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  #1  
September 23rd, 2012, 08:01 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Ok. My ss19 has irked me again and I'm about to lose my cool. REALLY trying not to

He and I are the only humans in the house to use the washer and dryer.
I keep finding the "buzzer" knob turned to ON for the dryer. Which makes a god awful loud buzzing noise when the clothes are done. Last week I kept thinking "i KNOW I just flipped this thing back to OFF!!" that happened like 3 or 4 times. Finally I realized someone was purposely turning it on.

It scares the total crap of my infant daughter when it buzzes. She goes hysterical. So I keep it off and just check to see when clothes are dry.

My other kids were gone last week so it was just me, dh , ss19 and the baby. Dh never touches the washer or dryer. So that only leaves ss19 to be the culprit.

I use a red market and wrote "keep to OFF" above the option on dryer.

Ss19 is doing his laundry tonight and I notice the special detergent I use for jade is out of place on the rack. And I notice my Clorox wipes have been moved over.
1- he used jades detergent that is even marked "for jade only". It's dreft and he has no business using it. It costs an arm and leg.
2- I notice my red marker writing is very light now. Someone has wiped it off!

I look in the trash and sure enough find a Clorox wipe with red marker on it.
He seriously wiped my note off. W t f!!!
Since he has a load in the washer, I spread the chlorox wipe out on the lid so he will see that I saw it. And I rewrite my note even bigger on the dryer.

Last week when I kept finding the knob to ON position, he wasn't even doing laundry. So it leads me to believe he's doing it just to tick me off. A lot like so many other things he does.
The reason I write things is bc he admittedly "forgets" rules and he "can't help it".
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  #2  
September 23rd, 2012, 09:07 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I'd tell him unless he wishes to either a-go to a laundromat to do his laundry or b- move out of the house.. he follows the rules.

I'd also speak to your DH regarding the situation. After all, it's his baby being scared to pieces.

In the meantime, you might want to hide the dreft.
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  #3  
September 23rd, 2012, 09:41 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate
I'd tell him unless he wishes to either a-go to a laundromat to do his laundry or b- move out of the house.. he follows the rules.

I'd also speak to your DH regarding the situation. After all, it's his baby being scared to pieces.

In the meantime, you might want to hide the dreft.
Grrrr! It just gets me so irritated.
He's been told by me and dh that he can move out if he doesn't like my rules. I have NO idea why he does things like this. It's like he's pushing my buttons.
I do plan on telling him he can take his butt to the laundromat. It's bad enough I've had to restrict him to only using the laundry area on Sundays bc he leaves his clothes in either the washer or dryer all week if not. Even on Sunday it takes him 10 hours to do 3 loads. He's 1 person !! I do laundry for 6 ppl!!

And using my baby detergent? Gain was good enough 3 years ago and all the way up until I had jade. Now he needs special detergent? He has his own money. If he doesn't like Gain he should buy his own! It's not like Gain is cheap either! I pay $25 for a big thing of it at Costco

I have to hide stuff all the time. It's to the point that it's ridiculous. He doesn't just use stuff. He abuses it. Like bleach. I bought a gallon jug a month ago. I've used it for 2 loads of whites. And I go to use it last week and the EMPTY jug is on the rack. ???!!!??? Who can possibly use that much bleach in their clothes! And then be too lazy to throw the jug out! That means he's used almost a whole jug in a month by himself!!! Jesus!!
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  #4  
September 23rd, 2012, 09:58 PM
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I write things out for people who are forgetful but I also speak to them at/around the same time. You mentioned talking to him about the detergent but not about the buzzer. Obv, I'm not in your house so I don't know what you said, but if your only response to that would be to write it on the dryer I'd not only wipe it off I'd probably tell you to go screw yourself. It's passive aggressive and I'm not surprised he was passive aggressive right back. FWIW, if someone had an issue with me leaving clothes in the dryer I would set the buzzer to remind me I have clothes in there because I'm an airhead.

