A visitation wwyd?

plan4fate · #1 February 8th, 2013, 01:51 PM

L dropped Reme off today, and mentioned the school sent home info about Summer school. He doesn't need it to move to 2nd grade (he did need it to move to 1st), but they recommend it to keep him on a schedule. She seems very on board with this.

Well.. School interferes with DH's right to visitation. He's entitled to 50%, but Reme doesn't function at school well when moving between the two houses on school nights.

She also wants to put him in a science program for a week, starting the week AFTER summer school. This means 7 weeks of extra school for Reme. And no visitation time for DH. This would be Reme's 3rd year in summer school in a row too.. he's NEVER had a summer off.

DH planned on taking full advantage of his 50% this year, no matter how much she'd protest (she misses him, I get it, so does he). He wanted to go on Vacation. If he ended up working, he wanted Reme close anyway because if not it could be a year before he'd get to see him for more than day or two.

So what would you do? If you were the non custodial parent, would you speak up and say "look, I want to actually spend real time with my kid, not evenings and weekends."

(in total Reme would get 2 weeks between school ending, and SS starting, 1 week off in July (cause of the holiday) and then 1 (or two) off in August. Dh won't be home for the first two.. he will be working 12hrs a day 7 days a week. L wont' give up all the non school time either.... )

I'm not saying Reme won't benefit from summer school, but it's 3 hours a day. If people would put their foot down and make him do work at home he wouldn't need it.

mom2more · #2 February 8th, 2013, 03:50 PM

IDK, its tough. I think I would propose that if he does summer school your dh should still get his 50% visitation (if you two can get him to/from summer school). I would think that summer school only being 3 hours wouldn't be affected by where he sleeps the night before.

I would also want bm to agree to dh getting to take a vacation with Reme this summer during one of his off summer school weeks.

If she won't agree to that I would fight the summer school thing. I don't think that the need to "keep him on a schedule" is a good enough reason for him to get no extra time with his dad this summer.

CJRPete · #3 February 8th, 2013, 04:59 PM

I am new so forgive my ignorance. Does Reme have special needs that make a schedile especially important?

SSGMama · #4 February 8th, 2013, 05:41 PM

do you live close enough to get him to school?

plan4fate · #5 February 8th, 2013, 07:41 PM

We are 25 min from the summer school. She's 10.

There's only one week we could take advantage of... the July 4th week off in the middle of summer school. Reme's not the kind of kid you can take on vacation before school starts. For what we had panned, an week isn't going to cut it.

and then there's the little fact...

Dh may not take the summer off work this year. If his company gets the job they're bidding on, he will have an option to take on a job that will last a year, and then there will be a big job the following fall. Meaning he will work from now, until Spring 2015, and he/we will be 300/500 miles away. This summer time could be the ONLY time he gets to see Reme for more than 24 hours. With the type of work that DH does, we have to do a lot of "what if" planning, because if we don't, we may lose out. He hates being away from Reme, if he could work here for a decent wage, he would.. but the jobs just are not here. If he could work the next 2 years straight... he could go back to school, get his welding certificate... and he wouldn't have to leave for work like this anymore.

CJRPete we have an inconclusive diagnosis for Reme because his mother's never gone back and found out WHAT they discovered. He gets many types of therapy during the school year, and he made major strides this year. He's not going to be on par with his class in September, but sending him to school year round just seems cruel. He exhibits the characteristics of several sensory disorders, and some mild autism. DH wasn't able to be there for any of the doctor's visits... so honestly it's likely she wasn't entirely honest with his quirks. She wasn't in the past at least. And since he wasn't there... he can't just go find out (we tried)

mom2more · #6 February 8th, 2013, 09:32 PM

Then it sounds like summer school won't work. Maybe "compromise"....say that he should do the science thing that is only a week but not do regular summer school so he can spend time with his dad. Maybe find some type of summer camp program where he can go this summer on days that will work for all of you. Like a park district program or YMCA or something. That way he could miss time for vacations and maybe not even need to go every day during the week?

stresswife · #7 February 9th, 2013, 10:28 AM

I would say no way to summer school, not fair to DH at all.

CJRPete · #8 February 9th, 2013, 02:02 PM

I don't know it kind of sounds like Reme might need the extra help to assist in keeping him on track.
It might not be fair to dh but you also have to consider what is best for the child.
I do think dh spending time with him is best for him too..... but it doesn't sound like your husband might be available even to spend time with him due to work, so why not keep him on track?
Summer school might be cruel but being held back or struggling hard in school could be just as cruel.

