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  #21  
September 29th, 2013, 12:01 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,197
She texted Eric just now.

A big long text about how she understands our concern, however it is in her legal right to have Owen tonight. She is going to meetings while she waits for a spot at an inpatient facility. Notice how she said its her right, not whats best for Owen. She is unable to think about whats best for Owen.

So we texted back.

Quote:
It is not without careful and in-depth consideration that we have come to this decision. Upon speaking to our lawyer, CPS, as well as the police department, we have come to the conclusion that it is in Owen's best interest for us to not be home this evening should you attempt to pick him up. Not only do we have a recording of you relinquishing custody of Owen to us for up to the next month, but we also have a text message confirming you understand Owen's desire to not be in your care at this time. Please understand it is not our intention to keep Owen from you for an extended period of time. However, it is our intention to continue to keep Owen in a safe environment until you are able to prove to not only us, but him, that you have in fact conquered this addiction. Please also understand that we will be going in front of a judge first thing tomorrow morning, in an attempt to temporarily alter the parenting plan. Once these alterations have been finalized, we will contact you in order to arrange for your visitation time with Owen. I would like to once again reiterate that we are not acting vindictively; our only intention at this time is to keep Owen safe. We hope you are able to understand our position in this matter and can agree this is what is best for Owen.
And now we wait.
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  #22  
September 29th, 2013, 04:29 PM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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Wow you've had quite the weekend, poor Owen. I am glad that she recognises that her problem is back and wants to go to rehab, however she is not acting in his best interest or she would not want him to see any of that and wouldn't even THINK about getting him. Please keep us posted HUGS.
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  #23  
September 29th, 2013, 06:11 PM
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poor O! I hope she realizes you're doing what is best for him and what he WANTS and doesn't give you a lot of trouble but from what I've learned from your posts I doubt she lets this go easy.
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  #24  
September 29th, 2013, 06:57 PM
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Poor O. It sounds like you are acting in his best interest. Good luck tomorrow!
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  #25  
September 29th, 2013, 08:57 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well she didn't show.

He called her around 4:30. She had asked to speak with him.

She tried to guilt him. She tried to scare him. She told him what we are doing is not legal. She told him she had a special project she was going to work on with him, "But now I guess... well I guess I just have to do it all by myself." She told him she had plans to take him to the lake next weekend but "I guess now we're just gonna have to wait alllll the way till next summer."

Things he said to her:

I dont feel safe with you.
You promised me you'd stop drinking.
Nothing you say will make me want to go to your house.
I will not go to your house at all until you are better.


When she asked him how he felt about the text she sent that said she felt she is going to beat this disease this time, he replied, "I dont think you will."

When she got off the phone she said "I love you." and he said, "Bye." She repeated, "I love you." He, once again, said, "Bye." and hung up.

The conversation could not have gone any better. Now it's just court in the AM and I hope to GOD they side with us.
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  #26  
September 29th, 2013, 10:26 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Good luck tomorrow.. I hope things go smoothly and that you're able to get things as sorted as possible!!!



I really bothered me when you pointed out how her words were not about Owen.. but about HER. I just do not understand how any parent can do that to a child. Reme should be coming here every other weekend as per the parenting plan.. DH and I discussed it, and then L and I discussed it and decided that while it's best for DH and I to see him every other weekend.. it isn't in HIS best interest to have to do so much driving and traveling every other weekend for the few hours he can spend with his dad. Instead we'll push it out to every 3rd or 4th weekend and DH will ask for Sunday off to get a few extra hours in. Reme doesn't like the plan... truth told we don't either, but it makes the time more special. I wish more ex couples could do this stuff....
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  #27  
September 29th, 2013, 11:06 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
Good luck tomorrow.. I hope things go smoothly and that you're able to get things as sorted as possible!!!



I really bothered me when you pointed out how her words were not about Owen.. but about HER. I just do not understand how any parent can do that to a child. Reme should be coming here every other weekend as per the parenting plan.. DH and I discussed it, and then L and I discussed it and decided that while it's best for DH and I to see him every other weekend.. it isn't in HIS best interest to have to do so much driving and traveling every other weekend for the few hours he can spend with his dad. Instead we'll push it out to every 3rd or 4th weekend and DH will ask for Sunday off to get a few extra hours in. Reme doesn't like the plan... truth told we don't either, but it makes the time more special. I wish more ex couples could do this stuff....
She's always been that way. Never once has she said "I miss Owen, can you have him call?" It's always "I would like to speak to my son NOW as it is my legal right."

I honestly think right now it's about having some sort of control, which she clearly does not.

We still have not heard from her. I think hearing it from Owen really sunk in. She didn't even try to come here.

All night long, Owen has been hugging on me, telling me I'm the best, and when we played Monopoly on the Wii, he named me "Best Mom." He is no longer referring to me as his mom and he as my stepson, but as mom and son. I know he loves his mom. But right now, he is very angry at her. I don't want to be a temporary replacement for him while she gets better, but unfortunately, I don't know if their relationship will ever be good again.

