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  #21  
November 27th, 2012, 09:57 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I have to admit, I saw your name as the author of the post following mine and my mind went, "Oh crap, here we go". I'm glad I was wrong.
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  #22  
November 27th, 2012, 11:37 AM
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Hey when you're right I agree with you
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  #23  
November 27th, 2012, 12:29 PM
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Oh I'm not saying everything he's doing is totally innocent. But going to the Drs appointments and checking up on his son are fine... it just seems like to me she doesn't want him to have any contact with the ex, even for something like the doctors appointments.

I do think they need therapy, and he needs to get over his ex. And hour long phone calls are unnecessary, but a few minutes a few times a week to see how his boy is doing are not a big deal.
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  #24  
November 28th, 2012, 10:24 PM
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Thank you much everyone for lending your insight as well as letting me vent. It really helps to hear a number of different perspectives on the situation. Two days until counseling...I'm anxious to hear what the counselor suggests.
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  #25  
November 29th, 2012, 06:20 AM
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I dont think I have anything to really say, I really like Kayla's response! I have jealous tendencies although something things from the past have made them shine. I know I couldnt be with a man who spends hours on the phone with his ex, but that may have to do with the ex lol

I do believe you two need to sit and talk about what you two really do want out of this relationship, how you can achieve it, and how xyz make you feel while in it. and then try with good effort to fix it. I hope the therapy goes well and puts you both on the right track
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  #26  
November 29th, 2012, 06:42 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
...going to the Drs appointments and checking up on his son are fine... it just seems like to me she doesn't want him to have any contact with the ex, even for something like the doctors appointments.

I do think they need therapy, and he needs to get over his ex. And hour long phone calls are unnecessary, but a few minutes a few times a week to see how his boy is doing are not a big deal.
I don't disagree with this. I'm fairly sure that I said so in my first response.

I just disagree with the notion that, given all of the circumstances, the OP's discomfort with the situation is unreasonable. I don't think she sounds overly jealous or irrational. To me, it sounds like she has live-in partner with whom she's expecting a child, and this partner has admitted to struggling with feelings for his ex and has tried to reconcile with his ex somewhat recently. He seems to be struggling to draw clear boundaries in his interactions with said ex in maintaining a good co-parenting relationship. He has admitted that some of those appointments, haircuts, whatever stir up those emotions further. I think her unease is totally valid. It's intimidating to be in a new relationship with someone with a child/children with a previous partner, especially if you've not experienced those things yourself. I can only imagine how that feeling must intensify if the person isn't really making clear definitions about where everyone stands and has a lot of unresolved emotions about their ex.

They can be absolutely valid feelings without it meaning that he should have zero contact with his ex to keep his current partner happy (which, personally, I don't get the impression that that's what she's asking for or expecting).

Good luck with your therapy session! Keep us posted!
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  #27  
November 29th, 2012, 06:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
I don't disagree with this. I'm fairly sure that I said so in my first response.

I just disagree with the notion that, given all of the circumstances, the OP's discomfort with the situation is unreasonable. I don't think she sounds overly jealous or irrational. To me, it sounds like she has live-in partner with whom she's expecting a child, and this partner has admitted to struggling with feelings for his ex and has tried to reconcile with his ex somewhat recently. He seems to be struggling to draw clear boundaries in his interactions with said ex in maintaining a good co-parenting relationship. He has admitted that some of those appointments, haircuts, whatever stir up those emotions further. I think her unease is totally valid. It's intimidating to be in a new relationship with someone with a child/children with a previous partner, especially if you've not experienced those things yourself. I can only imagine how that feeling must intensify if the person isn't really making clear definitions about where everyone stands and has a lot of unresolved emotions about their ex.

They can be absolutely valid feelings without it meaning that he should have zero contact with his ex to keep his current partner happy (which, personally, I don't get the impression that that's what she's asking for or expecting).

Good luck with your therapy session! Keep us posted!

My only thing with this is that while those appointments might stir up those feelings, him just avoiding them isn't a realistic option. He's got to work through them, especially the doctor appointments because that's the health of his kid ya know?
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  #28  
November 29th, 2012, 07:14 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Right - which is why I said her unease can be totally valid without it meaning that he needs to stop interacting with his ex.
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  #29  
December 5th, 2012, 01:51 PM
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Thanks, everyone. We went to our therapy session last week and the counselor made a point, which was that what I am doing now--trying to police or control his actions--isn't working. She suggested that I back off a bit, which I am trying to do. In turn, I've noticed the long conversations have ended on his part as well. And he seems to be making an effort to give me the heads-up when she will be around during visits.

Still lots of work to do in our relationship, but hopefully, this is the start of something positive. Again, I sincerely appreciate everyone offering insight as it is very helpful to hear different perspectives on our situation.

To clarify, I was initially very happy for my boyfriend when he and his ex started communicating again and he got visitation rights for his son back. I really would like for them to co-parent in a healthy way for the sake of their son. I do realize that it is important that he be there for things like checkups. My discomfort with the situation really started when I noticed the lengthy conversations between them and deleted text messages.
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  #30  
December 6th, 2012, 07:36 AM
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I'm glad you guys seem to be getting on a healthy path!
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