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  • 1 Post By plan4fate
  • 1 Post By K.A.T

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  #1  
January 14th, 2013, 05:24 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So apparently bm only has a copy of the temporary court paperwork and never bothered to get herself a copy of the final order?

She called hubby last night telling him that she is tired of not getting her visitation rights and that she knows with living out of state she can't take EOW, but that she is entitled to splitting long school breaks and should have at least 2 weeks summer vacation.

He told her that is not their custody paperwork visitation and she needed to re-read it. She then said if he doesn't abide by that and give her spring break and at least two weeks this summer she is going to take him to court for visitation. He told her that she is welcome to do that and at the same time he will also persue child support.

What is wrong with this lady???? She has rarely tried to exercise any visitation for YEARS. Now that she lives with her parents she is going to play mommy and act like she has all kinds of rights and its everyone else's fault that she has no relationship with her kids! And she is going to threaten to take hubby to court! lol! Funny thing is hubby was already planning on letting the kids go for a few weeks this summer.

My question is if she does this (which I kinda doubt because she has no job and 3 other kids who are all living in her parents home with her) how does it go? She lives out of state...so will we have to go to court out there?? Or since the divorce/custody was handled here does she have to file out here if she were to do it?
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Last edited by mom2more; January 14th, 2013 at 05:39 PM.
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  #2  
January 14th, 2013, 06:34 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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My guess would be she has to file where the kids are. I know you can file for divorce where ever you live, but custody is usually handled where the kids reside (or at least that seems to be how it works for all my friends)

How much Visitation is she actually entitled to?
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  #3  
January 14th, 2013, 07:43 PM
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None. She took off and hubby got sole custody. Her visitation was listed as being up to my hubby.
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  #4  
January 14th, 2013, 08:27 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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yeah if she's going to start demanding visitation.. she needs to start paying child support. Obviously you were going to be nice.. but she's going to be difficult.
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  #5  
January 14th, 2013, 08:43 PM
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Typically, she would have to file it with the county where the initial CO paperwork was filed. She isn't entitled to anything that isn't specifically listed; if it's at your dh's discretion, standard long distance visitation doesn't automatically apply. She could file for a modification of visitation for more specific days and depending on the judge, she may get something more specific in writing - but she would have to prove why the current CO isn't working and in order to do that, she would have to be able to prove that your dh isn't giving her anything (which doesn't sound like it's the case).

I agree that if she wants to start exercising visitation, she needs to start paying some kind of support. You can't take a hard line on one part of the CO but ignore others.
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  #6  
January 14th, 2013, 09:18 PM
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From my experience and knowledge, all child custody issues, including visitation must be filed in the county of the residence for the children. She can't just go to court near her place of residence and file a motion to modify visitation. Also, as much as we would like to think that visitation and support go hand in hand, they don't. The non residential parent could be a complete deadbeat yet still be entitled to their visitation.
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  #7  
January 14th, 2013, 09:44 PM
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I'm pretty sure she would have to file where the kids are.
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  #8  
January 14th, 2013, 09:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
From my experience and knowledge, all child custody issues, including visitation must be filed in the county of the residence for the children. She can't just go to court near her place of residence and file a motion to modify visitation. Also, as much as we would like to think that visitation and support go hand in hand, they don't. The non residential parent could be a complete deadbeat yet still be entitled to their visitation.

Oh I know, but if she's going to take him to court for visitation.. then they need to turn around and tell her she needs to pay support. Even if she doesn't pay it, it's going to go against her and end up in arrears.
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  #9  
January 14th, 2013, 10:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
Oh I know, but if she's going to take him to court for visitation.. then they need to turn around and tell her she needs to pay support. Even if she doesn't pay it, it's going to go against her and end up in arrears.
Ideally the court system should but they won't. They'd (the Op and her husband) be more than welcome to go to the child support agency and open up a case on their own but the two are completely separate and the judge really isn't going to care. Depending on the judge you get filing that action could serve in their favor or it could blow up in their face. Depends on how sympathetic she appears to the judge and who they get. Russian Roulette.
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Last edited by Ember Rose; January 15th, 2013 at 12:05 AM.
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  #10  
January 14th, 2013, 11:53 PM
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*they* as in the OP's husband. Not the court system
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  #11  
January 15th, 2013, 12:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
*they* as in the OP's husband. Not the court system
The first two theys were the court system and then the rest was the OP and her husband. That's...I will go fix that. My bad lol.
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  #12  
January 15th, 2013, 12:23 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
The first two theys were the court system and then the rest was the OP and her husband. That's...I will go fix that. My bad lol.
it's ok, I just thought I should clarify.

