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Step moms not wanting a relationship with the kids?


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  • 1 Post By Keakie

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  #1  
August 1st, 2013, 02:25 PM
stardusthealer's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Brunswick, Canada
Posts: 642
My ex- husbands' fiancée has no relationship with our kids she won't accompany him when he has visits with the kids. when he has brought the kids to their house she stays in her room the whole time they are there and only comes out for food or bathroom. I emailed her years ago with my concerns and they got ignored and nothing changed there. She still has no relationship with the kids.
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  1. Mom to Arielle13,Tyler 10.5, Dylan 8.5 and Autumn Rayne 21mths and Step dd Nevaeh 3

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  #2  
August 1st, 2013, 04:10 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,338
I think I've seen you post about your ex's fiance here in the past.

Honestly, I know it isn't what you want to hear and it certainly isn't fair to your children, but you really can't do anything about her willingness to build a relationship with them. Your ex is responsible for choosing a partner who wants to be involved in his children's lives/encouraging the relationship between his partner and his children - not you.

And no, by that I don't mean you should reach out to him and ask him to put more effort into fostering that relationship. There are some things that are worth speaking up about when it comes to the kids' time with their other parent; their new spouse ignoring the kids, while frustrating, isn't one of them, IMO.


Besides - if all of that is true, it's likely that he can see for himself that his fiance isn't particularly into the stepmom role, and it's already being dealt with as an issue between them (as it should be) or he doesn't care. In any case, it's not something that I would advise involving yourself in. If he chooses a partner who has no interest in them/she chooses to be with somebody who has children without an interest in having much of a relationship with them...

I get it. My dsc's bm has been dating someone for over two years who has absolutely no interest in being a part of their lives. He's the music minister for their church and she enrolls them in every program he runs, I can only assume in an attempt to force them to get to know one another and in hopes that doing that will change his mind (to date, it hasn't). It's mind boggling to me that someone who keeps her children at the center of her world (in theory) would choose to devote several years of her life to a man who has zero interest in them or in any real future with her because of them, but at the end of the day... it's not our problem and it's none of our business.
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  #3  
August 4th, 2013, 08:31 PM
BFN BFN is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by stardusthealer View Post
My ex- husbands' fiancée has no relationship with our kids she won't accompany him when he has visits with the kids. when he has brought the kids to their house she stays in her room the whole time they are there and only comes out for food or bathroom. I emailed her years ago with my concerns and they got ignored and nothing changed there. She still has no relationship with the kids.
Hey hon,

I don't understand a lot of stepmoms who say things like, "I hate my SD5!" or "I fell in love with the man, not his kids, so I shouldn't have to..." take care of them/feed them/bathe them, etc....

Unfortunately, you can't control her household, her feelings, or her actions. I AM a stepmom (soon to be biomom as well) and have been for many years, and I love my SD9 to utter pieces, as though she were my own child; at the same time, I also recognize that stepmoms like me are gross exceptions. Many seem to be very, very selfish, and it's those types of stepmoms who give ALL stepmoms a bad name.

The bottom line is: unless she is actively seeking to hurt your children, they will find their own way with her, even if it's being comfortable with having none of her in their lives day-to-day. Kids are resilient Trust that they will be honest with you about their feelings, and bolster their deficiencies as best you can by teaching them to be confident in who they are without others' opinions affecting them. Be a good MOM first, take care of your kids first, and ignore the useless woman's attention-seeking.
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