You two don't have respect for each other and in this situation your husband is essentially useless because he doesn't give his son any tools to do anything different and he doesn't back you up. You're both waiting for the other person to get in line with how you want things done and not only are neither of you budging but your husband isn't helping to resolve it, create a compromise or break the tie. Nothing is gonna change until someone is out of the picture.
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  #5  
September 23rd, 2012, 10:28 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose
I write things out for people who are forgetful but I also speak to them at/around the same time. You mentioned talking to him about the detergent but not about the buzzer. Obv, I'm not in your house so I don't know what you said, but if your only response to that would be to write it on the dryer I'd not only wipe it off I'd probably tell you to go screw yourself. It's passive aggressive and I'm not surprised he was passive aggressive right back. FWIW, if someone had an issue with me leaving clothes in the dryer I would set the buzzer to remind me I have clothes in there because I'm an airhead.

You two don't have respect for each other and in this situation your husband is essentially useless because he doesn't give his son any tools to do anything different and he doesn't back you up. You're both waiting for the other person to get in line with how you want things done and not only are neither of you budging but your husband isn't helping to resolve it, create a compromise or break the tie. Nothing is gonna change until someone is out of the picture.
Ok. Let me elaborate. The reason I didn't go say "hey ss19 don't turn the buzzer on!" is bc his excuse would be as it always is "I didn't do that".
And his next excuse is "I'm sorry I just can't remember". Kinda like when I've said 40 times don't EVER put my clothes in the dryer and start them bc my jeans cost $100+ and the dryer ruins them. He seems to "forget" that too so I leave notes. As far as the buzzer...his room is on the top floor of the house and dryer is on bottom. HE can NEVER possibly hear the buzzer.
Trust me. HE can't even hear his alarm buzzing in his ear for 30 minutes so there's no way he can hear a dryer buzz going off from the bottom story of the house through 10 walls!
My feeling is that he's been doing it to aggravate me. (the buzzer). Bc ive mentioned before that it scares jade and it ticks me off when any of my kids do things that scare baby. Dd is 8 months and is VERY sensitive to noises. She gets startled really easy. Case in point my bedroom is 4 rooms over from ss19 and it scares the crap out of her when his alarm buzzes in his room.

Anyway if you put clothes in the washer or dryer 3 days ago and haven't come back for them I doubt a buzzer will help =\

I will say I do agree that nothing will change until someone is out of the picture.
Unfortunate it won't be me. As the house is in my name and I won't likely leave it.

It's very obvious "someone" has purposely been turning the buzzer on behind me last week as I stated I clearly remembered turning it off several times but I've never turned it ON.
No other kids were home except ss19 and dh never goes near the dryer. (wish he would!!)
I made a mental note twice of turning the buzzer off only to find it on again the next day.
He wasn't actively doing laundry so he no "reason" to use the buzzer but it was turned on...
Of course I guess there is always the possibly we have a ghost here trying to make contact with me.
That might be the same ghost leaving empty drink cans in his room.
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  #6  
September 24th, 2012, 12:02 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
I write things out for people who are forgetful but I also speak to them at/around the same time. You mentioned talking to him about the detergent but not about the buzzer. Obv, I'm not in your house so I don't know what you said, but if your only response to that would be to write it on the dryer I'd not only wipe it off I'd probably tell you to go screw yourself. It's passive aggressive and I'm not surprised he was passive aggressive right back. FWIW, if someone had an issue with me leaving clothes in the dryer I would set the buzzer to remind me I have clothes in there because I'm an airhead.

You two don't have respect for each other and in this situation your husband is essentially useless because he doesn't give his son any tools to do anything different and he doesn't back you up. You're both waiting for the other person to get in line with how you want things done and not only are neither of you budging but your husband isn't helping to resolve it, create a compromise or break the tie. Nothing is gonna change until someone is out of the picture.
ouch

and fwiw.. I'd not be compromising with my 19 year old kid who lived at home. Same rules apply after 18 than apply before, you live here, my rules. And first time my kid tells me to go screw myself (post HS graduation), they'll find they no longer live here.




Doodle, can you pull off the knob for the buzzer? My mom's comes off.
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  #7  
September 24th, 2012, 12:24 AM
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I'm basing this on the information she put in the thread where she was talking about college and moving on and when that all should happen. They just clash and they always will clash it seems like. Based on what she said she didn't like her husband's parenting style to begin with and he didn't change when they got together and her stepson didn't change. They've tried family counseling, her and her stepson resent the heck out of each other at this point....no one has any respect for each other at this point.

