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  #1  
December 17th, 2012, 08:53 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Please don't flame me. I'm beating myself up enough as it is.

So long story somewhat short, Eric called BM today to discuss this paperwork that she STILL hasn't signed. Yet she's asking to keep him an extra day next week to make up for the night we had him back in Oct when her house was unsafe. We had him 9pm-10am, she wants us to not pick him up at 6pm Sunday, but 6pm Monday. So she wants an extra 24 hours to compare to the time we had, where he was asleep for 9 of the 13 hours we had him. Eric planned to say she could have him till the next morning IF she had the paperwork signed by then, if not, then no dice.

He called her today. She picked up, said, "I'm busy I will call you back" and hung up on him.

Not 2 hours later, she texts me, "Have O call me please." We were in the middle of driving through a Christmas light display of 7 million lights, needless to say I didn't reply right away. FOURTEEN minutes later, "I would like to talk to my son before he goes to bed." I text back, "We are busy, I will have him call you when we are finished."

We get home, he calls her. They chat for a few minutes, then he's quiet for a minute and then says "Amen." They prayed. Now our paperwork says we can only practice our religion of choice DURING that parents parenting time. We choose not to force a religion he doesn't understand down his throat, we want him to make his own choice when he is older.

So not only did she get nasty with me, violate the C/O, and ignore Eric and then have all the time in the world to talk to O, but she STILL hasn't called Eric.

O goes to shower, I call Eric. I get angry. I am venting about how it makes me mad to see her treat him this way and how I want to call her out on her behavior but I can't. I then say, "And then she has the audacity to pray with O and act like some fantastic Christian when she is being such a ***** to you and I can GUARANTEE she is going to Hell before we do!"

I look over, and guess who's head is popping out the doggy door. Guess who finished up his shower and wanted to come find me to tuck him in. Yep. O.

I finish my call, come inside, and he had already gotten in bed. I give him a big hug and tell him I love him and will see him in the morning.

Ladies, I messed up. I am so stressed with this wedding so close. This is $800 that we NEED to NOT come out of Eric's taxes. if it does, we won't be able to afford our wedding. I am stressed to the point of screwing up my cycle, crying all the time, and having so much hatred for this woman. I can't help it. I'm at the end of my rope.

Help?
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  #2  
December 18th, 2012, 07:59 AM
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you and Eric need to talk, then you need to talk to O together. Then you need to remember that you can't count on money from another person, and figure out how ot make it work.

and then, unless she's in a cult, I'd not worry about her praying with her son.

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  #3  
December 18th, 2012, 08:14 AM
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Unfortunately it got worse. hismom and i took the gloves off and basically had it out. its all resolved now though. it needed to happen. we both said things we needed to get off our chests.

the 800 is money not that she's giving us. its money she agreed we don't owe her but if this paperwork isn't signed it will come it of Erics taxes. which we might let happen anyway to avoid more fighting.
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  #4  
December 18th, 2012, 08:59 AM
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Oh good. she just picked him up from school. on our day. to take him to her dentist. are you kidding me?
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  #5  
December 18th, 2012, 10:02 AM
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Oh geeze. I didn't reply to the first part cause I don't want to get involved in anymore JM stuff on religion lol, but her picking O up on your day with out letting you know? I'd have Eric chew her out.
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  #6  
December 18th, 2012, 10:49 AM
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  #7  
December 18th, 2012, 01:44 PM
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hopefully O didn't over hear your conversation with her about everything.

I know the $800 isn't money yo owe her, but it's moeny she should pay you, but you can't count on that. I'm court ordered to get Child support every month, but I don't count on it for my budget for anything, if I get it it's extra money for things, but nothing I count on. so what i was saying was, don't count on other peoples money owed to you for something you really need it for.

I hope it all works out. if he has a dental appt that he needs to go to, and assuming he needs to go because of the amount of things you said before that the dentist found, then yes she should be the one to take him because she is the parent. and I beleive you said Eric is still gone.

I hope it all works out.
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  #8  
December 18th, 2012, 02:06 PM
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  #9  
December 18th, 2012, 03:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by w292737 View Post
hopefully O didn't over hear your conversation with her about everything.

