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  #1  
December 26th, 2012, 04:41 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Here we go again.

She said she JUST read the parenting plan, (That was signed 9 months ago.) She said it says "Each parent agrees that if they cannot assume their parenting responsibilities for more than 6 continuous hours, the other parent will be given first opportunity to care for the child before any alternate caregiver arrangements are made."

Here is what she is demanding:

Every week night that Eric goes to work at 7pm, she should pick up O and have him go to her house and she will tuck him in in HIS hom. (Her words.)

Then Eric said that would mean when I get off work at 2-4 am, I would come pick him up from you.

She said, That is absurd, why would you want to do that to him?! And he said, WHY WOULD YOU?!

I am not arguing about when he is out of town. He hasn't been out of town while we've had O in months.

Does anyone know if he and I get legally married, if her First right of refusal would be a moot point because I would be O's legal step-parent? She is asking for time that O is ASLEEP!
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  #2  
December 26th, 2012, 06:28 PM
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I don't know about how that works for overnight working hours. You would have to talk to an attorney about how it works now and then after the wedding. She's really reaching out here. You guys might have to redo the pop to be more specific.

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  #3  
December 26th, 2012, 06:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
I don't know about how that works for overnight working hours. You would have to talk to an attorney about how it works now and then after the wedding. She's really reaching out here. You guys might have to redo the pop to be more specific.

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She really is reaching. They got in a big fight and then she hung up on him.

Then she texted him 2 hours later and said, "I just spoke with O. He says he enjoys his evenings with Jennifer and I respect that. We agreed its fair for me to have him on nights where he doesnt have school the next day, so as to give us more time at night."

Fact of the matter is that if O has no school the next day, Eric wont be working. He doesnt work fridays!
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  #4  
December 26th, 2012, 06:49 PM
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I just can't imagine the rofr including overnights. That's taking time away from the other parent. I know some states the parent with the most overnights has custody as far as the courts are concerned. She might be trying to pull something.

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  #5  
December 26th, 2012, 06:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
I just can't imagine the rofr including overnights. That's taking time away from the other parent. I know some states the parent with the most overnights has custody as far as the courts are concerned. She might be trying to pull something.

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Oh i didn't know that. Right now its joint 50/50. 7 days on 7 days off.

Eric said if she even tries to pick up O one day to just call him at work and he will come home. And then we will go run to the court house so she cant try this again.

I have a friend who is a lawyer and she said any judge would laugh at her for asking to have O from 7pm every night because eric works. O will be ASLEEP! lol.
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  #6  
December 27th, 2012, 01:21 AM
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I know for us FROR does NOT count over nights unless the bio parent is going to be completely absent.

ie, if L had to leave town for a funeral, she would have to drop Reme off with DH rather than leave him with M.

But if she works from 10pm-6am, he would stay home in his bed with M. (there are exceptions to this, but that's mostly because M also works nights so there'd be no one with Reme).


You might want to modify the plan, or ammend it in someway to cover that.

And honestly, if Eric had to go out of town, then you guys should swap the time, he can go to his mom's, and during HER week the time would get made up for Eric. I can see her not liking that one AT ALL.

We've only had a few incidents of first right where DH found out Reme was going to his grandparents rather than here and he got upset. It hasn't happened since.
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  #7  
December 27th, 2012, 02:44 PM
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Oh Lord. She is off her rocker.
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  #8  
December 27th, 2012, 02:54 PM
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Sounds like you need to get the wording changed.
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  #9  
December 27th, 2012, 07:00 PM
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We definitely need to get the wording changed. Eric very nicely explained to her that she would quite literally be ripping her child out of his bed. She said, "He should be here with me in his HOME." she is still convinced that she is the primary parent. We have joint everything. O has two homes. I may say that we have more of a family atmosphere here, but I have never denied the fact that he has TWO homes.

But all of this pettiness, yelling at Eric while O is in the same 800 sq foot apartment as she is, and for what? For 7pm-9pm when he is showering and getting ready for bed. I'm not TRYING to jeopardize her relationship with him. Once again, on the phone she said, "He deserves to be with ME over HER because I am his MOTHER and NOBODY can or will replace me."

Ashley I LOVE your suggestion. Being that the ONLY time Eric would be able to take him during BM's time would be the weekend, we should agree that sure, if Eric works on a Wed night you can take him, but then we get to make up for Eric's lost time on a Fri or Sat. Wonder how that convo would go!

We did a lot of research on ROFR. If this was an issue, it should have been put in the paperwork before. She KNEW he worked overnights. This is an every Mon-Fri occurance. ROFR is more for if he goes out of town, or if he and I decide to go somewhere all day and she should get him before a babysitter. You cant agree to have week on week off and then try to fight the fact that he is gone 2 hours a day. if Eric worked till 5pm every day like a normal job, O would be in afterschool for 2 hours. And then Eric would be home while O slept. So right now, Eric picks up O after school and sees him till 7. So thats 4 hours. Whereas if he picked up him from afterschool at 5, he'd see him 5-9. Well look at that! Thats four hours too!

