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Just wish the drama would end.


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  #1  
August 4th, 2013, 01:08 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Why can't things ever just be peaceful. Just for like.. a little while?

So after the big blowup, BM said she did not plan on withholding O from our house while DH was out of town. Coincidentally, this week is the last week of the project. He just flew to Atlanta today, and will be back Tuesday night and then will not fly out again. Her week starts tonight at 6pm.

Well we get a call yesterday that BM is in the hospital. She said she has cellulitis and a blood clot in her leg. We told her we would bring O to see her, and DH texted her that he needed confirmation as to the nature of her stay before he would let O in the room. She FLIPPED out. Said he was harassing her, that her medical problems were none of his business, and if he's going to be like that to not even bother coming.

He told her that was a major red flag and the last time O saw her in the hospital it was from trying to kill herself and being drunk etc. He said he was only looking out for his son, and nothing she said would make him change his mind.

She finally agreed to let the nurse confirm why she was there. The nurse confirmed it, but also asked if BM is a nursing student, and then said that yes she has cellulitis and a blood clot but as to the nature of how she acquired... and then stopped herself and checked with another nurse. And said that's all she could share.

So I google instances of people with cellulitis and a blood clot (deep vein thrombosis) at the same time and found out only 15% of people that get both are not abusing IV drugs.

So obviously we have a major concern, but just because we read that doesn't mean we think she is. She is just very resistant to anything we say, and very rude to us right now.


So here's the problem. We can't morally keep O here, since we threw a big fit when she wanted to keep him when Eric was out of town. My only concern is that he starts school this week. She told us that her mom would pick O up tonight at 6 for her week. We don't know when she gets out of the hospital.

Here is my question. O has already said he hasn't seen his grandparents in a while, so him going with them tonight is not a concern. He loves them and being with her side of the family while she is sick will be good for him. But he starts school Wednesday, and if she is still in the hospital and unable to take him, since we have not yet removed the right of first refusal from the parenting plan, should we insist that if she is not well by Tuesday when Eric gets home, that he come here? If he wants to. I just think that him being with me in his home while Eric is gone for a few days is a lot different than sleeping in grandmas guest room the first week of school. He needs consistency, and spending the last couple days of summer with his grandparents will be good for him, but shouldn't he be at one of his homes if she is not out by the time school starts?

Maybe if we force her to give him back when Eric is back in town, she will agree to remove the right of first refusal completely and maybe just add a clause that O's desires will also be taken into account, and that extenuating circumstances will be handled as they come?

I just don't know. I don't like pulling double standards, but the ONLY reason she agreed to let O be here while Eric was gone was because O yelled at her and said it's what he wanted.
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  #2  
August 4th, 2013, 01:41 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well that was weird.

I just had a 10 minutes text convo with her. She seems to be in a better state of mind today. She just offered for O to stay here while she gets better, even if Eric is out of town. Said she knows he is in more than capable hands with me. Just asked that he visit her every day until she's better. I told her even after she gets released and is at home if she just needs to rest and not deal with the hustle and bustle of school starting, that he could stay here and I could bring him there every day after school.

Sometimes it pays to be the nice one
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  #3  
August 4th, 2013, 03:58 PM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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I'm glad you worked it all out with her civilly. I really hope she's not doing anything stupid like abusing again.
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  #4  
August 4th, 2013, 04:46 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well I was there for 2 hours. I felt Owen really needed to spend some time with her and see that she is not sick like she was before this time. But man oh man that woman.

Here's a few things that I feel the need to point out:

She tried to use the portable toilet while I was in the room. I had to excuse myself and leave the room after she said she didnt mind.

She lifted up her shirt and showed me a bruise she has on her stomach and her pelvis.

She told me about how Eric used to go to her ultrasounds for Owen and asked the Dr if Owen was gonna have a big head, and how cute is that?

She asked me if I was pregnant yet, and when I said not yet she said, and I quote, "Stand on your head, I'm telling you! Worked for me!" (Owen was the result of a 6 month relationship that Eric was uninvested in but she cried when he tried to break up with her so he gave her one more chance, and she purposely got pregnant to try to keep him around.)