I know the $800 isn't money yo owe her, but it's moeny she should pay you, but you can't count on that. I'm court ordered to get Child support every month, but I don't count on it for my budget for anything, if I get it it's extra money for things, but nothing I count on. so what i was saying was, don't count on other peoples money owed to you for something you really need it for.

I hope it all works out. if he has a dental appt that he needs to go to, and assuming he needs to go because of the amount of things you said before that the dentist found, then yes she should be the one to take him because she is the parent. and I beleive you said Eric is still gone.

I hope it all works out.
Its not money she should pay us. It is an arrears balance that was satisfied when she was in rehb and got CS when she shouldnt have. Its just sitting there. Nobody is giving it to anyone. However, if tax season comes (which it does right before the wedding) and she hasnt written in to say its been resolved, they WILL take it out of Erics taxes and give it to her.

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Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Ah I forgot about Eric being gone. Yes if he's gone, she should take O to the dentist. But of course it should be communicated to Eric.
He's here. He has off on Thursday to take him. I would NEVER be the one to take him to get root canals if she was available and Eric was not. I'd go probably, but a cleaning appt is different then a root canal. BTW, she is insisting it is her right as his mother to take him home after the root canal because "My baby should have his mommy take care of him as he comes off sedation. Plus I am a nursing student so I am more equipped to handle the situation and familiar with the medicines."

Nope Eric is here. I took him 2 weeks ago, which was agreed upon by both her and Eric before I made the appointment. Then when they said he needed treatment, we scheduled an appointment for this Thurs. His dad will be the one taking him and she is welcome to be there as well.

SHE took him out of school today to get a second opinion. SHE kept him out until 2pm when his apt ended at 11. SHE took him to her house to put xmas decorations up.
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  #10  
December 18th, 2012, 03:28 PM
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Child support doesn't stop just because the child isn't there. you need an updated order for that to happen, if there's an updated order then she doesn't need to say anything to anyone, you just show the order and that's done.

as far as the dentist, I guess that's up to Eric and her to figure out what to do about it, and her keeping him today. I'd think if someone says he needs a root canal at his age I'd want a second opinion also, some times you take appts when you can get them, that dental office doesn't care about a parenting time plan, and if the root canal is scheudled for Thursday I'd assume she'd want the second opinion before then?

I know I've said it before, but it might be best to jsut take a deep breath, step back and let Eric and Os' mom talk things through and let them make plans and decisions. it's really up to them.
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  #11  
December 18th, 2012, 03:32 PM
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((hugs)) I'm sorry O overheard you talking to Eric about his mom. I am glad that you and BM resolved some of your issues.

The taking him out of school without notifying Eric is a big deal to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by w292737 View Post
Child support doesn't stop just because the child isn't there. you need an updated order for that to happen, if there's an updated order then she doesn't need to say anything to anyone, you just show the order and that's done.
from what I remember, they did have the order updated but not till these arrearages accrued. She agreed with Eric that she would cancel them out after they settled on their parenting plan, but has failed to take the necessary steps to make sure his tax return doesn't get attached. She's gonna get a check for $800 that she's already agreed she's not entitled to. I think that's the rub.
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  #12  
December 18th, 2012, 04:17 PM
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Originally Posted by w292737 View Post
Child support doesn't stop just because the child isn't there. you need an updated order for that to happen, if there's an updated order then she doesn't need to say anything to anyone, you just show the order and that's done.

as far as the dentist, I guess that's up to Eric and her to figure out what to do about it, and her keeping him today. I'd think if someone says he needs a root canal at his age I'd want a second opinion also, some times you take appts when you can get them, that dental office doesn't care about a parenting time plan, and if the root canal is scheudled for Thursday I'd assume she'd want the second opinion before then?

I know I've said it before, but it might be best to jsut take a deep breath, step back and let Eric and Os' mom talk things through and let them make plans and decisions. it's really up to them.
He just talked to her for like 45 minutes. Offered to pay for the whole dentist visit ($888) offered to pay his insurance for the next 8 months since she has been paying solo since March. Said he wouldnt go after her for the $350 she owes him from when she filed her taxes and was supposed to split them with him. Asked if she would sign the paperwork. She said there is a $50 dollar difference, so no. We offered to gove her 50 dollars, she then told Eric all about how I am just trying to replace her and this and that and he defended me tooth and nail. Told her I know she is his mother. I know Eric is busy so I try to take on some of the burdon because I dont mind. The second he said the words "She is his stepmother and she is doing a **** fine job taking care of him and you should be grateful to her.." she hung up on him.

