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  #1  
November 6th, 2012, 07:42 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It's been a very VERY difficult week with O.

And it's only Tuesday.

Sunday- He lied and told us he ate dinner at his moms house, in order to go play video games. 20 minutes later he says he is bored and hungry and then remembers that he "forgot" that he didn't actually eat yet that night. We have a long talk with him about lying. How it is becoming a habit for him and if he is caught lying again he will lose his video games for the week.

Monday- He continuously sprayed a can of febreze over and over. When told to stop, he sprayed it again. I middle named him and said Put it down right now, and he sprayed it once more and then set it down. He lost video games for the night when he did this.

Monday night- We were at Target, picking up a birthday present. I had to use the restroom, and I told O, "Stay in this little area by the bathrooms here. Do NOT move from this space. I will be out in 2 minutes. NO excuses, do NOT move from right here. I come out of the bathroom and he is GONE. I FLIP out. Ya know that feeling when you can't find your kid? Multiply it by a million when it's not YOUR kid. I check the dollar section by the bathrooms. I check out front. I am about to grab the security guy to do a lockdown when he walks out of the bathroom with a smile on his face. We had a VERY long talk about safety. And how if I can't trust him to stand outside the door, he will come in the ladies room with me. (Which I guess I should have had him do originally.)

This morning- He is playing video games before school. I walk in and say, "All ready for school?" "Yup." "Teeth brushed?" "Yup." I touch his toothbrush and it is bone dry. I walk back in the room, tell him to turn off the game and brush his teeth. We get in the car and I ask him why he lied to me. "I didn't wanna stop playing." We talked about how important it is to tell the truth, even if we make mistakes and think we will get in trouble. We even had struck a deal with him on Sunday that if he makes a mistake, but tells the TRUTH when asked about it, he won't get in trouble. (Risky game I know.)

Tonight. We stopped at McDonalds after his soccer practice. My SIL and niece came with us so we took them there to play for a bit. There was a kitten in the drive through and one of the employees was trying to catch it. I offered to help since I am an animal lover. I SPECIFICALLY TELL O to stay in the playplace with his aunt and cousin. He says ok. I'm up on the curb in the drive thru and 5 minutes later, O walks up to me. My sister in law comes running out with my niece and says "OMG did you know he came out here because he did NOT tell me he was coming out here. We were all in the playplace and I come down the slide and he was GONE."

Ladies, I am truly at a loss. I don't know what to do right now. I called Eric, he talked me down a bit and said we will have a very long talk with him tomorrow.

I know on Saturday he had to be dropped off here because his moms place wasn't safe for him. I know the CPS worker talked about his moms past with him. Maybe this stirred up some bad feelings from his past causing him to be acting out? I just don't know what to do. Sigh.
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  #2  
November 6th, 2012, 08:33 PM
stucklikeglue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would just make sure you stick with your punishments, take the cord from the game so it cant be played at all. Start using time out. Or add chores. While sticking g with your first punishment. Imho I would have taken the game away the first time, but since you gave him one more chance you should have taken it away this morning. Lying isn't cool.
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  #3  
November 6th, 2012, 08:59 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stucklikeglue View Post
I would just make sure you stick with your punishments, take the cord from the game so it cant be played at all. Start using time out. Or add chores. While sticking g with your first punishment. Imho I would have taken the game away the first time, but since you gave him one more chance you should have taken it away this morning. Lying isn't cool.
See the lying we feel like we can get a handle on. When he got the game taken away for the night it was because he didnt listen when I told him to do something. Which is something his teacher brought up at PT conferences that he doesnt listen first time told at school either.

The safety thing is my main concern right now.

He told me the McDonalds lady was going out there and he walked with her.

I said, "What was her name? Is she your aunt? Is she your babysitter? No she is a stranger, and if you had gotten hit by a car in that drive thru, she is not responsible for you."

I think our talk sunk in. I made sure he looked directly at me, (no looking around or playing with his clothes or anything.) I made sure to explain WHY I was upset. I apologized for raising my voice. I told him I love him. I told him more than anything he has had me scared these last 2 days. It was just a very long talk all about what we need to work on. When I tucked him in, I made sure to tell him again that I love him. And that I know he's an awesome kid, and I know we can get through this together as a family. poor kid had tears in his eyes when he said he loves me too. Heck I have tears in my eyes writing this because I just dont KNOW what is going on with him.

Even at soccer practice. He wasn't focused. He was acting like a spaz, the coach had to call his name on at least 10 occasions to tell him to pay attention. I told him he is the oldest one on his team and he needs to be setting an example. He's the big kid everyone wants to be like, he needs to be showing them the right way to act.