She had Owen unscrew her IV so she could go find a nurse.

She was asking for pain killers like nobodys business. She would act completely fine with me and then when a nurse came in the room she would start crying and ask for oxycotin or percocet, and when they said theyd get it she would say, "Oh Matthew, thank you friend. You are such a kind soul."

She told me the Lord must have a lesson to teach her, must be trying to tell her something, so he purposely made her sick so she could learn something. (At this one I had to bite my tongue so I didnt blurt out "YEAH TO BE A BETTER MOM STUPID!")

So yeah. Very interesting visit. But I am keeping Owen and Eric and I will be able to take him to his first day of school on Wednesday! This could change if she miraculously feels better by then though. But even if she goes home, she said we can still have Owen here while she recovers at home. She was being really civil. Maybe because of the pain pills. But the fact of the matter is that Owen just had both of us in the same room for 2 hours, smiling and getting along. And even if it was 100% faked by both sides (Which it wasnt. I dont hate the woman I hate the things she does. I still feel sorry for her,) you can tell it was good for him. He is happier now and not worried about her, and comfortable being here with me. And his dad will be home in 2 days and not out of town after that.

I even told her that. Told her he had to leave today but we didn't think it would be an issue because she was supposed to get him tonight. So she knows he will be with me and she is fine with that.
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  #5  
August 4th, 2013, 05:38 PM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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She sure is an interesting person lol. I'm glad you guys were able to give Owen that time and get along.
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  #6  
August 6th, 2013, 07:05 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Just a little update. She's in the hospital for two more days.

She actually pulled me aside last night. She said that she knows Eric and I had concerns she was abusing again, and while she wishes that we could just trust her since it had been 2 years since her rehab, she understands as a parent that we were looking out for Owen. She said she is working on getting us a copy of the toxicology panel they ran on her when she was admitted. She said the only drugs that will show up are the ones the hospital gave her when she was admitted. Nice that she recognizes we were looking out for Owen, but I hate that she always realizes that after she's made a big freakin deal over it lol.

Owen went with his grandma today to feed their cats and visit his mom. He just got back about 20 minutes ago and now we are preparing for the first day of school tomorrow.

BM originally said something about getting this time back with Owen.. Eric fully feels that since we are bringing him to visit her every day, it's not fair for Eric to give up his time next week with Owen to give her time back. Because this "extra time" has just been with me because Eric is out of town. Hopefully that won't become a huge battle, but if Owen feels that he needs more time with her because of her being in the hospital, I am sure we will work something out.
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  #7  
August 7th, 2013, 01:18 PM
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While I understand why you & Eric are doing it, I think it would be very difficult to be living under your microscope. To always have it assumed that you are the worst. I'm so glad that I don't have to live like that.

Maybe you & Eric should be a bit more careful on how you approach things. BTW my friends husband had cellulitis & blood clots. It's very painful & he has never done any drugs let alone iv drugs. Just something to think about.
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  #8  
August 7th, 2013, 03:43 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
While I understand why you & Eric are doing it, I think it would be very difficult to be living under your microscope. To always have it assumed that you are the worst. I'm so glad that I don't have to live like that.

Maybe you & Eric should be a bit more careful on how you approach things. BTW my friends husband had cellulitis & blood clots. It's very painful & he has never done any drugs let alone iv drugs. Just something to think about.
Did your friends husband have 2 DUI's, a history of snorting cocaine, and 3 stints in rehab, with an attempted suicide (x2) and putting her child in danger and leaving him unattended?

Unfortunately for her, she brought this "microscope" on herself.

Never did I accuse her of anything. If we thought she was currently doing IV drugs, we would not be having O go see her every day.
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  #9  
August 7th, 2013, 06:39 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I realize my earlier reply may have come off rude and I apologize if it did.

I say a lot of things on here to vent. I have been perfectly nice to Bm during all of this and have gone out of my way to make sure that Owen sees her every day. Even brought her a Dr Pepper the other day.

