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  • 1 Post By Keakie

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  #1  
February 14th, 2013, 10:01 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I just got reamed out by bm's mother because they couldn't get a hold of the kids this morning!!

We have a family cell plan that allows parental controls. We block sd's cell from working during the week except for after school till bedtime hours. No calls/texts in the morning or after bedtime. The only calls/texts that will go through is hubby's cell or mine. We had issues with her texting friends instead of getting ready for school or going to bed. So it just made sense and has worked well for us. On the weekends her cell works all day and up until midnight.

I guess bm and her mother tried texting sd this morning to wish her a Happy Valentine's Day and sd never responded....because the message didn't go through. They tried calling and got some error message because of the parental controls.

When they finally tried calling my cell the kids were already gone for school. I told them the reason their calls/texts didn't go through was because of the blocks and bm's mother was irritated and said that sd is too old for us to be controlling her cell like that! And she said on holidays she shouldn't be blocked from receiving calls and texts from her own mother! (seriously Valentine's Day is not a major holiday!...maybe I should make sure they can get through on President's Day too! lol)

OMG! I had it and told her that for the last 10 years hubby has been doing just fine raising the kids without any help from them. And for the last 8 years I have been helping him. And that our decisions in what we feel is necessary is not up for discussion with them because they have no idea what it is like raising the kids since they have not been a part of it. I also told her that the kids are well behaved and good kids because of decisions that hubby and I make regarding discipline and rules. Since they say how proud of the kids for how well they turned out they should think about why they are turning out so well. It isn't because they are allowed to do whatever they please with no parental guidance.

I also told grandma in the future please call dh because I am again done with her being rude to me because her daughter dropped the ball on being a mom and is now putting forth a small effort because she has to to appease her parents. Grandma tried justifying her nonsense and I just reminded her that hubby and I are the ones parenting and we make the decisions. Her daughter is not qualified to make parenting decisions because she has not been a parent to the children. She chose that, she can live with it. In the future they can call hubby. Then I hung up. I refuse to answer calls from them or respond to texts anymore. D-O-N-E!

I am just so done with them!!!
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  #2  
February 14th, 2013, 10:03 AM
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glad you got that out! I would have lost it a long time ago!
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  #3  
February 14th, 2013, 10:26 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Bout time to checked that woman. I would have done it ages ago. I just don't get how people who have hardly been there can have the balls to try and dictate things when it become convenient for them. My bio dad tried that crap. I haven't spoken to him since and I prefer it that way.
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  #4  
February 14th, 2013, 10:32 AM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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You go girl! I don't put up with stuff like that either! I'm waiting for BM to try and come to the house today. But she's been told not to come to my house without asking first.
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  #5  
February 14th, 2013, 11:41 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have tried to be nice. But I just can't stand it anymore! When grandma tried to tell me we were parenting wrong I just knew I had to put my foot down again, but way harder this time! I am so sick of her thinking they can just erase the kids childhoods without bm and insert her in it as if she never missed a beat. I am sick of them going against what we say and trying to tell us how we should do things. They have ZERO right. BM allowed it to be that way and she could have cared less all these years. She has had chances. She chose to drop the ball every time. Now grandma wants to bully us into what she wants...forget that! hubby is ready to block grandma and bm from our cell phones! Then they can call sd or e-mail us. End of story. I might have to agree that is best.
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  #6  
February 14th, 2013, 11:57 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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That would have bothered me too. I'm glad that you put your foot down. I don't think your phone restrictions are unreasonable, especially since she's proven she can't be responsible on her own with the texting - not that your parenting decisions are up for discussion with people who don't live in your household.

