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  #1  
January 12th, 2013, 10:39 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,752
BM asked for extra in her CS because "things have been tight since Christmas" when are things NOT tight with her? w.e. he gave her 25$ extra...(obviously I was mad but it wasn't worth a fight)
then she calls saying she needs 90 for the kids activities? Ethan wants to do wrestling and Kayley wants to do cheerleading.. not a problem, of course we want them to be able to do those things.. but a day later she changes the amount and when it's due because he asked if he could just mail a money order instead of spending more money having to use Western Union or Money gram..she said it was due on the 13th... she kept saying it was like 150$ now.. he told her " you told me it was 40 for Ethan and 50 for Kayley so that's what I'm sending."
THEN he starts telling her that he's going to buy the tickets for their summer trip in March, and getting round trip tickets to make it cheaper so she can't switch the dates... she agrees and says she wants them back by July 1st..
Is she really this stupid? We get them FOR THE SUMMER.. she has the rest of the year.. we get them for 2 months a year.. and actually since DH is gone half the time he only see's them 5 weeks A YEAR.
he rarely argues with her, but she just kept going on and on, telling him to "think about it" he was getting pretty mad.. He told her there was nothing to think about , they are coming here and staying until the very end of July.. she said she "misses them so much it's not fair" he hung up on her at that point.. 2 minutes later after he calmed down and decided that was a bit childish he called her back. He said there was no more talking about it, the kids would not go back until the end of summer.
her reasoning for wanting them back so early?
because her family goes to the lake for 4th of July....
SMH...

Oh and she said that since her dad, brother and sister in law live 2 hrs away the kids could go visit them while he's at work..
no freakin way.. not only am I not driving back and forth to drive them to people I don't know.. these people move constantly, who's to say they wouldn't take them back to wyoming?
not to mention, this isn't only DH's time with the kids, it's Audrey's time with her brother and sister..
He told her that wasn't happening either, if they wanted to see the kids they could come meet us at a park or something.
the visit is still 4 months away... I hope she stops with all the foolishness now.

and to top it all off, he has called her every night since he's been home(since the 1st) and hasn't got to talk to the kids AT ALL... he goes back to work tuesday and he doesn't get very good service at work
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Last edited by stresswife; January 12th, 2013 at 10:41 AM.
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  #2  
January 13th, 2013, 06:00 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,305
Honestly, I think you and your dh need to take a hard line with this giving her extra money thing. She asks as often as she does, and changes the amounts she "needs" as often as she does, because you guys agree to it. It might just be $25 this time, but it adds up.

She's allowed to miss the kids while they're with their father. She's not allowed to violate the order because she doesn't feel like sharing. There's also a huge difference between asking to swap some things around to allow them to go to a particular family event and demanding that she get to change the schedule without your dh's consent.

I also wouldn't drive 2 hours each way every day to spend time with her family members. If it's important that they see the kids during those times, they can come to your home instead.

I would keep good records of every time he's tried to call and had his access denied.
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  #3  
January 13th, 2013, 07:27 PM
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yeah, she is crazy if she thinks he is giving up any time with them. It's not like we can see them another time, its summer or nothing since she lives on the other side of the country and he works every holiday.
He got to talk to Kayley for a whole 2 minutes last night before her phone died.. he text her saying when she charged it to have the kids call him... never did.
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  #4  
January 14th, 2013, 10:20 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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I would find out exactly what is needed and whom to make the payment to. Call them if possible and pay by credit/debit for the kids activities. As for the extra cash, I wouldn't continue to give it unless there is a truly good reason for it. She's taking advantage, that's not right.
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  #5  
January 14th, 2013, 08:52 PM
mrsmckenzie1's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Texas
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I have been there and still there. I would stick to the court papers and as for the extra money, my ex often pays or goes in half witht hings for th ekids, BUT I give him the Dr office number or school number so that he knows it is not for me and can pay it directly!!
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  #6  
January 15th, 2013, 03:08 PM
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There are no court papers, I told him it was pretty weird that she "needed" extra money and right after he said no the kids have activities.. I would not put it past her to have totally lied about it just to get him to send more money.. which could be why she wouldn't let him talk to them so he couldn't ask about the activity ...