Sigh. Square one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
((hugs)) I'm sorry O overheard you talking to Eric about his mom. I am glad that you and BM resolved some of your issues.

The taking him out of school without notifying Eric is a big deal to me.



from what I remember, they did have the order updated but not till these arrearages accrued. She agreed with Eric that she would cancel them out after they settled on their parenting plan, but has failed to take the necessary steps to make sure his tax return doesn't get attached. She's gonna get a check for $800 that she's already agreed she's not entitled to. I think that's the rub.
Yes, we filed the order, we got full custody, but she was still receiving CS because we didnt file it under the previous CS order. A clerical error and here were are over a year later still dealing with it.

She said she did nothing wrong. She said "I am his mother I get to be his mother whenever I want." he tried to explain joint custody, but to no avail. So we are trying to type up an offer to get the dollars and cents she so badly wants to offer to her later.
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  #13  
December 18th, 2012, 04:23 PM
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I'm so **** sick of other bio moms wanted to cut this ***** slack. Step outside of the scope of your life and view it objectively. It doesn't matter if prayer is a big deal or if it's her kid or not. She signed/agreed to follow a custody order/parenting plan that says pray with your kid on your own **** time. If she didn't like it she should have fought it. You don't get to change things after the fact unless you go back to court.

And if you're too busy to talk to your child's parent about money you are NOT due that you're going to get anyway because you refuse to sign paperwork; then you magically having time later that night to talk to your kid (but not talk to the other parent about the money issue)? It is pure bull****. Notice she contacted Jenn to talk to O not Eric, who's in town and just as able to answer the phone. Yall are woo woo wooin' this ***** when she's clearly being manipulative.

I think she'd decided she needs the money and is going to wait until the paperwork can't be processed in time and THEN sign it or just not sign it at all. Stop being nice, stop working with her. Every last single cotton pickin' ****** thing by the CO down to the very last letter. You can not be nice with her she's proved that multiple times. At this point if Eric really thinks he can work with her and handle things casually he's a dummy and he deserves what he gets.

She took him HOME during ERIC'S WEEK without Eric's permission. Very blatant violation. Do something about it be it file a complaint with the court or call the cops. Stop playing her games. Also? Your phone? No reason to answer it when it's her unless Eric is out of town. Not "not in the house" or "at the store" or "at work" but completely out of the ******* state. She can wait like everyone else in this position would. She was a drunk and went to rehab if she's so much better she can deal like everyone ******* else. STOP making everything easy for her and catering to her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
He just talked to her for like 45 minutes. Offered to pay for the whole dentist visit ($888) offered to pay his insurance for the next 8 months since she has been paying solo since March. Said he wouldnt go after her for the $350 she owes him from when she filed her taxes and was supposed to split them with him. Asked if she would sign the paperwork. She said there is a $50 dollar difference, so no. We offered to gove her 50 dollars, she then told Eric all about how I am just trying to replace her and this and that and he defended me tooth and nail. Told her I know she is his mother. I know Eric is busy so I try to take on some of the burdon because I dont mind. The second he said the words "She is his stepmother and she is doing a **** fine job taking care of him and you should be grateful to her.." she hung up on him.

Sigh. Square one.



Yes, we filed the order, we got full custody, but she was still receiving CS because we didnt file it under the previous CS order. A clerical error and here were are over a year later still dealing with it.

She said she did nothing wrong. She said "I am his mother I get to be his mother whenever I want." he tried to explain joint custody, but to no avail. So we are trying to type up an offer to get the dollars and cents she so badly wants to offer to her later.

Not when you share custody. Delusional ***** is delusional go back to court.
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  #14  
December 18th, 2012, 04:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
I'm so **** sick of other bio moms wanted to cut this ***** slack. Step outside of the scope of your life and view it objectively. It doesn't matter if prayer is a big deal or if it's her kid or not. She signed/agreed to follow a custody order/parenting plan that says pray with your kid on your own **** time. If she didn't like it she should have fought it. You don't get to change things after the fact unless you go back to court.