I very much think if he is raising the kids, and she wants visitation, she should have Child support payments. She can't expect him to pay for everything day to day for them, and then half the travel, it's not right. Even if she doesn't pay it... it'll bite her later.

She'll find she's better off taking what he gives her, and not being a total douche canoe over it.
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  #13  
January 15th, 2013, 01:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
it's ok, I just thought I should clarify.

I very much think if he is raising the kids, and she wants visitation, she should have Child support payments. She can't expect him to pay for everything day to day for them, and then half the travel, it's not right. Even if she doesn't pay it... it'll bite her later.

She'll find she's better off taking what he gives her, and not being a total douche canoe over it.
I don't agree or disagree (because I feel it's situational) I just know how it's viewed in general. Most, if not all, courts view it as completely separate and many a judge will actually get irate when you try to connect the two. *shrug* There are situations when people can't control their financial circumstances and for that reason judges generally feel relationships should be kept separate from finances. Sometimes it works out for the better good and sometimes it doesn't.

I'd let her file for visitation if she's going to (because she could be all talk) and then see if the case would always be viewed by this judge or if it could get bounced from judge to judge. If it sticks with one judge and that judge seems the least bit sympathetic, I'd pause and evaluate. Consult a lawyer and see what the laws are. Because you could get all this back support and she could get very little visitation or it could be supervised or whatever. BUT the court system could also declare her to be indigent and waive the majority if not all of any back support you'd be looking to get and then only require her to pay peanuts plus give her a hefty hunk of visitation that you couldn't necessarily control. Depending on the laws for your state AND the judge you get there's no way to know how this is going to play out and it's crazy to assume it's gonna work in your favor when it has the potential to go totally south.
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Last edited by Ember Rose; January 15th, 2013 at 01:10 AM.
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  #14  
January 15th, 2013, 02:01 AM
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We were told the Uniform Code of Jurisdiction said we have to file in the home state and county of the child, and whenever the child moved if it resided there for 6 months it became the home state. And if BM tried to file somethign in any other state the courts must first check that they have jurisdiction over the case. In fact thats the first sentence of all our court documents - that the court finds they have jurisdiction over these proceedings.

when BM started seriously dating her current husband about 6 years ago she decided she wanted to use the visiation that was originally in the CO. She too started quoting parts of the court order that didn't exist. She even sent us a certified letter once citing paragraph and line numbers that were not in the court order. We always suspected that the boyfriends family fuled her newfound desire to be with SD at the time. (I'm sure she has a real relationship with her now, but going from an uniterested attitude to highly interested overnight is suspect). We also pursued CS at that time, stating that if she was going to start having prolonged out-of-state visitation with SD then she would need to start paying CS. She pitched a bit of a fit. She claimed that that since she sent SD to live with us that she shouldnt have to pay because we had SD instead of her. The CS office said that she would pay backpay to when custody was switched, and we filled out every single line of the paperwork. Where she worked, lived, etc. It took them almost a year to actually get to the point of collecting checks, and they never tacked on backpay. Then they held a court date and didn't even tell us about it. At the court date BM and her lawyer said she couldnt afford to pay for health insurance for SD and her child support was sent to an amout that to this day only pays our electric bill monthly. She did actually add SD to her insurance last year, but only after her new daughter was born and adding one dependant was the same premium and adding two.

I wish you the sincerest good luck.
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  #15  
January 15th, 2013, 11:32 AM
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I don't have any advise because I have not had to deal with this. I do wish you much luck!
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  #16  
January 16th, 2013, 07:32 AM
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Im pretty sure its all talk. She has no money. I dont think her parents want to foot the bill for the lawyer and her to come here for court since they are already supporting her and her three other kids. But who knows.I just wanted to make sure if they did it we wouldn't have court there.
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  #17  
January 23rd, 2013, 09:39 AM
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It depends on the states. if I wanted to set anything up for C, then I'd have to do it off the state HE lives in (e being sperm donor) or the state she was concieved/born in. since there is not a current order.

for L, there is a current order, so we would need to reopen the case file that is already out there, so it would be where that order is.
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