I know he's a good kid. I have always thought he was very polite and very well behaved. But these issues we are having lately are not good because it's all the sudden and all the time. I think maybe we all 3 need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart. See whats going on in his brain.
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  #4  
November 6th, 2012, 09:32 PM
stucklikeglue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My dss is going through the lying phase / if I'm not asked I'm not telling phase. I hope the heart to heart worked and he starts listening to you all. My dp says I don't have a nice mommy mode or switch in me. So I'm not really much help I guess. I love all my kids bio or not but if one of them doesn't want to listen or lies and I catch them grounded from their fav thing. Usually the boys is games and dsd is Tv. Hopefully its just all the tension going on between the cps and roommates bf issues hes dealing with. Gl
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  #5  
November 7th, 2012, 06:21 AM
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I don't think this is just stirred up feelings and emotions because he's done this before.

Stop giving him opportunities to lie. The video games, in our house anyway, would be gone until he could prove he'd learned something about listening and not lying. Right now he knows if he lies he loses privileges for a short period and then they come back. I think you'd get much different results if he knew they were gone indefinitely until he could shape up. Also, the chances to lie would be gone. I'm not asking you if you've brushed your teeth because history shows all you're going to do is lie. So I'm going to automatically check your toothbrush or better yet watch you do it like you're 3 because one thing you will NOT do is lie to me.
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  #6  
November 7th, 2012, 07:56 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We have dealt with video game issues in our house too. This is what we have done that has helped.

*NO video games before school.
*On weekends video games are only allowed AFTER they have eaten breakfast, done chores, and taken showers-got dressed-and brushed teeth and hair.

We have also made them earn video games. It is not a given anymore. For older son who can give attitude we say that if he gives us attitude before school or during homework time he will not play video games that evening. For ss if he "forgets" any homework assignments/or to study for tests/quizzes he will not get video games that night. So each day they have to earn them.

It has helped us to not only cut down on video gaming, but to improve areas they needed improvement in.

Maybe you can do something similar for O since he loves video games? Tie him earning them into him being honest.
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  #7  
November 7th, 2012, 09:41 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I don't have a lot of time and the other ladies have offered some great advice, so I'll just send you some and maybe a little . Y'all will get through this stage!
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  #8  
November 7th, 2012, 12:48 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
I don't think this is just stirred up feelings and emotions because he's done this before.

Stop giving him opportunities to lie. The video games, in our house anyway, would be gone until he could prove he'd learned something about listening and not lying. Right now he knows if he lies he loses privileges for a short period and then they come back. I think you'd get much different results if he knew they were gone indefinitely until he could shape up. Also, the chances to lie would be gone. I'm not asking you if you've brushed your teeth because history shows all you're going to do is lie. So I'm going to automatically check your toothbrush or better yet watch you do it like you're 3 because one thing you will NOT do is lie to me.
this. ((hugs)) Unfortunately, this is something we've had to do with Will.
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  #9  
November 7th, 2012, 03:58 PM
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I don't have any advice but (((((hugs))))))
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  #10  
November 7th, 2012, 04:20 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks guys.

Today he misbehaved on his field trip. Horseplaying and yelling on the bus. He doesn't get to go on the next field trip unless he earns it back.

Poor kiddo. I don't know what's gotten into him.

He wrote a letter to his teacher apologizing, and one to me apologizing for everything he's done this week and why it was wrong. He has lost all privileges except reading and drawing.

I asked him what's going on in his head that has him so un focused. He told me something is bothering him. I asked him what and he said, "I'm scared to go back to my moms house because of that man." I asked him if he has ever been mean to O and he said no. I asked him why he is scared of him and he said, "Because of what my mom told me he did." And I said what did she tell you? He said, "That he punched A and he pushed A into a wall. That's not nice."

I still for the life of me don't understand why they give an 8 year old so much information.

Anyway, we didn't let him use that guy as an excuse for behavior but we did address it. BM is actually moving this weekend so we told him he has nothing to worry about.
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  #11  
November 7th, 2012, 06:13 PM
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Uhm....what good does telling him that do? Like was it to make him aware and keep him safe? Or....I can't think of any other reason that'd be optimal so I hope that was it.

At least he's learning that there's still expectations even when the world is kinda fubar'd.
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  #12  
November 7th, 2012, 06:40 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
Uhm....what good does telling him that do? Like was it to make him aware and keep him safe? Or....I can't think of any other reason that'd be optimal so I hope that was it.

At least he's learning that there's still expectations even when the world is kinda fubar'd.
Exactly. What's wrong with, "We kinda wanna stay away from A's boyfriend. He's not very nice. Let me know if he ever does anything to make you uncomfortable." Done.

I talked to his mom tonight at soccer. We had a long talk about what he's been doing this week. She claims he has ADD and if this continues he WILL need to be medicated. (Nobody has ever diagnosed him with ADD, but she tells him all the time that he has it. And often tells him the reason he can't focus is because he has ADD like mommy.) But in regards to the lying and the leaving where he is supposed to be she was right on the same page. She pulled him aside after his practice and had a talk with him. I mean, he was sitting on her lap and she was stroking his hair while telling him he needs to listen better and such, but to each his own lol.

He knocked a kid over and then laughed at him on his way to come get water. I held onto his water and talked to him about why that wasn't nice etc. He tried to pull his water to him and I said no we are talking. So he rolls his eyes at me and grabs his moms water. I said Put that down this second. I am talking to you. So on the way home we talked about how he cannot play us against each other because newsflash we are on the same team. Even though he is with me his mom is still his mom and vice versa.