And if you're too busy to talk to your child's parent about money you are NOT due that you're going to get anyway because you refuse to sign paperwork; then you magically having time later that night to talk to your kid (but not talk to the other parent about the money issue)? It is pure bull****. Notice she contacted Jenn to talk to O not Eric, who's in town and just as able to answer the phone. Yall are woo woo wooin' this ***** when she's clearly being manipulative.

I think she'd decided she needs the money and is going to wait until the paperwork can't be processed in time and THEN sign it or just not sign it at all. Stop being nice, stop working with her. Every last single cotton pickin' ****** thing by the CO down to the very last letter. You can not be nice with her she's proved that multiple times. At this point if Eric really thinks he can work with her and handle things casually he's a dummy and he deserves what he gets.

She took him HOME during ERIC'S WEEK without Eric's permission. Very blatant violation. Do something about it be it file a complaint with the court or call the cops. Stop playing her games. Also? Your phone? No reason to answer it when it's her unless Eric is out of town. Not "not in the house" or "at the store" or "at work" but completely out of the ******* state. She can wait like everyone else in this position would. She was a drunk and went to rehab if she's so much better she can deal like everyone ******* else. STOP making everything easy for her and catering to her.




Not when you share custody. Delusional ***** is delusional go back to court.


I can't tell you how that felt to read. I try so hard to do what I can but all I get told is, "Im his mom I can do whatever I want!" When she had full custody that was the case. NOT NOW.

Im so sick of her! I am glad you agree!
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  #15  
December 18th, 2012, 04:56 PM
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Eric knocked her up not you. Let her deal with him. As she very clearly stated to Eric she has insecurities regarding to you. That's HER problem. Not yours, and not Eric's. Follow the CO to the very precise letter and she can manage her own ******* feelings.
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  #16  
December 18th, 2012, 05:34 PM
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I don't have stepkids. I would never choose to put myself in that situation. However I am a stepkid. My dad died, my mom remarried to the guy I am usually referring to when I say "Dad". He very much raised and loves my sister and I, in his mind we are his daughters, there is no step part. I will always call him Dad and I will play my part as daughter to avoid family drama but the fact is he is not my dad. I have a dad, he died when I was just a baby but he will always be my father. My stepdad taking offence to the term stepdad put my sister and I in a horrible position of feeling guilty if we talked about our real dad so we pretty much stopped talking about him. No stepmom can ever be Mom or stepdad ever be Dad. The stepkids already have a mom or a dad, whichever the case is. You are just the woman that your stepkids dad married, something they had no control over. The best thing you can do for your stepkids is to back off and let their PARENT'S deal with each other. You have no rights in regard to your stepchildren unless you have legally adopted them.

Harsh maybe, but the viewpoint from the stepchild's perspective (one who has a wonderful stepfather who was an extremely good stepfather and didn't have to deal with battling ex's and the ex-wife and the new wife having jealousy issues, essentially I had the most "ideal" stepfamily set-up with there being being no real dad or his family around and an awesome stepfather, blended families are just never a good idea). What your stepchild heard you say about his mother is unforgivable!
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  #17  
December 18th, 2012, 06:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jersey_gray View Post
I don't have stepkids. I would never choose to put myself in that situation. However I am a stepkid. My dad died, my mom remarried to the guy I am usually referring to when I say "Dad". He very much raised and loves my sister and I, in his mind we are his daughters, there is no step part. I will always call him Dad and I will play my part as daughter to avoid family drama but the fact is he is not my dad. I have a dad, he died when I was just a baby but he will always be my father. My stepdad taking offence to the term stepdad put my sister and I in a horrible position of feeling guilty if we talked about our real dad so we pretty much stopped talking about him. No stepmom can ever be Mom or stepdad ever be Dad. The stepkids already have a mom or a dad, whichever the case is. You are just the woman that your stepkids dad married, something they had no control over. The best thing you can do for your stepkids is to back off and let their PARENT'S deal with each other. You have no rights in regard to your stepchildren unless you have legally adopted them.