I don't think it's asking too much for her bm to be able to wish her a happy Valentine's day, but it would probably go a long way if they mentioned it ahead of time to ensure they could get ahold of her or even if they had reached out kindly when they tried and didn't get a response, rather than calling you up and flying off the handle.
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  #7  
February 14th, 2013, 09:19 PM
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Good for you! I'd have blown up a long time ago.
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  #8  
February 14th, 2013, 10:56 PM
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You could have avoided the whole thing by sending an email letting them know hey you can't reach her at this time. They don't live there and if you never told them she got in trouble they would never know. It's not justifying your parenting because you're not asking it's just informing so you don't have to answer the question later. You control the situation by giving them the heads up first. Sometimes you can get more flies with honey rather than vinegar you know?
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  #9  
February 15th, 2013, 03:51 AM
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Good for you!!!! Someone needs to put grandma in her place!!
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  #10  
February 15th, 2013, 07:46 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ember we have had these restrictions on sd's phone since before bm decided it was convenient for her to try to have a relationship with the kids. And I don't feel we need to start keeping her and her mother updated every time we make a decision regarding the kids. We have been nice, they are the ones who want to fly off the handle and act rudely. If we start updating them about discipline they will be trying to make those decisions for us next and telling the kids how they feel about our discipline choices.
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  #11  
February 15th, 2013, 08:46 AM
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I personally would rather be in control of a situation than on the defensive. Be proactive and you take away people's chances and opportunity to go on the offensive.

Then again, you could quit acting like you want them to have a relationship with her family, tell them it's too little too late and just cut off communication. You and your husband are resentful of their lack of involvement up to this point and that's natural in this case. They haven't been there and it's hurt the kids and you've had to deal with that. Own it and cut off contact since they're not responding how you want them to. It's honest and I think everyone involved would appreciate the absence of passive aggressiveness from the relationship. Coming from the other side (one of the children is stuck with someone who doesn't really want him to have a relationship with anyone) it's just...it's annoying. You know how someone really feels but they're saying something different out of their mouth and it's like...can't we just be honest? You don't like me and you don't want me here.
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  #12  
February 15th, 2013, 09:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
I personally would rather be in control of a situation than on the defensive. Be proactive and you take away people's chances and opportunity to go on the offensive.

Then again, you could quit acting like you want them to have a relationship with her family, tell them it's too little too late and just cut off communication. You and your husband are resentful of their lack of involvement up to this point and that's natural in this case. They haven't been there and it's hurt the kids and you've had to deal with that. Own it and cut off contact since they're not responding how you want them to. It's honest and I think everyone involved would appreciate the absence of passive aggressiveness from the relationship. Coming from the other side (one of the children is stuck with someone who doesn't really want him to have a relationship with anyone) it's just...it's annoying. You know how someone really feels but they're saying something different out of their mouth and it's like...can't we just be honest? You don't like me and you don't want me here.
WOW! Its been obvious you dislike my situation, probably because your hubby's child was given to a grandparent over him. But your situation is different than mine. I understand that the grandparent in your case is making communication difficult for you.

We have not done anything to make communication between my step kids and their bm difficult for her. We have always tried to initiate it. She chose to have almost nothing to do with her kids. Its her mother that now wants to control everything and we are annoyed with the rudeness she is showing us. We are not being passive aggressive! We make our feelings known. We made it known that buying sd a dress wasn't realistic without her being there to try it on. We suggested gift cards instead. They didn't listen and did what they wanted and then got aggravated when it didn't work out for them. When Christmas came around and they wanted to buy the kids gifts we had the kids make wish lists for them of things they wanted.

They have ways to contact the kids and always have. They can reach the kids on sd's cell phone all weekend long. During the week they can reach her after school hours all the way till bedtime. They have our house phone # as well as my cell and dh's cell.

When bm decided on a whim to see the kids recently we let her. It made ss miss a game he was supposed to play in, but we didn't use that as an excuse to not let her see the kids. Instead of using the time she showed up hours late without the decency to call and let us know she was running late...she didn't answer her phone when sd tried calling her an hour after she was supposed to be here. So ss missed his game for no reason but to sit and wait for bm. When she did pick the kids up they were such a priority that she took them to a hotel room and let them sit on the floor and watch tv while she slept. She didn't even feed them dinner, and she had them from about 4pm til 9pm.

We are not rude to her. We do state our feelings about how she has treated the kids. We have told her and her mother how much she hurts the kids and lets them down. But we are still polite to bm. Thats not being passive aggressive, thats just being decent. And we have told bm and her mother that we are done trying to help her form a relationship with the kids because they always get hurt. We told her and her mother a while back that its all on her. We are not going out of our way to help her. We are not going to make it easy for her to walk back into their lives because chances are she is going to walk right back out when she moves from her parents home. Thats what she has done more times than I can count. I don't think we should give her the benefit of the doubt at the children's expense. Our top priority is the children. And being hurt by their mother again just in case she has decided she really wants to be in their lives is not in their best interest. Even a child psychologist we have been seeing told us that.

