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  #1  
September 26th, 2013, 06:55 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So I got a text from BM today that said "Can you please have Owen call me asap after school. Its very important." I told her to text Eric. She said "Hey hon, can you have Owen call me asap after school? Actually, can you bring him here? I need to talk to both of you and it needs to be in person."

He inquires as to the nature of the visit and she asked him to trust her for Owens sake.

We get there, and she sits us down, and tells us she is going back to rehab. Owen got confused and said "What? Why?" And she said, "Remember the other night when you asked me if I was drunk? I was."

Owen got very upset and ran into his room and Eric followed him. I walked in to see Eric holding a sobbing Owen. He is so confused. He doesn't know why she lied to him. He doesn't know why she can't stop drinking.

I don't know what to feel. I am happy that we finally get the control back. We will be filing for sole custody, and most likely child support too.

She seems to think this time she will go to rehab, come out and go back to week on week off. Eric is not losing that battle.

While it is very good that she is getting the help she needs, we are pissed that she has been getting drunk while she has Owen.

Owen also told us that she has been leaving him home alone a lot lately to go to the store or run errands.

I don't really know what to think right now. We are just trying to support Owen however we can. It's going to be a long road ahead for him.
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  #2  
September 26th, 2013, 07:32 PM
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Oh my. Hugs to all of you. I hope Owen can come to some closure with this. I hope he does not feel like he caused his mom's drinking. I am glad you have him in counseling already, because this will really confuse him. Good luck with full custody!
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  #3  
September 26th, 2013, 08:38 PM
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Thank you. We don't think full will be an issue, especially with her going back to rehab.

It's keeping it after she's out that we intend to do this time. We will also be asking the courts for child support too.
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  #4  
September 26th, 2013, 10:20 PM
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Owen told his dad today that last week his mom and him were playing checkers and she kept sneaking into her room and closing the door. After a few times of doing that she put music on real loud and started dancing and singing and acting goofy.

He straight up asked her if she was drunk and she said "No I just took my pill and my pill makes me feel silly."

The things that poor child has had to witness...
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  #5  
September 27th, 2013, 06:28 AM
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Oh my goodness!! I'm so sorry, Jennifer I mean, it is good that she is seeking help (finally!) and I AM glad for you that it seems like things are finally at a point where you and your DH will be able to get O full time and keep it. I would be infuratiated at any court system that gave her 50% custody back as soon as she gets out.

However, I'm heartsick for O, that he had to go through that, see her at her worst, deal with her manipulation and the guilt, and that now he's feeling sad and confused and angry. I can't imagine how this affects his thoughts. Why can't she stop drinking for him? I mean, I realize it's a disease and not about that, but as a child, I'm sure it's so hurtful and hard. I am so glad that you guys already have a counselor in place for him. I really hope that helps him through the next few months.
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  #6  
September 27th, 2013, 10:48 AM
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Poor O. I'm so glad she is getting the help she needs before it got worse. Unfortunately addiction is a horrible disease. Plus from what you described she's probably self medicating a mental illness. I hope this time it sticks for O's sake.

At least this will give you guys the grounds to get sole custody. Do you know how long she will be in rehab?
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  #7  
September 27th, 2013, 02:53 PM
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Poor kid!! I am glad she realized she had a problem and isn't going to subject him to it anymore! It has to be so traumatic for him.

Not sure how a judge will react though as far as custody since she realized she had the problem and willingly went to rehab. It might actually make her look good.
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  #8  
September 27th, 2013, 03:56 PM
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Thats what I am worried about.

However, she admitted to drinking while she had him last week. She actually got drunk during her week with him last week.

We are filing for emergency custody next week
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  #9  
September 27th, 2013, 04:36 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Good luck moving forward! I hope that this marks the start of a more stable home life for O, as well as a lot of healing.

I'm angry that she's been drunk with him around so many times, but am glad that she seems to recognize what a huge problem that is. I hope that she gets her **** together this time. He deserves it.
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  #10  
September 27th, 2013, 04:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
Good luck moving forward! I hope that this marks the start of a more stable home life for O, as well as a lot of healing.

I'm angry that she's been drunk with him around so many times, but am glad that she seems to recognize what a huge problem that is. I hope that she gets her **** together this time. He deserves it.
Thanks. I think all will be okay in the end. Eric would never keep Owen from her, and now that she doesn't just get every other week, he will have more stability.
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  #11  
September 27th, 2013, 06:47 PM
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Welp. The whole "Being reasonable and upfront about things" lasted all of 24 hours.

She called him today. She had the nerve to say, "I'm on a waiting list for rehab. It'll be 4 weeks until I go. So I can pick you up on Sunday as normal!"

Without even talking to us first. He is NOT going to her on Sunday. We will go stay at a hotel and not be home before he gets in a car with her.

He told us "I don't feel safe with my mom. I'm not comfortable going to her house." And then he texted her that. She claims there is no way those are his words and "Of course you can come to mommys house!" and demanded he call her and tell her if he doesn't want to. He does not want to call her. We are not making him.

