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  #21  
December 6th, 2012, 11:01 AM
stucklikeglue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
I wouldn't consider his grandparents just anyone or outsiders. He has a right to have time with them as well. Just a thought.
Not sure if this was referring to me. If so there is a lot of background there and why I dont just say hey you want your grandson/granddaughter for the weekend or a day...
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  #22  
December 6th, 2012, 02:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stucklikeglue View Post
Not sure if this was referring to me. If so there is a lot of background there and why I dont just say hey you want your grandson/granddaughter for the weekend or a day...

No it wasn't referring to you at all. It was about comment that bm sends him to his grandparents during her time instead of to his dads. O has a right to know his grandparents & bm is allowed to support that. And if she has work or school during her time with him, there is no reason why he can't go to his grandparents imo.
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  #23  
December 6th, 2012, 02:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
No it wasn't referring to you at all. It was about comment that bm sends him to his grandparents during her time instead of to his dads. O has a right to know his grandparents & bm is allowed to support that. And if she has work or school during her time with him, there is no reason why he can't go to his grandparents imo.
under normal circumstances that would be true. but if the custody order is writen that the bio parents need to sek out the other bio parent for first right then it wouldn't be that way. so it's all subjective to that.

nothing wrong with the grandparnts caring for the child. but if the other parent is supposed to get the child first, then yes there is.
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  #24  
December 6th, 2012, 02:43 PM
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I don't think it's oh she's not using her time wisely as in goofing off just that her having life stuff to do doesn't mean the father should lose his time.

First right of refusal...I dunno that's tricky. Yes children should know their grandparents (provided they're contributing to the child in a positive fashion) but at the same time if a child LIVES with a stepparent them having a good (or at least working) relationship with them is important as well.
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  #25  
December 6th, 2012, 02:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by w292737 View Post
under normal circumstances that would be true. but if the custody order is writen that the bio parents need to sek out the other bio parent for first right then it wouldn't be that way. so it's all subjective to that.

nothing wrong with the grandparnts caring for the child. but if the other parent is supposed to get the child first, then yes there is.
Yeah wasn't addressing that either. I'm unsure if they have that in their decree. Was just addressing that it's ok for kids to go to their grandparents. Dh doesn't have that in his decree. When dsd stays with us for 3 weeks of the summer, we both work & she's home with the kids & the nanny.
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  #26  
December 6th, 2012, 07:11 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for all your replies. Lots of good input.

Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
No it wasn't referring to you at all. It was about comment that bm sends him to his grandparents during her time instead of to his dads. O has a right to know his grandparents & bm is allowed to support that. And if she has work or school during her time with him, there is no reason why he can't go to his grandparents imo.
I totally agree he needs time with his grandparents. I do think its a little different than a stepparent though. I am parenting him, they arent. Yes they deserve to see him a lot too. I was not saying they shouldnt. I was moreso saying if shes going to leave him with them instead of his dad then its just as fair to leave him with me instead of her.

O doesnt see his maternal grandmother unless we go over there. A grandparent role is different than a parent role, IMO.

Poor choice of words. Not that she isnt using her time properly. But just because she isnt able to spend every day during her week with him shouldnt be a reason for us to lose our time that we DO want to spend with him.

A lot of people say I have a very unique step parenting viewpoint. I consider O as my own and don't see it as an imposition when I have him when Eric isn't here. I'm exhausted, but I love when he snuggles up to me and I can tell he appreciates all I do for him. We are very close, we bonded a lot when I was his only caretaker. (Only at night because Eric works nights.)
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  #27  
December 6th, 2012, 07:43 PM
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L loves that I have that view point about Reme. We've been discussing the "what if's" lately and she wants to make sure if something happened to her or DH, that the other would ensure he got to see the step parent in question as regularly as possible.. because in his little eyes, we are all his parents, and it's very important to both her and DH that those parents stay involved (if we wish of course) to an extent.

Not an overly common view from my experience, and it makes me glad to know that if something happened to DH, she'd let him see me, and spend time with me. Even if it meant a week in Canada with me.
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  #28  
December 6th, 2012, 09:39 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
L loves that I have that view point about Reme. We've been discussing the "what if's" lately and she wants to make sure if something happened to her or DH, that the other would ensure he got to see the step parent in question as regularly as possible.. because in his little eyes, we are all his parents, and it's very important to both her and DH that those parents stay involved (if we wish of course) to an extent.

Not an overly common view from my experience, and it makes me glad to know that if something happened to DH, she'd let him see me, and spend time with me. Even if it meant a week in Canada with me.
Eric and I, before I even met O, had a lengthy discussion. He wanted to make sure we were on the same page. We knew there was a connection, but before he brought me into O's life, he wanted to make sure I wanted to be there.

I was on a different forum and the ladies were saying how they married their husbands, NOT their husbands kids. I'm sorry, but I feel that O is a part of Eric, and if I refused to let him into my life as my own, then Eric wanted nothing to do with me. he was VERY upfront about it, and I respected him immensely. He said even if he fell head over heels in love with me, if O didn't like me, we wouldn't be together. He puts his son first, and even though he hasn't been with O's mom while O was alive aside from maybe 6 months, he is an amazing dad. I love being a part of his family and can't wait till the wedding so we can start making another one! lol
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  #29  
December 6th, 2012, 10:19 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
Eric and I, before I even met O, had a lengthy discussion. He wanted to make sure we were on the same page. We knew there was a connection, but before he brought me into O's life, he wanted to make sure I wanted to be there.

I was on a different forum and the ladies were saying how they married their husbands, NOT their husbands kids. I'm sorry, but I feel that O is a part of Eric, and if I refused to let him into my life as my own, then Eric wanted nothing to do with me. he was VERY upfront about it, and I respected him immensely. He said even if he fell head over heels in love with me, if O didn't like me, we wouldn't be together. He puts his son first, and even though he hasn't been with O's mom while O was alive aside from maybe 6 months, he is an amazing dad. I love being a part of his family and can't wait till the wedding so we can start making another one! lol
My whole life, I never wanted step kids. I had a few dating rules. No Military men (I am not that diciplined, I would have a nervous break down in weeks), and no men with kids. It was pretty simple.

And then these two ruffians come along... I think I fell in love with Reme first. LOL. My mom was worried for a while I would struggle.. and I have, but not with my choice.. with becoming a parent to a half grown child who's as stubborn as a mule.

I'd never change a thing. I knew that marrying DH meant having Reme as part of the package. There was no other choice. And I think I got really lucky. I have friends who's step kids aren't adapting well... And we had a few bad months back in the beginning where i did think I was crazy. But now? Pfft. These two boys are the best thing that ever happened to me.

But he so needs to stop asking for a brother or a sister.... he wants one in his stocking.
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  #30  
December 7th, 2012, 07:31 AM
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I agree that it's fine that O be with you when Eric is away. Dsd stays with me when it's our time even if dh is working or away. Also it's ok for Bm to have O go to his grandparents when it's her time with him.
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