So I am not sure what you mean about us not being honest. We have been nothing but honest.
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  #13  
February 15th, 2013, 02:22 PM
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  #14  
February 15th, 2013, 05:48 PM
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I never said give her the benefit of the doubt. Well I have but not in this thread. I'm saying you appear to be extending a courtesy you don't feel in your heart. What I'm saying is quit being "nice" and just make her go to court for whatever a judge is willing to give her based on her past behavior and stop dealing with the grandparents if the state your case is in doesn't afford grandparents rights. You're annoyed and it seems like it's so disruptive to your life so just don't go through it anymore. Rather than do the textbook right thing just to say you did, go with your gut at this point.

You understand nothing about our situation because I'm pretty close to the vest as far as what I share with you. I haven't given you enough information for you to understand anything. And my viewpoint has less to do with my situation which is vastly different from yours and more to do with the tone and content of your posts. That being said (and taking your response into consideration) I'd STILL suggest just making her jump through the legal hoops. It has to be done where the kids are living unless something in their divorce decree says otherwise (if they were married before). With a court document they'd stop acting brand new if you structure it right and it would likely cut a lot of the headaches you've had with her and her mother off at the knees. And that's even if she bothers to file anything and doesn't just disappear again, which would also seem to resolve the situation. Which is what you'd like to see yes? Or are you just venting here?
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  #15  
February 16th, 2013, 11:06 AM
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We went through being bullied by an ex in-law. My husband's ex mother in law has tried to tell my husband what to do with his kids since day 1! She didn't even want him to have them. They tried to get their daughter to get an abortion. Drove her to the clinic and freaked when she refused to go in. Then after she had the twins they tried to have her sign guardianship over to them. She refused and they kicked her and the babies out. Then they tried to get her to come back when my husband and his family welcomed her in with open arms. It was a mess. After my husband's ex died the in-laws took him to court to try to take the girls from him. When they lost that and then lost trying to get court ordered visitation they started being halfway decent. They still try to stick their noses into things here and there. But my husband says its nothing like it used to be.

Sometimes you just need to be firm. It sounds like you were. Hoping it helps!
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  #16  
February 18th, 2013, 12:00 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
I never said give her the benefit of the doubt. Well I have but not in this thread. I'm saying you appear to be extending a courtesy you don't feel in your heart. What I'm saying is quit being "nice" and just make her go to court for whatever a judge is willing to give her based on her past behavior and stop dealing with the grandparents if the state your case is in doesn't afford grandparents rights. You're annoyed and it seems like it's so disruptive to your life so just don't go through it anymore. Rather than do the textbook right thing just to say you did, go with your gut at this point.

You understand nothing about our situation because I'm pretty close to the vest as far as what I share with you. I haven't given you enough information for you to understand anything. And my viewpoint has less to do with my situation which is vastly different from yours and more to do with the tone and content of your posts. That being said (and taking your response into consideration) I'd STILL suggest just making her jump through the legal hoops. It has to be done where the kids are living unless something in their divorce decree says otherwise (if they were married before). With a court document they'd stop acting brand new if you structure it right and it would likely cut a lot of the headaches you've had with her and her mother off at the knees. And that's even if she bothers to file anything and doesn't just disappear again, which would also seem to resolve the situation. Which is what you'd like to see yes? Or are you just venting here?
Yes I am extending courtesy's I don't feel in my heart. Don't we all do what we think is right at times even if we don't want to? If I did what I felt in my heart this nonsense with bm would have ended years ago. But, we don't ever want the kids to think we kept them from their bm or her family so we had done what we could to facilitate a relationship. Until bm moved in with her parents the relationship with the kids and their grandparents was fine.

They are annoying me and dh. It isn't disrupting our lives, but I do come on here to vent about it. Do we want to stop all contact and force court? Probably not from the financial standpoint. We really don't have tons of extra money laying around for attorney fees and such. And many of the issues we have had with them lately wouldn't be handled by a court order anyways.

So like I said in this thread we are going to block them from contacting me or hubby except through e-mail. They can reach the kids on sd's cell during the reasonable hours it isn't blocked.
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