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Need advice. Sort of urgent.


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  #1  
October 28th, 2012, 09:08 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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O's mom texted at 5:45 saying she'd be a little bit late picking him up.

She texted again at 6:30 and apologized and said her ride was taking forever.

She called Eric at 6:55 apologizing. Saying there was drama at the house and it took her a while to be able to leave. When Eric asked if it was safe for O to be there this is what she told him.
  • The boyfriend beat up her roommate on friday night
  • She told him not to come back
  • he came back
  • They were yelling and screaming tonight
  • O's moms friend got involved
  • It got physical
  • The friend beat the guy up
  • The guy left and was told to never show his face there again

I feel like it's time to be worried. We asked her to stay at her parents until the dust settles and her reply was, "I really need you to trust me to make the appropriate decisions to keep my son safe. I do not think he is coming back and I will not allow him to step foot into this house. If he so much as takes a step towards me or O i will crack his head open without a second thought."

I get that she doesn't think he will come back. But what if he does? ESPECIALLY now that HER FRIEND beat the guy up. So now she is involved. Which means O is involved.

Do we have any recourse here? They're at the house right now and she said the roommate isn't there and neither is the bf.
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  #2  
October 28th, 2012, 09:24 PM
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Would not let O go back to that house. She goes to her parents and STAYS there or she doesn't get him. What is she on where she thinks that's ok?
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  #3  
October 28th, 2012, 09:31 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
Would not let O go back to that house. She goes to her parents and STAYS there or she doesn't get him. What is she on where she thinks that's ok?
Do we have any legal recourse though? I know that she thinks she can keep him safe IF the guy does come back. But why should it even be risked?

O is with her, at the house right now, and I am terrified. Eric let O go with her, because we legally can't refuse him to her.

She promised Eric that if he even tried to come back, right after she called the cops, Eric would be the second person she called.

But the roommate has done this before. She kicks him out then lets him back. So since the roommate isnt there right now, what if she is off reconciling with the boyfriend?

I don't think O is safe there. We sat down with him tonight and explained that if the guy EVER makes O feel unsafe or scared for ANY reason, to let us know.

I just don't know what to do.
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  #4  
October 28th, 2012, 10:11 PM
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It depends on your county/city whether or not filing something with the court or calling the police would be an option.
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  #5  
October 28th, 2012, 10:23 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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As it stands right now, she feels they are safe. She said she told her roommate it's her house too and she doesn't want the boyfriend there for O's safety.

She promises to call us if he ever does show up and we can come get O to keep him safe till she moves her stuff out. She claims if he shows up, she's moving out that day.

I have a lawyer friend who is finding out if we have any more recourse than that.

At least she is being cooperative.
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  #6  
October 29th, 2012, 09:27 AM
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With the right attorney and right amount of money you could argue almost anything.
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  #7  
October 29th, 2012, 10:13 AM
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I'm not sure you'd have recourse. I just don't know. Unfortunately going to court would probably take to long.

While O probably isn't in physical danger as the boyfriend has issues with the girlfriend and not O & his mom, I really wouldn't want my kid exposed to that situation from a mental/emotional standpoint. You might have Eric point that out to her. It might be tricky because she seems to want to have some control over her life and her time with O (which is understandable albeit not so smart under the circumstances). I'm sure she's afraid if she agrees to have him go with you & Eric that it might be used against her in court.

When are the moving?
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  #8  
October 29th, 2012, 10:26 AM
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That is a really tough situation. Did anyone in her home call the police when all that happened?
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  #9  
October 29th, 2012, 11:17 AM
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if the poolice aren't invovloed you have a he said/she said situation, and without any definitive proof it would be hard to prove O would be in danger being there, and on top of it, the danger has left and the friend has stated the guy isn't welcome back. so honestly no I don't think you have any legal action here now.

taht doesn't mean you can't try though
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  #10  
October 29th, 2012, 09:27 PM
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We don't think we have much recourse at this point. Taking O from her again isn't something either of us wants to do.

She said the guy never came back last night. She says she doubts he will, but I said you never know with those types of people.