Harsh maybe, but the viewpoint from the stepchild's perspective (one who has a wonderful stepfather who was an extremely good stepfather and didn't have to deal with battling ex's and the ex-wife and the new wife having jealousy issues, essentially I had the most "ideal" stepfamily set-up with there being being no real dad or his family around and an awesome stepfather, blended families are just never a good idea). What your stepchild heard you say about his mother is unforgivable!
She is very well aware she has no legal right to her step son. The issue is the Mother keeps trying to deal with HER rather than her Ex husband, which is causing drama.

However, the mother took the child from school, with out telling the father who was the custodial parent at the time, took him to a dentist, then did not return him to school instead took him home to decorate because She didn't do it during HER week last week. That is the big deal part. It's a violation of the court order, and she'd be throwing the biggest hissy fit of her LIFE if her ex husband did it on HER time.



And honestly, I'm living proof you can SAY you'd never put yourself in the position to be a step parent and then still do it. I have a half sister, who had a mother who was a terrible person and made my mom's life a living hell. I REFUSED to do it. Well... I have a lovely step son who's the light of my world right now. Thankfully, his mom's awesome, no more Crazy than I am most days.



Jenn, is he coming home to your house after his dental visit on Thursday?

OH, instruct the dentist to squirt some Novocaine down into the cavity opening before he starts doing the roots. So many dentists don't do it, and it makes a WORLD of difference! I've had two absolutely PAIN FREE Root Canals done this way. Seriously, I had more pain from the needle pokes to numb me than the canal itself.
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  #18  
December 18th, 2012, 07:35 PM
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Delusional ***** is delusional go back to court.
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  #19  
December 18th, 2012, 09:00 PM
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Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
She is very well aware she has no legal right to her step son. The issue is the Mother keeps trying to deal with HER rather than her Ex husband, which is causing drama.

However, the mother took the child from school, with out telling the father who was the custodial parent at the time, took him to a dentist, then did not return him to school instead took him home to decorate because She didn't do it during HER week last week. That is the big deal part. It's a violation of the court order, and she'd be throwing the biggest hissy fit of her LIFE if her ex husband did it on HER time.



And honestly, I'm living proof you can SAY you'd never put yourself in the position to be a step parent and then still do it. I have a half sister, who had a mother who was a terrible person and made my mom's life a living hell. I REFUSED to do it. Well... I have a lovely step son who's the light of my world right now. Thankfully, his mom's awesome, no more Crazy than I am most days.



Jenn, is he coming home to your house after his dental visit on Thursday?

OH, instruct the dentist to squirt some Novocaine down into the cavity opening before he starts doing the roots. So many dentists don't do it, and it makes a WORLD of difference! I've had two absolutely PAIN FREE Root Canals done this way. Seriously, I had more pain from the needle pokes to numb me than the canal itself.
For real. Who comes into a BLENDED FAMILIES forum and makes a blanket statement like they never work?

If she wanted a second opinion she should have done it on her time and she **** sure should have taken him back to school. Let's ignore the fact she violated the agreement. He still missed an entire day of school for NO **** reason.

Filing away that dentist tip that makes good sense.
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  #20  
December 18th, 2012, 09:23 PM
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We made her an offer she couldnt refuse.

She wont back down on this arrears thing. She claims the money she received while she was in rehab still went to her rent and his insurance so it wasn't "extra" money.

She claims that she did nothing wrong by taking him today. And that "It was good for him and he needed to decorate the tree because we did not have time last week." He called bull, said shes been out of school since Tues, taking him out of school to decorate a tree is just irresponsible.

She said I need to learn my place and if she is around, EVEN during our week, I need to not parent O. He said no. He said I cant turn off my motherly instinct. That I agree that during her time I am not going to overparent her, but that I deserve the same respect from her. This is joint custody. You dont have full custody anymore, you cant make these rules.

O's dentist visit will cost $888. We are paying for the entire thing. (So paying her half of $444)
She owes us $350 from when she claimed O and promised to give Eric half and only gave him $750 so far.

That equals about $800. The arrears balance is 840.62. She wants a check for the extra 40.62 so Eric said for ****s sake I will give you a check for 50 dollars tomorrow if you sign this **** paperwork.

