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How long did it take you all to bond with your stepkids??? I have bonded quite quickly with the 9yo (girl) - but am really struggling to bond with the 5yo (boy)... It's weird, I thought he would be the one I would bond with the easiest, and I'd have trouble with the 9yo, but we get on really well.
I feel guilty for not bonding with him... Lauriel and I have spoken about it, she's admitted she feels the same about Gaby... I know it'll happen, but... I just wish it would happen sooner, rather than later... because I know I'm supposed to love him like he's my own... right?
because I know I'm supposed to love him like he's my own... right?
um...No, you are not required to love him like he's your own. That may happen eventually but may not. You are required to treat him like he was your own. And you are required to include him in your family life without issues. Falling in love with your step-children is just like falling in love with your spouse. Sometimes it's love at first sight and sometimes it has to grow over time. Just don't ever confuse loving them with liking, understanding or having a lot in common! I have his/hers/ours kids (6!) and though I love all of them, I am closer to some than others and that has nothing to do with which ones are his/mine/ours.
Its been almost 5 years here and we are still bonding. I say it takes time and patience. I love them like I had them but it gets hard when you have a bio parent telling you theyre not yours. I treat them as though I would treat mine too. no special privileges in any of them except for the age department. I dont expect a 6 yr old to be able to do and handle themselves as I do a 14 year old. thats just crazy.
No, I read a step mothering book and it made me realize I don't have to feel guilty if I don't love them like my own, there is a difference in my love for my own child and my love for my stepkids, It's been 5 years and I'm still bonding with mine.
Don't feel guilty, I agree that it is something that comes quickly or slowly, but you can't force it. The only thing you have to do, is make sure everyone is treated properly and equally- Which I know you would do. I have bonded with my SS, very quickly and with ease. He is 9 too. My SD and I have a friendship but she's older and we won't ever had a step mum- step daughter, relationship I don't believe but just a friendship.
Emma, girlfriend of Loz, future step-mama to J (15) and K (10), Mama to Jaelah (8), Oliver (6), Mianna (4) and Harper (2),
It's so hard I have days where DSD and I are great and I truly feel like I love her like my own. I love her all the time, but there are days that I LOVE her. And then there are days where I have jealousy towards her (I hate to admit that, but it's true ) or where she just drives me crazy and we aren't as close. It isn't always just her behavior that dictates how our relationship is, either. I think it's just the adjustment of blending families, and regardless of my feelings on a particular day, I do my best not to let how I feel show and always treat her well and respectfully.
__________________ Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)
My now husband and my son are not bondig at all..its been a year. I feel alot has to do with my ex..he still is not over the divorce and my son wants me and the ex back together.
When me and the ex were together he was pretty much MIA..I played mommy and daddy so my son is SUPER close and protective of me. I sure hope this changes. My now hubby wants very much for them to bond and tries like crazy as much as he can