Log In Sign Up

A visitation wwyd?


Forum: Blended Families

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree2Likes

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Blended Families LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
February 8th, 2013, 01:51 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,392
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
L dropped Reme off today, and mentioned the school sent home info about Summer school. He doesn't need it to move to 2nd grade (he did need it to move to 1st), but they recommend it to keep him on a schedule. She seems very on board with this.

Well.. School interferes with DH's right to visitation. He's entitled to 50%, but Reme doesn't function at school well when moving between the two houses on school nights.

She also wants to put him in a science program for a week, starting the week AFTER summer school. This means 7 weeks of extra school for Reme. And no visitation time for DH. This would be Reme's 3rd year in summer school in a row too.. he's NEVER had a summer off.

DH planned on taking full advantage of his 50% this year, no matter how much she'd protest (she misses him, I get it, so does he). He wanted to go on Vacation. If he ended up working, he wanted Reme close anyway because if not it could be a year before he'd get to see him for more than day or two.

So what would you do? If you were the non custodial parent, would you speak up and say "look, I want to actually spend real time with my kid, not evenings and weekends."


(in total Reme would get 2 weeks between school ending, and SS starting, 1 week off in July (cause of the holiday) and then 1 (or two) off in August. Dh won't be home for the first two.. he will be working 12hrs a day 7 days a week. L wont' give up all the non school time either.... )

I'm not saying Reme won't benefit from summer school, but it's 3 hours a day. If people would put their foot down and make him do work at home he wouldn't need it.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells Polypectomy - August 21st
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Trying a few cycles of clomid and progesterone. FX this is all it takes.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
February 8th, 2013, 03:50 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,680
IDK, its tough. I think I would propose that if he does summer school your dh should still get his 50% visitation (if you two can get him to/from summer school). I would think that summer school only being 3 hours wouldn't be affected by where he sleeps the night before.

I would also want bm to agree to dh getting to take a vacation with Reme this summer during one of his off summer school weeks.

If she won't agree to that I would fight the summer school thing. I don't think that the need to "keep him on a schedule" is a good enough reason for him to get no extra time with his dad this summer.
__________________
Mom2more






Reply With Quote
  #3  
February 8th, 2013, 04:59 PM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 28
I am new so forgive my ignorance. Does Reme have special needs that make a schedile especially important?
Reply With Quote
  #4  
February 8th, 2013, 05:41 PM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 52
do you live close enough to get him to school?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
February 8th, 2013, 07:41 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,392
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
We are 25 min from the summer school. She's 10.

There's only one week we could take advantage of... the July 4th week off in the middle of summer school. Reme's not the kind of kid you can take on vacation before school starts. For what we had panned, an week isn't going to cut it.

and then there's the little fact...

Dh may not take the summer off work this year. If his company gets the job they're bidding on, he will have an option to take on a job that will last a year, and then there will be a big job the following fall. Meaning he will work from now, until Spring 2015, and he/we will be 300/500 miles away. This summer time could be the ONLY time he gets to see Reme for more than 24 hours. With the type of work that DH does, we have to do a lot of "what if" planning, because if we don't, we may lose out. He hates being away from Reme, if he could work here for a decent wage, he would.. but the jobs just are not here. If he could work the next 2 years straight... he could go back to school, get his welding certificate... and he wouldn't have to leave for work like this anymore.



CJRPete we have an inconclusive diagnosis for Reme because his mother's never gone back and found out WHAT they discovered. He gets many types of therapy during the school year, and he made major strides this year. He's not going to be on par with his class in September, but sending him to school year round just seems cruel. He exhibits the characteristics of several sensory disorders, and some mild autism. DH wasn't able to be there for any of the doctor's visits... so honestly it's likely she wasn't entirely honest with his quirks. She wasn't in the past at least. And since he wasn't there... he can't just go find out (we tried)
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells Polypectomy - August 21st
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Trying a few cycles of clomid and progesterone. FX this is all it takes.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
February 8th, 2013, 09:32 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,680
Then it sounds like summer school won't work. Maybe "compromise"....say that he should do the science thing that is only a week but not do regular summer school so he can spend time with his dad. Maybe find some type of summer camp program where he can go this summer on days that will work for all of you. Like a park district program or YMCA or something. That way he could miss time for vacations and maybe not even need to go every day during the week?
__________________
Mom2more






Reply With Quote
  #7  
February 9th, 2013, 10:28 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,769
I would say no way to summer school, not fair to DH at all.
__________________






Reply With Quote
  #8  
February 9th, 2013, 02:02 PM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 28
I don't know it kind of sounds like Reme might need the extra help to assist in keeping him on track.
It might not be fair to dh but you also have to consider what is best for the child.
I do think dh spending time with him is best for him too..... but it doesn't sound like your husband might be available even to spend time with him due to work, so why not keep him on track?
Summer school might be cruel but being held back or struggling hard in school could be just as cruel.

Bear in mind I do come from a BM perspective. Maybe I am missing something here.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
February 9th, 2013, 02:37 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,392
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
Quote:
Originally Posted by CJRPete View Post
I don't know it kind of sounds like Reme might need the extra help to assist in keeping him on track.
It might not be fair to dh but you also have to consider what is best for the child.
I do think dh spending time with him is best for him too..... but it doesn't sound like your husband might be available even to spend time with him due to work, so why not keep him on track?
Summer school might be cruel but being held back or struggling hard in school could be just as cruel.