Then today, she texted me and said her mom would pick him up from school and bring him to her for a visit. Her mom and I already discussed yesterday that DH and I would be bringing him to school and picking him up, and she was more than welcome to come pick him up from us after school. I replied that I had already discussed with her mom yesterday and that DH and I would pick him up today. She then texted me the following:

"Technically it's my week, not ur time to make those decisions. But I just found out from my mom that Eric had been out of town so he wants to see Owen and that is why u played it like that. Next time just be open & honest, k?"

I was absolutely honest. I told her mom yesterday that his FATHER would take him to school and pick him up. Yes Eric was out of town, but he came back last night and already saw Owen this morning. We only had 20 minutes at home with him before his grandma picked him up anyway.

If she would stop being so bipolar all the time and stop trying to put everyone else down to satisfy her own insecurities, I would be able to always be the nice person I am. But when she tries to talk to me like a child, that is unacceptable to me as an adult, and the stepmother of her son.
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  #10  
August 11th, 2013, 02:53 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So 2pm this afternoon, Eric receives a text from BM's phone. "Dad can I please stay a couple more days with my mom I dont think its very fair because I have been with you for about 2 weeks."

So Eric calls and he answers. Eric asks to speak with BM. She gets on the phone, and Eric basically says that even though we had him last week, he spent 3 hours or more a day gone visiting his mom. We did not get extra time, we got the labor. We got him up and ready for school, he went and saw her after school, and then came home, ate dinner, showered, and went to bed.

She flies off the handle. says that if Owen wants more time he should get it. That we got so much extra time last week and its not fair. Eric basically tells her we will be there at 6. She hangs up on him.

We get this. "You are hurting my feelings dad I want to spend some time with my mom its not fair can you please make me happy by letting me spend more time with my mom"

At this point Eric is livid. He calls and talks to BM again. Told her she is violating the court order by putting him in the middle. She denies that by saying all she is doing is teaching him how to express himself. She then says that she is in pain and would rather be able to rest in bed, but that she is willing to put up with the pain if it makes O happy to be with her, and how its sad that we arent willing to think of him and only ourselves.

She says all of this in front of O, which is another direct violation of the court order.

O gets back on the phone, starts crying. Says "My mom is really sick and I was with you for 2 weeks, cant I just stay here so I can take care of her?" Eric tells him he will call him back.

It is very clear that she has tried to completely flip flop the entire situation we had a couple weeks ago when O flipped out on her and said he wanted to spend more time with us.

We don't want O to suffer. We don't want him hurting. We call him back and ask him how he would feel about 24 more hours. And we can pick him up tomorrow night. He gets very happy and says yes yes that would be great!


We then speak to BM again. Tell her that she needs to be very careful in the future because she is in direct violation of the court order that she holds so near and dear to her heart when it is convenient for her. She said, "No judge is going to fault me for letting my son express himself." (Remember a few weeks ago when we let Owen tell her how he felt because he needed to be allowed to express himself and she said he expresses himself just fine? Sound familiar?) We advised her our attorney has already let us know we can file that she has violated the court order, and she claims that she is allowed to let her son text his father whenever he wants.

This woman only seems to "put her son first" when there is something in it for her.

So yeah, we will pick him up tomorrow, and probably not talk to him about any of this. He needs to stop feeling like he is the rope in a game of tug of war.
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  #11  
August 11th, 2013, 05:49 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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The fact that an 8 year old child feels like he needs to "take care of" his MOTHER is so upsetting. Sounds like she's been laying on the guilt trip pretty thick. Parents like that make me so angry.

While she's right that her allowing her son to "express himself" is not in and of itself an infringement on anything, if the PP states that neither parent is to discuss issues relating to visitation, custody, etc. in front of him she is in violation. In addition, even if it doesn't say that expressly, most judges don't take kindly to parents who intentionally put their children in the middle of parental disagreements.
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  #12  
August 11th, 2013, 06:58 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
The fact that an 8 year old child feels like he needs to "take care of" his MOTHER is so upsetting. Sounds like she's been laying on the guilt trip pretty thick. Parents like that make me so angry.