It's not bad or anything it's just....what it is at this point. I don't mean any ill will or malice it's just...*shrug* what it is.
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Last edited by Ember Rose; September 24th, 2012 at 12:28 AM.
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  #8  
September 24th, 2012, 06:11 AM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose
I'm basing this on the information she put in the thread where she was talking about college and moving on and when that all should happen. They just clash and they always will clash it seems like. Based on what she said she didn't like her husband's parenting style to begin with and he didn't change when they got together and her stepson didn't change. They've tried family counseling, her and her stepson resent the heck out of each other at this point....no one has any respect for each other at this point.

It's not bad or anything it's just....what it is at this point. I don't mean any ill will or malice it's just...*shrug* what it is.
No no. You're correct on that thread. Except it's that HE has zero respect for me or my authority in our home. (which happens to be MY home they moved into)
He resents me bc dh moved here from Dallas when we got married. Dh has never parented this "child".

Dh's other son by the same woman lives with the bm. Is completely different!!!
Works on his own will, 3.54 gpa. , taking his act's early and doing it over and over so he can scholarships to pay for college, basically he's putting forth every effor to better himself.
Takes nothing for granted bc he doesn't have much!
He's aspiring to go to med school and I can't tell you how happy and proud that makes me.


Anyway if SS19 tells me to screws myself he will be the one screwed. Dh has made it clear that i can tell ss19 to move in with his uncle and aunt
His uncle has offered him to live there many times. His aunt told me ( in confidence) that if ss19 moves in w them she will be moving back to the state she's from bc she doesn't want him with her. She's as uncomfortable as I am about having him around. She works w him and knows how he is there!
She also doesn't trust him and feels he will invade her privacy.

I can't take the Knob off bc it's the same knob u have to push in to start the dryer. But I plan to tell him (when he wakes up) that if he doesn't like what I say about it, to take his butt to the laundromat in the ghetto. I'm not required to provide him a washer dryer or my baby's dreft.
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  #9  
September 24th, 2012, 07:16 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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I hate the buzzer on my dryer. Mine, though, has 3 volume levels, so it can be turned down, but the ones that are either on or off are sooooo annoying. I would take the knob away completely.

Quote:
It's like he's pushing my buttons.
And he will continue to do that as long as you let him know he is getting to you. Just take the knob so he can't mess with it again.
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  #10  
September 24th, 2012, 08:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doodlebug06 View Post
No no. You're correct on that thread. Except it's that HE has zero respect for me or my authority in our home. (which happens to be MY home they moved into)
He resents me bc dh moved here from Dallas when we got married. Dh has never parented this "child".

Dh's other son by the same woman lives with the bm. Is completely different!!!
Works on his own will, 3.54 gpa. , taking his act's early and doing it over and over so he can scholarships to pay for college, basically he's putting forth every effor to better himself.
Takes nothing for granted bc he doesn't have much!
He's aspiring to go to med school and I can't tell you how happy and proud that makes me.


Anyway if SS19 tells me to screws myself he will be the one screwed. Dh has made it clear that i can tell ss19 to move in with his uncle and aunt
His uncle has offered him to live there many times. His aunt told me ( in confidence) that if ss19 moves in w them she will be moving back to the state she's from bc she doesn't want him with her. She's as uncomfortable as I am about having him around. She works w him and knows how he is there!
She also doesn't trust him and feels he will invade her privacy.

I can't take the Knob off bc it's the same knob u have to push in to start the dryer. But I plan to tell him (when he wakes up) that if he doesn't like what I say about it, to take his butt to the laundromat in the ghetto. I'm not required to provide him a washer dryer or my baby's dreft.
If the opportunity is there I would just take it at this point.
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  #11  
September 24th, 2012, 10:58 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Perhaps you can get even?

I would maybe take ALL the laundry detergents and hide them. On his laundry day he can go to do laundry and realize he can't? When he complains you can say "I'm not sure what happened to it all? Maybe it ran away with the bleach and my markings on the dryer saying not to turn it to buzz....maybe next week it will reappear if you are a good boy?"

LOL...can you picture his face on that one!
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  #12  
September 24th, 2012, 11:16 AM
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Ugh that would honk me off! I was going to suggest taking the button off but if you need it to start the dryer then that won't work.
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  #13  
September 24th, 2012, 12:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Ugh that would honk me off! I was going to suggest taking the button off but if you need it to start the dryer then that won't work.
I didn't even notice she had mentioned that.
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  #14  
September 24th, 2012, 07:32 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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So I confronted him on his way out the door and recorded my conversation in case I needed backup.

