This made me cry

Stepmom2Be · #1 January 13th, 2013, 04:39 PM

A Letter To My Daughter's Future Step-Mom

This is so sweet. Maybe a bit over the top. But definitely someone who is putting their child first and their insecurities about the situation second.

plan4fate · #2 January 13th, 2013, 04:47 PM

This is very true. And pretty much the lucky card I drew.

Keakie · #3 January 13th, 2013, 06:07 PM

You know, my first reaction while reading that was a huge roll of my eyes and thinking, "Sure, lady. You say that now." Once upon a time, my dsc's bm and I exchanged the, "I don't want this to be awkward. I'm sad about the divorce, but happy with the way life is moving forward." messages. She was full of crap, and couldn't be more vindictive, miserable and hateful at present time. It makes me really *sad* that that's the first response that stirred in me.

I'm really happy that some people are able to have that sort of relationship. I wish it were more common.

Stepmom2Be · #4 January 13th, 2013, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by plan4fate

This is very true. And pretty much the lucky card I drew.

At least we know there are some out there who's goal ISN'T to make our lives difficult, lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keakie

You know, my first reaction while reading that was a huge roll of my eyes and thinking, "Sure, lady. You say that now." Once upon a time, my dsc's bm and I exchanged the, "I don't want this to be awkward. I'm sad about the divorce, but happy with the way life is moving forward." messages. She was full of crap, and couldn't be more vindictive, miserable and hateful at present time. It makes me really *sad* that that's the first response that stirred in me.

I'm really happy that some people are able to have that sort of relationship. I wish it were more common.

I kind of thought that a little bit too. I think deep down it's what a single mom WOULD want. Would I be capable of being that honest and open and "she's OUR baby now," with Eric's new wife if we ever divorced? Probably not. That realization alone helps me not freak out so much when BM asserts her role as O's mom.

But I think deep down, it's what people want. And should want.

A lot of people commented and said they would never be able to feel that way if their husbands remarried. And I think a lot of that is because they are still WITH their husbands.

if I ended up having a child with my ex? I have no feelings for him whatsoever, so yeah I think I could be happy if said child had a good relationship with their stepmom.

plan4fate · #5 January 13th, 2013, 06:37 PM

I think in some cases it also depends on what the Bio Mom is doing with her life. L's moved on, married to M almost a full year now. If she was single? I don't think it would be the same. She really hates when we have Reme and M's working, because she's home alone, and Reme's at a good age where you can take him where you want, do what you need so even getting out to run errands doesn't have the same appeal that it would have when he was 2 or 3. So if she didn't have M, I think she'd be less favorable in general.

Not that Reme would care. We've never told him he has to love me. He made that decision very early on, I don't think that anyone could convince him that it wasn't ok to love me.. my inlaws have tried

Stepmom2Be · #6 January 13th, 2013, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by plan4fate

I think in some cases it also depends on what the Bio Mom is doing with her life. L's moved on, married to M almost a full year now. If she was single? I don't think it would be the same. She really hates when we have Reme and M's working, because she's home alone, and Reme's at a good age where you can take him where you want, do what you need so even getting out to run errands doesn't have the same appeal that it would have when he was 2 or 3. So if she didn't have M, I think she'd be less favorable in general.

Not that Reme would care. We've never told him he has to love me. He made that decision very early on, I don't think that anyone could convince him that it wasn't ok to love me.. my inlaws have tried

haha.

O and I bonded very quickly too. And when BM had her sugar daddy and was living the party lifestyle, we had O every single weekend. They never had a signed agreement, but she gave up every single weekend with her child. Looking back, that seemed kind of fishy, lol.

But yeah, hopefully when she meets someone and settles down, it'll get easier.

I know she appreciates me, becuse she's told me. But she also makes it seem like I MUST have her approval. When in reality, the only approval I need is Eric and O's.