It totally sucks but at this point she is in control, we can't afford a lawyer, not to mention having to do everything in her state, DH's job is not one you can just take off work, if you don't show up, then your fired. We have no Proof of any neglect or wrong doing on her part, until she moves back to Texas where we can do something, it's a losing battle.
Since we've been together I have made him keep records of EVERY time he has sent her money, she can't claim he hasn't supported the children, though I'm sure filing for CS is the last thing she would do, since she would have to claim the income and would lose all her government assistance(actually I wish she WOULD file because since we have records she would get in trouble for fraud) and would have to accept DH's insurance instead of having medicaid .
she says she would demand that the kids not be left with me while he's at work if he fights her for visitation, i'm not sure how that would go, unless she lived in the same state as us, flying them back and forth every two weeks would be INSANE.
Right now, he couldn't get more than summers anyway, with them both in school and unless his schedule changes he isn't ever home for holidays.

I have told him he needs to get legal rights, but until she does something seriously stupid and drastic I don't think he wants to rock the boat.
it's easy to see how stupid it all is from the outside.
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  #7  
January 15th, 2013, 10:56 PM
mrsmckenzie1's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Texas
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Well unfortunately they do not count any money sent prior to an order, however, if there is currently no case, he can go to the child support office hisself if he is on the birth certificate, also even without a lawyer, he can file a petition in family court here in texas for scheduled visitation. Child support sucks believe me I know, but it cuts down on the "crazies"!
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  #8  
January 16th, 2013, 06:37 AM
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he can file for visitation in texas if the kids live in Wyoming? he was told he would have to file where the children are
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  #9  
January 16th, 2013, 07:25 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Based on what the other ladies said in another thread, I would assume he would need to file in the county that the kids live in (especially without any previous CO).

I'm not sure how the courts will view his voluntarily sending support, but it certainly shows good faith on his part and it definitely can't hurt you.

I'm sorry if you've said this and I'm just blanking, but were dh and bm married when their children were born? If not, I would definitely pursue having an official CO or agreement drawn up. I'm not sure about TX, but in a lot of places unmarried fathers don't have any rights by default even if they're on the birth certificate. I would hate for her to move even further away with the kids, KWIM? If he doesn't legalize his rights, she can, in theory, take them wherever she wants to and he wouldn't have any real recourse.
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  #10  
January 16th, 2013, 11:10 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Location: NYC
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He has to file where the kids live, period. I have yet to hear of a state where you can file in the county that you live in and the kids don't. The fact that he's been paying w/o an order is great, but it's really nothing in the courts eyes. If the bm went to court, most likely she would be entitled to support from the day she filed. Even if you already paid support for that month. Been down that road and it sucks. I have to agree with Kayla. If there is nothing legal on paper, it's really time to get something down on paper.
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  #11  
January 16th, 2013, 02:01 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,752
no they were never married.
I've tried telling him he needs to get things done legally, but to him things are working as best as can be... SMH so I just have to pray it doesn't blow up in his face.
she filed for support once a few years ago.. then never pursued it so the state dropped it.
we've had issues before, where she didn't pick the kids up when he went back to work(she was living in TX at the time so they could trade off) and she took the CS and moved to OK.. she then got mad at me because I was working at the time and since she had failed to pick them up, I'd had to leave the kids with DH's family... anyway she showed up at my house at 1 am beating on my door, screaming, I didn't answer (I was 3 months pregnant and didn't know what she would do) she *TRIED* to file kidnapping charges on me.. but since she had no custody papers, nothing what so ever the police told her, whoever has "possession of the children has custody" and since DH had left the children with me *I* had custody until he returned or gave her the kids back.. which surprised the crap out of me, but the cops said since no one had any actual legal custody they couldn't get involved.
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  #12  
January 20th, 2013, 07:31 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 800
You will have to file where the kids live as long as they have lived there for either 90 days or 6 months (I can't remember which). That is a large portion of the reason that we do not get to see my stepkids very often. The live half way across the country and every holiday BM refuses to send them, but by the time we can fight it out in court in her state the visitation period is over and all she will receive is a slap on the wrist (if that).

It is heartbreaking to me that parents can use their kids to try to hurt the ex. I wish that they would sit back and really think about what is in the best interest of the child. Unless your SO is a horrible person (which I doubt), it is in the best interest of the children to have a relationship with both parents. Your SOs ex needs to grow up and see the damage she is causing. Hopefully you have better luck with your situation than we have had with ours.
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  #13  
January 21st, 2013, 01:57 PM
stucklikeglue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: sunny state
Posts: 2,424
I would think if he is sending checks with child support in the memo spot and she cashes them he wouldn't have to pay backed cs. he would probably have to have copies of the cashed checks which most banks now have online. good luck with your situation.
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