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Calling step parent mum/dad


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  • 1 Post By HippieLove
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  #1  
July 21st, 2013, 03:25 PM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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My daughter (7) has recently asked Loz if she can call him Dad, and my son (5) has asked if he can also. Their Dad was never a big part of their lives, never calls, doesn't pay CS and I think because they see what Loz's kids have with him they want it too? He doesn't treat them any different. He said to them that he thought it was really nice that they wanted to call him Dad, but they do have a Dad and he will be there for them and protect them like a Daddy does, but maybe not just yet... Has anyone else had any experience with this?
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  #2  
July 21st, 2013, 03:50 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yeah. The day we got married Owen started calling me mom. He would do it in front of his mom too.

Until she told him that it hurt her feelings when he called me mom and now he calls me Jennifer again because he doesnt want to hurt her feelings.

I say whatever makes THEM happy, they should do it.
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  #3  
July 21st, 2013, 04:31 PM
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If their other parent is not in the picture at all, I feel like it is ok for the kids to call him dad, after all that is the role he is playing.

I am of the firm standing that any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Daddy. Sometimes I don't believe the two words should be interchanged, IMHO.

Dani did ask Jonah if she could call him Daddy when there was a time she did not see her dad due to his drinking, but together they came up with a special name for him. She calls him "My Jonah".
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  #4  
July 21st, 2013, 04:38 PM
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Somebody suggested that she could come up with a special name for him, that only she can use (and the sibs if they want too).
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  #5  
July 21st, 2013, 05:37 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I don't know that there's a single "right" solution for this one. I think a lot of it depends on the specific situation, including what kind of presence the bd/bm have in the child's life and what the child prefers. At the end of the day, though, the most important thing is the relationship (not the title). Kids will know who the one taking care of them is (whether it's the bd/bm or a sd/sm) regardless of whether they say "mom" or "dad".

I've always called both of my stepparents by their first name, and my dsc typically call me by my first name too (although the youngest two will occasionally use "Mommy" instead - I tend to just roll with it and we've not encouraged or discouraged the use of "Mommy" one way or the other). That said, both of my biological parents have always been involved in my life and my dsc live with their bm primarily so they have someone filling that role on a day to day basis (although my youngest dsd does insist, "Well, you're the mom HERE!" when she's with us ).

In your situation, I wouldn't be opposed to allowing the use of "dad" (especially if your kids WANT to) but coming up with a special name for him would work just as well.
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  #6  
July 22nd, 2013, 11:53 PM
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We discouraged it in the beginning because neither his mother or I were comfortable with it. Now we really couldn't care less. He'll slip up and call me Mom or his step father dad... we just kinda roll with it it. Now we wish we hadn't discouraged it because really it wasn't our choice to make, but his.
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  #7  
July 26th, 2013, 12:22 PM
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I have a 4 year old stepson who, after a 3 1/2 year long custody battle, finally lives with us full time. His mom is a drug addict who calls sporadically, has seen him two times in the past year and although she's fighting for full custody back (mainly for child support to pay for her drugs and court costs), we pray that he gets to stay here. My husband and I got married before he was born and he hasn't ever known coming to see his dad without me being here. He was 3 1/2 years old when we got full custody, and he couldn't talk. We tried teaching him to call me Shayna but when trying to say it all that came out was "ca." He never even called his biological mom "mom," he called her "bobo". After speech therapy and seeing his brothers call me mommy, he just naturally started copying them. He still knows my "other" name, and he knows he has "two mommies, you and bobo." This didn't bother her when we got custody but now it infuriates her. Ultimately, I think it's up to the child. If he chose to call me by my real nname, even now, it wouldn't bother me, but I'm not going to force a little boy who wants a mom and wants to call the only mother figure in his daily life to be alienated by telling him he's not allowed to call me mommy.
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  #8  
July 27th, 2013, 10:19 PM
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My 2 yr old step daughter calls me mom and has from the beginning. I immediatey filled that roll for her since hers walked out so it could be that or because she saw my kids calling me mom

My kids see their dad about once a week usually for a few hours sometimes overnight but do call their step dad "dad" sometimes We never discourage it
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  #9  
August 25th, 2013, 05:40 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My son's dad is pretty involved in his life and he has always called my husband by his first name. My step kids mom is not involved very much and they call me mom. When they were young and their mom had not been around in a long time my stepdaughter asked me if she could call me mom. I was hesitant at first, but agreed. I felt like I didn't want to step on anyones toes. My hubby pointed out that her mom wasn't around and I was the only "mom" figure in her life and if it gave her a sense of normalcy and happiness then let her call me mom. So I did and my other stepchild started calling me mom too on their own. I know that when they do speak t their bm and they refer to me as mom it bothers her. But its really not about her, its about them. And if she was more involved the kids probably would not have started calling me mom.
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  #10  
August 27th, 2013, 05:58 PM
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Today my 3 year old walked up to Loz and said, "can you be my Dad?" he said, "I can be if you want me to be", she said, "okay, bye Dad" and toddled off...
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  #11  
September 15th, 2013, 07:57 AM
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Daniel just calls Shaun by his name, but he has a close relationship and spends a lot of time with his dad, so anything else wouldn't be appropriate.

He does call Shaun's mum nan though. He no longer has a nan on his dad's side sadly, so it doesn't cause confusion.
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