Keakie · #7 January 13th, 2013, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by plan4fate

I think in some cases it also depends on what the Bio Mom is doing with her life. L's moved on, married to M almost a full year now. If she was single? I don't think it would be the same. She really hates when we have Reme and M's working, because she's home alone, and Reme's at a good age where you can take him where you want, do what you need so even getting out to run errands doesn't have the same appeal that it would have when he was 2 or 3. So if she didn't have M, I think she'd be less favorable in general.

Not that Reme would care. We've never told him he has to love me. He made that decision very early on, I don't think that anyone could convince him that it wasn't ok to love me.. my inlaws have tried

Maybe so. When my dsc's bm was particularly friendly (to our faces - she's never had nice things to say behind our backs) she was dating someone who bought her a lot of gifts and who adored the kids. She talked about marrying him a lot. She broke up with him because he "criticized her parenting" - in other words, he told her it hurt his feelings a little when she would get up and walk away from him to nurse my then-18ish month old dss anytime he so much as frowned, and he expressed concerned over the fact that my oldest dss (for those who have been following our story, he's my mentally ill stepchild, diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and mood disorder NOS and who has had significant violence and impulse control issues since he was 5) had once beat him (as in, my dss beat bm's ex-boyfriend) with a piece of plumbing pipe and knocked over a bookshelf in a rage one night when she left the kids with said ex-boyfriend.

But before that, she seemed somewhat happy with him and it showed in her interactions. That said, I also don't think she expected me to actually stick around, so maybe that made it easier for her to fake nice. Now that the ring has been on my finger for over a year, she probably feels a little differently. It probably doesn't help that she's still dating the guy who has zero interest in the kids and who tends to only spend time with her when they're not with her.

Stepmom2Be · #8 January 13th, 2013, 07:53 PM

It very much seems like these BM's can only be happy for their ex if they themselves are equally or more happy.

Guys aren't like that.

When she was dating the guy with the $90k mercedes, and he was living with his sister because he lost his job and his apartment, never once did he take it out on her.

But girls are girls. And a lot of girls determine their OWN self worth based off other peoples lives. I am FINALLY getting out of that phase of my life. Hopefully for good.

ShesaDreamer · #9 January 14th, 2013, 08:14 AM

Our BM was always really hateful to me. But I was living with DH in the house that was supposed to be hers with decent cars and pretty much whatever I wanted. She was living with her grandma and her bf and borrowing her moms cars. When she was in a better place(had her own place even though her mom paid for it and had a car) then she wasn't so bad. But she tends to peak then spiral down to rock bottom.

Now BM #1 we have never had problems with. She came to our wedding and her DD was even our flower girl. She has came to the house to stay also. She recently got in a bit of trouble though so she hasn't been back up since 2009.

K.A.T · #10 January 14th, 2013, 09:02 AM

After being in this game for 10.5 almost 11 years, I've given up on the whole idea of having a nice relationship with BM. No matter where she is in her life she is always hateful deep down inside. It's just part of who she is and her disdain for DH. It bothered her that he moved on, even though she left him. She knew he's a good man and that they're aren't many guys out there like him. She thought the grass was greener when it hasn't been. It took her half the time that we've been together, if not longer, to find her now husband. And she' still not fully happy according to dsd. BM married for money, we all know money doesn't buy happiness. It bothers her that DH has gone onward and upward since they've parted ways. She probably never expected us to last, have more children and get married. When she sees us as a family unit, we're always laughing and smiling. She knows that we have what she's always wanted and that makes her bitter. Now, don't get me wrong, we can fake it like you wouldn't believe. But we both can't stand the other. We fake it for the sake of dsd. I know that's why I fake it, who knows her reason. Maybe she feels that if she doesn't play along then her true colors will show and she does her best to hide those colors from the world.

stucklikeglue · #11 January 15th, 2013, 07:17 AM

I posted this on fb under public, knowing BM1 tries to check out my fb that is private hopefully she sees this. lol

Wisey · #12 January 15th, 2013, 10:24 AM

I actually hope my ex finds someone that will love S like her own. I do not try to control what he does with her. I do not agree to all of it, but I never voice it to him. S's dad and I have a very different relationship then most. I am very lucky for that.