides here. We have always been more firm than she has. She has admitted to this also. But we're also super fun. I think our strategy just has to be super firm the first day or two, and hopefully it kicks him back into gear by Tuesday of the week. We'll see.
__________________
Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to Owen - TTC our first together- 1 year and counting
Reply With Quote
  #12  
September 17th, 2012, 09:48 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,684
A large part of M's tantrums is that his mom is overwhelmed easily and then he went to his grandfather's where he pays him to cooperate some of the time and chalks up his behavior to his age the rest of the time.

So his mom would try to get him to do things the right way and would go overboard because actually doing it hands on was too much for her (just throwing a lock on the fridge instead of sticking to telling him no and throwing away toys) and now he knows if he cries or screams he's either getting money or his way or both.

Long story short it's a REALLY trying age. He's gonna push you and working with the disabled can drain you so that adds to it. Make time for you and Owen time and make time for yourself.
__________________
J Married to D 08.21.2009
Bonus Mama to R (14) and M (7)
Warm up your home with a fabulous warmer and some of our scentsational scents! PM me for details!!!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
September 18th, 2012, 05:55 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
We dont compare houses, but we do say things like, "Owen you know the rules here and you know we dont tolerate that behavior." He is bright, so he does get it. However, the constant reminders are irritating, lol.
We have to do this too. "(hitting each other, name calling or threat-making, whatever it is) is not acceptable here. You may not (bite your brother, shove your sister, threaten to kill someone) at Daddy and Kayla's house." is said pretty often around here. We generally don't say anything about what *is* allowed at their mom's house but we do state very clearly what is and what isn't allowed at ours - and yes, it is frustrating to have to repeat it over and over again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
Yup, it is a very trying age. His mom gives in and helps because it saves her a headache. I just fear the longer we starve off the headache, the bigger he's going to be physically when it's time for him to start really doing things, and when he throws tantrums we won't be able to just pick him up and deposit him into his bed like we do now.
Yeah, bm here makes a big deal about only fighting the battles that she deems 'worth it' - and while I don't disagree with choosing your battles, the problem is I don't know that she considers ANYTHING to be worth it. She spends a lot more time talking about parenting than actually doing it. My 3.5 yo dss's face seriously crumples into wailing tears if you so much as tell him, "No, the iPad is charging and you've already played on it a lot today. You'll need to find another toy to play with." because he never hears "No" at home -- because it's not worth it to bm to have him get upset about it.

I hear you, though - I can pick up my 6 yo dsd when she grumps that she's "NOT going to bed!" and place her in her bed. I can take toys away from a 3.5 yo who's been told, "Do not throw your toys at your sister. Blocks are not for throwing." but chooses to hurl them across the room anyway, and put him in his bedroom. I can't do as much for an 11 or 13 yo who doesn't believe an adult's words mean anything.
__________________

Thank you to Jaidynsmum for our awesome banner and my fabulous siggie!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
September 18th, 2012, 09:38 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
Posts: 114,794
Send a message via Yahoo to Rachel
Daniel is 7, just turned in August and I swear he's a bigger baby now than he ever was. He whines and cries about every.thing. ((hugs)) I do think it's a phase, though.

As far as the birthday, we are not allowed to send anything to school on birthdays. They just don't take time out of the day to do that. And we don't do anything special on the actual birthday, if there was a party beforehand. I mean, we might sing to them and have cake with dinner, but if we've scheduled a party for a weekend, that's all we do. I would try to be careful about giving O expectations of the other parent, kwim?
Reply With Quote
  #15  
September 18th, 2012, 10:08 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,679
I think that his behavior is pretty typical. Kids test limits and see who they can get away with things with. My ss was like 4 and acting like he couldn't put his shoes on and throwing temper tantrums for dh. When dh was at work ss put on his shoes just fine by himself and rarely threw tantrums. He just knew he could do it and get away with it with daddy. You just have to be firm and show him his boundries and he will come along.
My ss is 10 now and is just starting to get out of the crying phase.

