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  #1  
November 14th, 2012, 01:56 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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This has always bugged me, and I don't know how people handle it.

We are supposed to have Reme every other Christmas. Instead, we split the day in half, and he comes to spend the afternoon/evening with us.

Right now this poses no problems, but what happens when we have a child?

so a wwyd sort of thing.

Would you make the child who lives at home full time wait half the day to open their presents? Or would you just set aside some presents so everyone can open something while the Step child was at the house?

2010 was the first time ever we didn't spring out of bed wake up mom and open our gifts. Seriously, I was 27 before our Christmas tree didn't come first. The idea that we would have to wait for my sister to open our gifts as kids just makes my head hurt. And the idea of telling a little child "no, you can't have your presents until supper time even though you've been awake since 4am because your brother isn't here" just feels so mean to me!

Do any of you deal with this?
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  #2  
November 14th, 2012, 03:28 PM
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Our situation is a little different. We never have dsd on Christmas. So we do our thing. Then when she comes a few days later, she has her stocking & opens her presents from us & her stocking. Santa comes to their house. None of the kids every had an issue.

I think if I were in your situation, I'd let the kids do their Santa stuff and then wait for the family presents until Reme got there. Most likely they'll be busy enjoying their Santa gifts & not be bothered by it.
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  #3  
November 14th, 2012, 04:11 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We have O for Christmas morning this year. We had him Christmas morning last year too.

Next year, we have him from 10am on Christmas until the next day. When we have kids, O will be old enough to not have to wait for.

What time does Reme come to you guys? is there the option of trading off who gets him Christmas MORNING every other year? Or do you guys always get him in the afternoon?

If that were the case, I wouldnt make my kids wait, I would explain to Reme (assuming he still believed) that Santa knew youd be at mommys house so he brought your presents there first. But he dropped off your presents for daddys house here for you. maybe give the other child the option of saving a few to open with Reme for picture purposes?
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  #4  
November 14th, 2012, 06:27 PM
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If we waited it would be days and not fair to the siblings at home. This will be our first one with all of them. Normally, we would leave her stuff and let her open them when she arrived.
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  #5  
November 14th, 2012, 07:27 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
We have O for Christmas morning this year. We had him Christmas morning last year too.

Next year, we have him from 10am on Christmas until the next day. When we have kids, O will be old enough to not have to wait for.

What time does Reme come to you guys? is there the option of trading off who gets him Christmas MORNING every other year? Or do you guys always get him in the afternoon?

If that were the case, I wouldnt make my kids wait, I would explain to Reme (assuming he still believed) that Santa knew youd be at mommys house so he brought your presents there first. But he dropped off your presents for daddys house here for you. maybe give the other child the option of saving a few to open with Reme for picture purposes?
Santa comes to both houses here . I'm trying to figure a way to break that habit in the next year or so with out bursting his santa loving bubble.

We are supposed to technically alternate holidays. But it ended up being drama last year so DH just said screw it and we'll get him sometime between 2 and 5pm on Christmas day. I know 2 doesn't seem all that late, but by 2pm when I was his age Christmas dinner was over and the dishes were done and it was nap time lol. It really bugged me last year to wait.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who wouldn't want to make other kids wait. DH and I were talking about it and he is very firm in that we will just have to deal and wait for Reme. But if roles were reversed he'd say "we can't make him wait until so and so gets here, that's cruel." ugh.
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  #6  
November 14th, 2012, 09:26 PM
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Maybe when the time comes he will come around. Hopefully. TBH its really only happened once and we waited. but after that I was sure to make sure that we had them at the same time. Somehow we split Christmas day aswell and IT SUCKS because when we do have dp's kids A has to wait. We open presents here and then go to gmas house and do family time there so either way we are waiting. I hate it, I really do. But I dont see another option because Im spoiled and want my son on Christmas as well so there is no way we could do the one year on one year off deal. :/
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  #7  
November 14th, 2012, 10:12 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Maybe when you have other kids, Reme's mom will understand that he might want to open his presents with his siblings.

By the time we have a kid that will actually care, I'm thinking 2 yrs old, Owen will be 11 or 12. Hopefully BM will understand that Owen will want to open presents with his siblings, (that is, if he DOES, lol,) and maybe we can work out getting him earlier on Christmas day if it is her turn, kwim?