And since we were supposed to be splitting his insurance since March but havent because she hasn't complied with her promise, we are paying his insurance in full for the next 10 months, and then we will switch back to half and half.

It may look like she made out like a bandit. But here's why she didnt.

She would have just used her dads money or her student loans to pay her $444 to the dentist. And THEN she would have fought this so hard and come tax time, SHE would have received a CHECK for $840.62. ALL while owing us $350. This way, the most "cash" she makes out with is a 50 dollar check that I have half a mind to write "For Charity" in the memo field lol.

She of course, true to her bipolar self, was super nice to Eric.

He explained to her that he is not 3 years old anymore and she needs to stop coddling O. She needs to use grown up words and give him some tough love every once in a while. She texted Eric frantically on Sunday before we picked him up that he was being terrible, threw her laptop on the ground, talking back to her and throwing things. The second we got in the car, his attitude changed and we haven't had to correct him even ONCE. He told her that she lets him take advantage of her. She claimed he has ADD and he said she needs to stop telling him that. Unless a DOCTOR diagnoses him, she cant just claim he has a disability. SHE takes medicine for ADD so she assumes he has it as well.

All in all Eric said he was able to civilly discuss a lot of things with her. I told him that now that he has all the info I have, he needs to be her point of contact. I can tell she is threatened by me. She kept insisting that going to rehab was best for O (It was, but getting drunk WASNT) an that she didnt abandon him and we need to let that go because its over now. Eric said, true, but he still has some lingering effects from that and we cant just forget it happened because the fact of the matter is that for 3 months you saw your child for 2 hours a week.

All in all I think it went well. They're signing the paperwork tomorrow. And when she tries to ask for her extra night next week, Eric will very kindly and calmly tell her that the 2 hours they were galavanting around town decorating christmas trees was her extra time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jersey_gray View Post
I don't have stepkids. I would never choose to put myself in that situation. However I am a stepkid. My dad died, my mom remarried to the guy I am usually referring to when I say "Dad". He very much raised and loves my sister and I, in his mind we are his daughters, there is no step part. I will always call him Dad and I will play my part as daughter to avoid family drama but the fact is he is not my dad. I have a dad, he died when I was just a baby but he will always be my father. My stepdad taking offence to the term stepdad put my sister and I in a horrible position of feeling guilty if we talked about our real dad so we pretty much stopped talking about him. No stepmom can ever be Mom or stepdad ever be Dad. The stepkids already have a mom or a dad, whichever the case is. You are just the woman that your stepkids dad married, something they had no control over. The best thing you can do for your stepkids is to back off and let their PARENT'S deal with each other. You have no rights in regard to your stepchildren unless you have legally adopted them.

Harsh maybe, but the viewpoint from the stepchild's perspective (one who has a wonderful stepfather who was an extremely good stepfather and didn't have to deal with battling ex's and the ex-wife and the new wife having jealousy issues, essentially I had the most "ideal" stepfamily set-up with there being being no real dad or his family around and an awesome stepfather, blended families are just never a good idea). What your stepchild heard you say about his mother is unforgivable!

Two things. You don't live in Arizona you dont know what my rights are when it comes down to it.

Also. I talked to him tonight. He didnt actually hear what I said. He heard me getting emotional on the phone but didnt know who I was talking about or what I said. I told him his dad and I had a small argument, and I am really stressed with the wedding coming up, but we talked for an hour and everything is better and I love them both. He has no ill effects from overhearing me say anything.


And what I bolded there. You don't know me or my situation. O was the one who proposed to me. His dad would have never proposed to me had O not wanted me to be his stepmom, so YES actually he had a choice.

Yeah because its ALWAYS a good idea to come onto blended family forums and talk about what a bad idea they are

ETA: HE is coming here after, yes. She tried to say he needs his mommy when he wakes up and she knows how to care for him post sedation. Eric said, plenty of parents that arent in the medical field do this every day. I can take perfectly good care of my son.
plan4fate and Ember Rose like this.
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Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to Owen - TTC our first together- 1 year and counting

Last edited by Stepmom2Be; December 18th, 2012 at 09:29 PM.
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