[pmdc5286]

I got an email this afternoon just after Robert's school let out for the day. It let me know that Robert had been using improper language at school and he got very upset when he found out the teacher was going to e-mail us. Robert does tend to get upset when we get emails about his behavior. When he uses bad language, he has to look up good words in the dictionary and write them down in his best handwriting. This has honestly helped him a lot by increasing his vocabulary and improving his handwriting. The handwriting that was illegible at the beginning of the semester can now be read!

This afternoon, when Robert got home, we were talking with him about what started him being disrespectful to a staff member and he told us the teacher grabbed him by the throat and drug him back on the elevator because the class got off on the wrong floor! Robert said he was the only one who got drug back on the elevator but the class was there (the class is about 8 kids). He said he was told not to tell anyone about it (along with the class) or he would get in trouble. He told his teacher in the next class what happened and the teacher did not believe him and told him to sit down.

We questioned him several different ways and were not able to poke any holes in his story, so we are convinced he is telling the truth.

I immediately got in touch with the principal of the school but she will not be able to let us know anything until after 1230 tomorrow because she will be off campus, so Robert is not going to school until we get answers. I have also notified our special ed coordinator to see what can be done.

Robert has marks on his neck from this and has asked us if he is in trouble for telling us what happened. He also insists the teacher will punish him when he finds out he told. Home school sounds pretty good right now for him!

[Stepmom2Be]

Oh my!

I am speechless. I would do the same thing!

We have a child in our class (I work with social or emotionally disabled kids) and one is famous for going home and telling them that the male staff member hit him. But as soon as he's questioned, he breaks down and says something like "Well he put his hand on my shoulder to tell me to turn" or something.

We always know when our kiddos are lying, I'd say he's telling the truth. It's so sad when they're scared to do the right thing because of what someone told them

[plan4fate]

I'd be losing my head. Poor Robert.

When I was in Kinder, a teacher told us to get our backpacks. 30 kids, small room.. smallest kid in the class.. I was the last to get through to get mine. I had my hand on it, and she told me I was too slow, picked me up by both arms, and threw me onto the "carpet" (where we sat for dismissal from school). I landed on 4 classmates. She denied it... but every kid in my class sided with me. 5 years, unable to teach... I cried every day of 5th grade when she took over for my teacher who broke her foot.

Sometimes teachers suck

[Keakie]

Poor Robert! I would believe him too, especially if he has no history of making that sort of thing up and he has marks on his neck. It makes me so angry that this kind of thing happens. I wouldn't send him tomorrow either. Give that little guy some extra hugs.

[SSGMama]

What happened? did the principal call? I hate that this happened to him. And suprised that attention would be called it by the e-mail home.

[pmdc5286]

We are about to leave now to go meet with the principal of his school. We live about 45 min from the school and she will be there at 12:30. It is 11:30 here. Robert is still telling the same story this morning. You can still faintly see the mark on his neck too.

I also want to say that the school social worker called us rather rudely this morning about 9 a.m. and chastised us for keeping our kid home today! I not-so-politely informed him that Robert would be with us until this matter was handled and we felt he was safe at school.

Robert doesn't want to go to the school with us because he is scared of the teacher hurting him because he told us what happened yesterday! How many other kids have been hurt by him and not told? This was the first time he has been in Robert's class according to Robert.

[Keakie]

The school social worker thing makes me mad. Good for you for standing your ground.

Good luck with your appointment today! I hope they are receptive and that action is taken.

[Zoes_Mommy]

Hate to hear this happened I don't know that I could have kept my cool. Hope you got some answers in your meeting with the principal!

[stucklikeglue]

so not cool!! Poor Robert!

[LifeToTheMax]

Wow! That's awful! Please let us know how the meeting went when you get back. I, too, am shocked that they would bring attention to this with the email home, and appalled that the social worker called this morning. It's just horrible Poor Robert.

[Ember Rose]

The social worker was totally out of line. I get that you had issues with Robert's mom not sending him to school but it's about tact.

The inability of some teachers to treat special needs children with respect is appalling. I'm so sorry.

[pmdc5286]

We are home now and happy with the outcome of the meeting and all that happened.

The meeting started with the principal and SRO telling us that they interviewed the teacher as well as all of the students involved and 2 of the students confirmed that his hand was on Robert's neck, however, he was not trying to choke Robert. Robert was having a full blown meltdown and the teacher was trying to control him and keep the other kids safe and Robert was trying to get away from him and while squirming to get away, the teacher's hand ended up on Robert's neck. Why was he holding our child hard enough to leave a mark on his neck? We don't know. The man has long feminine nails, which match the mark on Robert's neck.

The SRO took pics of Roberts neck today as well as got copies that we took yesterday. The school does believe Robert and his perception of the events, after all, Autistic kids see events in a much different light than we do.

As far as telling the teachers. Robert did tell his teachers, and his teachers did not ignore him, they followed proper procedure and reported it, but because it was time for school to be over, he was told to sit down so dismissal could occur and kids could be put on the proper bus. Again, Robert's perception.

Now, the resolution. The sheriff's department has filed a report and taken Robert's statement. It will be filed with the county and with his personnel record. The teacher will no longer be allowed around Robert. Period. No excuses. Ever. If he is around Robert we press the matter further.