I kinda hope she takes us to court. I'd enjoy seeing a judge laugh in her face. Can we can that a wedding present to us? lol
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  #10  
December 27th, 2012, 07:18 PM
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She's really reaching with that one. I doubt any judge is going to agree with her that it's in O's best interests to rip him out of bed and send him to a different house for no reason.
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  #11  
December 27th, 2012, 07:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
She's really reaching with that one. I doubt any judge is going to agree with her that it's in O's best interests to rip him out of bed and send him to a different house for no reason.
Eric told her it is a pathetic attempt at trying to have SOME sort of control. Ever since she signed off on the arrears she has been desperately trying to mess with us.
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  #12  
December 27th, 2012, 07:39 PM
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That stinks. I don't understand the power games. We *really* don't care what bm does in her spare time, and we certainly don't care enough to want to control her (although that's her reason for every crappy co-parenting behaviour she's ever engaged in - she's just resisting our attempts to control her or some crazy). My dsc's bm has pulled just about every trick in the book this week alone. It's been exhausting, and we only picked up the kids yesterday.
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  #13  
December 27th, 2012, 08:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
That stinks. I don't understand the power games. We *really* don't care what bm does in her spare time, and we certainly don't care enough to want to control her (although that's her reason for every crappy co-parenting behaviour she's ever engaged in - she's just resisting our attempts to control her or some crazy). My dsc's bm has pulled just about every trick in the book this week alone. It's been exhausting, and we only picked up the kids yesterday.
My mom put it to me perfectly. During our time with O which was from Dec 16th until Dec 25th at 10am, we did not contact her about anything we didnt need to. (Kind of a one off since he dentist appt happened during that time.) But generally speaking, our time with O is our time with O, and during that time, she doesnt exist in our minds.

She picked O up on Dec 25th at 10am. On Dec 26th at 4pm, she was texting us about wanting him during our time. GO SPEND YOUR TIME WITH HIM! She barely had him back for a DAY and she was already going off on us. When Eric called her at her request she said she was sleeping. IT WAS FIVE PM! Why on Earth would we agree to you having more time with him when you are sleeping at 5 oclock the day after you get him in the first place?!

My mom said we need to keep an eye out because the holidays are hard for alcoholics and we had O the 9 days leading up to XMas and XMas morning. All of her erratic behavior is throwing up red flags for us. We had O call us last night just to say hi and we love him. Moreso to make sure all was okay but we didnt position it that way to him. I cant wait till Sunday when we get him back. Miss that little bugger.
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  #14  
December 27th, 2012, 09:48 PM
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How do you need more time with him in the evenings if you have him 7 nights a week? Joint custody is joint custody m'am. Try again.

If you could prevent her from relapsing that would be great for O. It'd save him heartache and it would make everyone's lives easier. But you can't do that not even for him.
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  #15  
December 28th, 2012, 11:06 AM
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I'd have your attorney read the order, and get it rewrote if you can. as far as awake/sleep hours.

for the no school the next day, she might be thinking of other no school days. holidays, or various other things when school is off.

and if you weren't married when the order was written it might not pretain. but again your attorney could tell you what the wording will imply.
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  #16  
December 28th, 2012, 11:46 AM
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Originally Posted by w292737 View Post
I'd have your attorney read the order, and get it rewrote if you can. as far as awake/sleep hours.

for the no school the next day, she might be thinking of other no school days. holidays, or various other things when school is off.

and if you weren't married when the order was written it might not pretain. but again your attorney could tell you what the wording will imply.
But thats the thing, if O doesnt have school, eric wont be working! usually holidays are Mondays, eric never works sunday nights.

She seems to have dropped it for now.

Another thing Eric brought up is that its not meant for HER to say give me O. Its meant for ERIC to be able to call her and see if she wants him before paying for a babysitter. FROR typically gets cancelled if the other parent (her) declines more than twice. She has already declined 3 times when Ive asked her if shes wanted him bc shes been busy. Its not a pick and choose situation
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  #17  
December 28th, 2012, 12:18 PM
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WOW she has balls to try and enforce something that she's declined a few times. This is really her hurting over the holidays and your upcoming nuptials.
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  #18  
December 28th, 2012, 12:24 PM
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Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
WOW she has balls to try and enforce something that she's declined a few times. This is really her hurting over the holidays and your upcoming nuptials.
Yeah its just sad. Like Eric is here every morning when O wakes up for school, yet she says she would want him at 7pm the night before, which means she would take him to school. So SHE would get extra time during our time WHILE ERIC IS HOME!

Its not happening.
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  #19  
December 28th, 2012, 12:32 PM
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I never understood fighting over hours that the kids are sleeping.
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  #20  
December 28th, 2012, 12:41 PM
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That really doesn't make sence. Sounds like she is trying to take advantage of what the order says. Ours said that "Both parents shall have unlimited phone contact with the children." So she took it as she could call at 2am and we HAD to wake the kids up to talk to her. When I told her to shove it they were sleeping it was a contempt in the next case but one that she lost because the judge said that order like that are normally reserved for when the kids are AWAKE. Doesn't seem any different here if he's only awake for 2 hours that Eric is gone it seems that really he's not away from him for 6 continuous hours. Just 2. JMO.
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