Bear in mind I do come from a BM perspective. Maybe I am missing something here.
because at that point Reme will possibly not have seen his dad for 5 months already, and then not see him until the following summer. IF he doesn't need school then.

The kid hasn't had a summer since he was 3. I think he deserves one.

"Summer School" last year for all the kids was nothing but story time, and active play. So he'd get socialization, but none of his extra needs stuff. I volunteered last year for a week for his program.. it was daycare for 3hrs a day in a school, that's it. No one under 3rd grade actually did any work.

Reme would be coming down to spend half the summer with us in Indiana/Illinois (depending on which town we live in at the time). Seeing his dad evening and weekends is about all he sees his mom too since he and her husband both work full time.. and he'll either be in day care or with his grandparents for the rest of the day.

Not to mention the fact that I can take him places, and I can teach him things. At least with me he'd get his OT and PT (which he's doing right now with a box of legos... fine motor skill control ).
Keakie likes this.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells Polypectomy - August 21st
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Trying a few cycles of clomid and progesterone. FX this is all it takes.

Last edited by plan4fate; February 9th, 2013 at 02:43 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
February 9th, 2013, 04:14 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
If school is nothing but glorified daycare then it's might be best to assert his rights. You can "home school" while he's with you and he sees Woody too. I think it's a win for both Reme and Woody.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using Forum Runner
Keakie likes this.
__________________

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



Reply With Quote
  #11  
February 9th, 2013, 05:46 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,392
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
He just accused me of being his OT teacher. I handed him a pile of 1x1 lego's and told him to assemble them in specific shapes. I guess he does this at school too. LOL. Now he's mad because after lego's usually comes play dough, I and I have none.. and not enough salt to make any.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells Polypectomy - August 21st
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Trying a few cycles of clomid and progesterone. FX this is all it takes.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
February 9th, 2013, 08:09 PM
stucklikeglue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: sunny state
Posts: 2,424
I agree that he should be with you guys. Hopefully she can see this.
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #13  
February 10th, 2013, 11:04 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,769
if she's worried about him being behind, you can easily do a homeschooling summer program, I'm going to do summer learning stuff with Ethan and Kayley this summer, not because they are behind but I know BM isn't working with them.
I think she needs to be fair to your DH and let him spend some time with his son, especially if he's going to be gone for work for awhile and may not get a chance for awhile.
__________________






Reply With Quote
  #14  
February 10th, 2013, 10:59 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,392
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
He's going to talk to Reme's teacher tomorrow. They've said he doesn't HAVE to do it, but DH wants to know just how much benefit there will be to doing it. If it's not going to give some magic boost, DH is going to tell L he's against it.

Since moving to Wi, Reme's had to do school every summer. We can read with him, we can do math, take him places... he doesn't need to got to school to learn.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells Polypectomy - August 21st
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Trying a few cycles of clomid and progesterone. FX this is all it takes.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
February 11th, 2013, 11:50 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 971
Talk with the teacher an go from there. Maybe the teacher can give you some work at home activities over the summer so he can do that while he is with you.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
February 11th, 2013, 02:46 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,392
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
His teacher said she'd really encourage him to go. So there goes that. Dh is pissed, I'm pissed... and Reme's upset because his mom told him that we were going to Canada this summer (which we were)... but I refuse to go for just 5 days... 2 of which would be spent flying.

So now I'm the bad guy saying we aren't going.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells Polypectomy - August 21st
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Trying a few cycles of clomid and progesterone. FX this is all it takes.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
February 11th, 2013, 03:00 PM
Happy Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 21,659
that's tough, for me I'd have the kids do the extra summer school,e sp since it was needed last year.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #18  
February 11th, 2013, 05:04 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,392
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
Quote:
Originally Posted by w292737 View Post
that's tough, for me I'd have the kids do the extra summer school,e sp since it was needed last year.
They told DH today to expect Reme to do it every single summer. All of June, and all of July. He will never get a real summer. He will never get to go on vacation with us.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells Polypectomy - August 21st
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Trying a few cycles of clomid and progesterone. FX this is all it takes.

Last edited by plan4fate; February 11th, 2013 at 05:06 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
February 11th, 2013, 08:14 PM
pmdc5286's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 1,738
Send a message via AIM to pmdc5286 Send a message via Yahoo to pmdc5286
Ashley, that is crap. I work with Robert during the summer. It is not that big of a deal. He gets much more from me working with him than summer school. We throw in a week or two of scout camp and he is good. We work on his speech, some of his fine motor coordination and reading specifically. He and Dani work together on multiplication and division. Granted we don't do it all every day like in school, but he doesn't loose progress and he has advanced in reading every summer that he has been with me and Jonah.
__________________
Patty






Thank you JMC1988 for my siggy!

TTC #3, Our first together




Reply With Quote
  #20  
February 11th, 2013, 08:15 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,360
That feels incredibly unfair, especially considering what it sounds like he actually does during those 3 hours a day. You could easily give him a more educational, enriching summer at home. Poor Reme.

I would still try my hardest to keep him out, personally, but I know that will be a lot harder now that a teacher has said she disagrees with that choice.
__________________


*Cautiously and excitedly expecting number two - shhh, if we're friends on Facebook. *



Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my fabulous siggie!

Last edited by Keakie; February 11th, 2013 at 08:19 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:25 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0