We are satisfied with this resolution right now. The principal assured us that this sub will be watched much closer and any further "questionable" actions will be looked into and his services will be terminated and charges will be pressed with the evidence we have provided. We have a friend on the police dept that is further looking into his background now. The school has assured us that if we want further actions taken we can.

We went into the meeting with an open mind because we know our kid is no angel and we work with the school to curb his bad behavior problems, so we think this really helped our position today because we did not take a "our little snowflake who does nothing wrong".

We are home now and happy with the outcome of the meeting and all that happened.

The meeting started with the principal and SRO telling us that they interviewed the teacher as well as all of the students involved and 2 of the students confirmed that his hand was on Robert's neck, however, he was not trying to choke Robert. Robert was having a full blown meltdown and the teacher was trying to control him and keep the other kids safe and Robert was trying to get away from him and while squirming to get away, the teacher's hand ended up on Robert's neck. Why was he holding our child hard enough to leave a mark on his neck? We don't know. The man has long feminine nails, which match the mark on Robert's neck.

The SRO took pics of Roberts neck today as well as got copies that we took yesterday. The school does believe Robert and his perception of the events, after all, Autistic kids see events in a much different light than we do.

As far as telling the teachers. Robert did tell his teachers, and his teachers did not ignore him, they followed proper procedure and reported it, but because it was time for school to be over, he was told to sit down so dismissal could occur and kids could be put on the proper bus. Again, Robert's perception.

Now, the resolution. The sheriff's department has filed a report and taken Robert's statement. It will be filed with the county and with his personnel record. The teacher will no longer be allowed around Robert. Period. No excuses. Ever. If he is around Robert we press the matter further.

We are satisfied with this resolution right now. The principal assured us that this sub will be watched much closer and any further "questionable" actions will be looked into and his services will be terminated and charges will be pressed with the evidence we have provided. We have a friend on the police dept that is further looking into his background now. The school has assured us that if we want further actions taken we can.

We went into the meeting with an open mind because we know our kid is no angel and we work with the school to curb his bad behavior problems, so we think this really helped our position today because we did not take a "our little snowflake who does nothing wrong".

[Keakie]

I'm glad that you're happy with how things went. I have never worked with an autistic child, but it seems like a monumentally bad idea to grab anyone by the neck and except it to help them calm down, let alone an autistic child. I've heard of bear hugging to control limbs, etc. but the neck is just an incredibly vulnerable place on the body. I'm glad that he won't be teaching Robert in the future. Not all people are equipped to work with special needs children and perhaps that teacher is one of them.

I hope Robert is feeling better!

[pmdc5286]

From what we have gathered is Robert was never actually grabbed by the neck, but during the episode where he was punching the electrical control panel on the elevator, the sub used his hand on Robert's chest to push him back to the rear of the elevator. When Robert was moving, raising cain, struggling etc, the sub's hand moved up towards Robert's neck. It wasn't a choke hold on Robert. It was Robert wiggled out of his grasp. This was what the kids on the elevator described. Unfortunately, the elevator, along with the bathrooms are the only places that are not covered by video.

[Keakie]

Gotcha. That makes a lot more sense (and is a lot less concerning).

[Ember Rose]

I think that it went really well. As an educator you have to be really careful when physically restraining a child period, especially an autistic child who might not "get it". And that still leaves the fact that the teacher didn't notify the administration on his own of the incident, OTHER teachers had to bring it to their attention.

[Mom2Froggy]

Wow... thats crazy but that's a good resolution. He should of never had his hands on him at all, whether he really didn't grab his neck or not.

I had some truly awful teachers growing up but they made me become a teacher myself. One teacher in particular nearly drove me to the brink of suicide. I was SO close. SOOOO close. My math teacher was the wife of the principal of my school and we hated them. My school had 60 kids, 15 per grade. We were mixed level though, so it wasn't grades really, it was levels. Well the wife and principal called me stupid all the time. They said I was destined to do nothing. One time in math my teacher let the whole class pick on me and said "So I heard your Dad was drunk again and got arrested... what for?" She laughs, all the kids laugh. "Why don't you tell us, we will just find out what Drunk Gary gets arrested for in the papers anyways!" ******* ****. I just shut up. I swear to God I went to sleep saying "Please God take her life or mine." I HATED her and her husband. Well when we got our state tests back where I was right where I needed to be in math but testing grade levels ahead in other subjects and senior level college English... she actually personally apologized because "apparently I'm not stupid and can do something with my life." ****** hag.

I almost snapped and killed myself one day and told my Mom... move so we can go to a new school or come home to a dead kid.

I was removed from school the next day and homeschooled for the rest of the semester and then I moved. I still harbor a lot of anger toward the kids and adults at that school. However it made me want to be a teacher and be everything that the school wasnt.

[pmdc5286]

Mom2Froggy,

Robert goes to a special school for kids with behavior problems. He has a long list of mental health disorders and Autism is only one of them. Jonah and I work closely with his teaching team to work out the best ways to try to help him overcome his behavior issues and his learning disabilities. His educational improvements this year have been very impressive! The school he is in, all the teachers are specially trained on how to control violent kids and to keep the other children safe in the event of another child becoming violent. They do use hands-on restraint such as tight hugs etc, to control some of the kids at times. However, the type of restraint used on Robert is not used (near his neck). We feel this school is best for him right now.

[Wisey]

Wow! What a scary thing for Robert.

I am glad you got some answers.