She promises to let us know (after calling the police) if he shows up again
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  #11  
October 30th, 2012, 12:28 AM
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If she thinks staying with her parents or leaving O with yall might make her look back, wait until something with this creep pops off while O is at the house and see how good THAT looks.
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  #12  
October 30th, 2012, 11:54 AM
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Perhaps she feels the risk that the boyfriend will come back is less than the risk that Eric will try to get full custody.
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  #13  
October 30th, 2012, 02:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Perhaps she feels the risk that the boyfriend will come back is less than the risk that Eric will try to get full custody.
That's not smart thinking though. I understand she wants to retain partial physical custody and I respect her doing whatever she can to keep that but I really think the line should be drawn at your child potentially being in danger because your roommate is romantically involved with a lunatic.
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  #14  
October 30th, 2012, 03:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
If she thinks staying with her parents or leaving O with yall might make her look back, wait until something with this creep pops off while O is at the house and see how good THAT looks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Perhaps she feels the risk that the boyfriend will come back is less than the risk that Eric will try to get full custody.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
That's not smart thinking though. I understand she wants to retain partial physical custody and I respect her doing whatever she can to keep that but I really think the line should be drawn at your child potentially being in danger because your roommate is romantically involved with a lunatic.
Exactly. I agree. She knows this guy better than we do, obviously.

However, that being said, she may think there is a 99.9% chance the guy won't come back.

But WHY, as a mother, take that .1% chance that he does?
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  #15  
October 30th, 2012, 04:16 PM
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I don't think you have any recourse. She's his mom and she gets to make the decisions for him when it's her time with him. You have to eventually trust her to make the right ones. Just because it's not a decision you would make doesn't mean it's the wrong decision.
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  #16  
October 30th, 2012, 05:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
I don't think you have any recourse. She's his mom and she gets to make the decisions for him when it's her time with him. You have to eventually trust her to make the right ones. Just because it's not a decision you would make doesn't mean it's the wrong decision.
Oh I'm not saying that just because I would choose differently makes her wrong. I am saying her putting her kid at risk because the guy *may* not come back makes it wrong.

We don't think we have much recourse either. He already tried to get her to stay at her parents while she has O. Aside from taking her to court which we do not want to do, we just have to keep our ears and eyes open.

I do think it's sad that she claims he is so safe, yet now he is sleeping in her room with her at night with the door locked. NOBODY should have to do that in their own home.
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  #17  
October 30th, 2012, 07:40 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I don't have any advice, but I'm sorry that you're in such a tough situation. It's got to be scary.
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  #18  
October 30th, 2012, 09:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
I don't have any advice, but I'm sorry that you're in such a tough situation. It's got to be scary.
Thanks. It's a tough one. We feel we did all we can. Going to court would just be to take O from her, and she doesn't deserve that. She feels she can keep him safe during her time... I guess we just have to trust her. She knows this guy better than we do. It's just that with the info she's given us, WE wouldn't trust him not to come back. Especially since he seems to come and go all the time.

Taking O from her would not benefit O. It would be yet another transition in his already unstable for so long life. He FINALLY has stability in both homes. Yes, she's moving a lot. But so is HE. HE gets to go where mom goes. Which hasn't always been the case. He's stoked about the move. Their own place. His own, real, bedroom.

At this point, I'm just being friendly with her and hoping she will tell us if something happens. We had a nice chat tonight at soccer. We chatted about O, what we can and can't get him to eat. Him sneaking candy. The funny things he says. Only once, when I mentioned Eric's family's meatloaf, did she comment, "Oh yes I remember his moms meatloaf." However, I just breezed past it. I reminded myself I don't have to "remember" his moms meatloaf, since she now considers me her daughter in law and I see her all the time. Deep breath, moved on. go me.
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  #19  
October 30th, 2012, 10:24 PM
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I wish she'd just play it safe and take O to her parents until she gets the funds to move out but at least the lanes of communication are open.
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  #20  
October 31st, 2012, 01:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
I wish she'd just play it safe and take O to her parents until she gets the funds to move out but at least the lanes of communication are open.
I agree with you. Neither of us likes that they are at that house. Every day that the guy doesn't show up is a "told you so" day in her mind. But what happens if he DOES show up. I dont WANT to be able to say told you so.

If we tried to take her to court, it would take forever, she would get pissed and cut off the open communication we have thus far.

Its a rock and hard place kind of situation
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