It's gonna be a long rest of the week!
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  #13  
November 7th, 2012, 07:01 PM
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He seems to be outgrowing those britches mighty quickly....he needs to slow his roll.

If you tell a child they have a disease often enough and use it to excuse their behavior they will play on that consistently. That needs to be nipped in the bud now.
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  #14  
November 7th, 2012, 07:21 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I'm so glad we don't have a video game problem. I'm expecting it to be hell when he gets his DS for Christmas and he doesn't get to play it when ever the hey he wants to at our house.


*hugs* to you. It sounds like he needs to learn what it is to be in trouble, hopefully his mom sticks to punishments with you, if not with 50/50 I doubt you'll get far.
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  #15  
November 7th, 2012, 07:51 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
He seems to be outgrowing those britches mighty quickly....he needs to slow his roll.

If you tell a child they have a disease often enough and use it to excuse their behavior they will play on that consistently. That needs to be nipped in the bud now.
Yeah he's definitely in a phase of testing what he can and can't get away with. And it's getting really old.

I HATE that she tells him he has ADD. It's the same thing like when she told him she couldn't take care of him because she was sick and drinking too much alcohol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
I'm so glad we don't have a video game problem. I'm expecting it to be hell when he gets his DS for Christmas and he doesn't get to play it when ever the hey he wants to at our house.


*hugs* to you. It sounds like he needs to learn what it is to be in trouble, hopefully his mom sticks to punishments with you, if not with 50/50 I doubt you'll get far.
We don't even have elaborate systems! We have a nintendo 64 and a Wii with like 2 games. He is glued to the N64 all day if we let him be. It's terrible.

It sounds like she plans to stick with this. She told us last week that he has been defiant with her and she is losing her patience. Up until this week we hadn't seen much that couldn't be easily corrected.

Right now, he is getting ready for bed and moping around the house saying my niece is so lucky because she never gets in trouble.
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  #16  
November 7th, 2012, 08:03 PM
stucklikeglue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Im sorry you are going through this, Just remember to stand your ground or he will learn that if he begs, screams, or cries he will get what he wants. It can be tempting to let them have their way so you can get done what you need to get done but in the long run it will be worse. (not saying youre doing this! I just see a LOT of parents do this and it drives me crazy. Actually I do this with my 11 month old by picking her up after 10-20 min of her screaming or crying just because I cant stand to hear her anymore. but I also believe you cant spoil a baby and because she cant exactly tell me whats wrong I have to figure it out. even if its just holding her because she wants to be loved/comforted.)
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  #17  
November 7th, 2012, 09:13 PM
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Oh boo hoo. Poor him having to learn to listen so he can stay safe. The horror. /sarcasm
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  #18  
November 7th, 2012, 09:20 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Tisk tisk tisk. Way too info from mom. I agree with Ember, stop giving him the chance to lie. We have it so that Kev has to earn his time daily and even then, it's only 30 mins per day. The other 30 he banks towards the weekend. It's not perfect, but it's working and he's learned to play with is toys again. Good luck. But nip this in the bud now before it's way too late.
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  #19  
November 7th, 2012, 09:27 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I've been thinking that every week he needs to earn any time at all. So like Sunday night, we usually don't have him play anyway because we do a family night. I'm thinking none whatsoever before school and as long as he has a good afternoon, he can earn 30 min of play time AFTER his shower and before bed.

I'm just hoping we can get to the bottom of this. This Sunday when BM picks him up, they'll be going to their new place. I just hope it is better for him and doesn't throw him off more. Like the place has 24 total apartments, and it's smack dab in the middle of a bad neighborhood. She claims its afforable housing, but its a 3 bedroom apt for $710 a month. I Pay $995 a month for my FOUR BEDROOM HOUSE. Comparatively, she could have found a 2 bedroom for about $650 in a nice neighborhood. Oh well.

In her defense, I think she is doing the best she can. She THINKS she needs to over inform him so he has all the info he needs. But she's giving him TOO MUCH info. We would NEVER tell him half the things she does. Because it's unnecessary.

Sigh. I just want this kiddo to be happy. We were doing so well.
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  #20  
November 8th, 2012, 08:22 AM
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I agree get ride of the games. now my kids aren't big into games, but nothign is turned on in the mornings. I mean nothing. no tv. no video games, not toys nothing. you get up, get ready for school and go about your morning routine, get in the car and go to school.

at home at night nothing is turned on until home work is done, and supper is ate. after that it's time for pjs (usually) and brushing teeth, then and only then do they get a chance to watch tv or play the Wii or whatever else.

oh and I super vise teeth brushing evne at 8 and 10, and if I don't actually stand in there, I send them in and they have to come to me to check once they are done (I inspect teeth and breath) and if they aren't cleaned they go back in, and repeat until they actualy brush properly. I don't ask did you, kids are lazy by nature when something isn't fun, and brushing teeth isn't fun.

good luck!
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