Our school does the no home baked goods thing for birthdays because of allergies. So we have to buy prepackaged stuff too. Honestly you can go get the Walmart brand cupcakes in a box (similar to Hostess) and spend like $6 to get a whole class worth. And if you can bake goods and send them that is even cheaper.

There is really no excuse for bm not doing something for him for his birthday. Unfortunately all parents are just not created equal I guess. We alway try to go all out to celebrate birthdays and holidays with the kids and spoil them a bit because we are not the type to buy toys and stuff all the time. We always decorate for the kids birthdays too! My ss woke up to balloons filling his bedroom this year (we did it all while he was asleep!) I just feel like kids should feel special and little things you do mean a lot.

The clothing thing would bother me too, and has! My hubby's ex used to do the same thing if she saw the kids. She would keep our clothes and send them out in stuff that didn't fit anymore....though she was not a fashionista herself. It was rare to see her out of sweats and ponytails.
__________________
Mom2more






Reply With Quote
  #16  
September 18th, 2012, 10:34 AM
.Katie.
Guest
Posts: n/a
That's a lot of stuff! I'm going to reply to your vent about his baby stuff he's been pulling. Typical behavior. Totally your call on how lenient/nice you want to be and how much time you let pass before he starts learning what life is really all about. We have never allowed/encouraged the baby thing unless it was in a positive way like when we hold them and smooch/call them our baby. When it comes to behavior though, none of that goes on.

I believe it's never too early to start teaching/showing them how they are expected to behave. It may get tedious having to explain and reinforce 20 times a day, but it's saved us a lot of drama in our house by correcting them on the spot when they are acting out.

I tend to over analyze everything and look at things big picture though and this is a fault of mine in a way because I can't take things at face value. I will take a scenario and apply it to when they are older as if our inaction will set them up for failure later on. For example Julie tricked Kaylee into leaving the room that all three of them were playing in and then shut the door and wouldn't let her in. Pretty typical ******* sister behavior, but all I got was a huge vision of Julie being a snotty/mean teenager in 7 years. It may be typical kid stuff to be mean/rude, but that doesn't mean you have to condone/allow it. We talked to her about how she would feel if we did that to her or if Chloe had a friend over and did it to her.

Personally, I would get him to knock the behavior off. You guys have to all exist together, and the world has to exist with him when you're not around. The sooner these little people learn how to handle themselves, the happier everyone is. And in the end, when he does behave himself you will be happier which in turn will make him happier. Allowing bad behavior to continue just puts you in a holding pattern of chaos, drama, and stress.
plan4fate likes this.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
September 18th, 2012, 10:27 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,160
Thanks guys!

I stayed home sick with a migraine today, so my reply might be short.

I know for a fact his school allows store bought treats. However, I may know why she didn't provide any.

Tonight, I was texting her. I asked Eric if I could discuss getting him into soccer. So I asked if she was ok with Saturdays, to make sure she'd be able to bring him on her weeks. She said sure, and she'd split the cost. I then told her I think we should each buy a pair of cleats. She took a half hour to text me back and said "I cant afford to buy my own cleats. Can we please just split them and I will make sure to send them back with him?"

It must have taken a lot of courage to admit that she cant afford them. I of course said, "Sure no prob! We'll make sure to send them each Sunday."

So yeah
__________________
Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to Owen - TTC our first together- 1 year and counting
Reply With Quote
  #18  
September 19th, 2012, 07:45 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 971
I baby my 6 year old. I can't help it, but she also knows when I mean business. She also knows what works at moms house and what works at dad's house. She will try to pull stuff at my house that is not allowed here but allowed at dad's but it gets corrected quickly.

As for mom not sending things to school some parents don't think birthday's need to be celebrated at school.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
September 19th, 2012, 10:06 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
Yeah when money is tight it's understandable to not send anything in.
__________________

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



Reply With Quote
  #20  
September 19th, 2012, 01:52 PM
.Katie.
Guest
Posts: n/a
I've never sent anything to school for their birthdays

But I do throw them decent birthday parties, so I guess I never saw a need to do stuff at school?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:34 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0