I also found out some back story about the knife.. I guess she's been leaving him home alone a lot. The night she was drinking, she left him home alone and claimed she was getting Ice Cream from McDonalds. Well, when she came back she had no ice cream. Anyway, he told Eric the first time she left him home alone, was before he had his phone, and he said, "I was so scared and felt so unsafe that I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and held it till she got back just to make myself feel safe." Is it possible that when they were screaming at each other, he grabbed the knife for protection? We will never know but I do find it interesting that this happened before the knife "incident"
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  #28  
September 30th, 2013, 08:39 AM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Just wanted to tell your that your in my thoughts. I hope everything works out and you guys get some good answers today.
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  #29  
September 30th, 2013, 09:08 AM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks everyone. We are headed to court right now with our fingers crossed
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  #30  
September 30th, 2013, 09:36 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
She tried to guilt him. She tried to scare him. She told him what we are doing is not legal. She told him she had a special project she was going to work on with him, "But now I guess... well I guess I just have to do it all by myself." She told him she had plans to take him to the lake next weekend but "I guess now we're just gonna have to wait alllll the way till next summer."
It disgusts me that she would emotionally manipulate her child that way. I truly have no words. That she would try to make HIM feel badly for a him setting a boundary as a result of HER actions is absolutely sickening. This, from him:

Quote:
I dont feel safe with you.
should have been all he needed to say, and that should have been enough reason for her to drop it and get her **** together. She's making this anyone's fault but her own including her 9 year old son. She needs to stop making excuses and making demands, own up to the seriousness of her problem and the fact that that problem renders her an unsuitable caregiver right now and get real about her recovery.

SHE hurt HIM. She does NOT get to be the one making demands right now. He has every right to be angry and to not want to see her right now.


Quote:
When she asked him how he felt about the text she sent that said she felt she is going to beat this disease this time, he replied, "I dont think you will."
She also needs to stop expecting her child to be her cheerleader in this. He's not emotionally mature enough to shoulder that burden and he shouldn't have to; it bulldozes his right to his feelings about this whole thing. If she feels like she can beat it, fantastic - go prove it.

Ugh... this makes me so angry. I just can't. Good luck this morning! I don't know if you've gone already but I've been thinking about y'all.
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  #31  
September 30th, 2013, 11:57 AM
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Hope court went/is going well! I'm glad to hear that Arizona is more aware. My state was going to give a 2 1/2 year old to a man who lived alone & had just gotten out of a week in the psych ward.
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  #32  
September 30th, 2013, 03:23 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We got full! I will post more soon
AtomicMama, mom2more and Keakie like this.
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  #33  
September 30th, 2013, 03:56 PM
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Congrats! This really is best for O.
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  #34  
September 30th, 2013, 04:04 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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So happy to read this.
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  #35  
September 30th, 2013, 04:27 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Okay I am home now.

We were granted temporary emergency full custody. The next hearing is October 10th, and BM is not allowed to see him before then. At that hearing, they will give her a chance to defend herself, (good luck,) and come up with a more semi-permanent solution.

So now Eric and I have to sit down and figure out what kind of visitation we would be comfortable with.

Also- Owen actually came with us. We had nobody to watch him. He of course stayed out of the court room, (as did Eric, the judge read or request and granted it immediately.) Anywho- when we told him everything was good, he asked what we meant. We said, "Well, we get to hang onto you now at least until your mom is well again." and he jumped up and down, hugged both of us, and said, "I feel so safe now!"

I am crying happy tears. This is twice now that she has had her custody removed. I don't see October 10th going poorly for us.
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  #36  
September 30th, 2013, 05:00 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
"I feel so safe now!"
This both makes me happy (because he feels safe) and breaks my heart (because he's been made to feel unsafe with the person who he should feel safer with than anyone else in the world by her actions).

I'm so glad it went well. I hope this time causes the reality of the situation to sink in for her. She'll never recover if she doesn't truly believe it's a big deal. If she uses any of the reasons she's given Eric for why O's not in danger when she goes before the judge, it's not going to go well for her at. all.

Has she been notified? How does that work in your state? Do y'all tell her or has the court informed her somehow? Have you gotten a slew of angry text messages yet?

On that note, keep an eye on O's phone too. I'm sure he'll tell you or Eric anyway, but I would hate for him to get more angry, guilt tripping, threatening messages from her in retaliation.
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  #37  
September 30th, 2013, 05:20 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
This both makes me happy (because he feels safe) and breaks my heart (because he's been made to feel unsafe with the person who he should feel safer with than anyone else in the world by her actions).

I'm so glad it went well. I hope this time causes the reality of the situation to sink in for her. She'll never recover if she doesn't truly believe it's a big deal. If she uses any of the reasons she's given Eric for why O's not in danger when she goes before the judge, it's not going to go well for her at. all.

Has she been notified? How does that work in your state? Do y'all tell her or has the court informed her somehow? Have you gotten a slew of angry text messages yet?

On that note, keep an eye on O's phone too. I'm sure he'll tell you or Eric anyway, but I would hate for him to get more angry, guilt tripping, threatening messages from her in retaliation.
It's a very bittersweet feeling. We are happy to be able to provide everything he needs, and sad for him that he has someone that should be doing the same and just isnt.

We have the paperwork to notify her of the court date on the 10th. We are going to hire a process server to serve her, but she has not contacted any of us since her and Owen spoke on the phone, so we think it finally sunk in.

I can access Owens texts on y computer, and I check every hour or so just to make sure she doesnt try to pull anything.

Eric has decided to wait until she contacts him. I don't think he wants to push her over the edge if he contacts her when she is feeling vulnerable.
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  #38  
September 30th, 2013, 06:40 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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That's definitely a good idea, IMO.
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  #39  
September 30th, 2013, 06:41 PM
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So glad it went well!
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  #40  
September 30th, 2013, 07:18 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks ladies.

And thank you for your continued support and advice. If I have learned one thing through all of this, it's that I have to have patience. We saw the signs, we knew they were back. We crossed our fingers that she wouldnt put Owen in danger, and we waited. And it paid off. Owen is safe, and he isn't going anywhere anytime soon.
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