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  • 1 Post By Stepmom2Be

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  #1  
July 13th, 2013, 10:10 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So we chatted with Owen today about how he feels. Well Dh did. They sat out back and just talked. Owen said he wants to spend more time at our house and less time at his moms house. That he doesnt like spending a whole week with her because he misses us.

We told him we could work on getting him some more time here if he wants and make sure it did not seem like his idea so he doesn't feel like he's hurting anyone and he liked that idea.

When we dropped him off this evening, he went inside and she came out. She said that the only reason she said no to the switch was because they had plans Friday that she had to cancel, and that she has errands to run Monday and it won't be a quality day with him. And that I can have him on Tuesday night after she takes him out for a quality day. We agreed, but then Owen stormed outside and said.....

"MOM. I DON'T WANT TO STAY WITH YOU I WANT TO BE WITH JENNIFER!"

This continued for about 12 minutes. He told her he wants to be with me even when his dad is gone. He told her that she needs to stop drinking because it bothers him when she drinks. He went on and on and she denied everything.

She had the audacity to say her Dr told her that if she can have one glass of wine and not abuse than it is fine.

What Dr would say that?!

She turned to Owen and said "Okay, Did it bother you that I had a glass of wine?" and he said "YES! IT DID!" and she asked why he didn't tell her and he said he didnt want to upset her.

It was a very long conversation where she was backpeddling the entire time and admitted to a lot of stuff that she shouldn't be doing.

The fact of the matter is Owen wants more time here and we have every intention to get that for him.
MommytoZoeAlyssa likes this.
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  #2  
July 15th, 2013, 08:43 AM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
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Oh wow! Hopefully a judge will listen to what O wants, too, and see all the facts. I really hope this works out, and quickly, for all of you!
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  #3  
July 15th, 2013, 08:57 AM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am glad she sorta admitted to things she is doing wrong.
I hate that its hurting O i really hope you guys get it so he has more time with you.
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  #4  
July 15th, 2013, 03:50 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeToTheMax View Post
Oh wow! Hopefully a judge will listen to what O wants, too, and see all the facts. I really hope this works out, and quickly, for all of you!
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Originally Posted by Zoes_Mommy View Post
I am glad she sorta admitted to things she is doing wrong.
I hate that its hurting O i really hope you guys get it so he has more time with you.
Thanks guys. Like I said before, it's really hard for DH to make the decision to essentially take O away from his mom. But we told O that even if he gets more time with us, any time he misses her he can go see her.

I just don't know how it would work if we get custody because of her drinking again. I would think it would go back to testing and supervised and whatnot. And what if it really is just one glass of wine? But then again if it's just one glass, why not wait until 2 days later when he's with us? I just wish she would put her child first.

I know what's better for him right now is less time with her. I wish that SHE would do what would be even BETTER than that and get her act together.
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  #5  
July 15th, 2013, 04:07 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Think this is enough?

For your listening pleasure:
View My Video

View My Video
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  #6  
July 16th, 2013, 07:20 AM
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I can't open the link, but as far as everything else, I agree. It's hard when BM isn't putting the child first and won't do what is in the child's best interest. I KNOW that you and your DH wouln't ever try to keep O from having a relationship with her. I know that you would never keep O out of her life. You just want what is best for him and for him to be safe.

I also think the 50/50 week on/week off custody is SO HARD on kids. It's hard not to have one stable home. It's hard to have to switch back and forth between two drastically different lives.
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  #7  
July 16th, 2013, 03:56 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeToTheMax View Post
I can't open the link, but as far as everything else, I agree. It's hard when BM isn't putting the child first and won't do what is in the child's best interest. I KNOW that you and your DH wouln't ever try to keep O from having a relationship with her. I know that you would never keep O out of her life. You just want what is best for him and for him to be safe.

I also think the 50/50 week on/week off custody is SO HARD on kids. It's hard not to have one stable home. It's hard to have to switch back and forth between two drastically different lives.
I feel like maybe if both homes were similar, then 50/50 would work better. But his two lives are so different that by the time he gets used to being with her, he's with us and vice versa. He is forced to alter how he lives his own life due to the restrictions each household presents. I am sure there are things he likes better about his moms house. But every single week, he is forced to become a different person living a different life.

At least if he was here, say, 5 days, and her 2 days one week and 3 days the next week, his time here would become solid enough to be the norm, and a visit with her wouldn't change who he is.
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  #8  
July 16th, 2013, 05:18 PM
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50/50 doesn't work in most cases but it works perfectly in mine. Sophia's dad and I have a different relationship then most. We work together to raise her. Have almost the same type rules. Plus Sophia is a go with the flow type kid. Nothing frazzles her most days.

But on to your problem. You guys need to take her to court. If you are an alcoholic you are not even suppose to take cough medicine. The problem with addiction is a lot of people turn one addiction into another. It can go from drinking to smoking. Or in my cousins case drinking to gambling. It's their personality's unless they put 100% and live one day at a time they usually revert back.
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  #9  
July 16th, 2013, 06:51 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wisey View Post
50/50 doesn't work in most cases but it works perfectly in mine. Sophia's dad and I have a different relationship then most. We work together to raise her. Have almost the same type rules. Plus Sophia is a go with the flow type kid. Nothing frazzles her most days.