We will be at the court first thing Monday morning filing for full custody.
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  #12  
September 27th, 2013, 08:48 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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That poor poor little boy... good luck Monday Morning.

*adding*

With this not being the first time that she's been drunk and the sole caregiver of Owen (which, if she did not have an alcohol problem wouldn't be as big of a deal), not the first time she's had to go to rehab etc... I suspect it will be easier to obtain sole custody this time around.
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  #13  
September 27th, 2013, 08:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
That poor poor little boy... good luck Monday Morning.

*adding*

With this not being the first time that she's been drunk and the sole caregiver of Owen (which, if she did not have an alcohol problem wouldn't be as big of a deal), not the first time she's had to go to rehab etc... I suspect it will be easier to obtain sole custody this time around.
Thanks. I am hoping so. I don't think we will have any problem.

Eric sent her a very long text basically telling her he and Owen were both done with speaking to her tonight. He told her she has a very very long road to go before we can even think about her having him. He told her for her to think she can just pick him up as if nothing is wrong before she even gets treatment is appalling. And she has not contacted either of them since.
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  #14  
September 28th, 2013, 07:52 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Seriously? I can't believe she would even suggest picking him up for alone, overnight time with her right now. I would absolutely not send him, either. Good luck on Monday and I hope y'all do something fun and relaxing this weekend!
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  #15  
September 28th, 2013, 08:32 AM
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Ugh that sucks that she can't get in right away. Sounds like supervised visits are in order for now. You should see about that when you get your emergency custody change.

I don't think you'll have an trouble getting the temporary custody change. I do worry that you won't be able to change it permanently though. I know when I was going through mine, the judge didn't care that my ex was completely unstable and unable to take care of a 2 year old. Parental rights superceed the rights of the child - at least in my state.
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  #16  
September 28th, 2013, 10:28 AM
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The thing we have going for us is the last time this happened, the judge basically told her, "This is your last chance. You are getting a second chance that most people don't get. You need to fix yourself for the sake of your relationship with your child."

Also, in my state, AZ, they will take the childs desires into account too.

And ladies, as sad as it is to say, he is pretty much done with her. She kept texting him (before Eric sent his leave us alone text,) and every time his phone would jingle, he would shrug his shoulders and say "pft. whatever."
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  #17  
September 28th, 2013, 09:43 PM
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They say things get worse before they get better...

She texted Eric today: "Just so you are aware, I intend to pick up Owen at my regularly scheduled time tomorrow. If there are any issues when I get there, I will be contacting police."

So we spent hours researching every option we have.

The best option we have come up with, and I am going to be vague just in case.. is this.

We are going to text her in the morning. Something along the lines of:

"When you called us to your house to tell us you could not control your drinking, to the point where you were getting drunk while you had yous son, you told us and him he would be living with us until you got better. At that point, you voided the parenting plan and relinquished your rights. Furthermore, Owen texted you and told you he is not comfortable being with you until you are well, and you acknowledged and agreed that you would not be picking him up. That being said, we have already contacted the authorities and have filed a report. We are acting in Owen's best interest, and we will not be home this evening when you attempt to come to pick him up. We will contact you on Monday to discuss this matter further."

And then we are going to stay with family. We know that the cops can't make us release Owen to her. But we don't want to chance it, AND we don't want him to have to witness any of that. If we are in the wrong, and we do not succeed in getting full custody on Monday morning, then we have only had him an extra 18 hours. Though I don't see a judge ignoring the fact that Owen is scared to be near his mom right now, or the fact that she is drinking again and CLEARLY not right in the head to think it's acceptable to pick him up while she is waiting her turn for rehab.


Side note: We saw my grandparents today and my grandma said, whats new? And I said, not much. Owen said, "Yuh huh! You have a new son! Not just a stepson!"

^ It worries me how quickly he can just write his mom off, but at the same time, he feels secure with us, and if this is how is able to cope with the fact that his mother is selfish and unable to put him before herself, then I have no intention on correcting him.

Sigh. Another long couple days ahead of us.
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  #18  
September 29th, 2013, 06:23 AM
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Jennifer,

Something you have to be careful of if she is so determined to get O is the possibility of her going to his school tomorrow and just picking him up. That could be a real possibility. I hope that things go well for you.

If you want a good rundown of your options, go to this site: forum dot freeadvice dot com. Just be advised they will prefer Eric to post and not you as stepmom. I hope things go the way they should tomorrow.
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  #19  
September 29th, 2013, 07:13 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Originally Posted by pmdc5286 View Post
Something you have to be careful of if she is so determined to get O is the possibility of her going to his school tomorrow and just picking him up. That could be a real possibility. I hope that things go well for you.
This, definitely.
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  #20  
September 29th, 2013, 10:11 AM
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He will not be going to school tomorrow. We figure, if we get full custody then we know he will have good attendance for the rest of the year.

We don't wanna risk her taking him from school which she will do.
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