Does the hurt ever stop?

w292737 · #1 December 28th, 2012, 10:59 AM

I know the answer to this, because I know it never will. but I wanted your take on it.

Does the hurt ever stop? when your kids bio parent isn't there, doesn't step up, isn't in their life as they should be (using should losely)

What are ways you've come to help your kids cope with the let down and disappointment of it?

ShesaDreamer · #2 December 28th, 2012, 11:12 AM

When it comes to my boys their mom has been gone for 3.5 of the last 7 years. And now will be gone for an indefinite amount of time. We try to spend more time with them. To show them that they are loved we reassure them that thier mom DOES love them but that she made bad choices and has to get herself straightened out before she can be a part of their lives again. B really has taken on an indifferent approach. He calls me his mom(still calls me Liz by name but introduces me as his mom and talks about me like his mom) He even told me once that even though she is his mother that I will always be his mom because I never left them. K sees it different. I'm the woman his dad married. His mom will always be everything to him and it causes problems for a while when she leaves. But then he realizes that things are the same with the exception of the weekends he saw his mom and his behavior actually gets better than it was before she dissappeared. So it's normally hard for a while but then it gets easier.

w292737 · #3 December 28th, 2012, 11:18 AM

my kids it's not in and out. well hasn't been since umm like 2008/2009 maybe he came once for an afternoon and that was the first time since 2003/2004. no contact since then. there's things that come up. like now that S and I live together. L made comment about her dream came true, she always wanted ot build a snow man with her dad, and S did that with her and her sister. it was sweet but then not at the same time. kwim?

I'm dissapointed because he(ex) wasn't this man till after things started to fall apart with us. so to know he isn't the dad he used to be and was for his older daughter and was till we seperated it's like grrr/ugh/sigh/

but it just seems like I think the kids are fine, and then something comes up and it's like whoa what just happened there.

K.A.T · #4 December 28th, 2012, 12:13 PM

I wish I knew. This is all new to us. We've never had her living with us so we've never had to deal with the disappointment from her mom before. We just try to remind her that nothing is her fault and it's the choices her mom has made. That her mom still loves her she just doesn't know how to love her at times. It's hard to see the kids hurt over their other parent.

plan4fate · #5 December 28th, 2012, 01:22 PM

Not applicable in our situation.

But it was for my sister. Her mother abused the hell out of her in many ways until at 11 her grandparents figured it out and took her from the home. They asked my mother to please do what ever they could to teach their grand daughter what a mother should be. So she did, and since her mid 20's when Trine let go of the anger towards her own mother, she's viewed my mom has her mom. Mom's all she's got now since the grandparents who raised her, as well as dad are all gone (she lost them all in 4m in 2010).

Admin-Rachel · #6 December 28th, 2012, 02:41 PM

No, not really. For us it didn't last long. I think I liked it better when we didn't hear from her and they didn't see her.

pmdc5286 · #7 December 29th, 2012, 07:14 AM

Sean's bio father has never really been a part of his life with the exception of a few months while Sean was in 5th grade. It bothered him some when he was younger (primary and elementary school) but now he is fine with the situation and says it is his dad's loss, that he has not lost out on anything because he has had enough men to be dad's to him when he needs it.