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During last nights soccer practice, O's mom pretty much told me her life story. It was... interesting. She did however, talk about something that Eric and I are both concerned about.
She asked me if I knew of any places that are renting. (Um its called the internet.) And said "My roommate is batsh*t crazy. I don't know how someone so smart can be so stupid in life. Her boyfriend hits her, and she kicks him out, and then two days later he's right back. She's definitely got battered womans syndrome. I know I've had my issues in my own life, believe me I do, but I am in a better place now and can't deal with her drama. I don't feel like O and I are safe in that house with him around."
So I told Eric this, and he's concerned. I talked to Owen last night. He mentioned his moms roommate so it was the perfect in. I asked him how he likes living there, if everyone is super nice. He said "Yeah. Except A's boyfriend. He's a dangerous man and we are not safe when he is there. He hit A once, and my mom said he is a very very bad man."
Now, I get making your kid a little more cautious to his surroundings. But I can only assume how O now acts around this so called dangerous man. I asked him if he was ever mean to him or his mom and he said no. I said thats good, and asked him what he would ever do if anyone was mean to him or yelled at him or touched him in any way he didn't want him to. He said, "I would tell you or my dad or my mom." I said, exactly. Even if your mom is asleep or busy studying or WHATEVER she is doing, if someone does anything to you that you don't like, I promise you, she wants to know right away.
I think Eric plans to sit down with O and me and O's mom this weekend and just have us all talk to him about it so we are all on the same page. Eric is worried about O living there now. And sure, he may never lay a hand on O at all. But should O have to live in fear that he might?
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Jennifer - Married to DH 3.10.13 - Stepmom to 8yoDSS - TTC Cycle #4
Uhhh... I wouldn't feel comfortable AT ALL with my child living not only with a random ROOTMATE but the ROOMATES BOYFRIEND!! That's pretty much the beginning of every bad story there is!!!
If it were me I would put off the annoyance that she can't do crap herself, and go ahead and find any and every (cheaper) apartment possibility in the area and send them to her.
I think it's possible she didn't know going in, and now that she does she is taking action. I'd make sure that she knows you guys are wililng to help. I wouldn't hold it aaginst her (since she is trying to move out) and honestly I'd probably hunt down a few leads and send them to her.
I would definitely help her find a place ASAP for O's sake. I would also offer to take O more till she finds a new place. Don't make her confiding in you seem like you are using it against her though, or it may harm your relationship with her.
I agree. I know that she didn't know this going in.
I am worried for O. Very worried for O. I know she's in a rough spot because she wants to have him during her time and she deserves every second of her week with him. But we don't want him around the boyfriend.
Would it be wrong of us to ask that she and O stay at her parents house when the boyfriend is there?
Even if we offer to take him more until she finds a new place, I think she would see it as us trying to use that against her to get more time with him. She does get to see him 3x a week on our week at soccer practice and games now.
I will definitely have eric ask her if O is ever at the house without her. Like I wouldn't feel comfortable with the roommate watching him while she runs to the store. Even if the bf isnt there, what if he shows up?
I know that her confiding in me was a cry for help. You have all heard about our rocky relationship, and this is big. For her to tell me she doesn't feel safe, is essentially because she has nobody else to go to and doesn't know what to do.
Eric and I will be talking this weekend on how to approach this. We need to be smart about it. It's not like her to be vulnerable to us, so we don't want to ruin this trust she seems to have with us.
Thanks guys.
I know I ***** about her a lot. But she is O's mom and as long as she is doing well and being a good influence for him, which she is, I want her and O to be safe.
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Yeah I said to Eric, we need to put all animosity we are holding deep down for each other aside and HELP her right now. Not only do we want O safe, but we want her safe too, obviously.
I think it's awesome that you are willing to help her out and not hold this against her. I'd definitely send her any leads you can find on cheap, safe places for her to live. Maybe she isn't very computer savvy or something, or maybe she feels like she's looked in all the places she knows to look... I don't know? But definitely try to help her as much as possible. Hopefully she gets out quickly, for O's sake.
Uhhh... I wouldn't feel comfortable AT ALL with my child living not only with a random ROOTMATE but the ROOMATES BOYFRIEND!! That's pretty much the beginning of every bad story there is!!!
If it were me I would put off the annoyance that she can't do crap herself, and go ahead and find any and every (cheaper) apartment possibility in the area and send them to her.
Eric is trying to think this all over and see what the best route to take is. She's been known to say things and then flip flop and make it sound like he is accusing her of things. He's got to be smart about it.
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Jennifer - Married to DH 3.10.13 - Stepmom to 8yoDSS - TTC Cycle #4
I'd sit her down and ask her if she has looked into staying with her parents while she has O just until this boyfriend thing blows over and she finds something else. Bring a list of apartments with you, mark the ones that have openings now and stress the fact that O is so happy that she's home now and he loves her and you want things to continue to be good so you want to help her get into someplace safe quickly. If the roommate's boyfriend has a criminal record I'd bring that up and stress that you're worried about the BOTH of them.
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J Married to D 08.21.2009
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So she came to practice tonight. Got there a half hour into it cuz she was at school.
Her mom was there too. So her and I didn't chat much. My sister in law came so we each had someone to talk to lol.
I overheard her tell her mom, "No I don't think I will tell him until I have a place lined up. I am going to look at that once place I told you about on friday though. Its gated too so that will be nice. I guess he'll realize whats happening once I start boxing things up again. ugh i feel like I just did this!"
While it would be nice to give the kid a little notice that he's moving AGAIN, at least he's going with her this time. How she chooses to tell him is her business. We're probably gonna wait it out a little bit and see what happens. Eric will probably ask a few questions at the game on Saturday though. Like if he's ever home alone with the roommate. Just in case the boyfriend shows up. I don't think there's much we can do if she chooses to stay there until she finds a place.
it's hard too. because while she is taking the necessary steps to get him out of that situation, should he be in it until she finds a place? How quickly is she gonna be able to get into somewhere else?
he'll probably just find out what her setup is and offer for any time that she would have to leave him with the roommate to call us. Absolutely nothing against her, we just want him to be safe.
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Jennifer - Married to DH 3.10.13 - Stepmom to 8yoDSS - TTC Cycle #4
So she came to practice tonight. Got there a half hour into it cuz she was at school.
Her mom was there too. So her and I didn't chat much. My sister in law came so we each had someone to talk to lol.
I overheard her tell her mom, "No I don't think I will tell him until I have a place lined up. I am going to look at that once place I told you about on friday though. Its gated too so that will be nice. I guess he'll realize whats happening once I start boxing things up again. ugh i feel like I just did this!"
While it would be nice to give the kid a little notice that he's moving AGAIN, at least he's going with her this time. How she chooses to tell him is her business. We're probably gonna wait it out a little bit and see what happens. Eric will probably ask a few questions at the game on Saturday though. Like if he's ever home alone with the roommate. Just in case the boyfriend shows up. I don't think there's much we can do if she chooses to stay there until she finds a place.
it's hard too. because while she is taking the necessary steps to get him out of that situation, should he be in it until she finds a place? How quickly is she gonna be able to get into somewhere else?
he'll probably just find out what her setup is and offer for any time that she would have to leave him with the roommate to call us. Absolutely nothing against her, we just want him to be safe.
I think that's a good idea. Maybe offer to also let her "make up" any missed time with him from this once she's moved into her new place? That way it doesn't appear like you guys are trying "take" any of her time.
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1-18-12
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18.5 inches
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