I've thought a lot about how much Owen will miss out on. When I have birthdays, if it is BM's week, we will be celebrating with our kid(s) and not Owen. My birthday is this Friday and we don't have Owen We are taking him to his game the next day though because BM can't go, so at least theres that.
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  #8  
November 15th, 2012, 08:14 AM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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We always have the boys on Christmas. BM wanted them Christmas eve and she doesn't even take them on Thanksgiving most of the time. But this year I don't think the boys will be going over there at all becuase she is just living with some friends and TBH we think she is back on pills. So we don't even know how long she will keep her visits.
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  #9  
November 15th, 2012, 08:22 AM
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That's a good point. By the time your child is old enough to understand Santa, Reme most likely won't believe anymore. That will make it much easier.
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  #10  
November 15th, 2012, 09:48 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
That's a good point. By the time your child is old enough to understand Santa, Reme most likely won't believe anymore. That will make it much easier.
DH was 12 before he stopped believing, I was 16 and L was 13... we still have a few years. Especially since he's several years behind in development. I was Reme's age when I got my first brother, 9.5 when I got my second... so I've btdt in this case.

He's also got a big mouth, so we are never telling him there's no Santa or his siblings won't believe at all because he isn't the kind of kid who could keep it a secret. And that little quirk seems to be getting worse the older he gets instead of better. Instead, once he insists there is no Santa he will get a letter from the FatMan thanking him for all his years of making Christmas Miracles and now it's time for Santa to stop sending him presents and instead Mommy and Daddy will take over. Yeah... we sat and worked that one out last year after a little kid at school made him cry about there being no Santa.
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  #11  
November 15th, 2012, 10:16 AM
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I'd say just decide. the new child won't ever know any different so it probably won't be any big deal.
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  #12  
November 15th, 2012, 10:58 AM
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I'm just going on my experience - dd was always suspicious but was 9 when the kids at school started talking about it. Also we live in a very culturally diverse area so she has tons of kids in her school that don't celebrate Christmas at all.
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Last edited by My2miracles; November 15th, 2012 at 02:05 PM.
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  #13  
November 15th, 2012, 11:10 AM
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My situation is weird. My ex and I don't have a court order visitation agreement. I have always had DD on Christmas morning and he would get her Christmas after lunch.

Since we moved an hour away, he wants DD the entire day. Thankfully, he compromised and is getting DD the 21st to the afternoon of the 24th. That's going to be rough because my DH gets his girls Christmas Eve and will have to take them back before I get my DD. The girls wont be together for our first family Christmas together.

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  #14  
November 15th, 2012, 04:52 PM
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Before W&C lived with us, we had two Christmas mornings. We would do our thing with Daniel in the morning (and my older kids) and then when they came over we had another Christmas morning. We always set aside a few gifts for Daniel to open at that time.
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  #15  
November 15th, 2012, 11:35 PM
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Nothing wrong with letting your child open presents Christmas morning especially those from 'Santa'! We waited the first year Chloe went to Texas for her to get back on the 2nd. I didn't like it much. We won't have Julie and Kaylee this Christmas eve/ morning this time around so I'm not sure what things will look like.
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  #16  
November 19th, 2012, 06:15 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Since we only have my dsc to worry about at this point, there's nothing too complicated about our Christmases. On even years, they're with bm for Christmas and on odd years, they're with us. When they're with her for Christmas, we have either had a 'Christmas morning' with them the week before Christmas or the week after. When we did it before, dh and I also opened gifts from my il's so it felt more Christmas-morning-esque. That said, with so many children there would probably have been enough chaos that it would feel like Christmas morning even if we didn't open anything with them.

When I was a kid and had step-siblings on each side of the family, we did things a couple of different ways. I spent the entire day (Christmas Eve + Christmas Day) with one parent each year, alternating years. My stepmom's daughter never spent Christmas with her dad (she would occasionally see him shortly before or after Christmas but it wasn't every year - he didn't practice any regular visitation with her whatsoever so it was kind of unpredictable) and my stepdad's daughters spent Christmas Eve and then a couple of hours on Christmas morning with their bm, and then came to our house for the rest of Christmas Day (they usually showed up between 9-10 AM). If my brother and I were with my mom and stepdad, we would wait for the girls to come over and it really wasn't a big deal. That said, 9-10 AM is a lot more reasonable than 2 PM. When we were with my dad/stepmom, all 3 of us were there so it was fairly simple. We would see the other parent (who we did not spend Christmas with) on Boxing Day, and they always recreated a Christmas Day on Boxing Day too (but our step-siblings who were always with their respective parents on Christmas did not have to wait for Boxing Day for their gifts, and it never offended me - they would wait for the ones from my brother and I, or if there were any 'family gifts' but that's it).
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