[plan4fate]

Reme's in trouble at school (I don't have the details yet), but rather than just telling DH that x happened and this is the punishment, L called and said "what are we going to do."

Co parenting at it's finest.. and it's so nice to say that with out sarcasm!



(from what I gather, he's gotten violent at school, sounds like he kicked a little girl. Very un Reme, since this kid is girl crazy...)

Oh even better...

DH: "I'll confer with the evil master of psychological warfare here and see what she can come up with."
L: "Oh, evil, I like it. Tell her the more evil, the better."

YAY i get to co-parent too!

[Ember Rose]

Reme is a little ladies man isn't he? I wonder if she popped him first...hm.


Do tell us what you end up coming up with though. *rubs hands together*

[plan4fate]

Alright. He's done 3 things this week, we will give him "you're in trouble" for two, but not the kicking part.

Reme has space issues. You cannot get in his space if he doesn't want you there, his little brain snaps. She was putting him in pretend jail. So she either grabbed him, or got in his space is our guess (we will talk to him tomorrow, he refuses to talk to his mom). We plan on taking the "we get it" stance with this one and tell him we fully understand that he doesn't like people touching him or being too close, but that he cannot hurt them. To just get away from them, and if it persists to go find a teacher.

Strangely enough DH and I were discussing a similar incident from the 80's with DH during a game of tag where he tagged a girl, and because she didn't want to be it she raked her fingernails down his arms. He ended up getting paddled for picking on the girls *rolls eyes*.



Second incident, isn't a big one, but easy enough to address. He took a pencil off the teachers desk, which is a big no no. Simple enough to repeat what L told him "you cannot take what isn't yours, that's stealing."


The third one.. is annoying. Some of the older kids taught him how to flip someone off. Reme thinks it's hilarious, so he starts doing it in class. Pointing at everything with his middle finger and laughing his butt off over how funny it is to use his middle finger. Apparently they also told him that you flip people off with your little finger in China... I'm not even going to bother to verify that.

Psychological war fare happens here. Reme's terrified of pink. If he continues to point at things with his middle or little finger, we will paint his nails pink AND take away all his "manly" toys (which equates to EVERYTHING he owns) for one week. The toys alone should stop him, but the back up is the pink nail polish. He'd totally go for green, or black, red or heck even purple.... but Pink... nope, that's where he draws the line.

We could go meaner, but we'll start there. My mom would have threatened to cut off the finger had we tried that...and while it totally worked on me... didn't have an effect on my brothers at all. ( I mean, who wants to risk losing a finger?!)

[Stepmom2Be]

hahaha.

O went through a phase of "What can I get away with," in 1st grade. Eric used to wake up for work at 2:30 then go pick up Owen in his pjs and go home and get ready but the teacher was constantly waiting at car pickup so Eric was like, "I have to get dressed every day cuz I never know when I have to go to the principals office!"

Consistency is key. So is sticking to your guns. He'll get it. Seems like he' realizing he doesn't *have* to do everything someone tells him to do.

Ohh boys! lol

[plan4fate]

Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be

hahaha.

O went through a phase of "What can I get away with," in 1st grade. Eric used to wake up for work at 2:30 then go pick up Owen in his pjs and go home and get ready but the teacher was constantly waiting at car pickup so Eric was like, "I have to get dressed every day cuz I never know when I have to go to the principals office!"

Consistency is key. So is sticking to your guns. He'll get it. Seems like he' realizing he doesn't *have* to do everything someone tells him to do.

Ohh boys! lol

Yup, Reme's in 1st... He and L were on the phone and I was here going "oh no.. we're at *that* age."

I think this age, and the time where they want to start dating are probably going to be the worst. And L was an only child, so she didn't get to see other's going through it too.

[Ember Rose]

"If all of your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it?" is ringing in my head right now.

I laughed at the fact he kicked the little girl. I know that makes me the worst person ever but...well I laughed.

[Admin-Rachel]

so glad to hear y'all can work together!

[plan4fate]

Originally Posted by Ember Rose

"If all of your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it?" is ringing in my head right now.

I laughed at the fact he kicked the little girl. I know that makes me the worst person ever but...well I laughed.

He will kick a full grown adult if they get in his space. Shopping during busy times of the day can be helluva interesting with this kid.

But at the same time, he has no concept of anyone elses personal space. We are supposed to talk to him about this stuff tonight, since he is just ignoring his mom.

[My2miracles]

It's great that you all are working together! Sounds like Reme needs some strategies to handle situations that make him uncomfortable.

[stucklikeglue]

Obviously Im jumping in on a forum where topics have already been discussed, so sorry for asking.. Why makes Reme different? I dont know the appropriate way to ask I guess.


I wanted to say I wish things like that would work with my kids bio or not. lol. and awesome for bm working with you both for discipline. I know that would never happen here.

[Ember Rose]

Different coping skills would come in handy for sure. I dunno I end up around a lot of different kids and so many are being raised to be the center of the universe these days. There's no compassion, there's no understanding, it's just I want to do something for me and who are you to get in my way.

[Ember Rose]

ugh double post

[plan4fate]

Originally Posted by stucklikeglue

Obviously Im jumping in on a forum where topics have already been discussed, so sorry for asking.. Why makes Reme different? I dont know the appropriate way to ask I guess.


I wanted to say I wish things like that would work with my kids bio or not. lol. and awesome for bm working with you both for discipline. I know that would never happen here.

Reme's on the very low end of the autism spectrum. Which is good, because it should mean he will adapt to life and be a fully functional adult, he just might take an extra year or two to get to that point. He is sweet, and loving, and smart. Just stubborn as a mule, with the attention span of... a rock. aka, he doesn't have one.

One of his big things is, he doesn't like people in his personal space. He will even scream and growl at us if we get in it when he doesn't want us there. The little girl #1 touched him, #2 put him in a "confined space" (real or not, it's all real to him) and #3 got into his space (this is different than touching him). He used to not play with other kids, or at the playground if there were kids there because they would get too close to him.

So we told him no kicking anyone even if they get too close. Scream if he must (just don't scream AT them, scream for help). I also wonder if the teacher should have a conversation with the kids about respecting other's personal space... not sure how much effect it will have on 1st graders tho.

The big kids never actually told him what the flip off meant. So we did.. now he's upset with himself.. since he's the self proclaimed bad word police.

Every week he gets McDonalds twice. His behavior now determines if he gets his happy meal or not (he will get a cheeseburger regardless, since he's starving after school and we don't eat dinner that early). The Happy meal is the coveted thing... that toy.. ya know how kids are. Well, if he doesn't have a great week, no happy meal on Friday. If he doesn't have a good weekend, no happy meal on Monday. I already hate paying the extra $3 just for the toy since the fries and apples usually go in the trash... so this just means I spend less money.

[K.A.T]

So glad you guys can co parent as one big unit. That would never work here. The way we parent is so different from one another.

[plan4fate]

L got right on the nail polish idea. Started listing off all the super feminine colors she has. Reme laughed, but looked really really worried.

We do ok. There are differences, but not enough that it causes major issues. Mostly it's just what he can and can not do or eat. He can't have caffeine here (unless we are all sharing a drink, like a Sams, since the only soda DH and I drink from there is Coke), he can't have red dye (I did let him have some today, but only because I didn't associate "cherry syrup" with Red dye. Oops. He loved his Shirley temple though. lol). He can get away with doing less at home, but not here. He's expected to put on his clothes, or at least try before we will help him. She's quicker to jump, so ends up doing more to help him.

[Wisey]

I'm glad you guys can work together! Makes life less complicated!