[stardusthealer]

How many visitations do you think is acceptable for the father to miss before access should be changed?

[Keakie]

I think that the answer to that is highly circumstantial. What is the visitation schedule? Why are visitations being missed? Why is there a desire to restrict/change access (I realize you said that it's because of missed visitations, but what would you (general you, if this is for someone else) hope to gain/prevent by restricting or changing access)?

You could petition the court for a change in visitation or custody. You would need to make your case to a judge (prove why this change would be in the best interests of the child(ren)).

[K.A.T]

Just missing visits without knowing the circumstances doesn't give me much to give my opinion on. Lots of cases are different so I treat them all differently.

For example, if back when dh had visitation over residential custody, he missed visits often. But they weren't his choice. Often dsd had something else she wanted to do or bm would make other family plans, ignore his calls or flat out deny his visits. So with that in mind, I wouldn't restrict his access at all while others might cause they don't know details behind the story.

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[stardusthealer]

My ex husband is suppose to see the kids the 1st and 3rd weekend of the month with split holidays. We have been separated for 3 yrs and in those 3 yrs he has seen the kids 16 times and missed 48 visitations.
He claims he can't afford to come down to see them but then goes away on trips with his fiancee. The kids cry every time he is coming down. My 13 yr old daughter has panic attacks and anxiety attacks at school either after a visit or just before. When he has them i get multiple phone calls with them crying and wanting to go home. He plays video games their whole visit so my oldest dd and my oldest ds prepare the food. i could go on and on.

[Keakie]

How far away does he live? It sounds like he isn't local to you. Can I ask why the schedule has him visiting on first and third weekends if he isn't local?

I don't know you very well so I have to be honest that a lot of that sounds rather extreme. My middle dss has texted his bm and complained about being with dh and I too, but he tends to send those messages when he loses screen time, for example.

If all of that is really true, I would document as much of it as possible and submit it to the court.

[stardusthealer]

He had his lawyer set up the 1st and 3rd of the month. He lives 4 hours away. It has been documented and she told her guidance counsellor a bunch of other shocking stuff. His fiancee barely says 2 words to the kids the whole time they are there. She pretty much stays in her room the whole visit. She was like that when we still lived there too. Before the kids and I moved out he moved her in regardless of how i and the kids felt. He won't allow them on the computer when they are there. Dylan got lost while at his house and he told the kids not to tell me which they did anyway.
My ex was violent when we were together but not to the kids to my knowledge at the time.

My lawyer is waiting to see if what happens with the allegations that he slapped Dylan before he issues the letter from my dd's guidance counsellor.

My lawyer is waiting to see if what happens with the allegations that he slapped Dylan before he issues the letter from my dd's guidance counsellor.

[w292737]

if he's not seeing them, and you seem to be okay with that. I don't think you'd need to change the order? I'm kind of in the mind set of let sleeping dogs lay. so if he's doing what you want (not seeing them) then I'd just leave the order as is, and let him see them if he wants on the lesser time.

[Admin-Rachel]

I don't see why you need a change in the order. He's already not seeing them when he can, so why restrict it even further?

When W&C's mom didn't see the kids we just waited till she wanted to and allowed her access as long as it accommodated our schedule.

[Ember Rose]

I wouldn't change the order if he's not using it. And if he's not making the money and the fiance won't pay well then she won't and he can't afford it and that's life.

[K.A.T]

OK with more info, I agree with let it be. No real need to change it unless he is actually becoming abusive towards the kids. He's already not seeing them often so why try to make things more complicated than it needs to be. Also, you don't know who is paying for those trips. It could be the fiance and if she is then so what. Let her pay for them. It's not her place to pay for him to see his kids.

[plan4fate]

Didnt you say that in your other thread that he has to have supervised visit?

[stardusthealer]

until he goes to court which is the Jan.23. For a plea. He just got to see the kids after 8 mths this past weekend so I'm not sure if he will have to be supervised after that.

His fiancee doesn't work and he is in the Canadian military.

[plan4fate]

So what I gather is, he wanted 1st and 3rd weekends and got them, then you moved 4 hours away?

First, honestly you should be doing half the travel for regular visitation, especially since you moved so far away. I have several friends who have ex's/ex-spouses stationed in NB in the Military who moved back home to where we grew up and have to drive from NS to NB to drop off the kids, and then the spouse has to bring them back. It would cost me $280 to drive 4 hours 4 times on Canadian gas prices in my car that gets fantastic highway miles. I'm assuming he pays child support? An extra $560 a month in travel expenses because you moved away isn't a bill he should foot himself, and honestly most people couldn't afford that.

My Step Son is our world, both mine and my husbands... but we would not drive 4hrs to get him, then 4hrs back, then take him back barely 36 hours later with another 8hrs in the car. He'd either petition for different custody, or make his Ex do half the driving.


As for your daughters panic attacks, take her to a therapist, not her school guidance counselor. Find out way she doesn't want to go, and why it makes her feel sick. She may have a valid reason, she may just be a 13 year old girl who doesn't want to leave her friends behind to go somewhere she doesn't feel wanted.


just my 2cents