While she's right that her allowing her son to "express himself" is not in and of itself an infringement on anything, if the PP states that neither parent is to discuss issues relating to visitation, custody, etc. in front of him she is in violation. In addition, even if it doesn't say that expressly, most judges don't take kindly to parents who intentionally put their children in the middle of parental disagreements.
Yeah it says "Neither parent will use the minor child to convey information or to set up or modify parenting time/access."

She thinks that because after O apparently got mad at her, yelled at her, threw something and broke it and grabbed her phone to text Eric, that she was just doing her job as a parent by letting him tell us he wanted more time.

Yet when he wanted to be here with me when Eric was out of town, and expressed to her he wanted to come back Monday not Tuesday, she refused and I was not able to pick him up until Tuesday.

So tell me again who is acting in Owen's best interest?
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  #13  
August 12th, 2013, 10:47 AM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
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I'm sorry! That is so frustrating! I hate that she plays O against you guys.

As far as the microscope goes, you are completely correct. She brought that on herself. Trust me, if you were just grasping at straws because you didn't like her or wanted more time with O or thought she was dippy, I'd be the first to tell you. But when she has a history of abusing substances, when shher behavior lately has been changing so frequently and she has had a number of red flags, that is an entirely different story. Even in this story, all I see are questions. Clearly, the nurse felt there was more to the story than just a blood clot/cellulitis. If it were just a mere occurence, I don't think she would have even started in to the nature. To me, it's actually a red flag that she wants to share a copy of the toxicology report. Anyway, hopefully it is nothing serious and was just a fluke.

I'm sorry she's putting O in the middle. Like someone said, I hate that he feels like he wants to be there to take care of her. He's a child, and that isn't his job.
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  #14  
August 12th, 2013, 06:57 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeToTheMax View Post
I'm sorry! That is so frustrating! I hate that she plays O against you guys.

As far as the microscope goes, you are completely correct. She brought that on herself. Trust me, if you were just grasping at straws because you didn't like her or wanted more time with O or thought she was dippy, I'd be the first to tell you. But when she has a history of abusing substances, when shher behavior lately has been changing so frequently and she has had a number of red flags, that is an entirely different story. Even in this story, all I see are questions. Clearly, the nurse felt there was more to the story than just a blood clot/cellulitis. If it were just a mere occurence, I don't think she would have even started in to the nature. To me, it's actually a red flag that she wants to share a copy of the toxicology report. Anyway, hopefully it is nothing serious and was just a fluke.

I'm sorry she's putting O in the middle. Like someone said, I hate that he feels like he wants to be there to take care of her. He's a child, and that isn't his job.
Yeah everything would have been fine and DH said he wouldn't have had any questions but then the nurse made him suspicious.

We picked him up tonight, and she shoved him out the door and shut it without showing her face to us. He was not wearing the shoes we sent him in, nor did he have his backpack. We sent him right back in to get it. He was also wearing the same clothes (of hers) that we sent him to school in on Friday. So 2 days in a row, wearing the same clothes.

She took him to school, but his grandparents picked him up. So that extra day he was crying about... wasn't spent with his mom. They did go to the movies yesterday but that was planned before we allowed her to keep him another night.

Sometimes I feel like he tries to act like he prefers her so that she will show him some form of love, because all we see from her is a very uncaring, possessive attitude about him. I could just be assuming. I could be 100% wrong. But what kind of mother would listen to her son cry that he wants an extra day, and then not even make it to his school to pick him up? Sure, she could have had a dr's appointment or something. But still. Why press the extra day when it wont be fully spent with him? My aunt has a phd in child psychology and she said that it seems like he suffers from a form of abandonment from her. Like he wakes up every morning wondering if today will be the day she is a good mom and acts right and shows him love, or will today be the day she ends up in the hospital again. I know he loves his mom. And we don't know what life is like at her house, but we do know that as soon as O walked in our door tonight, the first thing he said was, "Man it feels good to be home."
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