I asked him if he had erased my note from the dryer. He smirked/laughed and said yes.
I lost my shnikeys on him.
I said quite frankly I'm not laughing and I don't find anything funny about you being disrespectful.
He said he wasn't turning the buzzer on. So I explained that's why I put the note there so I could let "whoever" was doing it know that it needed to be off and told him about it scaring Jade. I told him if he sees a note with an instruction and he knows he's already following the instruction , then just ignore the bleeping written note and keep doing whatever it is the right way!


It's ok. Dh and I got Chinese tonight so I grabbed a small container of noodles for him.
I wrote his name on it WITH my FAMOUS RED marker!!! Lol.

And also the bleeping buzzer went off tonight. I tried taking the knob off but that doesn't help.
I'm going to do a few tests while home tomorrow and see if it's somehow switching by itself. Can't see how it's possible but I'll entertain the thought.
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  #15  
September 24th, 2012, 08:40 PM
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Man something has got to give between the two of you or it's going to spiral out of control. I hope you can figure out the buzzer issue. I hate noise at this house right now because of Ethan. People here can't even keep their voices at a decent level when talking aka screaming. It annoys the crap out of me.

As for using the baby's detergent, that's a no go. Everyone here knows not to touch the baby's product. I just have a bit of a time getting that message clearly across and respected by my older ds, but he's only going to be 8 so I don't expect much from a child who has been the baby of the family up until 2 months ago. If your ss is going to use Jade's things, I would make him buy more soap.
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  #16  
September 24th, 2012, 09:09 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T
Man something has got to give between the two of you or it's going to spiral out of control. I hope you can figure out the buzzer issue. I hate noise at this house right now because of Ethan. People here can't even keep their voices at a decent level when talking aka screaming. It annoys the crap out of me.

As for using the baby's detergent, that's a no go. Everyone here knows not to touch the baby's product. I just have a bit of a time getting that message clearly across and respected by my older ds, but he's only going to be 8 so I don't expect much from a child who has been the baby of the family up until 2 months ago. If your ss is going to use Jade's things, I would make him buy more soap.
I can't see anything giving between he and I anytime soon. He was just too old and too set in his ways when dh and I met. He's never been parented. Even his bm never really parented. They roamed the streets, did what they wanted, cussed, etc. he absolutely does not respect authority and sooner or later he will suffer major consequences. He's been arrested once for theft at a mall in Texas when Mitch and I met. 6 months probation. Stolen our cars and wrecked them. Stolen meds. Etc etc etc
Dh just refuses to acknowledge that he needs redirection. His answer is to just make him move out. I'd honestly really prefer to redirect ss19 in the right detection as opposed to just putting him off on another family member to deal with his shenanigans.


Oh and on the detergent. I'll set up one of my famous traps on the next wash day. I like to make confirmations before I go on the prowl.
Im pretty OCD tho and I know exactly how I have things arranged and I can tell if they've been moved even a half inch. =>

I'd loved to have seen the look on his face when he saw the Clorox wipe he used sitting on the washer waiting for him. Lmao!!
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  #17  
September 25th, 2012, 11:17 AM
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Lock the laundry room and tell him that he can either buy his own detergent & go to the laundry mat to do his own or pay you a slightly smaller than would be paid at the laundry mat amount and you'll do it for him but that either way he's no longer allowed to use the laundry room.
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  #18  
September 30th, 2012, 01:24 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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It's laundry day again ladies! Let us see what's in store for the day! So far load # 1 sat in washer 2 hours unmoved. I moved it and dried it. It say another 1.5 hours. I moved it upstairs. Let's see how long load 2 takes.

If I took 5 hours per load of laundry I'd be in trouble! I have 10 loads per week minimum for 5 to 6 people. Wish I had the extra time to spend 5 hours per load!
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  #19  
September 30th, 2012, 03:14 PM
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FWIW, I sometimes leave wash in the machine for hours. I get sidetracked. It sometimes takes me two days to get all my laundry done.
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  #20  
September 30th, 2012, 03:21 PM
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Yeah I'm the same way as Rachel. I've had to re-run loads because they got left too long. Of course, I'm a working mom of 2 kids so I'm always running.

Honestly, as much as it annoys you, you need to leave it there. As long as you keep doing his laundry for him, he'll let you.
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