Bear in mind I do come from a BM perspective. Maybe I am missing something here.

plan4fate · #9 February 9th, 2013, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CJRPete

I don't know it kind of sounds like Reme might need the extra help to assist in keeping him on track.
It might not be fair to dh but you also have to consider what is best for the child.
I do think dh spending time with him is best for him too..... but it doesn't sound like your husband might be available even to spend time with him due to work, so why not keep him on track?
Summer school might be cruel but being held back or struggling hard in school could be just as cruel.

Bear in mind I do come from a BM perspective. Maybe I am missing something here.

because at that point Reme will possibly not have seen his dad for 5 months already, and then not see him until the following summer. IF he doesn't need school then.

The kid hasn't had a summer since he was 3. I think he deserves one.

"Summer School" last year for all the kids was nothing but story time, and active play. So he'd get socialization, but none of his extra needs stuff. I volunteered last year for a week for his program.. it was daycare for 3hrs a day in a school, that's it. No one under 3rd grade actually did any work.

Reme would be coming down to spend half the summer with us in Indiana/Illinois (depending on which town we live in at the time). Seeing his dad evening and weekends is about all he sees his mom too since he and her husband both work full time.. and he'll either be in day care or with his grandparents for the rest of the day.

Not to mention the fact that I can take him places, and I can teach him things. At least with me he'd get his OT and PT (which he's doing right now with a box of legos... fine motor skill control

).

K.A.T · #10 February 9th, 2013, 04:14 PM

If school is nothing but glorified daycare then it's might be best to assert his rights. You can "home school" while he's with you and he sees Woody too. I think it's a win for both Reme and Woody.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using Forum Runner

plan4fate · #11 February 9th, 2013, 05:46 PM

He just accused me of being his OT teacher.

I handed him a pile of 1x1 lego's and told him to assemble them in specific shapes. I guess he does this at school too. LOL. Now he's mad because after lego's usually comes play dough, I and I have none.. and not enough salt to make any.

stucklikeglue · #12 February 9th, 2013, 08:09 PM

I agree that he should be with you guys. Hopefully she can see this.

stresswife · #13 February 10th, 2013, 11:04 AM

if she's worried about him being behind, you can easily do a homeschooling summer program, I'm going to do summer learning stuff with Ethan and Kayley this summer, not because they are behind but I know BM isn't working with them.
I think she needs to be fair to your DH and let him spend some time with his son, especially if he's going to be gone for work for awhile and may not get a chance for awhile.

plan4fate · #14 February 10th, 2013, 10:59 PM

He's going to talk to Reme's teacher tomorrow. They've said he doesn't HAVE to do it, but DH wants to know just how much benefit there will be to doing it. If it's not going to give some magic boost, DH is going to tell L he's against it.

Since moving to Wi, Reme's had to do school every summer. We can read with him, we can do math, take him places... he doesn't need to got to school to learn.

Wisey · #15 February 11th, 2013, 11:50 AM

Talk with the teacher an go from there. Maybe the teacher can give you some work at home activities over the summer so he can do that while he is with you.

plan4fate · #16 February 11th, 2013, 02:46 PM

His teacher said she'd really encourage him to go. So there goes that. Dh is pissed, I'm pissed... and Reme's upset because his mom told him that we were going to Canada this summer (which we were)... but I refuse to go for just 5 days... 2 of which would be spent flying.

So now I'm the bad guy saying we aren't going.

w292737 · #17 February 11th, 2013, 03:00 PM

that's tough, for me I'd have the kids do the extra summer school,e sp since it was needed last year.

plan4fate · #18 February 11th, 2013, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by w292737

that's tough, for me I'd have the kids do the extra summer school,e sp since it was needed last year.

They told DH today to expect Reme to do it every single summer. All of June, and all of July. He will never get a real summer. He will never get to go on vacation with us.

pmdc5286 · #19 February 11th, 2013, 08:14 PM

Ashley, that is crap. I work with Robert during the summer. It is not that big of a deal. He gets much more from me working with him than summer school. We throw in a week or two of scout camp and he is good. We work on his speech, some of his fine motor coordination and reading specifically. He and Dani work together on multiplication and division. Granted we don't do it all every day like in school, but he doesn't loose progress and he has advanced in reading every summer that he has been with me and Jonah.

Keakie · #20 February 11th, 2013, 08:15 PM

That feels incredibly unfair, especially considering what it sounds like he actually does during those 3 hours a day. You could easily give him a more educational, enriching summer at home.

Poor Reme.

I would still try my hardest to keep him out, personally, but I know that will be a lot harder now that a teacher has said she disagrees with that choice.