But on to your problem. You guys need to take her to court. If you are an alcoholic you are not even suppose to take cough medicine. The problem with addiction is a lot of people turn one addiction into another. It can go from drinking to smoking. Or in my cousins case drinking to gambling. It's their personality's unless they put 100% and live one day at a time they usually revert back.
Yeah I know. She's taken up smoking, I never see her without a cigarette in her mouth.

I got Owen back tonight. He said he's happy to be home. I apologized for the way the adults spoke in front of him and told him I was really proud of him for standing up for himself.

She was super nice to me when I picked him up. Her apartment was clean and she called me "hun."

He seems chipper. He said she didn't drink any alcohol at all since we dropped him off and I said good. He said, "Lets hope it stays that way."

I'm interested to see her iews on "one glass of wine" now that she knows it bothers him.

He seems like a weight is off his shoulders now that he told her how he feels.

Still says he wants more time with us though.
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  #10  
July 16th, 2013, 07:34 PM
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Those recordings hurt my heart a little Poor Owen.
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  #11  
July 16th, 2013, 08:36 PM
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Originally Posted by HippieLove View Post
Those recordings hurt my heart a little Poor Owen.
He is doing really well today. We talked a little and he says he feels better after telling his mom how he feels.

I told BM today that the school in our neighborhood that he should be going to rated much higher than his current one. She said we should look into switching him. Then 10 minutes she texts back, "Spoke with O. He doesn't want to switch schools."

Ummm. What 8 year old WOULD?

He currently goes to school in BM's mothers neighborhood, where he was living before we found out BM was in rehab. The school he attends had 54% of 3rd graders pass the aims test last year. The school in our neighborhood had 73% of 3rd graders pass the aims test.

I don't understand why she can't think about what is best for him. Is he gonna like to switch schools. Of course not! Will he make new friends in the first week that will make him LOVE his new school? Probably!
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  #12  
July 16th, 2013, 11:00 PM
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Because shes selfish, that's why. No 8 year old should know what wine is, or have the emotions about it.. I'm glad hes doing better today.
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  #13  
July 17th, 2013, 01:40 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HippieLove View Post
Because shes selfish, that's why. No 8 year old should know what wine is, or have the emotions about it.. I'm glad hes doing better today.
I just wish I could hire someone to make our decision if she really is just drinking a glass or so of wine here and there, if that is reason enough to fight for full custody? Ugh
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  #14  
July 17th, 2013, 02:29 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well after a few days of searching and reaching out to everyone I know, my friend in Portland was able to get me in contact with a modest means attorney program.

Meaning, instead of paying 3,000 dollars for a retainer, I received a 7 page list of lawyers who participate in the program for a flat fee of $75 an hour.

We can afford this.

So now I will check out each one and find someone who we want to sit down with. If nothing else, us having a lawyer will show her we aren't messing around.

She actually had the balls to say once, "My church provides my lawyer for free, have fun paying for a lawyer if you decide to take me back to court!"

Little does she know
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  #15  
July 17th, 2013, 02:32 PM
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I'm glad that you were able to find a lawyer that is affordable Hopefully someone great will be able to help you guys figure all of this out!
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  #16  
July 17th, 2013, 06:46 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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NINE pages!

That's a lot of lawyers to research!
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  #17  
July 18th, 2013, 08:54 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I finally listened to the videos. My heart is breaking for Owen. I don't even have words.

I'm glad that you've found a more affordable legal solution. Thinking of you guys!
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  #18  
July 18th, 2013, 03:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
I finally listened to the videos. My heart is breaking for Owen. I don't even have words.

I'm glad that you've found a more affordable legal solution. Thinking of you guys!
Thank you. I am sure with the way we explain a situation, we of course tell our side which makes it sound more biased than it is. I just wanted to show you ladies the urgency and the passion in his voice. He feels very strongly that this is his home every other week. I have worked my *** off to be the absolute best stepmother I can possible be to him. I am blessed that he wants to be here even when his dad is gone.

The final decision has not yet been made. Though it seems like we are going to take her to mediation, represented, and request full custody with her having a couple days every week instead of full weeks every other week. We are going to bring all the evidence I have that shows she does not value his school work. We are going to bring recordings of Owen saying he wants more time here. An evidence of her drinking. Hopefully we will be able to make some changes. I know Owen wants them.
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  #19  
July 20th, 2013, 06:22 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Good luck with it all! What a hard place to be.
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  #20  
July 26th, 2013, 12:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
I know what's better for him right now is less time with her. I wish that SHE would do what would be even BETTER than that and get her act together.
Sometimes that's the hardest thing for me to realize. Even though my stepson doesn't even want to talk to his "bobo" on the phone anymore because she makes promises and doesn't follow through with them, somehow I always end up feeling bad that we "took him from his mom," even though he doesn't see it that way at 4 years old I know if he had any alone time with her whatsoever, she'd drill that into his head.

At the end of the day though, if his mom is an alcoholic and he's old enough to realize and make the mature decision that he wants to spend more time with you guys, push forward knowing that you're giving him a chance at a normal life with you. I know my stepson wouldn't even have the slightest chance of a normal life with 5 adult drug addicts and 2 children living in a three bedroom house and when I feel bad I try to reassure myself that we did the right thing, even if it's hard.
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